Hi fam!

[ A big thanks to @vanshu24680 to help out with the poems written by Nandini. Her words are raw and full of emotions, striking right by Nandini's situation. This poem in the start is by her, and I love it. The next phase will require a lot of poems, and we're just gearing up for it. Enjoy. x ]

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She will fall,
Like the leaves do in autumn,
and the society will strip her,
leave her naked and shivering
from the winds of winter,
but she will not wither,
she will sprout again,
like the crops do in spring and in summer,
it'll be hard,
but she will find the strength,
the strength to grow again.

// Nandini's diary; 1st December, 19.

Nandini

This was wrong.

So, so wrong.

I couldn't like Manik.

Not in that way.

Not again.

Manik was Aliya's boyfriend.

I mean, technically, not anymore because they had apparently broken up, but I couldn't date her ex. Aliya has been like a sister to me since childhood, stuck up for me even when it wasn't required, and even if she would be okay with it, I couldn't do that. Not to her.

I need to press these feelings inside before they rise too much.

I needed to hide them in a corner of my heart that even I'd never be able to find again, leave alone someone else.

Despite living life with no rules, I had to make one exception: Don't like Manik; atleast not in that romantic, heart-crushing, butterfly-creating way.

I throw my bag away in my room as I slouch on the bed, covering my face with my hands, my eyes tightly shut. The full no-sleep, only-nightmares thing had begun giving me a headache.

I shouldn't have left school this way, abruptly. But I couldn't help it, the tiny realisation I had sitting there was eating me up. And as if I hadn't got enough things to worry about, there was another on my checklist.

"Hey," I heard a tiny voice. I unwillingly picked up my face to see my little step sister sticking her head through my room door.

"Hey Mia," I say softly. I honestly, didn't want anyone here; I needed time, to escape the stupid thoughts my head was making. Just because the boy was kind to me, and really wanted to help me out of an abyss, I couldn't let the suppressed feelings grow again. It was completely wrong.

"I saw you come up running," She slowly trodded in, and I couldn't help but notice that she was short for her height. She was most definitely taller than what I would have been for her age, but still shorter than an average American child of her age. "Are you upset?"

I nodded negatively as she sat on the bed beside me, holding her drawing book close to her chest. "Are you angry with Dad?" She asks.

"No," I smile sadly, "Why would you think that?"

"I don't like when you and Dad shout at each other," she sounded so upset, and then I remembered. She was referring to the dining table incident last night.

"I'm sorry," I say, and I genuinely was. She was still a kid, and she shouldn't hear those things. Our father was still her hero, unlike mine, and if I can't help keep it that way, I shouldn't demean it either.

"Don't apologise," she tucked her hair behind her ear and looked up at me, "Dad told me that he made a mistake and now you're hurting. It's okay to hurt."

"Is it?," I asked, taken aback.

"Mh-mhm," she nodded, "When I was smaller, Dad used to tell me that it's okay to hurt and it's okay to cry. When it hurts deep inside, it's a sign that you're healing. You can't heal completely until you've hunted."

"My mom used to tell me the same thing," I tell her, pinching the bridge of her nose. It's weird how being with her should constantly remind me how she was the reason of my mother's sadness, and she was the reason my family broke, of why I never had a father.

But it was so easy to get lost in her large eyes, and deep talks and honey voice, it was impossible to not like her. I couldn't hate her for any of the reasons I possibly should.

"Maybe my dad learnt it from your mom then," she said after thinking for a long time.

"Maybe," I said, giving her a final smile. Guess today was the day of liking people I shouldn't.

Another knock on the door grabbed our attention, and I turned to Dad leaning on the doorframe.

"Mia," Dad looked at her, "Why don't you go and grab some waffles for you and Nandini?"

"Okay Dad," she replied, getting off the bed and walking downstairs. This was the queue that he wanted to talk to me. Alone.

"Hi Nandini," he tried smiling, as he sat on the bed next to me, slowly placing a bottle next to me. "Sleeping medicines, prescribed by Parker."

"Thanks," I replied, taking them and putting them on the table behind. He didn't move or reply back.

I honestly thought the conversation was over. Guess not.

"I.. uh.. I considered therapy," I began, assuming this is why he was here.

"It's alright, I wouldn't force you," He said, cutting me off.

"No," I said sheepishly, "I don't mind therapy. New York, right? With your friend?"

His face lit up. "Seriously?"

I nodded. "Alright then," he said, "I'd talk to her once. She'd insist upon starting as soon as you want to. Owing that day after is first of the month, I think you should begin day after. But it's your eighteenth birthday that week, so would you want to start after that?"

"No," I said. It was my eighteenth birthday next week. I had been so excited for it, counting days for months. Mom and I were going to celebrate it together. And now, it completely slipped off my mind. But, could you blame me? "I want to start as soon as possible too.. day after tomorrow sounds fine."

"Perfect," He said, "I think you should take a look around New York too. Sometimes, starting fresh helps."

"I don't think I want to, Dad," I said, cutting him off, "And if you don't mind, I want to go to New York with my friends– all of them. Like a road trip. Is that.. is that okay?"

He thought for a moment, "I trust you kids."

"Thanks," I say, smiling gently, "And about New York... I'm sure it's an amazing place, but Folks has given me everything. I'm not sure I'm ready to leave yet, I feel like if I lose this place, I'll lose everything."

All though I said that, how ironic, I had nothing to lose anymore. I had already lost my everything, and yet, even after having nothing, I feel like I could lose a lot if I leave this town.

"It's alright," He said, "I just wanted to keep the offer down. That sometimes, when life becomes too much to take in, it's okay to run away for a little while. When you've been strong for too long and facing everything on your own, running away doesn't make you a coward. It just means closing the chapters that have given you pain, and opening new ones, painting them with sunlight and happiness."

I nodded. I understood what he was saying, and after everything that happened here, that is the only thing I needed– to start over. But at the same time, I didn't want to lose what I had here. I didn't even know what I wanted to not lose, but all I knew was, if I leave this town and close these chapters, I'd be losing something big, a piece of my heart that wasn't even mine in the first place.

"All these paintings, they're made by you?" He asked as he stood in front of the wall full of old paintings. I wasn't even fond of a lot of them anymore, did them as a teenager, but Mom never let me throw them away.

I just nodded, taking in a deep breath as I stood beside him, staring at them. I don't think I could do the same now. I just didn't feel the power in my to pick the paintbrush again and give life to the blank canvas with colours I once admired so much.

"They're beautiful," He said, "I always thought you girls got the creative side from me. I loved painting as a kid too, ya know? But now, when I look at this, this is definitely your mom. She loved writing, and when she wrote, you could just get lost in her words forever. It was like, she created a whole new world, you know? And these paintings are just like her writings– enchanting enough to look like they're from another world altogether."

"You must really love Mom," I said, slightly amused. I didn't mean to be rude or sarcastic now that were finally having a proper conversation, but I couldn't help it.

"I did," he said, looking at me straight in my eyes.

"Then why would you cheat on her?" I say, my voice plain. I had lost the anger, and was too tired to even fight. I was just demanding answers. "Why would you put a lifetime of love and your family away for another woman then, Dad?"

He pursed his lips, looking at me for a moment. "Sometimes, we stand at a choice in life, where no matter what you choose, the outcome will be unpleasant. That's where I stood ten years ago. And believe it or not, I made the right choice. I know you don't understand, but that's because you don't a lot of things. And I will tell you, yes, but when it's time. Right now, you're hurting and I know that, but you need to heal first. We'd have time, and when I tell you the entire truth, I know you'll understand. You've been my stronger daughter, the mature one, and you'll see why I did what I had to do ten years ago. Maybe not now, but someday you will see the truth for what it is."

His answer let me in a whirlpool of feelings. No matter what, the truth is, he cheated, and he left. He might have his reasons and maybe some I do understand, but the bottom line is that he's a cheater, a heartbreaker.

"I don't think any truth interests me unless it states that you didn't cheat?" I ask.

"I did," he replied, "But another truth is, I loved your mother, and she will always be the only woman I ever love."

"If you loved her, you wouldn't have cheated," Like I said, the bottom line, "If you loved her, you wouldn't put her in a situation to make her lose you."

"Like I said, sometimes, the life you love is not a consequence of the choice you made, it's a consequence of the choices made for you. You'll understand this someday, although I hope you're never put in a situation like that."

I nodded, rather stiffly, as he begun to leave, but stopped at the door.

"And Nandini, that kid... Manik, he's a nice guy," He said, and I looked up at him in confusion. "I'm sure he has something to do with you agreeing for therapy, doesn't he?"

I could feel my cheeks warm up, as I nodded indifferently, trying to keep a poker face on.

"I like him," he said, "And for a matter of fact, I know you do too."

✿

I took some sleeping medicines, and fell into deep sleep that afternoon. It was later in the evening when I woke up, only to realise I hadn't eaten anything since morning.

I could feel the hungry pangs as I walked down the stairs still as sleepily as ever, but the joy of sleeping peacefully after long overcame every other feeling.

I woke up with a calmer mind, but everything disappeared as I woke to a site I had clearly not expected.

It was Manik, Cabir, Mukti, Aliya, and Mia sitting on the couch and playing a board game while Dad sat a bit away, typing away something on his laptop, probably working.

"Wow," I murmured yawning, tying my hair in a ponytail behind.

"About damn time," Aliya chuckled as she looked up at me first and then did all other eyes.

I smiled at them sheepishly.

"Nandini, we've been waiting for you to wake up for an hour now," Mukti smiled.

"You guys should have just woken me up," I murmured throwing myself on the couch, a little away from their circle.

"That's exactly what I said," Aliya retorted, "But these boys wouldn't let us. Cabir and Manik said you should sleep."

I looked up and passed Cabir a small smile, and then looked straight upon my lap, ignoring to look at Manik. Only God knows what I'd exactly feel when I look at him. The tingles? The butterflies? I hope my cheeks don't warm up, and I so hope what I was feeling wasn't obvious to anyone else.

I could feel Manik's confused glance on me. Don't look at him, please.

I looked at him. There we go.

I smiled, as if it was inevitable, trying to avoid him. I smiled at him softly, trying to keep the grin inside. I really wanted to grin like an idiot.

"What are you going doing here?," I say, chuckling, "No offence, but the last time I checked, all of you did have homes."

"So funny," Cabir mock laughed, "We came to go for dinner. But since you, sleeping beauty, decided to sleep the time off, we brought parcel from Chili's. Now, if you don't waste time, can we go to eat. I'm hungry."

Cabir didn't even wait for answer, he grabbed the parcels from the table and went to the dining table, and I and everyone else just followed him, laughing. Cabir was always desperate for food.

"Uncle? Mia? Join us?" Manik offered.

"Nah, thanks Kid," Dad smiles, "Mia has a play date with this kid she met at her art class. I'm taking her there. You kids enjoy."

He got up, grabbing the car keys, and I noticed Mia was ready, zipping her boots. As they walked to the door, she waved bye to everyone.

"Take care," Dad looked at me, "Leave the leftovers right here, I'll take care of it later. Have fun, all of you. And oh Nandini, they're staying over tonight."

"Did you just plan a sleepover with my friends, for me?" I gave him an unbelievable look.

"Well, your Dad doesn't want you to die lonely. Suck it up, we are staying tonight." Mukti winked, I chuckled.

"Great, see you later." I said. Dad nodded, grabbing Mia's hand. They were at the door, when I stopped them.

"Dad?" I called. He turned, a little surprised. "Drive safe," I called out after him. Like I said, even after losing everything, I felt like I could still lose a lot.

He nodded, his smile reaching his eye as the two of them left.

I turned to face my friends, who had invaded my privacy for the night. To be honest, I was happy. I had slept in so much, I don't think I would sleep tonight anyway.

As I took my favourite lasagna, in my plate, I looked up at them. "So, what's the play?" I ask. I refuse to believe that they just decided to come over– all of them, together.

"We're here for a very important reason," Aliya grinned.

"We're planning our first trip together, to New York," Manik completes.

"And now we're even more excited, because like your Dad informed, you have to leave day after tomorrow... which makes it even more awesome by the way," Mukti said.

"And we're celebrating your eighteenth birthday there," Cabir said. I nodded.

"I have a piano completion day after, so I wouldn't be able to come with you guys. But I'll join you two days after, which is a day after Nandini's birthday," Aliya informed. It looked like they were all over this discussion before I woke up.

"Every trio we make, we have a name for it. I took the opportunity to name this trip and I thought for a long, long time.." Cabir started.

"You barely thought for an hour," Mukti rolled her eyes, cutting him off.

"Whatever," he eyed her, "And I decided to name this trip.... mission manan!"

Mission MaNan. What a weird-ass name.

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I know it's bit of a crappy update, but it was important for the story to proceed.

But well, the 'kids' are having a sleepover, and next update should be full of fun. I'm thinking of getting someone drunk.

Questions:

1. Did you like the update?

2. Fav Part?

3. What do you think is the deal with Nandini's dad?

4. One character you'd like to see more?

5. Anything you'd like to see in particular in their sleepover?

6. New York coming... and well, mission manan... what do you think? ;)

7. Upon high request, I will add Nandini's therapy scenes. Any topic you want me to pick on? Depression? Anxiety? Moving on? Finding happiness? I want to take in topics that help you as well, so let me know what you'd like.

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Don't forget to vote and comment.

I'm back on regular updates.

Love,
H.