Chapter forty-one: My coping mechanism

O L I V I A

"We will kill him," Sam hissed. "It's time to carry out the threat I promised six years ago. We're gutting him."

"No," I said impassively.

"No?" She exclaimed incredulously.

"No," I repeated firmly, scrutinizing the photo.

"Look, I know I told you to forgive him, but this is too extreme," she exclaimed. "He clearly ditched you last night and got caught with Chelsea."

"Maybe," I muttered, connecting my AirPods to the phone. "But I don't believe it."

"Liv? Open your eyes," she protested. "I'm sorry we pushed you. You were right. You really were better off without him."

"I honestly have no idea what is going on with him." I ignored her. "But there has to be an explanation for this."

"Griffin will kill me," she mumbled.

"No, he won't." I rolled my eyes. "He will go after Kai first."

"And you're okay with that?" She asked, obviously perplexed.

I looked down at the photo again.

"I haven't decided yet," I replied.

"Well, do it-" the doorbell rang, "-soon!"

"I will," I told her, quickly walking to the front door.

"I don't understand," she babbled. "What has gotten into him?"

"I don't know," I hummed as I opened the door, revealing Kai. "He's here."

"Gut him!" She hissed passionately.

"Right," I dragged. "Look, I have to go. Take care."

"Liv, lis-"

I cut the call. I removed the AirPods from my ear and held them in my hand, turning away from the door before he could say something. I walked back to my room and placed the pods back in their case.

"I know you're mad," he said quietly as he followed me in.

I shrugged, aware of his eyes on my back. "Why would I be?"

"Livvy, I'm so sorry," he apologized sincerely.

Not good enough.

"For what?" I asked, tilting my head and sitting down.

"For leaving you like that last night." He shook his head. "It really was an emergency."

Ah, I don't think he knows.

I quirked an eyebrow. "Was it, now?" 

I crossed my legs, leaning back on my hands. My heart was erratic and my palms were sweating. He bent down to kiss me but I turned my head at the last moment, making his lips fall on my cheek.

"Yeah," he said slowly, now wary. "Why are you saying everything like a question?"

"I don't know," I clipped.

He took a seat beside me. "Okay."

I closed my eyes. I couldn't bear to look at him. "What was the emergency, Kai?"

"A friend of mine needed me," he replied.

"A friend needed you," I repeated, nodding sagely. My soul felt as if someone had lit it on fire. And not in a good way.

"Yes," he said, tentatively. "Is everything alright?"

I snapped my gaze to him, slowly losing both my patience and control. "You tell me."

"It is," he paused, "I think."

"Where were you last night, Kaison?" I asked, done with playing around the bush.

"I told you, a friend needed me," he insisted.

Okay.

"More than your girlfriend whom you took to a party the day her father had a heart attack?" I finally questioned.

His brows furrowed. "In a way, yes."

I wish that didn't sting as much as it did.

"At least you said the truth." I laughed mirthlessly, wiping the newfound moisture from under my eyes. "Well, half-truth anyway."

"What are you talking ab-" he stopped, noticing the tears. "Fuck, Liv, are you okay? Why are you crying?"

"Fuck you," I hissed.

"Mon amour, I'm sor-"

"Don't fucking bother."

"What did I do?" He cried helplessly.

I chuckled like a maniac, standing up. "What did you do?" I scoffed, opening Sam's chat where there lay the screenshot of the article she had read. I thrust the picture in his face. "Still need me to elaborate?" I snapped as I wiped my tears.

I saw the color drain out his face and I wished I was dead.

"It's not what you think," he uttered.

"Right," I said, nodding. "I think you should leave."

"Liv-"

"Don't bother," I shook my head, "Unless you're not making excuses."

"I-" he stopped himself. He stared at the floor, blinking rapidly for a few seconds before he stood up.

"You're right," he said. "I should leave. I'm sorry for wasting your time."

Wow, a second heartbreak. And I'm still breathing. I must be cursed.

Distract yourself. Focus on the facts. Lock away the emotions and deal with them later.

"The keys," I demanded, wiping the fresh tears away.

"Hun?"

"My keys, Kaison."

"Right." He stopped, fishing them out of his pocket. He dropped them in my awaiting hand. He moved to go past me and every part of me screamed in protest.

Fuck focus.

Impulsively, I caught his hand to stop him from leaving. "Please give me one good reason why I have to look at that picture, Kai. One reason is all I ask."

His face contorted.

"You won't understand," he replied hoarsely.

"I know you're hiding something," I blurted out desperately. Call me pathetic, but I needed him. I didn't want to lose him.

He looked at me helplessly. "Li-"

No. Not again. I know there is more to what meets the eye.

"You have a month." I closed my eyes, releasing his hand. "One month, Kaison. Spill the beans, give me the explanations I need, and you can fix us."

Please fix us.

I opened my eyes to see him nod stiffly. Without meeting my eye, he walked away. Something about his response made my heart shrivel and cringe back. The immediate feeling of loneliness plagued me.

I heard the front door close behind him and collapsed on the bed. I dialed Sam as I cried.

She picked up on the first ring as if she was waiting for me. "Liv?"

"We broke up, Sam," I sobbed. My nose scrunched up as I remembered the look of agony on his face before he left. The guards he was constructing to hide himself away. "And this time, I think it's for good."

"I'm on my way."

* * * * *

She brought a whole cavalry. Griffin, George, Josh, and ice creams. They all poured in one by one till everyone was there by noon. I didn't cry much. I felt sad and depressed but for some reason, once I'd stopped crying after Kai left, I hadn't shed another tear.

We watched TV, and they all offered me words of reassurance before they left. I kicked Sam and Josh out because Sam wanted to stay with me. She had to rest and adjust to Josh's place. A stressful girl's night was the last thing she needed right then.

I slept late, scared of sleeping. And rightfully so, because when I did, I was swarmed by nightmares.

* * * * *

It had been almost a fortnight since the incident. I was losing hope quickly. My body was taking the toll and it was showing. In just a week I had lost four pounds and had dark circles under my eyes that even a concealer couldn't hide.

He had had no explanations. When I had blown up on him, he had just listened. When I had told him to go, he had just accepted it. No questions asked, whatsoever.

That tickled me. Kai didn't give up without a fight. Something was going on. Either I never knew Kai, or he had changed, or something was going on that I didn't know about. My Kai would never do this to me.

I couldn't decide whether I was mad at myself for wanting to stick around for someone I knew consciously as a person who cheated twice or be mad that in my heart and in the back of my brain I kept thinking that I was missing something and that Kai hadn't cheated.

I was trying my level best. I was, really. I tried not to bother Sam. Between her new job and her pregnancy, she needed as much peace and rest as possible. She had enough to deal with. To ease things for her, I decided to spend my time doing something productive and finally went in for the interview.

It had gone well and I had been hired on the spot. Mia had later told me it had been just a formality. My pay was better and the people were, too. Mia was being very considerate as my boss so that helped as well.

Brian and Jane were doing their best. Even though we were no longer colleagues, they were still in touch with me. We had met up once since the picture had gotten out. The paps were leaving me alone for the most part but I still had to be careful about my display of vulnerability: another one of my reasons to escape to London.

The major one being that I wanted to visit my dad.

I stayed for a week but was happy about it. I wanted to avoid Shaliey and Caleb so I had booked myself a room in a hotel nearby. I was thoroughly aware of my draining bank account, but I kept convincing myself I would earn it all back once I got back to work next month.

I had talked to the doctors and they had told me that the heart attack was the result of another blocked artery. He was lucky because they had brought him in the nick of time. The doctors said that he would be fine. They just gave him a diet chart for six weeks and told him to incorporate a few permanent changes in his lifestyle too.

Kai was right: it wasn't my fault and dad would be alright.

Speaking of Kai, I hadn't heard from him at all. I was kinda hoping I would. But I hadn't. I tried not to cry and stay strong, but the nights were really hard. One of the primary reasons for me escaping to another continent was the way Josh would fawn over Sam all the time. Don't get me wrong. I was glad that my best friend had such a loving and supportive boyfriend. I swear I was. But being recently broken up, I was taking it unnecessarily hard.

I missed Kai so fucking much.

I had been thinking all this time, about what Kai had been hiding from me. The only thing that was keeping me from running back into his arms was the broken remnants of my self-respect. God knew I needed to be in his arms again. But I couldn't. It was time I grew up. I was twenty-four. I had to stop depending on people to keep my life going. I had to act like an adult.

I just wished it wasn't so hard.

After a lifetime of depending on people to pick up the pieces after I broke down, it felt almost impossible to find the glue and keep it together by myself.

I had always been a firm believer in the saying 'everything happens for a reason'. I kept wondering why all the shit seemed to be brewing in my life but I was just trying to have faith and move on with my life.

When I was in London, I was not picking up calls or responding to a lot of texts. I would just update my friends about how my father was doing. I would tell them I was fine and then I'd just switch off my phone. When I had left New York, I hadn't made a return ticket so they didn't know when I was coming home either. 

That is why I was taking a cab home from the airport. I made a pitstop to buy some food to eat in my room. The week alone having a change of scenery had done me good. I wasn't as restless as I had been when I had left. I wasn't at peace but I was better.

I paid the driver and waved him off. I got my luggage and took the elevator up to my apartment. Surprisingly it was clean. My room was locked so I unlocked it and settled in. I had a shower, ate some of the stuff I had purchased, watched some TV, and then retreated back to my space before anyone could come home and find me and confront me.

Yes, Plan A was hiding.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A/N: Hiii. I'm so sorry for being AWOL guys. I had an eye infection (still do) and was put on total eye rest (technically still am). But it's valentines day and I couldn't resist.

I hope you guys liked it. Comment your thoughts and leave a vote!

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All my love,
xoxo