EMMA

"Okay, G, sorry about that. It was Beau," I mutter, rejoining my friend on the couch. My carefully crafted Bachelorette party itinerary lays discarded on the coffee table, having captivated Gemma's attention for almost a full five minutes.

"You're talking to him a lot these days," Gemma raises her brows at me, popping a chocolate covered strawberry in her mouth.

Involuntarily, I stuff my hands into the front pocket of my hoodie, just loose enough to hide the little baby bump I've got now. Grabbing a strawberry, I push it between my lips to give myself some time.

Mmm chocolate.

I'm going to tell her, I have to. I can't avoid alcohol her entire bachelorette party without an explanation. But confessing to Gemma is more intimidating than to Nadine. She's so much more... abrupt.

"Are you back together or something?" Gemma crosses her short legs on the couch, leaning forward with more interest than she showed my agenda for the evening. "I'm not judging."

Scrunching my nose, I give the same answer that I always have in the past, the irony not lost on me. "It's complicated."

Gemma rolls her eyes to the ceiling, nudging me in the ribs. I stiffen just as she laughs, "Isn't it always, with you two?"

"Maybe," I let out a deep sigh, meeting my best friends intent gaze. "But this time's different."

Gemma gives me a look that says "I've heard that before" and it does nothing to help my confusion on the situation. Still, there's no denying the frantic way my heart beat spending the night beside him in bed or how my cheeks flush every time he calls. Rubbing slow circles on my belly through my hoodie, I let out another exhale.

Definitely no denying that, either.

I never thought I'd be the one going to Gemma with an unplanned pregnancy. I've always been so in control, had a plan...

"Earth to Emmie!" Gemma chuckles, standing with the empty plate and returning to the kitchen to grab more strawberries. "What's so different this time, girl?"

"Well," I take a deep breath, finding it easier, even if more cowardly, to force the words out when she isn't right in front of me. "I'm pregnant."

I close my eyes tightly as I hear the plate Gemma was holding crash to the floor. The thin ceramic shatters loudly and Gemma, in bare feet, flies around the corner, somehow not stepping on any shards.

"You're what?"

"I didn't want to tell you and take away from your big day-" I rush to explain.

"You're pregnant?" Gemma repeats, wide eyes impossibly wider. I nod cautiously and she throws herself onto the sofa beside me, little hands in a death grip on my arm. "You didn't tell me!" She shakes my limb with all her might.

Groaning, I begin to apologize but she cuts me off, words rushing out as everything begins to make sense.

"That's why you've been so off lately, like at the fitting." Her mouth pops open, "Oh my God, the fitting! Your dress. Oh, Emma - don't worry, we'll figure something out and you'll look gorgeous - it doesn't have to be lace, I swear."

I smile appreciatively but still can't get a word in between her ramblings.

"That is ... I mean, you're keeping it?" Gemma watches me intently, almost buzzing beside me, her excited energy sort of infectious.

I nod slowly.

"And Beau... knows?"

I nod again.

"He wants the baby, too?" Gemma clarifies, eyes narrowing at me suspiciously. I know the feeling.

Biting back my smile, I nod, feeling like my head will fall right off. "That's what he says."

That's all she needs. Instantly, Gemma is on her feet, bouncing up and down, shaking our glasses on the coffee table with her excitement.

"Oh my God! Emmie! You're having a baby!" Her blonde hair covers her face as she dances about. "I'm going to be an aunt! We're having a baby!"

Her reaction makes me wonder why I waited so long to tell her, her joy wrapping me up in a warm blanket, her excitement making my fears seem smaller. We are having a baby - I press my palm to my belly - and I am excited. For the first time in awhile, I feel like I can take a deep breath and just enjoy the fact that pretty soon, I'll have a tiny Beau baby to hold and love. Forever.

"Wait." Gemma halts her giddy leaps and turns to face me again. "You said it's complicated - do I have to find Beau and kick his ass?" She settles beside me, resting her cheek on my shoulder.

"No," I laugh, my excited butterflies fluttering away as longing ache takes their place. "It's just that it's him and it's me and we always do the same things again and again." I sniffle. "It always hurts... But now there's the baby and so we're just trying to be friends."

I sigh and feel Gemma do the same beside me, letting the word hang in the air, repeating again and again in my mind.

Friends. Friends is good, responsible.

Finally, Gemma peers up at me and asks the hardest question. "You're still in love with him, though, aren't you?"

Nestling my cheek against the top of her head, I feel the sad smile pulling at my lips. There's no point in lying to my best friend, or to myself.

"Yeah, Gem. I think I am."

We're quiet for a moment, letting the confession marinate. I've known since the day he found me after rehab - the feelings are never going to go away. It's not that I don't want Beau - it's that I do, so very badly - that scares me.

"Hey," Gemma shifts and takes my face in between her hands. "You've got me, okay? No matter what happens, I'm here for you. And I already love this little cherub," She moves one hand to my belly, "So no worries. We've got this."

I wrap her in a hug, my insides feeling warm and content despite the craziness of my situation, and thank her, blonde strands getting caught in my mouth as I do.

"Okay, okay." I mumble, disentangling myself finally and wiping my eyes of the happy tears that have collected there. Pushing Beau from my mind, I change the subject. "Let's relax before we have to get ready for tonight - how about that show we started last weekend?"

"Sounds good." Gemma settles back into the cushions and pulls a blanket over her lap. As the opening credits to a reality dating show begin to play, Gemma exhales one final thought. "I'll tell you one thing, though. That baby is going to be fricken gorgeous."

***

It's our third bar of the night - more of a club than a bar, the DJ is playing upbeat electronic beats over the speakers. The dance floor is packed with bodies, all jumping, swaying and grinding to the bass.

Beside me, Nadine sips at her martini, dark eyes scanning the venue before settling on our friends. Without her noticing, I snap a picture with my phone.

Item seven on our Bachelorette Party scavenger hunt: take a picture of Nadine getting tipsy. Done. Being the only one not drinking, I'm thinking I'll likely dominate this scavenger hunt no problem.

Leaving her cousin Laney on the dance floor, Gemma joins us, throwing sweaty arms over our shoulders as she shouts her drink order at the bartender.

"We've got two more stops before we meet up with the guys, G. Pace yourself," I warn, noticing as she stumbles and leans against the bar top.

"She doesn't know how to pace herself." Nadine chuckles, pushing crazy strands away from Gemma's forehead. Gemma nods along, pointing a finger to emphasize Nadine's point.

"Sex on the Beach," The bartender murmurs, sliding a glass over to my friend. "Anything for you?"

"Just a water, please." I never realized how hot these places get. When you're tipsy, everything feels warm and connected. Now, completely sober and on my third bar of the evening, it's just hot and crowded.

"Come dance!" Gemma laughs, throwing her hands above her head as another song begins to play. She sways her hips, completely oblivious to the flock of men watching her down the bar, lust in their eyes.

Taken Gemma sure is smitten, I notice with a chuckle.

Nadine looks to me. "You feel like a dance, Emma?"

Eyeing the dance floor, the bodies jostling against each other clumsily, I feel my arms wrap around my stomach protectively. Gemma's lower lip juts out in a pout and I give in. I want to look back and remember enjoying the night - even if it's not exactly how Gemma and I had always envisioned.

"Fine, fine. Whatever our bride-to-be desires,"

Gemma squeals with delight and drags Nadine and I to the dance floor by our finger tips. Instantly, she's feeling the music, and Laney draws in closer to the group. After a few seconds, the beat works its way through my body and I loosen up, despite being the only sober person here. I tilt my head back and close my eyes, letting the music dictate my movements until I bump into something firm behind me.

Or someone.

"Oh, sorry!" I shout over the music, taking a couple of quick steps backwards. Naturally, my hands find my stomach.

"That's okay," The voice sounds familiar. Then, "Emma?"

I look up into the strobe lights and make out the familiar face of the former MisFits member, Zach. A warm smile spreads over my features - he was always so kind. Unlike Jace - a shiver runs up my spine.

"Zach, what're you doing here?" I ask, forgetting that I saw him at the cafe recently with Beau. "I mean, why are you still in town?"

Zach leans lower so that he can hear me better and I repeat my question.

"I'm leaving for LA tomorrow - one last hoorah tonight," He shrugs. "I planned on being here longer but Beau really came through." I stare at him, wondering what he means. Not really seeming to notice, Zach continues easily, all but shouting in my ear over the music. "I thought I'd have to remind him about deadlines and stuff but he wrote a ton of stuff way early. Really great lyrics, too. We're excited to start laying it down."

"I'm glad it's working out," I say honestly, pride swelling in my chest.

"Yeah, us too." Zach grins widely. "Maybe you can convince him to come to LA - we're still having trouble finding the right guitarist, ya know?" He shrugs again. "Can't beat the best."

"Well, I'll see what I can do." I mutter half-heartedly, pride mixing with guilt as I consider Zach's other offer again. They really want Beau in the band.

Another fear resurfaces, almost stopping my dancing all together: am I holding Beau back?

"Where is he, anyways?" Zach asks, peering above everyone else to locate the dark bedhead we both know so well.

The feeling still nagging at me, I shake my head and focus on the conversation. "He's not here, we're-"

Drunk Gemma is right beside me now, throwing her arms around Zach as if they're long lost friends. Zach doesn't seem to mind, easily returning the gesture.

"Celebrating Gemma's bachelorette party." I finish over her head and Zach smiles knowingly. After a couple more minutes of catching up, Zach returns to dancing with the girl he's brought and we go back to Nadine and Laney, dancing side by side without really speaking or interacting. I'm sure Nadine will pinch me later for leaving them alone - Laney is definitely not a crowd favorite.

But even as I try to lose myself in the rhythm again, I can't help but focus on my conversation with Zach and wonder if Beau is really happy. Maybe right now but what about a year from now, when Zach's band releases an album or goes on tour? Five years from now, ten? Will he look back and resent me for making him stay?

I didn't make him choose, I try to shake the thought off as one song rolls into the next. But if it wasn't for me... He'd be going to LA, wouldn't he?

Thankfully, my phone vibrates against my butt and halts my downward spiral. Seeing Adam's name, I whisper to Nadine and quickly navigate my way through the drunken bodies and to the exit.

"Adam?" I answer once I'm away from the thunderous music and shouting. I check the time. "It's early still, we aren't supposed to check in till-"

"Emma!" His voice is slow and unnecessarily loud. "Emma, it's Adam."

He's drunk.

"I know," I laugh once I've remembered that not every drunken call is reason to panic. "Where are you?"

He mumbles something that I can't make out so I try a simpler approach.

"Stop 3 - I hope?" I check my notes. "That should be Murphy's - are you at Murphy's?"

"Mhm," Adam murmurs happily. Good. Right on schedule. Despite his intoxicated good mood, the night should still go as planned.

"Having fun?" I ask, taking a deep breath of the fresh outside air. It's so much cooler out here, it feels nice on my skin.

"More if you were here," Adam grumbles. Before I can say that we'll be seeing each other soon - destination six: the new club just outside of town with multiple floors and various types of music - he continues with a tipsy burp. "You're so beautiful."

I flush and look around, the only people near me other club-goers, outside to take a breather or smoking cigarettes.

"You're drunk," I brush him off.

"Still true," He sighs. "I wish..."

"Wish what?" I murmur, staring down at the toes of my converse. My heart beats loudly in my ears as my anticipation builds.

Connors voice comes through the phone now, boisterous and equally as slurred as Adam's.

"I gotta go," Adam says quickly.

"Wait, Adam! What were you going to say?" I catch him before he disconnects.

He speaks to Connor away from the phone for a minute and when he's back, his tone is playful, teasing even.

"I'll tell you when I see you, how about that?"

With very little choice, I agree and stare at my phone after we hang up.

Wonder and frustration battle in my mind as I hold my stamped hand up to re-enter the club, mind far away from the frenzied dance floor.

What was Adam going to say? And more infuriating: Why am I so anxious to find out?

Thanks for reading lovelies.
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Is Emma holding Beau back?
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