Chapter twenty-nine: . . . into the fire

O L I V I A

I padded out into the living room, yawning. I felt satisfied and well-rested. The only thing that would've made my morning better was the presence of my boyfriend beside me when I'd woken up, but the bed was cold.

"Kai," I sang as he came into view. Well, his shirtless muscular back did.

He twisted his neck to look at me. He grinned. "Good morning, mon amour."

I grinned back, walking over and wrapping my arms around him. He chuckled, hugging me back. When I didn't pull back and put his breakfast preparations in jeopardy, he deftly lifted me onto the counter while he worked. I laughed against his neck, wrapping my legs around his middle.

"How much do you bench?" I asked him curiously, feeling his muscles ripple under me as he worked.

"Two hundred ninety-five," he answered.

I laughed breathily. "Damn." 

"I know," he replied smugly. I could hear the smirk in his voice and that made my own smile grow.

"What'cha making?" I asked. 

"I'm sure you can smell it." 

"Humor me," I told him.

"Eggs and bacon," he said as he rested his head against mine. "How'd you sleep?"

"Like a baby." I sighed in contentment. "You?"

"Amazing," he replied.

"I like this," I muttered.

"Me too," he hummed.

We stayed like that for a while before the change in aroma alerted me.

"If I don't move now it's gonna burn isn't it?"

He laughed. "You're smart."

"I knew it," I grumbled.

I kissed his neck and unwound my limbs from around him. He stepped back from the counter and I dropped my legs to the floor. I forced them to move and take me to the barstool. I plopped down on it lazily as I watched Kai wrap it all up. He set the plate in front of me and I dug in when he sat down with his as well. Mid-meal, I got up and got us both a glass each of orange juice.

"You know," Kai spoke between bites, "They caught us last night."

"They did?" I asked hopefully. I took in his expression and knew something was wrong. "Well, isn't that what you wanted?"

"Umm, yeah." He scratched the back of his neck. A nervous tick.

I sighed as I looked up. "Explain."

"So, there are articles," he began.

"Go on," I urged, nodding.

I shifted back in my seat, bringing a foot up to rest on its edge. I wrapped my arm around it and rested my chin on it, leaning forward. I was done eating.

"Before I tell you anything, you should know that this is my first time actually messing with paparazzi on purpose," he said.

"Okay?" It came out as a question.

"They're still hateful articles, Liv."

My mind went blank. It took me a second to get my bearings together.

"What?" I sputtered.

"They-"

"I heard you." I cut him off. "But how?"

"I don't know," he fretted. "Angeline was a little skeptical about this but I wanted to try."

My brows furrowed. "Angeline as in your manager and publicist, right?"

Okay, so he discussed what to do next with her and didn't even tell me about it even though I was involved, till he actually did it.

"Right," he confirmed.

"How bad are they?" I queried, shaking off those thoughts with recognizable effort.

"Pretty much the same," he uttered frustratedly. "A few more ones now that they have concrete proof."

"Fuck." I felt my face contort in a grimace.

"I'm sorry," he apologized. "I tried."

I swallowed thickly. "I know."

"We can try Instagram since I have many followers there, but Angeline said that it might turn against you in the comments."

Deactivate the comments.

I cursed internally. There must've been a reason he hasn't done that, I told myself. Stay on track.

"So basically, I'm the one who's going to be dragged through the mud despite what we do." I raised my eyebrows. I was surprised I was pushing it so much but I did not want to back down.

"No," he sighed, "It's not like that."

"Then?" I prompted. "What is it like? I'd like to know. Are their articles about your unfaithfulness too or is my slutty nature taking the cake?"

He flinched at the double-edged remark.

"Don't take this out on me, mon amour." He shook his head, staying patient. "This is not my fault."

"Isn't it?" I challenged. "You were the one who kept silent while some bimbo announced your relationship to the world."

"You know how weird the media and the people are," he said defensively. "They're crazy!"

"I'm living that, unfortunately," I replied brazenly. "First hand and fresh from hell."

"It'll blow over," he told me gently.

Right.

"I . . . I have to get to office, Kai." I got up and put my dishes in the sink. He could do them just that once.

"Mon amour." He stopped me when I was walking past him to get to the bedroom to change.

"No," I refused. "I need space to think. And have a job I intend to keep."

"We promised we will talk about this," he beseeched.

"And you once promised to protect me, whatever it takes. Guess we both broke a few of them, didn't we?" I said acidly as I made my legs move again.

He stood up to block my path. "Why are you acting up so much about this?"

"How dare you even ask me that?" I asked, getting infuriated by his lack of understanding. "So many people out there hate me because of you!"

"Why does it bother you so much?" He asked, exasperated. "The people who matter know the truth and they still love you!"

I snapped.

"It matters because I have fucking anxiety!" I screamed. "It matters because if Jane and Brian hadn't got there yesterday in the nick of time, God knows what might've happened after I opened the envelope that had a myriad of articles labeling me as your homewrecker. So yes, Kaison, it bothers me a lot!"

"I- I didn't know that." His stance faltered. "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Why should I? It will blow over, won't it?" I articulated bitterly.

"You know the envelopes are not what I'm talking about right now."

"What else could possibly be of any importance right now?" I scoffed. 

"Olivia," he deadpanned.

I mirrored his tone. "What?"

"How long have you had anxiety?" He pronounced each word carefully.

"The fuck? How did this come to that? We were discussing the pap-"

"Livvy, tell me," he insisted.

"This is so irrelevant." I rolled my eyes. I was almost on the verge of shaking despite the fact that I had tensed all my muscles to prevent that from happening. They were aching in protest but I was afraid to let the tension go.

"How long?" He repeated.

I pursed my lips.

"I'm not going anywhere," he told me. "You can either speak, or we can stay home all day and have a staring contest. I will get it out of you one way or the other."

"I don't wanna talk about it. What will you do, hun? Force me?" I challenged.

"If it comes to that, yes. I will," he said fiercely.

"Kaison."

"Olivia."

"Almost six years," I spat out, my eyes watering.

"What?" He looked appalled.

"You can't even hear it without losing it." I laughed a dry, throaty humorous laugh. "And thanks to you, I've been living it, Kaison."

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" He asked in a whisper.

"We've been together for what? A fortnight?" I questioned mockingly. For once I was feeling vindictive. I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me.

"Three years, Livvy," he corrected, the riot in his eyes contradicting his neutral tone.

"That was high school," I spat. "We were broken up for six years."

"You've changed," he stated.

"Shocker," I barked out. "How could six years without the person you thought to be the love of your life could alter you? Impossible!"

"Don't mock me." His gaze turned hard. "And don't pretend you are the only one affected. I was in a relationship with someone I thought of as my forever too."

"Right, because why would a hotshot football player with over eight million per year earnings, a luxurious abode, and girls falling at his feet be unhappy? How ridiculous, no, Kai?"

"You of all people should know that money can only buy so much happiness and that I don't care about any other woman. I care about only two: you and my mom."

I opened my mouth to spew out more acid but he determinedly continued.

"What about the fact that I lost the two people closest to me all in one night, Livvy? What about that? You think it's easy going to a new city and adapting to a new lifestyle amongst complete strangers? I had no one."

"No one but your booty call, Chelsea," I spoke ruthlessly. It left a bitter aftertaste in my mouth and I regretted the words as soon as they were out of my mouth.

"That's unfair. You dated Carter." He looked genuinely hurt. But for some reason, I couldn't stop. It was like the switch between my brain and my tongue had stopped working. As if my filter was broken.

"Did I cheat on you with Carter as well?" I retorted.

"I did not che-"

He cut himself off abruptly, squeezing his eyes shut.

Was he possibly going to say what I think he was going to say?

My heart raced at the thought.

"You did not what?" I asked him, feeling my heartbeat thumping in my ears.

"Nothing." He sealed his lips.

"Kaison, you were about to say something. What?" I demanded.

I forgot all about the argument for a second. He was about to say something, and if I was not wrong, he was about to say 'I didn't cheat'. Exactly what I'd been wanting to hear all these years. Exactly what I'd been hoping to be true.

I wanted him to tell me what happened that night and I had a feeling he'd caught himself the exact moment he was about to reveal something to me.

"Nothing," he reiterated.

"What happened to 'talking' about everything?" I mocked, hoping to get it out of him.

Please tell me, Kai.

"I'm just taking a page out of your book." He shrugged. "Don't blame me."

"You-" I shook my head, trying to shake off my annoyance at my failure. The argument crawled back into my head and I decided it was time to stop this before we ended broken up again. "Nevermind. I have to get going."

"We need to talk about this," he pressed.

"Are you going to tell me what you were about to say?" I asked him with pleading eyes.

"I-" He began.

"Honestly." I glared. He paused, pressing his lips together.

"No," he admitted begrudgingly. "It's irrelevant, though."

I quirked an eyebrow. "It seems pretty relevant to me."

"Maybe, but it will not get us anywhere. The past is in the past," he said confidently. "And anyways, that's a story for another day."

"What are you hiding from me, Kai?" I asked him explicitly, narrowing my eyes at him.

"I don't want to lie to you, mon amour," he spoke. "Not any more than I have to. So all I will say is that I can't tell you yet."

"Tell me," I insisted. "Don't you trust me?"

"More than I trust myself," he assured me. "But, I need you to trust me, too. I promise I will tell you. I just need time."

"Kai-"

"Please. Just trust me. Everything will make sense when you will know."

"Fine," I agreed reluctantly when I realized he was very adamant about not telling me. "But I will not forget this. I will be waiting."

He smiled at me. "I would expect nothing less."

* * * * * 

Work was tough as expected. My blisters hadn't healed and I didn't have any alternate footwear so I had steeled my nerves and just got into the elevator. Kai, now aware of my anxiety, had given me his AirPods to keep me distracted with music. Mine were at my place and I hadn't gone home that day. He'd also dropped me off early so I wouldn't have to face a lot of people on my way either.

When I reached my desk, I kicked off my heels and plopped down on the chair. There was a similar envelope waiting there amongst the mess that I called my workspace. This time, I didn't examine the contents. I read the address, gave the insides a cursory glance to ensure I wasn't throwing away anything important, and then put them straight in the trash.

You gotta learn from your mistakes.

Jane and Brian were a little alert when they arrived but relaxed soon after. And that's why I didn't like discussing and disclosing the fact that I had anxiety with anyone. They suddenly started viewing me either with pity or with a glance that said, 'you're fragile and need to be protected'.

I knew I wasn't as strong as a lot of women out there, but I didn't like being reminded of that fact every few minutes.

Surprisingly, Josh texted me again that day. He asked me how I was doing. He told me he was mad at me for not keeping in touch. It felt nice to know someone else cared. And how could I forget he was dating my best friend? Even if a few things were unclear, I could appreciate some love when it was sent my way. So I told him I would make sure to do so next time. He seemed satisfied with that.

Kai kept texting me all day to ask me how I was doing. I told him I was good. I mentioned that the trick to avoid breakdowns was to avoid triggers. Mine were people and their judgemental looks and comments. I stayed clear of that by not using my socials, not eating in our canteen, coming early and leaving late.

Sam called me later in the day. She had news and I had an idea what it was about, so I didn't reject it like I usually did when I was at work.

"I'm coming to New York!" She screamed when I picked up.

"Whoa!" I winced at her volume, but I felt excitement stir up in my belly, too. "When?"

"I took work from home while they transferred me," she declared. "I'm coming a day after tomorrow!"

"What?" I exclaimed incredulously. "Damn. Don't you have to pack?"

"Pack what?" She laughed. "I had rented a place here. It was furnished. You have a house set up, right? I'll just sell my extra items tomorrow afternoon in a neighborhood yard sale and donate what I won't be able to in the evening. I know my clothes and accessories are a lot and that's why I am packing right now! It's gonna work out, Liv! I'm coming home!"

"You're coming home!" I echoed with a smile.

Maybe I did have something to look forward to.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A/N: How'd you like it? I had a blast writing this one!

Please vote, you guys! You must like this if you've managed to make it this far, right? It would mean a lot to me to know that you like what you read. I wouldn't mind you guys sharing your thoughts in the comments section either. I have a blast reading and replying to them and yk that, don't u?

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Take care, guys. I'll see you tomorrow! <3

All my love,
xoxo.