Fat.

That's all Bradley can see when he looks in the mirror, or steps on the scale, or when his mom looks at him. He's just fat.

It's like there's nothing but fat to him. His fat is his defining factor. Nothing else matters to other people, as soon as they see fat it's game over. They don't have to know his personality, or how funny he can be. It's all looks that matter, the appearance, the perfection. If he's not perfect, he's nobody.

"Bradley!" Cassandra calls from downstairs. Bradley looks at his complexion in the mirror. He hates the way he looks.

He's overweight, he has acne, sometimes his hair is a mess, and he's not perfect. He has too many flaws for his taste. He's not the perfect son his mother should have, and he's not the person people deserve in their lives. Nothing about him is perfect—and it sucks.

"Bradley!" Cassandra shouts again. Bradley wipes his tears and puts his black t-shirt back on. He checks his face and notices how streaky is cheeks look.

He sighs. Taking a wet towel, he pats his face down with warm water in hopes of looking less, well, like he was sobbing his heart out. He pats his face dry with a nearby towel and looks at himself again. He's still blotchy, but it will have to do. He cannot keep his impatient mother waiting for long. The bathroom door creaks when Bradley opens it. He heads downstairs to the kitchen where his mother is predictably making a smoothie.

"What did you call for?" Bradley asks her with a forced smile. He takes a seat at an island chair across from the blending machine.

"There's something we need to talk about," her voice is grim. She looks him in the eyes.

"What happened?" Bradley plays with his fingers in order to distract him. Maybe she knows . That's all that races Bradley's mind. He feels like she can see right through him. Right through the façade he swore to perfect. He silently prays that she doesn't. It'd be the downfall of them all.

"It's about Corrie."

Bradley breathes in release, his eyes closing. And then it all registers. His eyes open like greased lightning.

"Oh, God," he heaves. He already has the worst floating through his thoughts. "Please dear lord tell me he's not dead. Please tell me he didn't—"

Cassandra interrupts, "Bradley, Corrie didn't die." Bradley takes a moment to calm his pounding heart down.

"Then what happened?"

"Corrie's dad called, he was looking for Ophelia. Not sure why he called here but anyway, we started to talk and he told me about what happened when he went to the doctor with Corrie," she explains. Afterwards she chops up kale and strawberries for her smoothie.

"And...?" Bradley's utterly confused now. If Corrie's not dead, he's not sure how bad things can go in the rehab center. Sure, they're not the best place to be, but how harmful can someone be towards them-self. Especially because Corrie's still being monitored carefully.

Cassandra takes thirty seconds to blend the ingredients. After, she pours it into two cups. She takes one for herself and gives the other to Bradley. She takes a long gulp as does Bradley. Bradley grimaces at the drink, wiping his mouth afterwards. When he sees his mother looking his way he takes another.

"Bradley, I don't want you to take this to heart," Cassandra looks him in the eyes, a soft expression falling over her face.

"Just tell me, please." Bradley sighs impatiently. He takes a gulp of his smoothie once again, and once cringes at the poor taste.

"Corrie was diagnosed with depression."

That was it. Hearing those words, they crushed him. His heart felt like it literally cracked in half.

"It's all my fault," he whispers to himself. If only he had been a better friend. If only he had paid more attention to Corrie than he did himself. If only he wasn't so selfish, and self/centered. If only...

"Bradley, this is not your fault. Corrie made his bed, now he will lie in it. The only thing you can do is be better," Cassandra attempts consoles him with her cold words. But Bradley isn't listening. Everything she says goes through one ear and out the other. Not that her words would be any helpful.

"How could this happen?" Bradley is suddenly out of his chair, hands curled up into balls so tight that his nails hurt his palm. "How could I be so reckless? How could I leave him alone like this?"

"Bradley—"

"I was there for him. I just left him, for Leo, for choreographing, for whatever. I abandoned him, I was the one person who wasn't supposed to. And I did." Bradley's hyperventilating, he just can't seem to catch his breath. Everything is so overwhelming, coming at him one hundred-ninety miles an hour.

Cassandra pats his shoulder as a way to comfort him him. He pulls away, his face turning cold. He snarls.

"I just need to go."

•••

Bradley just feels helpless. There's nothing he physically do to make Corrie better, and he just wants to blame himself for everything.  It's all surreal, because who could've foreseen where they were going to end up in months? Everything is so unpredictable, and wishy-washy, and blurry, and hard. The only things ever guaranteed in life are taxes, and death.

Bradley spends an hour out of the house. He drove down the streets he's known for years, and observed the people. He just wanted to distract himself.

He ends up heading back home. As soon as he walks in his mother is greeting him.

"We need to chit-chat about colleges."

"Way to be blunt," Bradley sighs. They walk to the living room and sit down across from each other.

"Here's the thing, Bradley," Cassandra says in a condescending tone, "you need to buckle down on the choreographing thing if you want to go to any good college."

"Do we really have to talk about college, now?" Bradley sighs, head throbbing. "I'm not even a senior, is doesn't matter."

"Bradley," Cassandra shakes her head, "you obviously don't know how hard the industry is going to be. You don't have professional training in dance—but you will. You need to worry about this."

Great, another thing to worry about.

"Okay, fine." Bradley assures her with another forced smile. She smiles back and goes on to talk about a multitude of other dance things that Bradley doesn't listen to.

Bradley finally tunes back in to hear his mother say, "and since your father and I are highly respected we will definitely be able to pull some strings."

He nods his head. She doesn't really smile back, not a real one anyways. She's just pleased that Bradley agrees with her.

Her phone buzzes, and she looks down and smiles a real smile. Bradley's suddenly curious. He almost forgot what his mother's smile looked like. She smiles the same, hard, plastic, smile for the press, and even for her own family. He forgets what's real and what's not with her.

"Is it Dad?" Bradley asks. His dad is gone on a buisness trip, or something. His dad was too vague with the details, but Bradley doesn't think much of it. It isn't really his business where his dad is, or is not.

"No it's not, don't worry about it, Bradley," and then she's getting off the couch and giggling into the phone like a high school girl.

Then who was it, Bradley wonders. If it wasn't his dad, then who would she be so giddy about?

__________

☒ - unedited

Dun DUn DUN!!! Who do you think Bradley's mother was talking to? And would you have felt the same way if your best friend in the whole wide world was diagnosed with depression? Was Bradley overreacting? Should he have reacted different? What do you think will go on in the next chapter?

Please tell me if you see any mistakes, I'm the queen of typos.

Read, vote, comment, and please, please share! Tell me what you liked/disliked. Constructive criticism is very, very welcome!

Rant of the chapter: I can't deal with life. I just need to know if I got accepted to this school and all my friends know if they got accepted to their schools & I just want to know. It's most likely that I got in but I'm such an overthinker and worrier that i think if 9/10 people got in I'd be the 1 that didn't. I'm smart & get straight A's but sTILL IM TO STRESSED AHAHAHA

Dedicated to: @ people who comment their thoughts or just comment & vote in general. y'all stay winning in my book . you're the bestest

Next update: who the heckity heck knows fam??

Teaser: Bradley will find some comprising information about his Mom that will change his whole view on her.

Quick notes:
[ 1  ] it was time to change #1 sooo tell me your badass predictions for the shit going down fam
[ 2 ] i honestly did not think about this book enough when writing it I HONESTLY HATE THE EARLIER CHAPTERS BUT ITS COOL FML LOL I CANT WRITE BOOKS TO SAVE MY LIFE PEACE FAM
[ 3 ] pm me if you have any critiques, reviews, improvement & etc. just be kind, and don't murder my book, thanks. also PM me if you need to just talk to somebody.
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[ 5 ] i love you and i'll see you soon. ❤️️