Jiski waja se main koshish kar Raha hu ... Usse bhi toh zarurat hai ye janne ki .. ki wo kitni important hai hum sab ke liye ....shayad mere liye bhi ...

Main nhi jaanta mere man main uske liye kya feelings hai ... Main nhi jaanta kyu main uski itni parwah karta hu ... Main nhi jaanta kyu uspar ek halki si kharoch bhi mujhe dard deti hai ...

Kyu usse khone se darta hu jab usko paana bhi nhi chahta main ? ... kyu ? .

ye waqt Khud se ladne ka nhi hai ... Is waqt Sana ko meri zarurat hai ... Main nhi jaanta kyu wo zaruri hai mere liye ...

Janna chahta bhi nhi kyuki shayad ye ehsaas main ulajhna hi iski khaasiyat hai ...

Kon hai wo meri ? .... Main nhi jaanta ... Par usko apna maanta hu ... Kyu ? ... Main nhi jaanta ...

Bas usse khone se darta hu ... Na poocho kyu ... Main nhi jaanta ...

Bas itna jaanta hu ... Ki jaise pyaase boond waise hi wo zaruri hai mujhe ...

Ke shayad usse dekhna ab aadat hai meri ... Main nhi jaanta ... Kyu ? ...

Kya hua asar ? ... Tere saath reh kar na jaane
Ke hosh mujhe na Raha
Lafz mere the zuban pe aake ruke par ho na sake wo bayan ? ❤️

Hn maana maine ke der se hi tujhe apnaya hai ... Par Naa jaane kyu Teri aankhon main hi apna ghar maine basaya hai ... Tere hone ka ehsaas bhi is dil ki ummeed par kaafi hai ... Jabse maine Haqeeqat main tujhe apne kareeb paya hai

Kuch jaanu ya nhi bas itna ke main usse khona nhi chahta ... Wo khayal bhi bohot dardnaak tha ... He whispered... His eyes welled up ... He have already losted alot in the battle of life that now he is scared to loose more ...

Par khone ka ehsaas bhi toh tabhi hua jab wo sab kuch khone ko hai ... 💔

....................

Mera kaha haq hai sidharth ... Na haq hai na himmat hai mere pass ke ab main apke kareeb aakar dobara se zaleel ho jau ... Kaise bardasht karungi main wo ?

Mere vangra zaleel na hove
Zakham de gya je heal na hove

(Don't get insulted like me ... the bruises he gave still aren't healing 💔)

Khud ka main kya sochu ? Jab mujhe toh ye bhi nhi pata ke kitna hi jiyungi ... She chuckles bitterly staring at the ceiling blankly whispering her heart in the silence of loneliness

Isn't it the saddest part ... That even being surrounded by bunch of people at the end you find yourself alone dealing with your mental health ... Because no one cares for mental health nor you want to share from that thoughts you go through in your daily life .

Duniya ki Haqeeqat ko itna hi jaana hai
Dukh main akele or khushion main zamana hai ...

Par jis cheez se apko itni taklif hoti hai phir wo cheez main kaise kar sakti hu ? ...

Jis cheez se apko dard pohoche wo kar e se pehle duniya se jaana manzur hai mujhe sidharth ...

Pyaar maine bhi kiya main maanti hu apke pyaar ko ... Jaanti hu .   Dekha hai maine apko uski mohobbat main tadapta dekh ...

Par jo apke liye tadpa ... Uska kya ? ....she whispered painfully uttering ...

It's damn painful seeing the one you love break every second loving someone else and the worst part is you can't even say anything ...

Sidharth main apse pyaar karti hu. .. nhi dekh sakti apko aise har pal tootte hue ...

Par main kya kar sakti hu ? ... Jab apke kareeb aana apke dard ko or badha dega phir kya soch kar ot kid haq se main apke kareeb aau ..

Jab mujhe toh ye bhi nhi pata ke kal uthungi bhi ke nhi ....she chuckles bitterly ..  that's the freaking reality of her life ....

She is dying everyday yet with a smile ... But painful one ...

Don't she have any wishes ? ... don't she have any hopes and wants to live the dreams ... But her medical condition killed her each and every hope ...

Somewhat hopes that were there in her heart after meeting him ... Were also killed brutally by him only ...

She didn't even had any expectations from him ... But ... His words

"Main tumhe kabhi apni biwi nhi Maan paunga"

"Meri zindagi main ab kisi ki koi jagah nhi hai "

"I love someone else"

Damn that 4 freaking words ... And her heart broke like nothing else even after knowing the fucking reality ... Even after knowing that his heart belongs to someone else after knowing that he belonged to someone else still ... Still the mere hope the little the smallest was crushed under the weight of those 4 words ...

Is it easy ? ... Aha noo ... A big freaking no bearing the one you love with all you have loving someone else with all they could have ...

Sidharth ....she whispered chuckles her eyes welled up ... But a small painful smile was lingering on her lips ...

Jisko tumne chaha ... Wo mohobbat ... Or jisne tumhe chaha ? ... Uska kya ? .. 

Jiski tum ibadat Karo wo mohobbat or jisne tumhare sajde kiye uska kya? ...

Han bohot mashroof sahi tum yaadon main unki ... Par jisne tumhari yaad main khud ko barbaad Kiya ... Uska kya ? ...

Jis raah pe hai Ghar Tera
Aksar waha se Han main hu guzra

Shayad yahi dil mera Han
Tu mujhko mil jaye kya pata ? ...

Hn dil ko ummeed thi ... Na chahte hue bhi thi ... Par kehte hai na ..  jab ummeed tooti hai toh uska dard dil tootne se kahi jyada hota hai ...

SHIKWE TOH ITNE HAI MUJHE JI TERE HI GALE LAG KE TUJHSE HI TERI HAR SHIKAYAT KARNI HAI MAINE ... PAR SABAR ITNA HAI KE TU SAMNE HO BHI TOH EK LAFZ BHI NA KAHU ...

she chuckles ... Wiping her eyes her tears were on the verge of spilling out ...

Kya hai ye silsila jaanu na
main jaanu na
Dil sambhal jaa Zara

Phir mohobbat karne chala hai tu

Dard itna hai na dil main ... Ke khushi se bhi ab dar lagne laga hai ... Aisa lagta hai jaise ek pal Khushi agle hi pal ... Apni zindgi ka ehsaas hota hai ...

Zindagi se ummeeedein nhi hai mujhe ...  Bs ek adhura sapna tha ....ek happy family ka sapna... Or ajj wo pura hua ... Marne ke baad ek guilt toh nhi rahega ke Mari bhi toh kitni icchayein lekar ....she giggles ....

Baba ji ..  bas kuch din or ... Bas kuch pal or sidharth ke saath bitana chahungi please ...

Bas kuch din ... Phir aap lejana mujhe waise bhi yaha meri kisi ko zarurat nhi ... Sab khush rahe bs maa bhi papa bhi abhi Rohit ... Or specially sidharth ...

Mere hisse ki khushiyan bhi unhe Dena baba ji ... Bs unko acha rakhna bilkul ... She sniffs prays for his well and good future being in the condition where she needs prayers and wthe will of livjng the most ....

............

Soyi kyu nhi abhi tak ? ... He asked surprised entered in his room finding her staring at the ceiling wide awake ...

Aise hi ... She turns around hiding her swollen eyes... She was crying dhe don't know why ? ... But when the overthinking hits damn ... The things you don't even want to remember... Hits the hardest ...

That's what is happening with Sana .... Her condition is damn sensitive that even the happiest moment of her life can cause her to think alot over it ...

Pain hai ? .... He asked finding her behaviour unusual

She covered herself in the duvet from head to toe ...

Nai ....she whispered... Her voice cracked her cursed herself for loosing her control like this he panicked. ..

Naaz.... Kya hua ? ... Kyu ro Rahi ho ? .... Naaz ? .... Baby kuch hua hai kya ? ... Pain hai ... Doctor par chale ? ... He panicked hurriedly rushed to her cupping her face ... She bit her lower lip controlling herself looking down ...

Dawai .... Medicine Li tumne ? .... Dawai. .. he ran back towards the black table picking up her medicine box running his fingers through her medicines where as she sat on the bed crying silently looking down ... Sniffing ....

He sat down near her ...  Where as she kept her hand over his trembling one ... He looked at her and kept the medicine box aside ....

Coming closer cupped her face ...

Kya hua meri jaan bol na ... He asked in his rushed voice ...

Wiping her eyes where as she broke down more ...

Arey ? ... Kyu rona aa raha hai ? ... Kyu ro rhi ho ? ...

She nodded her head in no ... Keeping her hand over his resting on her cheek ...

She cried and sobbed like a baby ... Letting out her want to cry ...

Nor she wants to cry show her vulnerability to any freaking one ... But he feels familiar to her heart ... It feels her that he won't judge her ... When he stays near her heart feels light ... She feels like being everything and nothing infront of him ... That's how she loved him with her everything ... Even with her tears ...

What she feels? From what she had gone through her dark past ... It's difficult every person hides a story behind the mask of smile they wear ...

Her story is something too tragic ... She was not always like this ... She wasn't always like this she was the happy soul ....dhr loved her parents ...

But ....the void her parents left in her heart ... Which could never be filled ... Though how much Rohit tried ... Don't make her feel the absence....but still ...

No one can ever fill the void which our loved ones leave in our heart ...

How much she have gonr through the mental trauma after her parents ...  She needed to leave her house ... Living on the streets ... She was tortured by her own family members who treated her like a peice of shit after parents ...

Isn't it easy ? ... Bearing all those things in such a small age ? ...having no one beside you ... Not even a home to live ... Food to eat ... She had nothing and despite of all those sufferings ... The hole in her heart was the biggest threat over her life since her childhood ...

She had seen her parents ... Crying for her whole night's ... She had seen her mother sitting near her holding her ..   and crying ... On the thought of loosing her ..  it was damn. The most vulnerable thing ...

She had seen her father her iron man ... Broke down in tears ... And the day her father cried for her she was dead inside because she had always seen her father dealing with every hardship having not even a hint of worry ... But when he cried for her she was dead inside ...

Thf feeling was breaking ... She was broke into peices shattered after parents. ... When Rohit ... Rohit was the only hopea nd only person there for her ....though how much they fight still he means alot to her ...

Though working for her livelihood fighting with her heart disease....she was bearing and going through with th depression when she came across him ...

His videos were her life savior ... She watching him found her peace ..  he was her serenity ... He didn't even know when

HE WAS HEALING SOMEONE HE NEVER BROKE

but she never thought that he will break her ...

When you suffer for the longest time ..  being strong for the longest time even the smallest things cause you to break down ...

Maine jagah nhi Li kisi ki ....she whispered all of a sudden ... Making him snap out ... He shifted more closer to her as she cried holding his hand ...

Maine sachi ... She sobbed tired of being strong now ...

Maine jagah Leni bhi nhi unki apki zindagi main ... Main main kyu banaungi apki zindagi main apni jagah ? ...

Jab mujhe ... Mujhe khud ko hi nai pata meri zindagi kitni bachi hai ? ...

She sobbed ...

Meko pata hai apki zindagi main meri koi jagah nhi hai ... Ap mujhe kabhi apna nhi paoge. ....sidharth zarurat bhi nhi hai ... Sachi ... Main ..  main nhi janti kitna jiyungi ... Main .

Maine toh bas dosti ka haath badhaya tha majne kuch expect nhi kiya sachi ....shr cried ...

Qki personal space ko invade bhi nhi kiya ....wo us din ... Main ... Main bas khud ko rok nhi payi ... Us picture main ... Main ... Idk ... Main bas ...

Aap mat karo ye sab ... Mere liye taklif nhi uthao ap ... Taras khake ya guilt main ... Mat karo pls ...

Main bhoj nhi Banna chahti ap par sachi ...

Mai ... Meri waja se saare ... Sab pareshan ....she sobbed ... Crying bitterly remembering her parents crying ... The most painful and heartbreaking sight for her 💔

Seeing her parents cry for her ..  she was small .... Her mind wasn't mature ....

She didn't got to know when the sight effected her so much ... 

.she deeply effected with everything ... And after seeing him doing so much for her she felt heavy ..  she felt as if she is being a burden over him too

He held her frame in his arms .... Not thinking much but pulled her in his arms hugging her tighter ... Letting her cry ....

She leans over his chest and brokedown ever so painfully making his bleed and burst ...

She stopped her self from asaying anything more ... As her every word  stopped when he just held her in his arms

SHIKAYATON KE HISAB TOH BOHOT RAKHE THE TUMSE ... PAR TUMNE GALE LAGAKAR SAARE HISAB BIGAD DIYE

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Sometimes breakdowns are also needed for the inner peace maybe.

I hope you all liked it and check out the last chapter also 🤧💔