This was supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year, but ever since her parent's accident last year... well the holiday season was just painful. Zay Meeko stared up at the large white wooden door and took yet another deep breath. Her friends had insisted she join them at Dameron's for their annual friendsmas. Rey knew how lonely she had been and even understood to an extent how she felt. That's why she had begged for her to come and that's why Zay stood here now. In the falling snow, purse slung over one shoulder and presents in hand. 

She could hear the laughter and music from out here. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips. From the number of cars parked out front, everyone was here. The sleek white 4Runner that Finn had lovingly added Stormtrooper detailing to just this year. Ben and Rey must have carpooled in her simple pale blue Jeep Wrangler as Ben's sporty Camaro was absent. And just at the edge of the driveway was Rose's petite classic BMW Bug which was a labor of love the past few years, she doubted Rose would ever quit tweaking it. 

And of course, Dameron was home. His precious vehicle tucked away safely in the garage. While Rey was her best friend after her parents, Del and Iden Meeko had died in their crash it was Dameron that had been the most helpful during the initial few weeks. She swallowed. It had been a few months since she had seen him. The way he made her feel... she couldn't handle it. 

The wind picked up swirling the snowflakes into a flurry last her. Pulling her coat tight around herself Zay decided it was time to see what all the ruckus was about inside. Biting her lower lip she turned the handle and walked into the warm welcome of being jumped on by both Rey and Rose. 

"I missed you too guys." Zay said barely audible as Rose gave her a lung squashing hug. Rey smiled.

"We were worried you wouldn't make it." 

"I'm here. As long as..." She took a hand and patted Rose on the head. "She doesn't kill me with affection." 

"Ladies, we all miss Zay but maybe let someone get her coat before you suffocate her?" Finn exclaimed from the kitchen bar, beer in hand. 

Rose released her death grip on Zay. "What? She needed a hug and she hasn't suffocated yet." 

Finn held out a hand to Rose to which she skipped over to him and planted a kiss on his cheek."Sorry, she's already had a few too many." Finn said wrapping an arm around her.

"If by too many you mean one. She's had one." Ben chipped in. 

"Hey hey hey! I'm tiny!" Rose pouted, sticking out her lower lip. 

"I'm tiny too but I can at least hold my liquor." Rey smirked as she walked into the kitchen to pour Zay a glass of the mulled wine they had prepared. 

"You're not that tiny, Rey." Finn rolled his eyes. 

Rey's nose scrunched at them and then at Ben as he came to her side to refill his own glass. "I'm tiny, right babe?" Her eyes twinkled as she inclined her head to look up at Ben, who just raised an incredulous eyebrow. 

Poe shouted from the living room before Ben could answer her. "No! His opinion doesn't count! The man is built like a literal brick wall." 

Despite herself, Zay smiled widely as she set her purse and gifts on the floor. 

"I'll take that for you." An all too familiar voice said softly behind her.

 As he finished helping her out of her coat, Zay turned, looking up at Poe who had seemingly teleported behind her.

"Thanks." She couldn't control the heat that rushed to her cheeks. She brushed a wisp of hair from her face returning it behind her ear. Words seemed to escape her suddenly as her stomach churned uncomfortably. When they had been staring at each other for what felt like an eternity in awkward silence a nudge to her shoulder saved her.

"Ahem." Rey cleared her throat. "This is for you." She slipped the wine glass into her hand. "Poe you can go get yourself a drink and then we can start the game?" 

Dameron blinked for a moment before nodding, "Yeah...uh...sounds good." He said running a hand through his hair as he walked off to do just as she had suggested.

With a satisfied look on her face, Rey beckoned Zay to follow her to the living room. She could not decide if she was relieved or more embarrassed at Rey's intervention. Letting out a sigh she sat on a cushion cross-legged and surveyed the coffee table. Candy canes, white trash, and of course an array of cookies were set to the side to snack on and the traditional friendsmas game of choice was already prepared. 

Cards Against Humanity: Holiday Edition. 

After a few minutes everyone was settled in and ready to play. Cards were dealt and everyone brought their A game. As usual, everyone was laughing within seconds of reading the first few cards. 

Ben ended up winning multiple rounds with combinations like:

 This holiday season, Tim Allen, must overcome his fear of The Star Wars Holiday Special. 

And, Christmas is under attack by elves cumming.

"I call shenanigans!" Poe said pointing an accusing finger at both Rey and Ben. 

Zay shrugged and nodded. "I have to say I agree with Dameron on this."

Ben crossed his arms. "What's the problem?"

"You've won every game." Poe complained. 

"Don't be a sore loser Poe." Rey said.

"It's not that." Zay took a bite out of her candy cane. "He wins every time you are judging. It's highly suspicious." 

Poe nodded vigorously. "See! Someone agrees with me."

Rey rolled her eyes. "We have the same sense of humor, so yes I would pick the ones he tossed anonymously into the pile." 

"Clearly Rey and I have a special force bond that lets us see into each other's minds so that I can win a ridiculous little game." Ben met Poe's stare, a mocking grin plastered on his face. 

"Well on that note I'm going to grab another beer." Finn said, retreating to the kitchen. 

"And I think it's time we put the game up and move onto presents!" Rose chimed in merrily. 

Zay placed a hand on Poe's shoulder leaning over to him. "Don't worry, I believe you." 

Dameron took his sharp eyes off of Solo and smiled coyly. "That's all I need, then." His eyes seemed to glimmer at her before he cleared his throat and began to clean up the game mess. "Ben, I'm sure you could gather all of the gifts and bring them over." 

With an exasperated sigh, Solo stood, Rey, followed close behind him sticking her tongue out at them as they passed. 

Zay rolled her eyes tilting her head at Poe. "They are disgustingly adorable." 

Sliding the card game neatly to the side Dameron glanced over at the couple, nose wrinkling. "Right? I mean look at them." 

Zay followed his gaze watching as Rey stacked the gifts into Ben's massive arms. She whispered something in Ben's ear each time she added a gift causing him to blush. "It's painful to watch them." Her voice was laced with sarcasm but she couldn't help the twinge of...sadness that overcame her. "I hate it and love it all at once."

"The right person will come along." He said uneasily. "You just have to be ready when they come along." 

When she looked away from the insufferable cuteness in the entryway she found Poe staring at her with such tenderness it caused her heart to flutter. That stupid look he had given her a thousand times.

That look that made her heart ache with happiness.

That made her terrified of what would become of them.

Of what would happen to her if something horrible happened to him. 

That had been the thought to drive her away just two months ago. After he had held her hand and brushed his lips on hers. Maybe that made her a terrible person but she couldn't bear to have him and lose him like she lost her parents. 

Pushing him away had only damaged her more but it had to be better than the other option. To have him one moment and then to lose him in another. 

Poe had taken it well. He had respected her need for space and would never pressure her, but she knew he cared deeply.

 And damn her. She cared for him. Her hazel eyes glanced from his to his lips in a heartbeat. The thought of what he held close to his heart caused a rush of heat to rise to her cheeks. Damn them both. Damn her most of all. 

Poe grinned gently and handed her her wine glass. "To insufferably adorable couples and finding the right person." He lifted his own glass to meet hers.

His eyes did not leave hers as their glasses clinked. Zay took a larger sip than she intended, hoping the alcohol would wash away the flush that had grown on her cheeks and steady her heart. Thankfully, everyone quickly came back into the living room. 

Rose and Finn with drinks in hand as Ben and Rey began to organize the gifts in front of everyone. Once they were all settled they began ripping into the poorly wrapped gifts. Well ,all poorly wrapped except for Ben's. His stood out the most since they looked like they jumped out of a Christmas catalog. 

Zay smiled and nudged Poe, "See even the wrapping is disgusting." 

Poe shook his head and grinned. "Their gifts are always perfectly picked out too." 

It was true, Rey had always picked the perfect gifts and let Ben wrap them expertly. Even her own gift from her friend had been a photo they had all taken together that summer with a custom made frame. Grabbing Rey's attention she thanked her for their collective gift before moving to the last present in front of her. A small white box with a sparkly blue bow nestled in the lid. It wasn't large by any means, it fit in her palm, but something made her hesitate before opening it. 

Steadying herself she slipped the lid off and removed the thin layer of tissue paper. Her heart skipped a beat. A silver locket shone up at her with the engraving: Forever In Your Heart. Swallowing hard she removed the necklace and opened it. Her heart officially stopped. Silver began to line her eyes, blurring her vision. A picture of her and her parents outside in the snow last Christmas looked up at her. The last picture of them. Taken hours before they had... 

"Poe. What on earth is this supposed to be?" Finn called out, saving Zay from her memories. 

"It's a...you know!" Poe waved one hand in the air while his other brushed the top of Zay's hand beneath the table. "That jacket you ripped awhile back." 

"You mean the one that Ben had to borrow that was ripped nearly in half." Finn shot a pointed look at Solo.

Ben raised his hands, "Its not my fault my shoulders are broad."

Rose took a sip of her drink and shook her head. "Broad. You mean thick as hell."

Rey nearly choked on her own drink while Solo tried and failed to control the flush that came to his cheeks. Dameron gripped Zay's hand a little harder controlling his laughter. 

"It looks like an elderly blind woman and her rabid dog tried to patch it up." Ben snickered at Finn's exclamation, as Rey covered her mouth trying to keep her giggles under control. 

"Hey now! I'm not the best at stitching but you can at least wear it now." Poe's grin widened. "And it won't ever rip again!" 

Finn burst into near-uncontrollable laughter. "What, did you use an entire spool?" 

"Three. But." Dameron shrugged and glanced at Zay, his thumb rubbing small encouraging circles on the top of her hand. "It's not in shreds anymore that's all that matters." 

"Ben, you ripped it, why couldn't you have patched it up. At least it would still look like a jacket." Finn said chuckling.

"It was Poe's jacket to begin with so..." He shrugged, hoping the subject would die, like the jacket.

"Oh stop! Let me see it." Rose giggled as she snatched the jacket from Finn's hands to further inspect the "stitching".

After a few gag gifts, all given to Ben to further pick on his sensitive sensibilities, everyone was ready for their favorite holiday tradition: Christmas karaoke. Ceremoniously placed after plenty of alcohol had been consumed of course. 

Solo had insisted that the karaoke be last ever since their first friendmas, when they were still in college. Mostly due to the entertainment value and because no one could get Ben to sing anything until he had a sufficient amount of liquor. Leaning against the couch, legs crossed, and with a nearly empty glass of wine in hand Zay sighed heavily. Rey was in charge of picking everyone's songs and partners this year and if the look she gave her was any indication, she definitely had something up her sleeve. 

Great.

Of course, as her best friend Zay expected nothing less from Rey, but- god she did not have enough to drink yet. By the time she had left and returned with another generously full glass of wine Finn had already fired up the karaoke machine. Zay took a long sip of her wine as Ben and Rey stood in front of everyone else and hit play on their song.All I Want For Christmas Is You.

Rey's absolute favorite holiday song. Well, it was her favorite because Ben had sung it to her three years ago when he had finally asked her out. Zay almost regretted giving him the idea then, they had insisted on singing it together ever since. She wouldn't be surprised if it somehow ended up playing at their wedding, whenever Solo got around to asking her. Next was Finn and a very tipsy Rose, singing a rather interesting rendition of Love Is An Open Door. A song they had practically begged Rey to play for them, insisting that it was a Christmas song since it was from a movie with snow in it. Ben gave Rey and Zay a look of utter annoyance as Rose squeaked out the last note before nearly collapsing on Finn. Before she knew it Rey was nudging- no shoving- her and Poe up front.