Chapter twenty-eight: Not hiding no more

O L I V I A

The car slowed to a stop and I took deep breaths to calm my nerves.

"You good?" Kai asked from the driver's seat. I managed a nod. "They probably don't even know, Livvy."

The read count on the blog flashed before my eyes and I pushed the image out of my mind.

"I've worked here for almost a year," I said steadily. "Trust me when I say that I know the place and the people. They know."

"Well," he grimaced, "I'm sure your friends will be supportive."

"Yeah," I murmured, looking out at employees walking into the building. I glanced at the clock. "I should get going."

"Okay." He sighed. "Call me or text me if it gets too bad."

"Hmm," I agreed half-heartedly, unlocking my door.

He leaned over and kissed the corner of my mouth. "Have a good day."

"You too," I replied, kissing him back before I stepped out. I closed the door behind me and Kai smiled at me reassuringly through the window. I managed a smile back before I made my way in.

My eyes would either eye the worn-out floors of the InfoTech, or they would admire the hairstyle of the person right in front of me. It was an effort to not let my eyes wander aimlessly and to not accidentally pay attention to my peripheral vision.

The company wasn't the best, but despite having graduated with honors, I had not scored a job at a better company. I didn't know where I'd gone wrong. All I knew was that I was working in a start-up company that had been around for a decade, hired unemployed people and overworked them, had cruel people in power, and underpaid employees.

Maybe I was exaggerating . . . the job did help me keep the lights on. Hun. I didn't even know anymore. I shook my head and focused back on the present. I had to go up to my floor.

The elevator looked daunting with all those people in there so I made a last-minute decision and decided to take the stairs. Let me tell you, not a good choice. Why? One, I was as healthy as a sick chihuahua, and two, my heels weren't doing me any favors.

I had blisters forming by the time I made it to my seat. I knew they were bad cause they made me limp and want to cry with every step. But they were good because they kept my attention off those stares and focused on walking in a straight line and not appearing drunk.

I had come earlier than usual to avoid the last-minute rush of people streaming in to make it on time, and so Brian and Jane were yet to arrive. I pushed my way into our cabin and plopped down on the chair, dropping my purse on the ground. My table was a mess as usual. I expected it to have a layer of dust from three days' inactivity, but it was surprisingly clean.

I booted my computers while I made a weak attempt at cleaning my table to have space for desk work. I didn't notice the papers and envelopes until too late.

To,
Olivia Davis.

They weren't signed. They were just . . . there. I curiously opened the envelope first, kicking off my heels to make myself comfortable. I leaned back in my chair and fished out the contents of the envelope, placing them out on the table.

They were a bunch of printouts of articles and a few newspaper clippings. I blanched when I realized that they were about. The blood drained out of my face at the additional side notes on the edges. There were circles drawn around words to emphasize them. Some of them were gentle since they were censored by the publication houses. Others, probably from fan blogs, were brutal and made my eyes prickle with the intensity of their hatred.

I hastily put them back in the envelope, not caring that I was crumpling them, and then tossed them in the trashcan beside my desk. My heart thrummed wildly in my chest as I took calming breaths to control my anxiety.

I wanted a hug. Or a kiss. Or a cuddle. Anything.

The four walls of the cabin seemed to collapse around me as I struggled to get my breathing right. My nose seemed to be blocked and my eyes were burning and unseeing. The panic rooted itself deeper, until at one point, I thought I was done for.

The same feeling of worthlessness gripped me. The thought that Kai didn't love me took hold of my brain again, consuming every other rational thought. The feeling of abandonment clawed at me again. I felt myself falling back into the same feeling of desertion, of not being enough.

A hand touched my shoulder and another grasped my hand tightly.

"Olivia," Jane shook me, "Deep breaths. You're fine."

I whimpered helplessly in response.

"Olivia. Hey. Brian! Get that bottle of water."

"On it."

"Liv? Breathe with me. One . . . two . . . three . . . "

My breathing gradually became normal as I breathed with her and my vision refocused. I was panting slightly, but I knew from experience that I would be fine. I wiped my cheeks from the back of my hand and took two deep, shuddering breaths.

"I'm fine," I choked out. "Thanks."

"Hmm." Jane uncapped and passed me a bottle of water. She looked concerned. Brian was looking into my trashcan like he had lost his wits.

"What were you doing here so early?" He asked me when I finished drinking.

"Avoiding grueling stares and mental breakdowns." I chuckled humorlessly. "Obviously that didn't work."

I was terrified to look behind me and see how many people had popcorn and were watching the spectacle starring yours truly, moi, through the glass walls we had here.

"I'm sorry." Jane sighed. "I was supposed to clear them out before you arrived," she said, pointing a finger at the dustbin. I winced.

"You knew?" I asked.

"Yeah." She rubbed her hands together, taking a seat. "So did Brian."

"It started on Friday," he told me. "It will pass, though."

"Did you look at them?" I questioned as I tried to look as if I was working. I pulled out a wipe from my purse and cleaned my face of the tearstains. The fresh fragrance of tea tree oil wafted through the air before I discarded it as well. The scent calmed me down a little.

"Umm, yeah. That's kinda why we wanted them out before your eyes landed on them," Jane muttered. "The first one didn't have any 'address' and we were curious. Sorry, Olivia."

"No problem." I cleared my throat. "I'm fine."

"I didn't know you had anxiety," Brian remarked.

"I've had it for a while," I said drily.

"How long?" Jane asked.

I shrugged. "Doesn't matter."

"I wanna know. It matters to me. Had I known, we would have been a lot more careful and you wouldn't have been triggered the way you did."

"I-"

"Please," Brian added. "I would like to know too."

"Six years," I mumbled in defeat. "I've been dealing with this shit for six years."

"What? Fuck."

"Damn." Jane blew out a sharply, her well-manicured nails strumming against her desk. "Now I wish you'd told us before. How many times have you dealt with it in this office?"

"A few times," I answered reluctantly. "Mostly while getting used to this shit hole and meeting you."

"Oli-"

"Can we drop it? Please?" I begged. I was rattled and still jittery. It would definitely take me a while to recover completely. "I don't want to talk about it. I know you guys wanna help, but please lay off."

They looked like they were going to protest but I gave them the puppy dog look.

"Fine," they agreed with a scowl.

I took a deep breath and finally read the words on my screen, getting back to work.

* * * * *

Team dinner was dull as hell. I had forgotten all about it being Monday. Kai had texted me multiple times during the day and I had told him about the team outing. He asked me if I really wanted to. When I said yes, he encouraged me to go and have fun. He told me he would pick me up from wherever we would be since we had decided to try out a restaurant this time instead of crashing in one of our own apartments.

"What triggered your anxiety?" Brian asked me out of the blue when we were eating. I almost choked on my salad. I didn't have much of an apatite in the first place and the remnants of what I had seemed to be miraculously evaporating, too.

"Brian," Jane hissed in caution.

He shrugged. "We should know so that we can prevent it next time."

"Articles," I forced out. I pushed the plate away from me, giving up trying to finish it. There wasn't much left on it anyway. I wiped my mouth with a tissue as I continued, "Pictures."

"Well, that was quite obvious," Brian said.

"You don't have to do this," Jane told me, shooting a glare at Brian. "This is something you shouldn't be forced to talk about."

"No," I shook my head, "I need to. I have to."

"Liv-"

"It started when I moved into my dorm at Berkley." I swallowed. "I had just broken up with Kai and-"

"You dated in high school?" Jane asked, her eyes wide.

I paused. Right. They don't know that.

"Three years." I nodded.

She dropped her fork. "Dayum."

"I know." I sighed.

"Why'd you break up?" Brian asked.

"Not ready for that," I said, bobbing my head at him. It prompted a chuckle out of him and a smile from Jane.

"High school sweethearts?" Jane probed as she resumed eating.

I gave her another nod. "Yup, pretty much."

"Ohhh, let me guess. He was the star quarterback and you were the cheerleader," Brian said sarcastically.

"Not just any cheerleader," I smirked. "I was the cheer captain."

Jane snorted, grasping her water and coughing into her hand. 

"You?" Brian scoffed, ignoring her. I wanted to laugh. This was way more entertaining than I had imagined it would be. "You might be all fragile and cute but there ain't no fucking way you lead  a cheerleading squad!"

"But I did!" I laughed, giving in to my impulse. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jane recompose herself and straighten in her seat.

"Talk about a day full of surprises," she muttered. "More wine, anyone?"

"Not me," I raised the white flag. "I'm good."

"What a surprise," Brian remarked, glancing at my glass of water pointedly.

"Shut up." I chuckled. "I don't drink." Unnecessarily, I added to myself.

"We know," they chorused with undertones of amusement and exasperation.

"Wanna call it a night?" I asked them as they refilled their glasses. They had finished eating long before me.

"Sure," Jane muttered. "And I think I should drink some water while we're at that. This is some strong wine and the shots we started off with didn't help either."

"I'd say." I giggled, looking at her flushed cheeks and bright eyes. Brian had a similar look on his face but seemed to be faring better.

We flagged down a waiter, got more water for the pair of dumbos with me, split the bill, paid, and then walked out. I called them a cab and as they were clambering in, Jane saw a glimpse of reason.

"He's picking you up, isn't he?" She asked me.

"Who?" I played dumb.

What? She was drunk. There was a great chance it would work.

"Kaison!" She said shrilly.

I clamped a hand on her mouth and glared at her in alarm.

"I think you had a teensy bit too much of that 'piece of heaven'," I fretted. "Shut up before you draw attention to yourself, Jane."

"Hn? He's right there!" She slurred.

And here I thought wine couldn't get you drunk.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah. And Santa is sitting beside you. Good night, Jane."

"Night," she mumbled.

"Hey." I knocked st the passenger window. The driver rolled it down. "Here's my number." I handed him my card and rattled off their addresses. "Call me when you drop them each off, will you?"

"Alright." He laughed. "I will."

"Thank you." I sighed. "Really. Have a good night."

"Thank you, miss. You, too."

He drove off.

I bit my lip as I immediately fished my phone out. I dialed Kaison's number to ask him where he was.

"Boo!" He whispered into my ear and I jumped violently, dropping my phone. He chuckled deeply, catching it mid-fall and disconnecting the call. He flashed me a rogue grin before he leaned down to steal a kiss from me. "Hi," he greeted.

"Hey." I worked on evening out my pulse. "I didn't see you there."

"Duh." He grinned wider. "How're you doing, mon amour?"

"Fine." I pulled at his shirt to bring his mouth down to meet mine again. "How are you?"

"Ah, I'm very good right now," he told me. "I'm very good indeed."

"Umhmm?" I giggled. My brain registered his clothes and it short-circuited. "You're not wearing your disguise!" I hissed. "Kai!"

He shrugged. "So?"

"What the hell?" I whisper-shouted. "What if someone recognizes you?"

"Then there might be a few blogs with our photos on them," he said airily.

Did he just say what I think he said? Does he mean what I think he does?

"I-" I stuttered. "What? I thought you wanted to keep this a secret?"

"Nope," he pushed a strand of hair behind my ear, "I wanted to preserve your privacy as long as I could. But it seems that the cat is out of the bag. This might make it worse, but hey, at least we're not hiding."

"Kai," I murmured, "Are you sure about this? You could've just denied those photos and people might've forgotten about it by next week. Or month. Now, they won't."

"I don't want them to," he stated.

"You don't?" I asked him skeptically.

"I'm not hiding you, Olivia Davis." He stared into my eyes with a knee-wobbling intensity. "It's about time the world knew that you're mine and I'm yours."

Not the time, butterflies-I-don't-culture.

"Kai-"

"Do you love me?" He questioned me.

"Yes," I replied without hesitation.

"I love you," he told me. "And I am yours."

"Umhmm." I gulped.

"Can I call you mine?" He asked me. This came out a little hesitant.

"I- yes," I blushed, feeling flustered at the acceptance.

"Ah," he traced my cheeks, kissing the burning flesh gently, "Beautiful."

"Kaison," I clenched my eyes shut, "We're literally standing on a crowded pavement."

"So?" He chuckled.

"So I think it's time we either stopped this or went home," I said shyly. I was sure someone or the other had already noticed us. As much as I liked the thought of not having to sneak around to meet my boyfriend, I was not quite ready to make headlines with our relationship either.

"Our home," he mused. His voice was lucid. "I like the sound of that."

"Me too," I found myself agreeing.

Sometimes I felt as if we were going too fast. Dating, practically moving in, saying 'I love you'. I felt it was too soon. Other times I couldn't stand how slow we were going. I wanted to make up for the lost time within a blink of an eye.

I wanted too much and too different. I understood that there was no timeline for love, but I sure as hell couldn't accept it.

Maybe time would change things or even my perspective. Right then what I was grateful for was that I knew a new storm was brewing on the horizon and yet I was at peace. Just because I knew that Kai was going to be here when it would hit me--hit us. We would get through it.

Together.  

And that was all I could've ever asked for and more.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A/N:-

Rom-coms are easy to write, they said. It's a breeze, they said. Well, they said, wrong. *huffs dramatically*

QOTD: What's the best prank you've ever pulled on someone?

All my love,
xoxo.