When I finally arrived at my parents, laden with presents and forcing all thoughts of the man I had left behind from my mind, I was almost bowled over by my overeager mother. She came barrelling out of the front door to their modest end of terrace home, like a whirlwind. Flapping around, desperately attempting to hug me and trying not to send the things I was holding flying.

"I told her you were just coming." Dad laughed as he passed behind her and disappeared into the kitchen.

"You're crushing the gifts." I squealed, trying to escape her embrace.

"Hurry up and put them under the tree so we can hug properly then." Mum ordered, swatting me with the oven gloves she was still wearing, and herding me into the living room.

I grinned at the familiar scent of pine from the real tree my parents insisted on and orange and spice from the pomanders hidden around the room.

Jasper, my parent's lazy greyhound, opened one eye at my entrance and briefly raised his head, tail wagging and bashing into the stack of gifts beside him. He didn't move from his spot in front of the fire, so as soon as I had placed the gifts down I leaned over and scratched him behind the ear in a way that always made his back leg twitch.

Mum had bought him for Dad shortly after I moved out. She claimed it was because he didn't do well with not having anyone to look after, but I knew they both adored him.

"Oh I see, Jasper gets all the attention first does he?" Mum chuckled.

I looked over my shoulder to see Mum in the doorway, leaning against the frame with a huge smile on her face. "Of course not, come here." I laughed.

Mum dropped to the floor behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, "I've missed you, sweetheart. It didn't feel like Christmas without you last year and I was so afraid-"

"I know Mum, I was too. But I'm here now." I reassured, wrapping my hands over hers and squeezing.

I wasn't sure how long we stayed like that, but eventually our cuddle was broken by Dad's awkward call for help in the kitchen. We got to our feet and headed in there laughing at the sight of him juggling far too many dishes.

The smell of Christmas cooking hit me as soon as I stepped in. It took me a minute to take in the complex line up. "How many are you planning to feed with all this?" I laughed as I dived in to help.

"Just your Aunt, Uncle and their families." Mum replied, dodging around Dad who was carefully wrapping sausages to create pigs in blankets, and retrieved a tray of Yorkshire puddings from the oven.

It was placed down next to a tray of gingerbread men that were ready and waiting for icing. My breath caught in my throat and my mind immediately leapt to the gingerbread house making with Henry.

Tears sprang to my eyes, and I froze. "Susie?" Mum's voice broke through the sadness rising up in me.

I looked over and saw the concern on Mum's face. "You'll have to manage for a bit Patrick, I think we need a girl talk."

I nodded and let Mum lead me from the room and back to the sofa. "What happened, sweetheart?" She asked, so gently I nearly flung myself, sobbing, into her arms.

With great difficulty I swallowed back tears and composed myself. Then, before I knew it, I found the whole story pouring out of my mouth. I left out the amazing sex, but could tell from her expression Mum pretty much guessed there had been some of that.

"I know I shouldn't have interfered, but I just wanted to help him Mum." I whispered, shaking my head sadly.

"I know, darling. Some people just aren't ready to be helped though and they have to find a way through it themselves. I know you mean well, but not everyone is as close to their parents as you are, or has parents deserving of that relationship." Mum soothed, stroking my hair the way she hadn't done since I was a child.

"I liked him Mum, I really did and then outside when I was leaving that Danni girl turned up again and called him her boyfriend? He never mentioned her like that, but now I have no idea what to think!"

"Oh, darling." Mum's face screwed up with pity and sadness as she pulled me into another tight hug.

We stayed like that for what felt like hours, but was more like minutes as I cried until there was nothing left in me to cry. Dad soon joined us, so I was caught in the middle of what they called a 'Susie sandwich'. I laughed, more out of habit more than anything else.

"Why don't you go and pop your things in your room? Your cousins will be dropping bits over shortly, ready for tomorrow." Dad suggested gently.

I gave him a watery smile, knowing that was code for I looked like a state and probably didn't want anyone to see me like this.

"It will be ok Susie Bear." Mum reassured, as she followed me to the bottom of the stairs.

I attempted a more convincing smile, scooped up the rucksack I had abandoned by the front door and made my way up to my old bedroom.

Every inch of the house was covered in tinsel and lights, with my favourite hideous old-fashioned foil decorations hanging from the ceiling.

They brought them out every year, and every year we all laughed and said they needed to get rid of them but never did.

As I rounded the top of the stairs I pushed open the second door along the landing.

It was just as I had always remembered it. Cream walls littered with marks from blue tac where I had covered them in posters over the years. One large window with pretty blue curtains in a wave type print and a window sill covered with various ornaments and knickknacks.

My desk, complete with cork dream board of things seventeen-year-old Susie had wished for, was pressed into the space behind the door. It still made me smile to look at it so I couldn't quite bear to throw any of it away.

The chair was missing from the desk, probably moved downstairs to provide enough seating for everyone on Christmas day.

Twirling my fingers through the charms, necklaces and random things hanging from the hooks on the desk, I allowed the nostalgia to fill me. It had been a lifetime since I had lived here, but whenever I visited, it felt like it was only minutes. It was funny how easily I was transported back to that hopeful girl, full of dreams.

The space where my single bed had once been now contained a boxy sofa that pulled out into a small double bed and I dropped down onto it. Allowing myself to take in the quiet for a moment.

Then I sighed. Time to get ready and try not to think about Henry anymore. I pulled my full make-up bag from the rucksack and kicked the door closed so I could sit on the floor behind it and use the mirror mounted on the back, just as I had in my teens.

After a couple of weeks wearing very little make-up, I almost didn't recognise the girl looking back at me when I was done. My eyes were still a little bloodshot from crying, but other than that you could hardly tell anymore.

Standing, I examined my reflection. A long sleeve navy top with scoop neck and red fairisle print leggings. It wasn't the most festive look I could have managed, but my heart just hadn't been in it.

Rummaging in the bag, I pulled out my reindeer slippers and grinned. Ok, now the festive look was here.

Just as I was considering adding earrings, I heard the doorbell go and realised my cousins must be here.

I hadn't seen them since Dad's freezing cold birthday BBQ in October and was looking forward to catching up again. Auntie Caroline had two girls, Evanna and Willow who were just a few years younger than me and we had been pretty close growing up. Their Dad wasn't in the picture but I knew that didn't bother them, especially not with the rest of the family always close at hand.

Uncle Adam had three boys ranging from fourteen to twenty-nine. Fourteen-year-old Noah had been a surprise, a fact his brother's, Jonah and Michael, loved to remind him of.

"Susie." Dad's voice called up the stairs.

Christmas with my family was never dull and never quiet. It was one of the things I loved most about it. I was surprised I couldn't already hear them causing chaos and winding each other up.

The years when my parents hosted were my favourite. I loved helping make and serve the food and always felt so awkward trying to help at other people's houses.

At least at home they expected my clumsiness and didn't mind it because everything was either shatterproof or had survived me dropping it before.

"Coming Dad." I yelled back, running a brush quickly through my hair and making my way down the stairs two at a time.

"Susie there's someone here to see you." Dad said and stepped back so I could see who was waiting on the doorstep.

My body froze, but my mind raced as I met his eyes, "Henry?"