Brie pov

I told Nicole to drop me off at a hotel since I want to be alone. I really can't be bothered to be with anyone right now. I'm just losing it and I can't seem to stop crying. I woke up today crying, shocking how I even fell asleep. How is Bryan? Sure, I spoke to him yesterday and he is surely a mess and won't even be part of WrestleMania because of me and my mess up life. I messed up Bryan's life so much, his personal and professional life. But somehow he forgives me, I told him I cheated on him and he forgave me then and there, thinking I'll go back to him. Will I? I don't know, maybe. I surely can't leave him after all I put him through, that will be flat out selfish. I love Bryan so much and he loves me too so how could I leave him?
Then we have Dean, his career is going fine, actually better than fine, it is great. He is getting to face Hunter at WrestleMania, everyone in this era dream. Hunter is already a WWE legend, who wouldn't want to main event with someone like that? They'll be crazy if they don't. I'm not married to Dean, I could just dump him without all the hassle of divorce. Well technically Dean and I aren't together anymore and he made that perfectly clear yesterday. I still want to be with him, I feel like I need him so much. When I'm not with him I'm overcome with sadness deep down. I hurt him so much, yesterday he told me I made him cry the most he had in his life! Dean had a pretty rough life! So him telling me that kill my sprit. Dean words has a way of hurting me the most, when he said that I don't have a husband who cheated on me, killed me.
I want two guys but could only have one. I don't know which one to choose. I sighed and sat on the edge on my bed only to fall right back on my bed. I'm to weak to even sit. I sniffled and curled myself up on the comfy bed.

Knock, knock on my hotel door. Who could it be? They better have ice cream. I struggle to get out of the bed but I somehow did and I'm now opening the door, I don't care if I look like shit, I feel like shit. There stood Dean, my breath hitch while I look him in his red eyes and it is save to say he looks like shit like me. What do we do now? "Uh, hey" I'm trying to act casual even though I know it is a waste. "do want anything? Like juice to repay for the one Nikki took from you?" I asked noticing his silence. He seemed to be debating with himself as I just stood there watching him. "Uh, yeah but water please." He accepted my offer as I step aside so he could enter.
I hand him his water looking at him while he sip it, even when he is looking a mess he is still so beautiful, I couldn't stop myself from smiling at him. He deserves the world at not some confuse mess like me. Even though know all what I know, I still want him to be with me. I still need him. "Why are you smiling at me?" He asked looking my way as I look down a bit embarrass he caught me staring at him. "I just can't help it, sorry." He shook his head while I look at him confused "Don't be." His voice made me smile, the small smile he is giving me makes me smile more. "Brie have you eaten for the day or yesterday?" He asked and I look back trying to remember, no. I'm not even hungry. "I'm not hungry." Not officially telling him that didn't but I knew he knew.
He sighed and got up from the chair he was sitting on. "Where are you going?" I ask but my mind is saying please don't leave me. "To get you something to eat." He cares for me so much, I smiled even brighter trying to hold it back but I couldn't. He can't even see me due to his back facing me.
"Here" he sat on the side of the bed holding out a jelly sandwich to me. I look at it and I want to throw up due to me not being hungry. "I'm not hungry Dean." I said. Hoping he will move the sandwich from my face, which he did. He sighed and wipe his face, I hope I didn't hurt his feelings for not eating his sandwich? "Brie you are so hungry you want to throw up at the sight of food, but you won't. Once you start to eat you won't be able to stop....well" he has a point, I did go through that faze already. "Fine." I caved in as he send me a small smile. He held the sandwich out to me as I bit it. He was holding it out
for me to take but I wanted him to feed me. "Seriously?" He asked amused as I had got a cheesy grin on my face nodding.
It soon hit me, half way through my second sandwich which he is still feeding me, willingly this time. "Have you eaten yesterday or today?" The thought of him not eating and wrestling worries me. "To be honest, I don't really eat since you left for the two months. I haven't eaten in like three days." I gasp and look at him with wide eyes. I'm killing him! Physically! "Dean!! You can't do that and wrestle!" I scolded him, I'm not having is crap. I won't stand for that. "Seriously I'm fine." He tried to reassure me but it is surely not happening. "I'm not eating no more until you eat, if you don't eat in three days then neither will I. Starting now," I was one hundred percent serious right now, I cause all of this, so if he isn't eating neither am I. "You are so stubborn. You can't do that." I raised my brow at him with a testing look on my face as he sighed. "Okay, I'll eat." I smile brightly and take my the sandwich I was eating and feed it to him. It had other sandwiches but I wanted us to share one, even if he doesn't know it.
We were starving since we ate the rest and some additional snacks. I really enjoy having him here even though we are in silence. "I look a mess." I decided to break the silence, he looked at me and smiled an begin to nod. "You do" he agree and I push him, as we laugh "shut up." I smile and he send it back to me. This is fun, maybe since Dean and I aren't together anymore we can be friends? I don't like the thought of just being friends with him, I need more from him. He sat in front of me finishing off his Carmel, one bite and all that was left was the wrapper as I watch him.
I stared at his pink lips which is taste so good, I need them right now, I just need them and with out doing it on purpose I begin to lean in to him as if it was natural and naturally he leaned in too. Our lips connected for a brief second before he pulled back and got off the bed. "I'm sorry I can't do this anymore Brianna. You hurt me so much and I can't just be with you part time anymore. It is either full time or no time. That is decision you need to make. I want you to be happy Brianna. Oh, here is your sunglasses you drop yesterday, Maddison saved it for you." He rest the glasses down on the nightstand by the bed and send me one last watery eyes look before he left.
I broke into tears that stopped when he came here and fed me, I look at the sunglasses and throw it out the window. I don't care if that was my favorite sunglasses that bitch had it. So he did go back to her? Maybe she is the one he is destine to be with! But she isn't good enough for him, sure she is pretty and all but she is slut! He deserves gold she isn't even bronze, Bryan deserve gold I'm not even close. All I have done was cost these guys pain and suffering, I am nothing and they deserve everything. I mess things up, that is all I do! Shit I even made Nicole's life a mess and called her so many names over the past years.

I'm better off dead. That thought was in my head, and every time I look back it became more clear that in order for everyone to have a happy life I have to die. Sure they will cry for like a week, but after that there lives will be beautiful. For the bad things I've done, doing this for them is the only way I can repay them and that I will do.
I went through my suitcase and pulled out a razor I had for shaving my eyebrows and cutting tags. I took it out of it's wrapping and look at it, "you will be my friend." I kiss it and head to the bathroom and took a seat on the floor. Am I scared to do this? Yes, I never once done this in my life, never even thought of it but I must overcome my fear for everyone's greater good.
I inhaled deeply and put the razor on my wrist and close my eyes sliding gently across my skin. It didn't get cut me of course since I wuss out it and did so for a few times. I then thought about the look in Bryan's eyes before I decided to go to Mexico with him and I cut myself for that, wincing at the great deal of pain. I then thought about all the times I hurt Bryan and slide the razor through my now bleeding wrist, creating more blood. One cut for me being a bad wife, one for be unfaithful and one for hating on Bryan when he did nothing wrong.
The pain started to feel strangely good, I deserve this. I look down on my right arm and count tried to cut the number of cuts I created. I had six cuts in total.
Then look at my clear left wrist and switch the razor over to my right hand which hurts but I really don't care. I thought about Dean and from that point on I just cut myself like crazy. I cut deeper than I did on my right arm. I cut myself so much I turned to thighs and started cutting to everyone I hurt, to every negative thing said about me on social media. I couldn't see clearly my eyes began to black out and I smile, "bye world, don't miss me." With that my whole world went black.