Y/n POV

He didn't pull away. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled my closer and set a hand on my cheek. I didn't think about what I was doing, I just went with it. I desperately wanted to forget everything, even for a few minutes. I didn't care.

He bit my lip, asking for an entrance. I ignored it, wanting to see what he would do. He slowly brought his hand up and tugged on my hair, making me gasp, letting him in. He smiled and set his hand back onto the side of my face.

He pulled me away from the wall and pushed me against a small couch next to us. His fist clenched next to my head. He grunted and pulled away, hovering over me.

"Y/n" he breathed.

"What?" I stare up at him, slightly annoyed.

"We can't do this. You're drunk"

"Am not" I roll my eyes. He stares down at me with an eyebrow raised in disbelief.

"Okay, maybe a little but I still understand what I'm doing" I speak.

"Well I know that if you weren't under the influence at all, this wouldn't be happening" Carter sat up and across from me. I sat up and ran a hand through my hair.

"C'mon, talk to me. Whats up?" Carter asks.

I set my elbow on the top of the couch and leaned my head on my hand, staring down at my lap.

"Nothing. I'm fine" I sigh.

"Y/n, I'm serious. Whats goin on?"

"Just go and hang out with your friends, have fun. Thats why we're here, right?" I glance up at him then focused my attention on a thread coming out from the flannels sleeve.

"I am with my friend right now" Carter says.

"Just go and find some other girl to fuck" I rolled my eyes, annoyed by his presence.

"Y/n-!"

"I'm sorry! I know-I'm a bad person!" I place my elbows on my knees and burry my face in my hands.

"I ruin everything! Its my fault he's gone! It my fault I messed the best thing that happened to me up! Its my fault I was abused! I-Its my fault I was raped! I-Its all my fucking fault!" I speak, my voice slowly growing weaker. Tears were falling at this point. I don't know why I had just said all of that.

Carter slowly slid closer to me, wrapping his arm around me.

"Don't say that" he whispered "It wasn't your fault"

"Yes it was" I mumble, nodding my hands in my hands.

"I-If I never started hanging out with Noah again, this never would've happened"

"Thats not your fault, Y/n. You didn't know he would do that"

"But if I-I never started drinking-I would've never lost Jack"

"That Irish dude?"

I nod my head.

"We used to date in high school but I fucked everything up. I started drinking and doing drugs to deal with my brothers death and Noah, some other guy, kissed me and I didn't do anything. Jack saw everything"

"At least he wasn't so mad that he left you completely"

"He did at first. Mark was the one who got me to call him. Remember that number I told you about when I first came here?"

"Yeah"

"That was Jack's number. Before all that, he completely ignored me"

"Oh" was all he could say. He stayed by my side, rubbing my back to calm me down.

"If I was just there for my brother, none of this would've happened. He would still be alive, I wouldn't have starting drinking, I wouldn't have lost Jack, I would've been for away from Noah. I wouldn't have been a fuck up"

"You're not a fuck up" Carter whispers

"Then why do I mess everything up?" I ask, sitting up and leaning back on the couch, avoiding any eye contact "god, Everyone hates me"

"Everybody doesn't hate you-"

"In high school they did. Someone, I don't know who, even went out of their way to make an account to make fun of me"

"Well this isn't high school, this is college. Here, you can be who you want and nobody will judge you" Carter smiles.

He chuckled "I mean, hell, if this was high school, I'd be killed by many boyfriends of the girls' I slept with"

I laugh, staring at the floor.

"Theres the smile everyone loves" Carter whispers.

We make eye contact for the first time of these few minutes that felt like hours. He wrapped his arms around me and I set my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry all of this happened to you" Carter whispered.

"I'm sorry for what I did" I cringe at the thought "I wasn't thinking. I was just desperate to forget everything"

"You're fine. Now I bet you're glad I stopped, aren't ya?"

"Yeah. But I still want to forget"

He brings his mouth down to my neck "Well, if you really want to forget, I can-"

"Nope" I push him away, standing up "I can just get more beer"

"Damnit" he chuckles, making me laugh. He stands up, grabbing the open bottle sitting on top of a dresser.

"Here you go" Carter hands it to me.

"Thanks" I smile, drinking some.

He grabs his then opens the door, waiting for me to walk through first. We walk back out to the room full of drunk people either making out, throwing up, or grinding on someone.

Ashton stood in the same place he was before. When he saw us exit the room, a smirk grew on his face.

"What exactly happened in that room?" Ashton asked as he walked up to us two "you took a while"

"Nothing happened. We just talked" Carter rolled his eyes.

"Right. Talked" Ashton smirked.

"Yeah. Thats what we did. If you say we did anything else I swear I will shove your head up your damn ass, you bastard!"

Ashton smirked "You're just getting better and better. I like them mean"

"Aw, and I like" I slowly look him up and down "nothing of you! Fuck off" I flip him off and walk away. Carter soon came up by my side with an amused grin of his face.

"What just happened?"

"Didn't feel comfortable around him" I shrugged.

"All that because you didn't feel comfortable?" Carter laughed.

"Y/n! Carter! Finally! Where the hell were you? I lost you and I couldn't find you guys!"

"We were just in the kitchen" Carter lies.

"Really? I looked in there and-"

"No, we were in there. Never moved" Carter shakes his head "You didn't see us?"

"No" Mia said, confused.

"Good, because we weren't in there" Carter smiled, messing up Mia's hair and walking past her.

I'm actually getting really excited about this thing again! :D no worries anymore! Yaaaay!!