"I don't want to talk, y'know?" I said. Looking at his profile, I saw a nod and he leaned onto the grass while I hunched over my knees and we sat there, silence descending.

I watched the clouds, slowly drifting and shaping into cotton candied streaks as the blades of malnourished grass tickled my ankles. The rustle of birds squawking in the distance was heard and he couldn't keep the much desired stillness. He cleared his throat.

"Should we be here?" His voice had a tremor to it at the end and I heard a tiny tear of grass ripping away from the ground.

"Does it matter?" I countered with a sigh. He was too worried and I didn't appreciate it.

"Your family must be searching for you..."

A sardonic laugh escaped my throat and I shook my head. "No they aren't." I was certain of it. This was my deal and I myself, was the only one that could get through this. They would be of no help. 

"What will you do?" The sky remained the same but the topic of conversation was settling deep into the unknown.

Hugging my legs I said, "I don't know."

"I can help you," he urged. "Drive you to where you need to go. I can take you to appointments, do research and, and, and I'll be at a push of speed-dial so you can contact me and stuff. At anytime. Anytime, anyplace, anywhere."

I turned to him and stared at him hard. Shaking my head and pressing my lips, I felt the tears blind my eyes. "You don't mean that."

He quickly sat up and grabbed my hand. "I do! I don't care if your family are a bunch of assholes. You need to have someone. And it's not like your dying. You can control it and live with it."

I shut my eyes. I heard it in his voice, the understanding. But I would have to live with this for the rest of my life, however much those years may be and that in itself was an overwhelming thought. Adding the fact that I could no longer have any meaningful relationship because that stupid one night-stand.

And that would mean dragging him down. I didn't want that. Not for him, he was too special and too precious to be behind me.

"I—I can't let you do that. What about your dreams?"

He let go of my hand and tugged at his hair. "It can be at the back-burner for a while."

"NO, it can't!"

"Yes. Right now you—"

"No. Don't you see? This is my fault. I'm the one that has to deal with this not you."

"But were friends." He gave me a pointed look. "Friends are there for one another."

He'd never wanted to be only friends that much I knew, but I was aloof with that idea. I pretended that I didn't know how much he cared for me, so I could do the things I did. So I could believe I wasn't hurting him while I slept around.

"Yeah, well..." I stood, my mind set. "We're no longer friends." I peered down at him. In that instance he looked like a frightened boy but I didn't care, I'd make him see who I really was. A horrible person inside and out. "Go live your life. And live it well," I grinded out.

I stayed rooted in that spot for a few seconds, taking in his features for my selfish memory. He looked down and peered at his hand, the one that he had cupped the entire time. Opening it slowly, blades of grass blew out into the wind and danced for us.

Stiffly turning away, I trudged onward, without a goodbye, hoping he'd take my advice. 

+++

This short fiction has alluded to what might be happening to the narrator but, not the point where it's instant clarification. I will do so now. 

The narrator contracted the HIV infection that has resulted into its final stage, AIDS. Although, it isn't often talked about, these life-changing results are still out there and can be acquired in many ways. As of now, there are no cures, but it is more managable than was years ago. If you liked to learn more about HIV and AIDS, please visit: www.aids.gov