I am not yet a cougar and I don't plan to go there. Not in my wildest dream. The definition of a puma bestowed upon me like the fate of being a cougar is bound to happen. I compare my romantic life to a depreciating asset, the more vintage it becomes, the lesser its book value. But in my case, the longer I live, the younger my dates are. If my love life was plotted in an x-y graph, I think I might see an emerging pattern of a downward slope with my age nestled on the y-axis while my men's on the x-axis.

My birthdate is a curse; August 16. I share birthdate with Madonna and she's a living proof cougar who dates boys or younger men (cubs) starting from one third, to a quarter of her age. And I'm trying to refrain myself from plunging into that same pit of destiny because I don't want to pair myself with a man who is young enough to be my future son.

But I can't help it when cubs preying on me like I'm irresistible. I believe, Madonna too experienced the same. She doesn't choose this life; the life chose hers and she compels to it. From the way I see it, Madonna is embracing this life to the fullest and dating the cubs eventually makes her feel younger as she aged. As much as I try to defy this, I secretly enjoy it too.

Nevertheless, I reckon that it's a curse, a hex by someone who wanted revenge. Who would do such thing? Who is putting me on his/her beef list? I have been nice to almost everyone, I think. If there are people whom I hold grudges against, I would cut ties with them so that I wouldn't prolong the grievances between us.

I wish I could reset and rearrange everything and sort out my cluttered life accordingly as per what I envisioned. Hypothetically speaking, if there is a portal that I can escape, I will take myself to an unimaginable parallel world, like a dispersion of lights, all white and linear, rammed into a dense area, fractured into a spectrum array of colours and into a different world with a different me.

But reality anchors me back from my maladaptive daydreaming, into the world of bitter truth. Maybe I'm destined to be this way. I mean it's not that bad. Since Madonna is enjoying this life, I guess I should fully succumb to it as well.

Regardless, all these occurred since the day I babysat that kid when I was 15.

P/S - Need a little help here, the para above this inline banner, which one is grammatically correct? "...since the day I babysit" or since the day I babysat"?

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Photo source - Interview Magazine