HILLARY

The human body has puzzled many a scientists over the centuries. Till date, despite all our medical advancements, there's still a lot we don't know about our own anatomy. Like for example how I am still alive after what I put my kidneys through yesterday.

So much for a fun birthday.

I lie in bed for a while, trying to gather my bearings while feeling like complete shit. My mouth tastes like mothballs, I'm aching all over, not to mention my brain feels like it wants to burst through my skull. I am dizzy even though I am lying down which makes no sense at all. It hurts to think so I don't even bother trying to remember the details of what happened to me yesterday after Amelia came over with what I have now decided to call poison.

When I realize that lying down isn't making me feel any better I force myself to get out of bed, fighting through the nausea and dizziness. It works long enough to get me to the bathroom where I proceed to puke my guts out leaving me feeling even worse.

Getting up from the floor after throwing up for about ten minutes is a whole other task in itself but I manage. I am too sick for a shower so instead I wash my face and brush my teeth. My toothbrush makes me gag and taste of the toothpaste makes me throw up again but this time I do not make it to the toilet and instead do it right here in the sink.

"Fuck." I cuss out when I see my reflection in the mirror.

I look like death itself.

In a desperate attempt to cure my headache I search my medicine cabinet for Advil but there is none which puts me in an even fouler mood. Then I recall that I have some in the kitchen so I hustle my way there through my messy bedroom that looks like a tornado blew through it.

I hear tinkering in there on my way down the stairs and I walk in to find Amelia busy as a bee on my stove slaving away.

"Good afternoon bestie." She greets without even turning her back to face me.

"Afternoon?" I croak out not realizing it is so late in the day.

I try to check the time on the oven but my eyesight is still blurry so I am unable to make out the numbers.

"Yes, it's a little bit after noon. How are you feeling?"

I groan in protest and slide onto a stool laying my head on the cool granite counter top. It helps soothe my pain for a moment but then it warms up from my body heat and the pain is back in full throttle.

"Lousy, like I slept in a winery at the bottom of a barrel that I drunk myself through."

Amelia giggles as if that is the most amusing thing when this is all her fault. "Well you did consume every single drop of alcohol I brought you yesterday plus everything else you already had in the house."

"I knew you were trying to kill me." I scold.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think that gift basket through but I made you the perfect hangover cure." She says sliding a fully laden breakfast plate my way, a champagne flute and two pills.

"Please tell me this is a mimosa?" I plead.

"Nothing better than a little hair of the dog for your ails." She answers with a nod.

I smile gratefully as I wash the pills down with the mimosa. "Thank you. Did you sleep here?"

She's dressed in my clothes which is not rare as she is always stealing them but I remember her wearing something completely different yesterday. "Yes, I couldn't as well have left you all alone, you were wasted."

"I'm sorry." I apologize digging into my breakfast.

Or is it lunch?

I guess that's why they call it brunch.

The last time I got shitface drunk like yesterday was in college and I had forgotten how much it hurts the following morning.

"Don't be, like we've agreed, it was partially my fault." She consoles.

"Yes it was." I egg on making her roll her eyes at me.

"Anyway, how much of yesterday do you remember?"

My headache is dissipating so I can think better now but my memory is still fuzzy. "Nothing after the wine."

Amelia gives me a weird look like she knows something that I don't. "Oh!"

"Oh? What is that supposed to mean?! What did I do? Please tell me I didn't go streaking or post some weird things on social media or worse call my ex." I plead going into full panic mode.

"Stop freaking out, it's none of the above."

"Thank God, so what did I do?" I ask still panicking a little bit.

"How about I show you? Your tablet is linked to your phone right?" She inquires.

I nod and start looking around for both but Amelia only has my tablet.

"Yeah, speaking of, where is my phone?"

"You flushed it in the toilet." She informs me biting her lower lip as if holding in a smile.

"I did what?!"

What was I thinking last night? And why would I flush my phone in the toilet? But she's saying there's more...

Dear God, what else did I do?

"Yeah and that's not even the worst of it." She whispers in caution sliding my tablet toward me.

She's unlocked it to show me the confirmation message of an appointment I have at ... a fertility clinic.

Fertility clinic?

I am puzzled at first, wondering why I would have such an appointment when it all comes rushing back to me.

Amelia scolding me about buying the car as an attempt to hide from the world ... me opening up about feeling like a failure ... asking her to give me one of her babies .... her refusing ... making the phone call to the fertility clinic and finally flushing my phone down the toilet when she tried to take it from me.

"I didn't!" I gasp covering my face with my hands in shame.

"Yes you did." She affirms.

A loud groan escapes my lips as I realize the gravity of what I did. The appointment can easily be cancelled but the reason as to why I made it in the first place leaves me thinking. I've always wanted to be a mom but is this how I want to go about it? Sure, turning thirty was a big wake up call that I need to start getting my life back together but is this the way to do it?

My tablet goes into sleep mode revealing a wallpaper carousel of my mom and I. She was my twin in all ways, the best mom I could ask for. Oh how I miss her. She always encouraged me to go for what I wanted no matter how big or scary. If she was here right now we would probably be both hangover but after sobering up she would encourage me to follow my heart. nd

Amy heart tells me that I want this.

"I am going for the appointment." I declare out loud.

"You are?" Amelia who was silently observing me soaking it all in chokes out in surprise.

"Yes." I nod confidently but the movement makes my temples hurt so I stop.

"I thought it was just liquid courage and lowered inhibitions that made you make that call." She prods.

"Partly yes, but you know that being a mom has always been my dream." I reply.

"Yes but is this how you want to go about it?" She asks posing the same question I just did to myself.

"Mom did it and I turned out great. I think I'll make a pretty single mom too." I declare my words sounding much more confident that I feel.

Now that it is all out there and my heart is decided I feel myself start to get excited at the possibility of what the future may hold for me once I go ahead with this. My very own mini me. A piece of myself and by extension, my mom.

"No doubt about that but this is also pretty huge." Amelia reasons.

"I know but I already made the appointment and I want to honor it, there is no harm in seeing what the doctor has to say."

"Are you sure?"

"Not really but I am excited at the possibility." I grin finishing up my breakfast.

I slide off the stool to put my used dishes in the sink.

"Okay then, I will come with you." She offers.

I turn to her with a smile and shake my head. "Thank you but no, I want to do this one on my own. You have already been so supportive Amy and I'm sure Ezra is moments away from sending out a man hunt for you. Go home and get some rest, see your family, I can take care of this."

She looks like she wants to argue with me but she also knows I am right. Ezra has no issue with her spending the night leaving him to take care of the kids all by himself. But she is very close to giving birth and he always gets super protective of her around this time. Believe me, I've been around for the birth of both their children so I know.

"You sure?" She asks still in doubt.

"Yes. I'll be okay, thanks Amy."

She smiles and hugs me. "Okay, I'll go but call me after to let me how it all goes."

I nod. "I will."

She orders an uber since she didn't drive here and I'm still in no shape to drive yet.

"I ordered you a new phone by the way, it will be delivered tomorrow." She informs me as we say our goodbyes at the door.

"Thanks Amy. I'll pay you back."

"No need, consider it my birthday present to you. It's partly my fault you need a new one anyway." She smiles with a guilty look.

"True but all the same thank you, for everything." I express hugging her once more.

"Always, you know that. Love you."

"I love you too, I'll call you."

"Okay." She nods waving goodbye just as her uber pulls up.

As soon as she is out of sight I go back into the house which feels emptier now that Amy is gone. I still have time till my appointment and in as much as I want to start working on the Chevy, I am not feeling up to it yet so I decide to clean the house. It was just Amelia and I, yet we managed to trash up the place but it was more me than her. I just appreciate her for being here for me.

When four pm rolls around, I am feeling much better but still a little bit hungover.

I am showered, dressed and ready for my appointment but I still find myself unable to drive out of my garage. I am stuck behind the wheel of my Ford, staring at my open garage door.

All my previous courage wanes a little bit. I still want to do this but I am scared.

What would mom say if she was here?

"Baby girl, courage is not the absence of fear; courage is acting in spite of fear."

It was one of her favorite quotes that got me through some very hard times. She might not be here with me anymore but all her teachings and love still live on in my heart.

"I miss you mom and I hope you are looking out for me."

A gust of wind blows leaves into the garage, making me smile. If that isn't a sign that she is out there listening, then I don't know what is. So, with that, I put my sunglasses on and start the truck.

As I drive through my city towards the clinic I cannot help but think about mom some more. She was an only child to two immigrant parents from Malawi who came to the states for the chance at a better life. I never met my grandparents, they died in a car accident when mom was in college but she always had great stories about them. She took me to Malawi after I graduated high school and we spent a whole summer there. The country of my origin is beautiful and I wish I had a deeper connection to it but I was born and raised in Boston.

Mom moved to Massachusetts for college at MIT and never left. Then she had me and I followed in her footsteps studying in both MIT and Harvard, grateful that my home state has one of the best higher learning education systems.

Now I am going to continue the tradition that mom started and have me my own little family.

When I get to the fertility clinic, I park out front and head inside immediately leaving no room for me to change my mind.

"Good evening, welcome to New Beginnings." A familiar voice welcomes me at the reception.

I might have been drunk but I recognize her voice from my phone call yesterday and her name tag confirms it.

"Hi Jo, I'm Hillary and I believe I have an appointment."

"Oh hello, Miss Hillary." She greets looking surprised to see me.

"I still have my appointment right?"

"Oh yes, I kept it, part of me was just expecting you to miss it seeing as you made it while drunk." She giggles.

"Was I that obvious?"

"Kind of but the sunglasses that are probably hiding a hungover confirm it for me." She explains which reminds me that I am wearing sunglasses indoors.

I take them off and tuck them into the breast pocket of my shirt. "I'm here now, so, where do I start?"

"First I need you to fill out this form, we didn't get to that part yesterday. Then you are going to meet one of our doctors for your first preliminary meeting and a physical." She replies handing me a form on a clipboard with a pen attached to it.

"Doesn't sound too hard."

She shows me to the waiting area where I can sit as I fill out the form. It's pretty basic stuff like personal details, medical history, insurance information and emergency contact.

That has always been mom but since she is no longer here, the mantle falls to Amelia.

"All done." I say giving the fully filed medical form back to Jo.

"Perfect, this looks great. Dr. Cushing will see you now. Examination room three."

"Thank you Jo."

"My pleasure."

Examination room three is empty when I walk in so I plop myself onto the examination table making myself busy by reading all the posters on the walls. The door opens a few minutes later and who I assume to be Dr. Cushing walks in. I sort of expected a man but it's a beautiful auburn woman with pale blue eyes and a kind smile.

"Mrs. Jones I presume." She starts shaking my hand.

"You presume wrong, its Miss but yes this is she." I correct her.

"Sorry... " She apologizes looking though the form I just filled out. "Ah, yes ... marital status, single. So, what brings you in today Miss Jones?"

"Well, it is a fertility clinic so ..."

When I'm nervous I get all sarcastic and right now I am a bundle of nerves so I hope she's not one who is easily offended.

"True." She laughs assuring me that I'm good.

"I want a baby." I say as confidently as I can.

"We can make that happen."

"I should hope so."

I swear to God it's not intentional, my brain to mouth filter is just overwhelmed with nerves.

"But first we need to make sure that your body is healthy and viable." She informs me putting on a pair of gloves.

Viable?

"Wait, there is a chance I can't get pregnant?" I ask panicking a little bit.

"Yes, but let's not jump the gun shall we? " She smiles reassuringly at me.

"Okay." I nod even though now that, that thought has been implanted in my overthinking mind it will be hard to get rid of.

"Please change into this and we can begin your examination." She says handing me a hospital gown and showing me behind the curtain.

The whole examination process takes about an hour and Dr. Cushing asks me all manner of questions, the biggest one being why I want to do this as a single mom yet I am only thirty. We discuss it for half an hour and after I tell her all about my mom she is sold. Not that she could have altered my mind anyway. If she hadn't been willing to do it then there are other fertility clinics.

"So, is everything good?" I ask her once we are done and I am dressed once more.

"As far as I can tell everything does look good but we will know more once all the lab work is done. We will inform you as soon as your results are ready but for now ... I would like you to have this." She replies handing me a bulky folder.

"What is it?"

"It's a compiled list of possible donors."

"A baby daddy list?" I tease making her chuckle.

"In layman's terms yes."

"So all I have to do is pick one and you'll shoot me up with his stuff." I joke further perusing through the pages.

For some reason they do not have photos in them which will make it harder to decide but I have time.

"There is more to it than that but basically yes that's what we'll do." Dr. Cushing replies.

"Okay, thank you. I will see you during our next appointment." I say getting up.

"See you then. This is going to be an incredible journey for you Hillary." She encourages.

"I know it will." I grin as I exit the examination room.

"Bye Jo." I wave to her as I leave.

"See you soon Miss Hillary." She replies with a smile.

There is an extra bounce in my step as I walk out of the clinic that wasn't there as I was walking in. After that meeting with Dr. Cushing I feel much more confident in my decision.

I am really doing this.

As I exit the hospital I am momentarily distracted by the file in my hands unable to wait until I get home which means I am not watching where I am going. This leads to me bumping my shoulder into someone making the file fly right out of my hands and onto the floor.

"I'm sorry." The man I have bumped into apologizes as he picks up the file for me.

"It's okay, my bad, I wasn't looking where I was going."

He straightness up and hands me the file. "This is for you."

Mother of all that is holy, pure and just.

I feel like I am in one of those slowmo romantic comedy movies where the main characters run into each other. Except with a lot more pain because my shoulder hurts from where he has bumped into me. But the pain does not matter as I gaze into his big brown eyes. His jawline is so sharp I feel like it could be used to cut paper. He has thick dark eyebrows, a visible stubble but not much facial hair and his hair is cut into a neat buzz cut. He truly is, one handsome man.

But then I realize that we are blocking the entrance and I am making a fool out of myself gaping at a complete stranger.

"Are you okay? I didn't accidentally give you a concussion did I?" I ask.

"No ... I uh... I'm good." He replies stumbling over his words which I find cute.

"That's a relief, sorry again and thank you." I excuse myself taking the file from his hands and walking away.

When I make it out to the parking lot I find that another car has completely blocked me in, leaving no way for me to leave. I have a feeling it's the guy I just ran into at the door since the engine is still hot meaning whoever it is just arrived. I consider going in there and asking him to come move his car but then I realize that I can wait. He doesn't look like a doctor so he might not be in there for long and besides it's not like I have anywhere to go.

As I wait I decide to go through my baby daddy folder.

I have no idea how long I stand out here for but it's a while since it starts getting darker. Just as I am about to give up and go in to ask for the guy someone walks up to me and it's definitely who I was waiting for.

He looks confused to see me. "Hi?"

"You again." I say as if I wasn't waiting for him.

"Me again." He nods smiling at me exposing his pearly whites. "I'm Jericho." He introduces.

Dear Lord he's handsome.

"Hillary." I reply smiling back.

"Beautiful name, so how my help you Hillary?" He asks.

"Thank you." I blush slightly tucking my hair behind my ear. "Is this your car?" I ask him even if I already know it is.

"Yes. Beautiful isn't she?" He nods.

"Yes she is." I agree because being a car enthusiast myself I can appreciate the beauty that is a Ford Mustang.

"Did you want a ride or?" He asks which makes me realize that he has interpreted this whole situation wrong.

Of course he would assume that since he has walked out to find me leaning against his car. "No actually. You are blocking me in." I inform him.

His eyes widen in panic. "Shit! Really?" He asks looking around to confirm for himself.

"Yes."

"Is this your truck?"

"It is." I nod.

"I am so sorry."

He looks very apologetic which makes me feel less mad about having to wait for him. "It's okay, it's not like I had anywhere to go."

"I will move out of the way immediately." He says unlocking his car.

I step aside to let him and he ends up parking in the empty space right next to mine.
I walk up to his driver's window and lean in. "Thank you."

"Now that I have redeemed myself, wanna go get something to eat?" He asks with a hopeful grin.

I cannot resist bursting out in laughter. "Are you hitting on a woman you just met at a fertility clinic?"

He shrugs."Maybe."

I've got to give it to him, he isn't a shy one. "You got balls."

"I know, they are massive." He smirks glancing at his lap for a fleeting moment.

"Ah, I see, he's got a mouth on him too."

"You have no idea." He smugly admits.

I was not expecting us to get this but it's been a while since I found a man attractive let alone flirted with one so this is a welcome surprise.

"Okay stop it. What if I am married?" I challenge.

"Are you?" He asks looking at my empty ring finger.

"No."

"Dating?"

I could lie to him but what's the point and besides, I want to see where this is going. "No."

"Then say yes." He insists.

"Why?"

"Put it as a way of me apologizing for running into you and making you wait forty-five minutes for me."

"That was one long wank." I tease assuming he was in there to make a donation.

"Oh I wish." He mumbles his tone turning sour.

"Damn, you're here with someone." I freak out when I realize that I might be flirting with someone's partner.

"No, I wouldn't have asked you out if I was." He admits which makes me relieved.

I am not in the mood to get into a cat fight with another woman especially over a man I just met.

"That's good to know. But if you're not here with someone and you didn't donate then why are you here?" I ask curiously.

"Long story." He sighs which intrigues me.

My options are, go home alone to go through my baby daddy file or let this handsome man take me out to dinner.

The choice is easy.

"If I agree to dinner and drinks will you tell me about it." I bargain.

Am I really considering doing this?

"I feel like you're blackmailing me." He chuckles, his laugh deep and soothing.

"Take it or leave it."

"Dinner with a gorgeous woman in exchange for trauma dumping on her. I'll take it. We both have our cars so you follow me." He says turning on his engine.

Looks like we are doing this.

"Lead the way."