Chapter seventeen: Once a lover, always a lover

O L I V I A

"Everything alright?" I asked.

"Yeah," he grunted.

I groaned, feeling tired. "Are you sure it's not hurting you?"

"I'll be fine," he said, pressing the ice pack to his shoulder.

He had forgotten to take his evening painkillers and now his injury was hurting. And then his shoulder jerked a little when he picked up his bag after obstinately refusing to let me or Milo help.

"Your heroism is idiotic," I mumbled. "Just take them now."

"No," he gritted out.

"Kaison!" I snapped. "It's freaking half-past two in the morning. This is not the time to act like a stubborn teenager."

"I am not," he protested indignantly.

"Shut the fuck up and take it!" I articulated as I thrust a bottle of pills at him.

"No."

"Kaison Eric Jennings," I said threateningly.

"Those are not the painkillers!" He rolled his eyes. "Try the ones over there in the side pocket."

I did so with a glower. He just laughed at me. I gave him a glass of water and he popped the pills in obediently.

He set the now empty glass down. "There. Happy?"

"Ecstatic," I deadpanned. "Now. I'm going to bed and I advise you do so soon, too."

"Griffin's room?" He asked.

"Unless you prefer the couch, yeah," I told him.

"Thought so," he mumbled. He sounded disappointed.

Whatever happened to being grateful for a roof over your head?

I rolled my eyes. "Good night, Kai. Wake me up if you need anything."

"Good night, Livvy."

* * * * * 

I woke up to my phone ringing loudly. I groaned because of the sudden awareness that gripped me with it, scrambling my limbs up to shield my eyes. When the noise stopped and then began again shortly, I clambered out of the bed and searched for it in my bag blindly.

"What?" I barked when I picked up.

"Rawr," Sam teased, echoed by Griffin. I heard something clatter on the ground and I stood up, alert.

"What was that?" Griffin asked.

How loud was that?

"Umm, I'm in the kitchen," I lied, walking right there. "I'm cooking breakfast."

"But you just woke up," Sam said.

"No. No, I didn't," I continued the ruse, watching as Kai picked up the pan with a small pucker in his brows and lit the stove. He picked up an egg and broke it with ease using just one hand, cracking another one just as easily. His brows smoothened. "I was making breakfast."

He went grocery shopping.

"Definitely a no, " Sam denied defiantly. Kai looked up and I held up my hand warningly, pointing at the phone. He mouthed a good morning, whisking the eggs awkwardly.

How does he even know what is kept where? I thought as I looked around at the utensils and spices he was using.

"Who's doing it? Me or you?" I retorted before mouthing the greeting back. I walked over to him, pulled the bowl from him, and took over his job. I trapped my phone between my ear and my shoulder as I whisked.

"Okay," Griffin cut in. "What's up?"

"Bodyache and jet lag," I replied, starting a little as Kai's fingers pried the phone away and held it to my ear. I smiled at him thankfully and he smiled back a blinding smile.

"Nothing new?" Sam asked,

"Nope." I popped the 'p'. "What about you?"

"I told you the bitch would lie," she said.

"Maybe she isn't," Griff mused.

She scoffed. "Trust me, she is."

"Liv, is that true?" He asked me.

"What are you guys even talking about?" I frowned. There was no way they knew.

"You and Kaison!" Sam interrupted.

"Hun?" I played dumb a little more just to be sure.

"There are photos of you two in the same car with the Giants' player Milo!"

That's how. So they weren't lying about the paparazzi.

"Fuck," I mumbled. "The paparazzi caught us?"

Kai tensed at that, picking up his phone from the counter. He switched the stove off. I stopped whisking and took hold of my own phone when I noticed him struggling to handle both. He let go almost absent-mindedly.

"No shit," Griffin said. "Where are you?"

I leaned back against the counter. "Home, Griff."

"What were you doing with him?" He asked.

"His friend was kind enough to offer me a ride home since it was so late." I rolled my eyes as I sensed a building interrogation. "Guys," I asked tentatively. "Is it bad?"

"Define bad."

I winced. "Viral?"

" . . . not bad."

"That's all I need." I sighed. "I'll call you guys after breakfast."

"Naw, George and I are spending time together," Griffin said.

"I have work to catch up on," Samantha butt in.

"Okay, I won't." I laughed. "Enjoy your pathetic little lives while you can, bitches."

"Bye," they chorused.

"Bye," I sang and they hung up. I dropped the phone on the counter and faced Kai.

"Only a few stupid sites have the photos, and even they're blurry," he informed me.

"So? What do we do?" I questioned. "Do they know you're here?"

"I don't know." He frowned. "I'll talk to Angeline and see what she can do."

"And Angeline can help because . . . ?"

"She's my publicist," he told me sheepishly. "She will get them to take the pictures down. Or we can just sit here. The pictures will only be clear to those who really know us with how distorted they are."

"Maybe," I mulled over it. "Do you have the picture?"

"Yeah." He passed me his phone.

"That being you is like a one in a fucking million chance!" I exclaimed when I saw it.

"I know." He sighed. "Maybe I shouldn't talk to her."

"I don't know. Maybe it'll just blow over." I shrugged. "They're just pissed that you couldn't play and that Karl is so bad."

His face was sober. "Hmm." 

"I'm hungry. Tell me what to do," I said to distract him. It worked.

"Dice tomatoes," he ordered.

"You're my guest and you're basically cooking me breakfast." I chuckled lowly. I saw his face harden but didn't comment. "You don't have to. But thanks."

"Meh, I like cooking." His body was stiff and so was his tone.

"I know." I laughed, hoping to ease him. I grabbed the chopping board, a knife, and two tomatoes. "When did you wake up?"

"Six," he grumbled.

"That explains the grocery shopping, then." I snorted. "Thanks."

"Stop saying stuff like that so formally as if we just met instead of nineteen years ago," he half-snapped. I paused. My glee evaporated.

He had seen right through my armor. He had understood exactly what game I was playing to keep him at a distance. And he did not seem too happy about it.

I resumed the dicing forcefully. I made my motions slow and deliberate. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Livvy."

"Kai," I began shakily. I wanted space. And time to process. "I think you should rest your shoulder. I'll make breakfast. Just give me a few minutes."

"Livvy."

"Would you like it tangy or spicy?" I asked.

"Livvy." His voice was urgent, but I refused to acknowledge it.

"I was thinking spicy," I answered myself.

"Olivia." He pried the knife out of my death grip and put it down on the counter. "Look at me."

"I am hungry," I mumbled. I placed both hands flat against the counter and stared at them.

"And I'm frustrated!" He exclaimed. "You won't even look at me properly."

I can't. You're here, in my kitchen. You're cooking breakfast with me. Do you have any idea how many times I've wanted to do this over the past few years? How many times I've heard the echo of your voice when I was alone at home only to realize a moment later that it was just produced by the wishful fragment of my imagination? And now you're within touching distance. I am actually touching you, not just imagining it. I'm physically having conversations with you, not just in my head. Do you have any fucking idea how it hurts me to know that you will be gone soon? Gone back to Chelsea? Do you have any idea how hard it will be to forget this?  To convince myself that this never happened? Because my heart is weak for you. You're the fucking kryptonite. And you've already blown my heart to pieces once before. And although I can see it coming a second time, I still can't stop. I am helpless. Can't you see that looking at you, at those brown eyes of yours again and again just makes me fall in love with you even more? Can't you see me break, knowing that the one thing I want the most is the one thing in this world I can't have?

You can read me like a book, right? Can't you see?

"That's not true," I denied hoarsely, closing my eyes. I wanted to cry so badly.

But he can't know.

"Liv."

"It's not!" I protested. My voice broke. His arm wrapped around mine and he spun me around, trapping me against the counter with his body. My eyes snapped open in surprise and I found him almost glaring down at me.

"It is and you know it." He clicked his tongue. "I thought we were making progress and that things were alright on the plane and then you went back to freezing me out again!"

"It should've never gotten to that point," I said, folding my hand across my chest as if it would protect me from him. Space. I need space to think clearly. My heart twisted, rebelling against my own words. I blinked rapidly to dispel the tears that were forming fast. I looked anywhere but at him.

"What?" He put his uninjured hand beside me on the counter in another failed attempt to trap me. Not that I was actually trying to escape.

That's the thing with you and me. I won't be able to run away from you even if you let me go. I would never be able to let you go. Is this love, or is this stupidity? 

I swallowed, preparing my next words with care. There was no room for impulsive words. No way I could go back on what I was going to say. I steeled my nerves.

"This. Me and you. We're friends, not lovers," I stated, swallowing the bile that came up with the thought. "So stop acting otherwise."

He stared at me intensely, clearly not buying a single word. He leaned in. "Rethink that." 

Fuck. My body tingled at our proximity, messing with my brain. The way he pronounced each syllable of those words clearly made my legs go weak again.

"We're friends," I repeated feebly.

Please stop before I break.

"Say that again." He leaned in further. "I dare you."

I took a shuddering breath. "We are-"

His lips crashed down on mine, swallowing the end of my sentence with a ferocious growl. What was shocking was my immediate response to that. It was like my mind shut down and my body seemed to act on its own. My hands wound themselves around his neck and pulled him closer. 

Kaison had successfully made my brain short circuit.

When his tongue took advantage of my parted lips and plunged into my mouth, all my residual sanity went out the window. All I could think of was Kai, his hands on my body and the feeling of his lips moving slowly against mine. I could feel the latent heat and I could feel the familiarity.

The kiss conveyed so much, it was overwhelming. I put all my misery, hurt, betrayal and frustration into it and he seemed to put his anger, remorse, desperation, and impediment in it.

Despite everything, the homeliness of it all made my eyes burn with remembrance. The tears I had been keeping at bay flooded out. Reality slowly began to seep in and it made me frantic, afraid that when the kiss would end, so would the momentary feeling of home I had been deprived of all these years. Somehow, the thought was enough to break my heart all over again.

My lips moved in sync with his in a dance as old as time. I couldn't breathe but I didn't stop. I was so afraid to stop. I felt lightheaded and dizzy; my kisses became hasty and sloppy. He probably noticed because he pulled back just a little. I desperately stood up on my toes to follow him but he shook his head sadly, pecking my lips once before straightening just out of reach. I rolled back to my feet with a whimper, closing my eyes shut to stop the tears from escaping.

"I love you," he mumbled, tucking some stray strands of hair behind my ear. He kissed the top of my head and the tenderness of the gesture made more tears flow. "Do you still love me?"

I found myself nodding helplessly.

He wiped the tears off my cheeks gently. "Give me a chance, Livvy."

"No, no, no." I broke out desperately, shaking his hands off in a burst of panic. "I can't," I rasped out.

He cupped my face again and stroked the apple of my cheek. I didn't shake him off this time. "Why?"

"I'm so scared," I confessed.

"Of?" He prompted, kissing my temple soothingly. 

"Of you breaking my heart again." I opened my eyes slowly and found myself looking into his now hazel ones. "Of you and I ending again. Messing it up. I can't survive it again. I can't, Kai. I just can't. These six years have been so hard on me. You have no clue."

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. His eyes looked tortured.

"Don't," I said. "I really don't want your pity."

"It's not pity. I couldn't pity you even if I tried," he replied. "I pity myself. That was my repentance."

My eyes brimmed again. "Kai."

"Don't cry, mon amour," he whispered softly.

I put my head into his chest as a sob came out. "I hate you." 

"I know you do," he forced out, stroking my hair. "I'm so, so sorry, Livvy. I swear I am."

"I see that," I said truthfully.

"Then please?" He pleaded. "Give me one more chance?"

I took in a shaky breath.

Fuck it all.

"Okay," I agreed quietly. "But can we take it slow? Really slow."

"However you want," he responded reassuringly.

"Slow," I mumbled again.

"Slow," he repeated. "I love you." He kissed the top of my head.

He began to pull back but the same panic of losing him gripped me again. "Don't!" I protested.

"What is it?" He asked softly.

"Stay this way for a while." I felt my cheeks burn with my request.

"Don't be embarrassed," he said softly. "Tell me what you feel. You can tell me anything. I will do whatever you want."

I kissed his jaw daringly, looking up at him through moist lashes. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too." He smiled sadly.

"I hate what you did," I told him.

"I hate it, too."

I sighed.

"Do you love me, Livvy?" He asked again. I nodded. "Words," he nearly begged.

"I love you," I admitted softly. His eyes glittered as he leaned down to kiss me again.

"I am not letting you go again," he muttered against my lips.

"I'm counting on it," I muttered back, hugging him again, our breakfast forgotten.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A/N:-

About. Effing. Time! It only took seventeen chapters. Yup, just 17.

Haha. Lemme know what you're thinking in the comments. Drop a vote if you liked the chap. Add this book to your library if you haven't already. Annnddd yeah, that's all.

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