Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it!

Happy Hanukkah to everyone who celebrates it(I'm late, I know)

If theres any other celebration I don't know about or you don't celebrate anything, happy day to you!

Happy holidays to everyone! :)

Jack's POV

White, small spikes were all I saw. I never looked away, barely blinked, didn't move. I didn't feel like eating, I wasn't hungry. The ceiling was suddenly the most interesting thing to me right now.

"Jack, c'mon! Have some fun!" Alex smiles, tying his shoe laces. 

"I'm not hungry" I mumble.

"You don't have to eat, just hang with us!" Alex smiled down at my unmoving form.

"I'm good" I slightly shake my head, focusing on one spike popping out from the ceiling.

"Please? It won't be much fun with just Brandon and me!" Alex begs with pleading eyes.

"I said no!" I snap. A sudden wave of anger came over me. I don't know where it came from or why it hit me but it did and it was too late to take my harsh tone back now.

"Okay, you didn't have to be such a dick about it" Alex rolls his eyes, turning around.

"And you aren't? You've been a total bitch about everything lately!" I sit up, staring at the angered man standing in front of me.

"Just because your girlfriend broke up with you, doesn't mean you can take your anger and spring it on me!"

"You've been doing exactly that! I don't know what the hell is wrong with you but you've pushed all your anger on Brandon and me!" I argued, standing up from the bed I was once comfortably laying on.

"I have done nothing to you and Brandon except deal with your bullshit!" Alex yells loud enough for the whole dorm to hear.

"We have done nothing for you to deal with. Brandon and I have been the ones putting up with your shit!" I yell, my lid flying off, allowing my anger to flow out.

"Are you-" Alex began.

"Is everything alright in there?" A knock interrupted Alex.

Alex sighs loudly, swinging the door open.

"Everything is perfect" Alex sneers at the person at the door. Alex walks through the door and slams it shut, leaving me for the silence.

I sigh, running a hand through my hair and plopping down on my bed again, head in hands. I just messed everything up. I said things I shouldn't have and now Alex is pissed. I had enough of him, I let every word slip out of me as if I had no guard blocking the bad things from coming loose.

Every moment I sat in silence, every breath I took, every time my eyelids met, I regretted everything even more. I shouldn't have done that. Just because I'm in a bad mood doesn't mean I can bring others down. Even though Alex has been doing just that, doesn't mean I can. I want nothing more than for everyone to be happy, but look what I've done.

I just wish I could see the only face that can make me smile in this moment. Hear the only voice that can manage to make me happier. Listen to the words that come out of their mouth so easily that lifts my spirit from rock bottom to higher than the clouds. See their beautiful, bright eyes that can light up a whole room.

But I can't because she's scared of me. The only person I look to for joy is scared of me. I can't stand to even think about the face she might have when she sees me. Fear filling her shiny eyes, flinching away from my touch, backing away from me to avoid pain. I can't stand it.

All I want to do right now is hug her tightly, assuring her I would never dare to cause her pain. Look into those beautiful lights of hers and tell her how much she means to me. Protect her from the bad parts of the world and keep her bright smile on her face.

My whole world is falling apart, piece by piece. It was going great just a few weeks ago. I had the most perfect girl with me, the best people by my side, and absolutely no worries. But of course, the universe hates it when I'm happy and took everything away from me. Again.

I lost the beautiful eyes I used to see everyday, one of my best friends that listened to my pointless rants, and everything crashed around me like a building on fire falling apart. Every worry I never had two weeks ago is surrounding me now.

Its been a week since everything fell apart. So much in the week has happened but I was too focused on my broken heart to acknowledge what was happening.

Alex is hurting but he wont say why. He  wont tell us his feelings, he wont say that he is slowly falling into a dark gap in his life with no light. To distract us from asking, Alex pushes us away. He wants us to be blinded by our anger towards him to notice that he is slowly falling.

Alex doesn't want help back to the top. He feels weak if he asks for help so he convinces himself he can get through it alone. But sometimes you need a friend there by your side to take over when you get too tired of fighting.

I was too caught up mourning over the loss of my happiness to even consider that my best friend was hurting as well.

What the hell is wrong with me?