Chapter 9 - "Will you go out with me?"

The sound of a keyboard clacking met my ears once again as I made my way into the kitchen. This time, however, I was fueled by my nose which caught the scent of peanut butter pancakes, my favorite.

I hopped down the stairs, taking them two at a time so I could hurry to my delicious breakfast. Even if it wasn't mine, it was about to be. I was stopped immediately once I entered the kitchen, colliding with a body.

A girlish squeal left the person I ran into, and I paused as I saw someone I'd never seen before. Owen and Luka were seated at the table and looked up at the commotion, before Owen's face paled. Ah.

She looked kinda like me, but trashier. She was wearing a bright pink halter top two sizes too small and a black mini skirt, with black heels to match. Her hair was all over the place, I assume from just waking up, and she had black makeup smeared under each eye. She looked like a ridiculous version of me, with light blonde hair and blue eyes. She was about the size I was before I lost weight, not fat but not skinny. That was weird, considering I distinctly remembered Owen telling me I looked better this size.

"Nice one, Owen, fourth one this week?"

"Chlo-"

"Who are you?" Snooty blonde girl sneered, glaring daggers at me.

I raised an eyebrow. "I live here."

"Liar," she hissed, backing up from me as if I had a disease. "Which one of them are you boning? Can't be Owen, we spent the night together."

The girl was obviously boasting, trying to get me to feel jealous yet all I could feel was nausea. She smelled and looked gross, I could only hope for Owen's sake she wasn't like this before they had sex. I glanced over to the boys to see Chris holding back a laugh, Luka smirking, and Owen frowning. I returned my gaze to whatever-her-name-is, shaking my head. "Wow."

"What?"

I shrugged, shouldering past her. "Oh, nothing. I just didn't know Owen shops at the thrift store for his hookups."

When I stole a glance back, I saw her very confused expression. She blinked at me thrice and it was very clear she still hadn't caught on to what I was saying. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I smirked, sitting between Owen and Luka. "You're used and cheap."

She gasped as Luka and Chris broke out in laughter. The girl turned to Owen who was holding his own smile behind his fist. "Babe, are you just gonna let her talk to me that way?"

"Babe," I stressed, cutting the pancakes Luka slid in front of me. "No one tells me what I can and can't do."

She stomped off then, obviously annoyed and slammed the door behind her. It was then that the proverbial dam broke and all three boys bursted into laughter. I snuck a glance at Owen before shaking his head. "Damn, I thought you had better taste."

"She was good when I was drunk," Owen explained, as if that was a good enough reason. "So did you find someone to bang last night?"

I sighed, shaking my head. "No, I gave mine to Zoey."

This piqued his curiosity and he leant closer to me. "Really? Why?"

I assessed his face. It held hope and curiosity, so I decided to play with him. "My boyfriend wouldn't approve."

"Boyfriend?"

"Yeah, Luka," I explained and laughed when Owen glared daggers at Luka, Gia paused mid type - her fingers were actually hovering over the keys, and Chris choked on his milk.

"What?"

Luka laughed with me, shaking his head and giving me a crooked grin. "You're ruthless, Cheese Puff."

"Oh, you were kidding," Owen mumbled, more to himself than me and I rolled my eyes. His relief was evident, yet I had no idea why he was relieved.

"Obviously," I stated before looking between Chris and Owen. "Don't you guys ever... Work?"

"Why aren't you asking Luka?" Chris defended with a frown."

"Because Luka's in the army and not currently deployed, stupid."

"You're stupid."

"You're stupid."

"You're both stupid," Gia murmured mindlessly before plugging her extra ear bud into her ear.

"I work midnight shift, sis, you're always asleep when I leave. Why do you think I'm always up so early?"

I shrugged, looking to Owen. "And you?"

He scoffed, flicking my forehead. "I'm an actor, I make my own schedule."

I rolled my eyes, shoving more pieces of pancake deliciousness in my mouth. Owen leaned over, mumbling, "Chloe, can I talk to you?" His gaze flickered over to the two men staring at us intently. "Alone."

I shrugged, nodding and followed him with my mouth full of pancake. He brought me into the living room, and there I stood, watching as he placed nervously. I was still chewing when he finally found his courage. "Will you go on a date with me?"

I choked on the pancake in my mouth, gulping it down in one go by accident. Owen was over to me in a flash, patting my back harshly. His gaze held a substantial amount of concern. "You okay?"

I nodded, cleaning my throat as I tried to catch my ragged breath. "Good," I breathed out, my voice raspy. "Now, what?"

"Will you go out with me?"

I glanced around the room, checking just in case someone else was here. When I came up empty, I frowned in confusion. "Me?"

"Obviously, Chlo bo."

I faltered at the question. He'd just asked me out, on a real date, and though I'd dreamed about this practically my entire teenage era, I was stumped.

I had no answer.

"But didn't you just have sex with a girl like last night?"

He shook his head frantically. "We didn't. We came close but we didn't, she just spent the night."

I didn't believe him, but the pleading look on his face almost convinced me. "What about Zoey?"

"I wanna make her jealous," he mumbled.

I sighed at that. Of course he'd only want to date me to make someone else jealous. No one ever wanted me more than Gia or Zoey, that's how it had always been and that's how it would always be. So I shrugged deflatedly and nodded my head. "Sure."

Owen smiled, wrapping his arms around me. "You will not regret this Chlo."

But really, I had a feeling I was going to regret it.

Then suddenly Owen was leaning towards my ear, similar to a certain green eyed boy and softly saying, "I'll make it worth your while."

Previously, Luka whispering in my ear and breath hitting my neck had sent chills down my spine and butterflies soaring in my stomach. But when Owen did it, all I could do was fidget uncomfortably. And if he noticed, he didn't make it known.

I didn't know why I felt uncomfortable. I'd liked Owen for years; he was the entirety of my preteen and teenage diaries, even so much so that I'd write down what he was wearing daily. I really even thought I was in love with the guy. So why was I unhappy? And why was I comparing him to Luka?

When Owen pulled away, all I saw were the green eyes of the boy I'd just compared him to mentally.

Because Luka Sanchez was staring at me.

And his face looked anything but friendly.

I tensed at the sight of Luka staring at me with disdain, and Owen took notice. He leant away to examine my face, but when he saw my eyes weren't on him they followed him. When I saw him looking at Luka, I could have sworn I saw a smirk on his face. If I had, it was gone almost as fast as it had come, and I told myself I was imagining it.

Except I was pretty sure I hadn't imagined it.

I flickered my gaze from Owen to Luka, who's eyes were no longer trained on me but on his best friend. There was a scowl on his face and his eyes were narrowed into slits, before he took off up the stairs.

"What was that about?" I mumbled, averting my gaze, and suddenly the string coming off my shirt was the most interesting thing in the world.

Owen shrugged, smiling slightly. "I don't know."

But I could tell he was lying.

*

Later that night, I was walking through the hallway towards my room. I'd decided to get a late night snack because for some reason I couldn't sleep. Chris was at work, Owen was gone and Gia was already asleep, so the house was lonely. I had no idea where Luka was, until I walked by his room and heard noises.

At first I heard moans, and I almost threw up at the thought of him having sex with some girl in there. But the moans turned to whimpering and the whimpering turned to sniffles and soon I was slowly turning the handle and opening his door.

What I saw was not what I expected.

Luka was thrashing around in his bed, still obviously very asleep. His covers were haphazardly thrown into the floor, one of his pillows was on the ground and one was clutched tightly in his grasp, almost like it was acting like a shield.

I took tentative steps towards him. I knew what this was, I wasn't an idiot. It was obvious he had PTSD and nightmares, and my only guess was from the army. But I hadn't studied psychology, I'd studied math. How could I wake him up?

With a light shoulder shake, I whispered, "Luka."

It did nothing to wake him up, so I tried a little louder this time. "Luka?"

He was thrashing harder this time, almost to the point of screaming, so I had to yell. "Luka!"

In a flash his frantic green eyes were open and he'd grabbed my wrist, pulling me down and twisting me so I was facing him. I held my breath fearfully until his eyes clouded with recognition and he inhaled a shaky breath. "Cheese Puff... I'm sorry, I didn't-"

He hadn't hurt me, so I had no clue why he was apologizing. I frowned in concern, swiping his sweaty hair off his forehead. Growing up we told each other almost everything that was going bad in our lives, but he'd never talked about this. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," he rasped, but I knew he was lying. Like practically everyone else in the world, he had a tell. He flinched slightly when he lied, probably because he knew I hated liars and he probably hated lying to me.

"You're not," I stated simply, shaking my head. "Don't lie to me, Cheez It. Everyone else in the world can lie to me, but not you, too."

"You've not been honest yourself, Cheese Puff."

I faltered at that, racking my brain for anything I'd lied about. I came up empty and raised a curious eyebrow. "What have I lied about?"

"Not necessarily lied. I didn't say that," Luka pointed out. "But don't think I don't notice how you grimace when someone mentions abuse. Don't think I don't see when you flinch when someone raises their hand towards you for a high five. Don't even try to convince yourself for a second that I don't see the sadness in your eyes every time Chris and Gia have a romantic moment."

"Stop being perceptive," I mumbled dejectedly.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because it's you."

His words once more sent butterflies through my system and had my words caught in my throat. I didn't know how he did that, and I probably never would. This was all new to me, I was so used to hating him, I didn't know how to do anything else. Yet his actions had me unable to do anything but become a mess of emotions.

"Stop saying that."

His face showed his amusement, and I noticed our proximity. I was still pressed against his chest with his hand on my arm. He must have noticed too as his eyes flickered down, but he didn't let me go. Instead, he wrapped his free arm around my waist. "Why?"

Honesty was the best policy, so I decided to be truthful. It's not like I had anything to lose by being honest. "It messes with my emotions. Don't use your player tactics on me, it won't work."

This time he let out a booming laugh and raised his eyebrows. "Player tactics?"

I nodded furiously. "You know, what you use to get women into bed. The nice words, the whispering in the ear, all that stuff. It won't work on me."

Except it already had.

"Cheese Puff.."

"Hm?"

A light blush tinged his cheeks and I almost gasped at seeing it. I had hardly ever seen Luka blush. Luka Sanchez blushing was about as rare as getting struck by lightning. In fact, you'd probably sooner get struck by lightning than see the man blush. He'd always been a little rough around the edges. In high school he even went through a motorcycle faze, but I suppose he'd given that up since I hadn't seen it at this house. So the sight of the pink tinge really had me second guessing on if I was dreaming or not.

"I, uh... I'm a virgin."

My eyebrows skyrocketed at that admission and a giggle escaped my lips. "No you're not."

He looked completely serious as he nodded. "Yeah, I am."

"No you're not," I argued. "You used to go around bragging to everyone about the amount of girls you'd bed. You said you got like two a week in high school."

He laughed softly. "Yeah, high school kids sure are dumb. You really think that's believable? Having sex with like a hundred girls before I was even eighteen? That's something for books and movies, Cheese Puff, not real life."

"Then why lie?"

Luka sighed, releasing my waist and scooting over. He looked at the ceiling as he contemplated his explanation. I took that time to study his side profile. He had a strong jawline, good nose, and his jaw was clenched as he thought to himself. "I've liked this girl for a while-"

"Zoey, right?"

He glanced over at me before heaving a heavy sigh. "Yeah, Zoey. Anyway, I didn't know how to handle my emotions, so I decided to lie. The guys were getting suspicious that I had no girlfriends, so I acted like a player. It got me out of getting a girlfriend when there's only one girl I ever want to be my girlfriend, and everyone believed it, so I ran with it. Eventually girls caught on, I guess, and started going around with made up stories about our wild sex even though it never happened."

"Why didn't you just ask her out?"

Luka turned towards me, snaking his arm under his pillow and pulling it under his head. He studied my face, as if memorizing it, before shrugging softly. "I guess I never really knew how. And still, to this day, I don't know how to ask out the girl of my dreams. Some cool guy I am, right?"

I frowned, copying his actions with his second pillow. My arm was under it and I was on my side facing towards Luka, who looked slightly sullen. "You're plenty cool, Luka. Don't be ashamed that you haven't had sex, but I gotta ask, why? Why are you so scared to ask her out and why haven't you gotten laid?"

Luka tapped his fingers rhythmically as he mulled over my questions. Index finger, middle, ring, repeat. It was about two minutes later when I thought he was just going to ignore that I'd asked anything, before he cleared his throat. "So I've liked, uh, Zoey, for a while, right? Like since I can remember ever having feelings like that for someone, it's been her. And we've always been close, right? All six of us. But it's like, part of the reason I didn't want to do anything about it is because she's completely out of my league. I can do a lot of things; I can throw a mean punch, and I can bulk up to whoever I need to, hell, I'm in the army for fuck's sake. I run into enemies all the time, I run into enemy fire all the time."

"But... Zoey... She's my kryptonite. The one thing that makes me vulnerable is a girl. It's stupid, right? And she doesn't even know I'm so in love with her."

I frowned. "Yeah she does. Remember?"

"Oh.." Luka paused before his eyes widened. "Oh, uh, yeah, but she didn't for a long time. Anyways, I can't help it. Her smile, her laugh, her eyes... everything about her is so perfect and it's not fair to be so perfect that you're the Achilles Heel to someone. And I guess since she makes me so nervous, because she deserves the entire universe and beyond and I'm just Luka, I just can't. I'm scared of rejection, it's one of my biggest fears and since I've never felt something for anyone else but her, I've never had to experience it. I mean, I got offers for relationships and sex, but that wouldn't be fair to the other girls because I'd only compare them to y-her. Through everything."

Through his speech, I realized two things. One, I have a newfound respect for Luka that I never knew I'd have. I'd never heard him talk like this, so softly and lovingly and it was refreshing. The other thing I realized?

I wish someone would talk about me like he talks about Zoey.

"And I haven't had sex, because of that last reason. I would compare them to her through everything and I don't want to do that. I'm an ass, but I'm not that bad and I'd never intentionally use someone for sex. There's only one person I wanna have sex with in my entire life, and I want her to be my first and last. I want her to bare my only children, I want her to be the only one I have that kind of connection with. All I want is her. I want her to have my first and last kiss and be the first and last person I make love to."

During his admission, my gaze had drifted to the pictures in his room. He had a couple of the six of us, a couple of him and the guys; the stupid ones and the ones I love, and he had one of the two of us that brought a smile to my face. I was on his back, my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist and we were both grinning widely at the camera. It was taken on one of our good days and it to this day it was my favorite picture of us. We hardly took any pictures just the two of us, but Gia had insisted. We were on the beach; he had a pair of board shorts and no shirt and I had a light blue bikini on.

I felt sleep trying to consume me, but I looked over at a stern faced Luka. He'd caught what I was looking at and I saw the hint of a smile on his face. I felt the heaviness behind my eyes and cursed myself for being so tired, but his bed was comfortable. I needed to get this out before I went to sleep, I had to remind him she'd never be his first kiss because he'd already kissed someone.

"I was your first kiss," I told him as my eyes drifted closed. I saw him eyeing me curiously, and I saw him nodding his head, and I saw his features softening. But as I fought to keep my eyes open I lost the battle and gave into the lull of sleep, just barely catching his last words before I was lost to the world.

"I know."