CHAPTER 1. 

I'M SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS

That's what people keep saying when they come up to me, they hold my hand, whilst smiling at me sympathetically. I wipe a stray tear from my eye. It hurts so bad. 

My arm shakes, as I drop the bunch of white lilies mahogany casket in front of me where my twin brother lays ready to be lowered into the ground. I sob and fall to my knees. My best friend Ethan runs to my side, crashing his chest to my face, holding me close to him, as I cry. This pain is never-ending.

"Haley" he whispers but I ignore him my eyes trained on the grass in front of me

"Haley" he calls again and I look up at him

"Wake up," he says softly and I look at him confused

Within the next second, I am brought back to reality, my cheeks are wet and Ethan is standing over me, I turn my head and check the time it's 7:04 am. I look back up at Ethan's beautiful blue eyes.

"Are you alright?" he whispers to me, I go to say yes, but it's Ethan

"No," I say the fat tears beginning to roll down faster, he scoops me up and holds me until my sobs cease and my breathing returns to normal

"I'm okay" I reply and he lets go of me his shirt completely soaked, he looks down and chuckles, we both half-smile for a moment

"You go get ready, there is a spare shirt in the bottom left drawer," he says reciting the usual process that we go through every single morning and my smile broadens as I head over to the bathroom connected.

When Everett died Ethan practically moved in, he has spent every moment with me over the summer break, which I needed. I hold my head up and look in the mirror, I look like shit. My hair is all tousled, my cheeks and eyes are red, and I have wet stains all over my face. 

I run the tap and wash my face. I then brush my hair, placing it in a low ponytail blowing the hair that had escaped, Everett loved my hair when it had pieces flying everywhere he said it framed my face. When I exit the bathroom, there is a fresh pair of clothes on my newly made bed and a missing Ethan. 

I quickly get changed before running down the stairs, and sure enough, Ethan is at the table eating breakfast, my mother washing the dishes and my father drinking his morning coffee, his glasses perched on the bridge of his nose, a newspaper, laying half-open, next to his plate of half-eaten toast. They all look up when I enter

"Morning Dear," mum says and I try to smile, but I can't, she reminds me of him

"Haley are you sure you want to go to school today," my dad says to me and I look at him, his face is pale with dark circles slightly under it

"No it's fine, I'm going," I say and sit down next to Ethan and he kisses my hair lightly, I've missed too many school days anyway.

We eat breakfast, Ethan eats and I pick at my food. I don't have much of an appetite in the mornings, and we then head to school. We park in the back and try to hurry into school before anyone sees us. 

It's been months since Everett passed, but it still feels like yesterday at school, everyone stares and whispers. I go to my homeroom and sit alone. I don't have anyone to sit with. No one knows what to say to me, they used to talk to me just to get to Everett. I make my way to my class which luckily has Ethan.

My eyes begin to droop through class and I'm just about to fall asleep when a paper ball hits the side of my head, toppling onto the floor with a small tuft. I glance to my right smiling at the sight of Ethan grinning ear to ear.

"If you fall asleep you'll miss the show," he says and I chuckle, Mr White our drama teacher always puts on quite the show, I pick the crumpled ball of paper up and clench it in my fist. The moment the teacher turns his back, I throw it back at Ethan which hits him in the shoulder, which he immediately grabs in fake pain.

"Is there a problem Mr Greene" Mr white says interrupting Ethan, his ears go bright red before he says no and the lesson continues, I turn back in my seat and tease him. This is going to be a very long third period.

When the sirens blast signalling the end of the lesson, I sign in relief, thank god this lesson is over, Ethan rushes over to my desk and starts talking my ear off because I can't get my eyes off of the fact that Blake Rivers has just burst into the room, flying past all of the wondering eyes and straight to the glaring stare of Mr White.

"Is that a bit of drool I see?" Ethan says and I slap his hand

"Piss off" I reply and we walk up the stairs, I steal another glance at Blake before Ethan pulls me along to our next class.

I have 6 classes. I hope to be a paediatric nurse when I older, as nursing has always sounded fun to me and I like taking care of little children. Before the accident I was a nanny.

My days generally go really slow. Grief is painful and really hard. I miss Everett every second of every day. He was my twin, my brother and someone I could always count on. I miss our banter and our Tuesday night dinners after he had practice. 

I would stay in the library after school to do my homework and I would wait for him. When he finished we'd go to dinner. He would listen to me rant about Leah Brooks and her posse even though they were his friends, and I would listen to him talk about his latest catch.

Those days are long gone now, but boy do I miss them.

I can hear Ethan coming down the hallway, for at lease a minute before he arrives at my locker due to the sheer volume of his voice. I shut my locker door and face him when he gets closer to me, and he smiles sweetly at me

"Haley babe," he says

"Hello Ethy" I tease

"How are feeling this marvellous afternoon?" he questions before continuing "are ready to devour some lunch, not from the shitty canteen of course," he says

"I would, but best to leave me behind; I have a packed lunch," I say holding up my paper bag, Everett used to go off campus every day just before lunch and wherever he went he got me something, and he always made sure to be back in time so I could eat before the bell, but these days a sandwich does the job.

"Are you sure babe?" he says "I've been really craving some Nandos," he says

"Nandos does sound nice" I reply and look at my sad paper bag "Fine," I say afterwards

"Yess," he says and fist bumps the air causing me to giggle, I smile at him

We arrive at Nandos not long after, I carpool with Ethan every day. Everett used to drive the 3 of us so I never learned to drive. Everett was going to teach Ethan and I over the summer, but the accident scared me. Ethan learned to drive and takes me everywhere- which is because we go everywhere together. 

We eat our lunch at Nandos, and we drive back to school. I finish the rest of my classes, and Ethan takes us home. He stays and we do our homework and eat dinner before he leaves and I am left alone in my room again. In the darkness screaming for help. 

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