A pale but determined Baara managed to serve Maacah her evening meal. Noticing her mistress glancing at her with concern from time to time, she tried to paste on a smile, but by the end of the meal, Baara knew she could act no more. Telling Maacah she felt ill, she asked if she could retire early. Expressing concern, Maacah offered to bring her some wine for her stomach, but Baara insisted that all she needed was some rest.

Keeping her head high and her shoulders straight, Baara retired to her bedchamber. The minute the door closed, though, she slumped against the rough wood and allowed pent up tears to fall. Going to her bed, Baara fell prostrate on her face and cried out to Yahweh.

"I was so sure you intended this punishment for good," Baara told her God. "Why has everything gone so wrong? I have no defense against the lies Zipporah has concocted. My heart is filled with despair."

Giving in to the desolation she felt, Baara began to sob quietly. She no longer gave words to her feelings but simply poured out her sorrow and hopelessness in a flood of tears. When her tears were spent, excerpts from Psalms floated through her tired mind.

"I am weary with my groaning; all night I make my bed swim; I drench my couch with my tears (Psalm 6:6)...The Lord has heard the voice of my weeping (Psalm 6:8b)...Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. (Psalm 125:5)"

"I'm certainly making my couch swim," Baara told Yahweh. "But I don't see how these tears can ever reap joy."

"Have faith," echoed in her mind. "Remember the words you clung to the other night. I am still your rock and your deliverer. Look up not around."

"I want to trust," Baara replied, "but I can't combat the evil in Zipporah. She has taken away all my defenses. I have no options left."

"All my defenses, all my defenses, all MY defenses," echoed through Baara's mind, with the word my growing stronger and more pronounced with each repetition.

"I know You have resources I do not," Baara said to God. "But I'm so afraid. I don't know how to trust in such a situation."

Again Psalms came to mind. "I will not be afraid of ten thousands of people who have set themselves against me all around (Psalm 3:6)...He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will take refuge...you will not be afraid of the terror by night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that walks in darkness, nor the destruction that lays waste at noonday (Psalm 91: 4-6)...Whenever I am afraid I will trust is You (Psalm 56:3) ...Wait on the Lord, be of good courage and He will strengthen your heart. (Psalm 28:14)"

Once again tears ran down Baara's cheeks as she said, "Yahweh, I have no strength left; my heart can only be strengthened by You. You will have to be my defense. I have none of my own. I need You to gather me under Your wings like a baby chick because the pestilence that walks in darkness is stalking me, and the terror of the night threatens to overtake me. Grant me wisdom for I don't know how to cope."

As a presence like a warm embrace surrounded Baara, in her mind she saw the eyes of the slave who had helped hold her on the bed while Zipporah did the unthinkable. The haunting eyes were filled with unfathomable pain and then, as though they had seen too much, they became vacant. In her memory, the eyes rotated between pain and blankness until Baara understood that perhaps some great pain similar to her own had caused the girl to retreat into herself because she could no longer stand the pain of the world. And it was Baara's pain that had precipitated the retreat. Could Baara possibly reach the girl through their shared pain and perhaps liberate them both?

As Baara considered just how to approach the other slave, she became aware of a burning pain in her vaginal area. Afraid to look, but knowing she should not ignore the pain, Baara sat and spread her legs, bending to look down. Shocked, she found her undergarments were stained with blood. Unbidden, a sob broke from her throat just as a knock came at her door, followed by Maacah's soft voice. "Baara, I know you are awake, unless you cry in your sleep. I'm coming in."

As Baara hastily covered her exposed area, Maacah entered the room holding a small pitcher and her vial of oil.

"I came to offer you some wine for your stomach, and I brought my oil to anoint you," she said. Seeing the swollen eyes and blotched face of the young girl, she continued, "What great pain causes your tears? Did a nightmare awaken you again or is there some new terror that stalks the darkness."

Surprised by Maacah's use of the phraseology of the Psalm, Baara simply stared with pain-filled, wary eyes. As she scrutinized her mistress, a voice commanded, "Tell her. Tell her all. Trust her."

Startled, Baara looked around for the source of the voice, but no one was in the room but her mistress. Still, the voice had been quite distinct and quite certain. As Baara wavered for a split second in indecision, she again felt a throbbing pain in her pubic area. Realizing that now would be the best time to appeal to Maacah because the evidence of her violation was fresh and Naaman was gone and could not be blamed as the culprit, she heeded the voice and began to blurt out her story. She knew there was a chance Maacah would banish her, but she had to take the risk that she would give credence to the story. After all, Baara reasoned, the mysterious voice had decreed submission and had come following prayer for protection and wisdom. The voice could belong to no one but God, and she could not disobey Him after pleading with Him for guidance, strength and vindication.

While Baara poured out her story, she dared not look at her mistress for fear she would see disdain and loathing in her eyes. Instead she looked down at the hands that she twisted nervously in her lap. As she talked, Maacah sank down onto the edge of the bed where Baara sat, but the girl still dared not look into her eyes.

When she finished her halting tale, Baara sat stiffly waiting for condemnation to fall. Instead, Maacah sat the pitcher and vial on the floor and enfolded Baara in her arms, murmuring softly, "It's going to be all right, child. We will find a way to thwart the plans of Zipporah."

Becoming business-like, she continued. "You'll have to allow me to examine you, Baara. I'll try to be gentle, but I'll have to see the evidence before I confront the woman. You may also need to be anointed with this oil I brought."

Baara dutifully lay on the bed and uncovered herself. Maacah gently but efficiently examined the quiet girl, cleaned her, and administered healing oil. She then said, "I know you feel shame, but you shouldn't. What happened to you was not of your doing. Some blood in your undergarments would be expected following the penetration of a virgin. Zipporah has stolen from you proof of your virginity, but nothing more. When the time comes that you are ready to marry, I can attest to the circumstances surrounding your deflowering. You needn't worry that she has kept you from marital bliss."

Holding up a small brown splinter, Maacah continued. "I found this entangled in your pubic hair. In her haste, Zipporah has left evidence of the instrument she used. Now, we must plan carefully how we will entrap her in the web she herself has woven."

Bemused, Baara asked, "What do you mean trap her? Isn't the evidence enough?"

"It's enough for me," Maacah replied. "But you say she has spread rumors and poisoned some of the other slaves against you. For them to understand her treachery, we need more. I think perhaps the slaves who held you down might be compelled to corroborate your story."

"Perhaps," Baara said, "but one harbored nothing but hatred as she helped Zipporah. Even if she talked, it would be to protect herself, and she might tell the slaves a different story than she tells you. The other, though, the one called Cozbi, had eyes filled with pain and resignation. I think perhaps she could be convinced to speak the truth, but only if someone connected with her pain. I know that you helped to heal me because you could feel my pain."

"For this to work, we need to make certain Zipporah suspects nothing," Maacah interjected. "She must not see either of us talking with Cozbi. We will need to search the slave quarters without her knowledge so the fetus she has hidden will not be there to lend weight to her story. You and I can't accomplish this alone. We'll need help. I think it's time we included Tirzah in our discussion. I know that will be embarrassing for you, but it's necessary."

After Maacah summoned Tirzah, the three women sat and discussed how to proceed. When the plan was formulated, the two older women retired to their rooms after seeing that Baara drank the wine, knowing it would ease any discomfort of the stomach and help her to sleep.

The next morning Baara arose from her bed with the dawn and proceeded to the back courtyard, as had been her custom for the past month. She did her best to appear dejected and resigned, as Zipporah would expect. Taking her place at the treadmill opposite Zipporah, Baara threw some grain into the funnel and began to push the handle.

When Zipporah took the handle from Baara to pull it, she deliberately let her hand caress Baara's. When the girl snatched her hand back in disgust, she laughed cruelly.

"So, I see your sorry God didn't whisk you out of my clutches as you slept," Zipporah said. "I see the bags under your eyes are darker today. Did something disturb your slumber?" she asked, feigning concern. Then laughing again, she continued, "So, have you decided to help me out and become my roommate?"

Looking at Zipporah with a look of dislike and apparent despair, Baara said in a low voice, "You know my options. I talked with Tirzah this morning. She will undoubtedly speak with Timna today about your suitability as a nanny. But don't let that fool you. You may have succeeded so far in life with your evil ways, but evil never triumphs. You will be exposed one day. Yahweh will not tolerate your sin for long."

Laughing at Baara once again, Zipporah countered. "You hold onto that fairy tale, little girl. Your belief in this Yahweh has gotten you nowhere. Your family was killed; your innocence is gone; and your coveted place in this household is about to be taken over by an 'evil' maiden. This God of yours has no power here in Damascus. He is nothing but a myth spun for the weak, who cannot make their way in the world without a crutch. My sin, as you call it, will continue to thrive. I do what I must to get ahead. You go ahead and hide behind your God. I will succeed because of my own strength. I don't intend to remain a menial slave. I will use my wits and my knowledge of herbs to get ahead. Do you think Tirzah's nanny just got sick? Think again. My powders found their way into her food. You had better be careful. If you cross your new roommate, you may find yourself suffering from a similar malady."

"What good will it do you to become Tirzah's nanny?" Baara questioned. "You'll still be a slave. You'll just have nicer quarters."

"You are so naive," Zipporah answered. "Her husband is the better looking of the two sons and also the one who will probably advance farthest in the Kingdom. I have potions that can make a man fall in love. I'm sure Arisai is beginning to tire of Tirzah's charms. Since she is again with child, she will not be much of a companion in bed. I'm sure I can entice him with my body. Eventually I will become his second, but favored wife. Since his father married a slave, no one will object when he decides to marry me. As a wife, I'll no longer be treated as an inferior slave but as a beloved mate. I'll have power over him and thus over the household. Someday you will have to wash my feet," Zipporah concluded with a smile.

At this, Baara simply bowed her head and concentrated on her grinding, but Zipporah could not stop herself from gloating, "What's the matter, Baara? You seem to have lost your spunk today. What was that you said about rotting in Sheol rather than being my roommate?" she goaded.

Shooting her a look of scorn, Baara responded, "After today, the room may become Sheol on earth. It certainly won't be a haven of rest with you there."

As Zipporah threw back her head in laughter, Timna approached the two women with Cozbi in tow.

"Zipporah," Timna said, "Tirzah has asked to speak with you. It seems she is in need of a nanny and your new friend here has recommended you for the post. She wants to discuss your qualifications with you and watch you in action with the children. Cozbi will take your place at the treadmill."

Giving Baara a triumphant look, Zipporah got up and gave her place to Cozbi. Baara watched as Zipporah exited the back courtyard and then noted Timna entering the women's slave quarters. She turned her attention to Cozbi.

As the sound of the treadmill started back up, Baara said to Cozbi, "Perhaps you would like for me to tell you a story from my heritage. There is one about an Egyptian slave named Hagar whose mistress, Sarai, dealt with her unfairly. Even though Hagar was a foreign woman, Yahweh, the God of Sarai and her husband Abraham, heard Hagar's cries in the wilderness and blessed her. She called Yahweh the God Who Sees because He saw her in her pain and reached out to her in compassion."

Glad that Baara was not planning to interrogate her, Cozbi listened intently to the tale Baara told. She soon was caught up in the story of a woman who had been wronged and, through no fault of her own, found herself alone and pregnant, crying beside a spring of water. Just as Baara finished the tale, Timna came to the two girls and told them they were to accompany her to the roof. There they found Maacah waiting for them.

Maacah bade the two girls sit and then said, "I know both of you have reason to fear me. I am in charge of this household while Naaman is gone, and it is I who have the power to punish or dismiss slaves. But I'm also a woman who was once a slave. I know how hopeless your lot can seem and how desperate you can become. I've already shared much of the pain of my past with Baara, but today I want to share something with both of you because I am going to give you a choice when we finish talking. I want you to know I will respect your decision, no matter what."

While the two girls listened, Maacah told them of a day in her past so painful, she had shared it with no one except Naaman. As she talked she became again the frightened slave girl in a strange land, with no hope and nowhere to turn. Her tale was so vivid it transported them back to that day in the distant past.

###

Maacah was young and in love. Her owner and protector, Naaman, had told her he wanted her as his wife. He was planning to talk with his parents about a betrothal that very day. While Naaman planned, Maacah continued to fulfill her duties as his slave and so took his clothing to the creek to wash. A sullen male slave accompanied her and several other slaves who would be doing laundry for the rest of Naaman's father's household.

Finishing before the others, Maacah decided to take a walk in the field beside the stream where an abundance of wild flowers grew. The male slave begrudgingly agreed to accompany her as her protector. She picked flowers and then sat on the ground among the tall flowers and made a garland, which she put in her hair. Turning to the male slave who had been sitting and watching, she said coquettishly, "So what do you think? Is this a crown befitting a bride?"

Taking her by the wrist the man pulled her to him and kissed her roughly, saying, "Aye, my pretty one. The crown could be that of a bride, but a comely slave never becomes a bride, only a mistress."

When she tried to pull away, he held her tightly.

"Don't struggle, you little vixen. We're far from the women who are talking and laughing while they pound the clothes. We're in tall flowers and grass, and sitting like this we are not easily seen."

Then forcing her to lie and putting his hand over her mouth, he continued as he laughed into her frightened eyes, "You have been flirting with me all day. Now I'll have my way with you. The women know you went off with me, alone. No one will believe you if you protest that you are innocent, so just relax and enjoy yourself. I'm just going to make things easier for you when your master sneaks into to your room in the night to seek your favors."

As Maacah retold the story, her face registered the long ago fear, shame and pain as tears rolled unnoticed down her cheeks.

"He raped me that day," she noted. "I thought my world had ended. Naaman would not want to marry a woman who was not a virgin. I was doomed because if we continued with our plans, he would find out on our wedding night that I was deflowered. All my dreams and hopes were smashed in just a few minutes. When Naaman told me his parents refused to sanction the wedding, I was relieved. But then a few days later he told me he had asked for the King's blessing on our union, and it had been granted. I was trapped."

Hanging her head, Maacah's body seemed to register the despair she had felt on that day. Defiled, friendless, alone. She waited until everyone slept and slipped out into the darkness, guided only by the sliver of a crescent moon. Stopping by the room where the women tanned hides to be made into leather clothing, she palmed a sharp-edged tanning stone. With silent tread she crossed the grass to the pool where she had cried as she railed against her new master. Kneeling on the flat stone used to by the women, she took the sharp stone in her right hand and viciously slashed it across her left wrist, crying out in despair, "Forgive me Naaman!"

A pounding filled her head. Thinking it was the pounding of her frightened heart, she murmured, "Blessed goddess, take me quickly."

The pounding stopped as a winded Naaman dropped beside her.

"What have you done, Maacah?" he cried, even as he ripped the hem of his tunic and bound her bleeding wrist. "What could make you want to go to the goddess on the eve of our wedding?"

Raising her head and smiling at the girls through her tears, Maacah concluded, "In the providence of the gods, Naaman decided to take a late night walk that evening. After he found me and tended my wound, he forced me to tell him why I would try to take my life when the King had just given us permission to wed. I was exhausted, and my resources were depleted. I could think of no plausible lie, and so I told Naaman about the slave who had violated me and stolen my virginity. He chose to marry me anyway. He told me he loved me and that it did not matter that I was no longer a virgin. The man who had violated me disappeared from the household. Rumors say he was sold on the slave block as a Eunuch, but I never asked Naaman about that. What I thought was hopeless was not. I suffered a lot of pain, but I am here to tell you that stories sometimes have happy endings if you do not give in to despair."

When Maacah finished her story, she turned to Cozbi who was sitting, hugging herself and crying silently.

"I don't know the source of your pain," she said to Cozbi. "I do know the source of Baara's pain. Perhaps if you have enough courage to help Baara in her trouble, just the act of helping another will ease your pain. If you can share your pain with us, perhaps we can find some way to help you as well. The choice is yours, as I told you earlier. You won't be punished if you chose not to talk. As for you, Baara, you have a choice too. If you don't desire to stay in a household where you feel rumors and innuendos have sullied your good name, I can find a place for you elsewhere. A place where I know you will be safe and not mistreated."

"There is no help for me," Cozbi sobbed. "But I am willing to do what I can for Baara. I helped Zipporah yesterday because she forced me. She told me she would tell my secret if I didn't help. I knew if she told, I would be jailed or sold. Either option I viewed as a prison since most slaves in Aram are said to be treated poorly by their masters. I didn't realize at the time that I was already a prisoner. Although visibly free, I was chained to Zipporah by blackmail. If Zipporah mixes one of her potions in my food as she threatened, it will be a relief. I deserve to die."

"Can you tell me why you think you deserve to die?" Maacah questioned.

"I might as well," Cozbi responded. "If I stand as a witness against Zipporah, she will make sure you know the whole sordid story anyway."

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Cozbi continued, "I knew Zipporah was the daughter of a healer. I knew she had knowledge of the dark side of medicine as well. That fetus in the jar in Zipporah's room was not found in the hog trough, it was taken from my womb at my request. Out of selfishness, I killed my own child."

"Why did you wish to rid yourself of the growing baby?" Maacah asked in a quiet, compassion-filled voice.

Looking up in surprise at the tone of concern, Cozbi said harshly, "Do not waste your pity on me. I do not deserve it. I am a murderer."

"Perhaps," Maacah said. "I would still like to hear what brought you to the point where you felt abortion was your only option. What of the father? Did he know you planned to end the pregnancy?"

"He didn't even know I was pregnant," Cozbi said bitterly, "and if he had, he wouldn't have cared. He pretended he had feelings for me, but sex changed all that."

"Did he rape you?" Maacah asked.

"I might call it rape," Cozbi said, "but no one else would concur."

"What makes you think others would take his side?" Maacah asked.

"I allowed him to court me," Cozbi said. "I purposefully would slip away with him to spend time alone."

"Did you surrender your virginity to him willingly?" Maacah asked.

"No," Cozbi answered. "I was so excited that night..." she began in a dull voice as she relived the worst night of her short life.

After all of the others were asleep, Cozbi stealthily slipped on her tunic and made her way through the sleeping women. With a full moon to guide her way, she kept to the shadows along the wall until she came to the animal stalls. In her hand she carried small bits of carrot, which she fed to the animals as she made her way to the hiding place at the back of an empty stall where they often met after chores to talk and steal a hurried kiss. They hadn't been alone for over a week. His schedule hadn't permitted their afternoon rendezvous so he'd asked her to come to him at night. The darkness and the need for absolute silence caused her heart to beat rapidly, but she felt no fear – only anticipation. She missed their talks and stolen kisses as much as he said he did, but tonight she thought was special. He had talked of asking Naaman for permission for them to marry and move into the family quarters. Her sweaty palms and racing pulse were signs of a young woman in love expecting a proposal.

His heart also raced with anticipation, but the proposal he had in mind was not the one she expected. Rather than treating her gently as in the past, he pulled her close, whispering, "We don't have much time. Let's not waste it talking." Then he assaulted her mouth hungrily as he ran his hands over her body and then began to pull clumsily at her tunic. She struggled to pull away, but that seemed only to excite him. When she begged him to stop, he laughed intoxicatingly, calling her a tease.

Forcing her onto her back, he hissed, "Make a sound and everyone will know you for what you are. You will be sold. Surely you have heard what happens to nubile young slave girls. Your body can be mine tonight or belong to many others. I'm only taking what you've been promising by meeting me here."

"After that night he ignored me," Cozbi continued. "When I used our secret meeting signal, he didn't come. He began to flirt with other single slave women. When I found out I was pregnant, I had no way of getting him alone to tell him. Then one of the other women told me he was talking about marriage to her. So, I went to Zipporah for help. I couldn't face the idea of carrying his child. I didn't want to face the stigma of being found with child but without a mate. I didn't think getting rid of the fetus would be murder," her voice trailed off and she paused as though reluctant to continue.

The taking a deep breath she concluded, "But then Zipporah showed me the child. It was tiny and not completely formed, but it was obviously a human. I was ashamed that I had ended a life so callously. I knew I didn't deserve to live. Yet somehow, I was learning to deal with the pain – until Zipporah came to me and told me I would have to help in her plan. When I held Baara down, it was like the little good in me that I had been nurturing died. I knew that the evil inside Zipporah had triumphed. I sold my soul when I asked her to take my child."

When Cozbi fell silent, Baara spoke, "I can't pretend to understand your particular pain, but I have felt the forgiveness of my God. He forgave King David after he arranged to have Uriah killed in battle. King David's soul was restored, and he was able to find joy in life again. Yahweh will offer you the same forgiveness if you only ask."

"Yahweh is your god, not mine. He wouldn't respond so generously to the request of an unknown foreigner."

"He sought out Hagar, an Egyptian slave with no geographic claim on Him. She called him the God Who Sees. Even though He saw all, He chose to bless. He didn't care that Hagar was a foreigner. He is the God of the Universe. He is not bound by artificial geographical lines."

"It's a beautiful legend, but I haven't the faith to embrace your god."

At that point Maacah interjected, "I don't pretend to understand Baara's faith or her god. But I have seen the peace that has come into Baara's life despite the slaughter of her family. I know she believes Yahweh sent Naaman to her rescue. I know she prayed before she told me her story last night. I can't explain the source of her strength, but I know it is there. As for you, Cozbi, I think you need to seek forgiveness because you are right; what you did was murder and so it was wrong even though it was brought about because of the evil of rape. Unfortunately, a second wrong cannot be added to the first and make it right. I don't know where you need to seek forgiveness, but you must start by forgiving yourself."

"I don't know if that is possible. I'm willing to bear witness against Zipporah on Baara's behalf. Maybe doing something noble will help to restore my sense of self-worth."

"Thank you," Maacah said. "It's a beginning. Timna has already retrieved the fetus from the women's quarters. Do you know where Zipporah hid her medicinal instrument?"

"Have someone check in the rafters in the animal stalls. I think that is where she retrieved it from, although I cannot be sure. She is a very crafty woman and may have several hiding places for such things. I know she keeps most of her herbs hidden in the hem of her garments and in a pouch in her girdle, but the abortion tool would be too bulky for that."

"You may go back to your work, now," Maacah instructed. "You probably won't have to face Zipporah personally. She is in the family quarters helping Tirzah. Tirzah will not release her until I return. I don't think she suspects anything. Once I have confronted Zipporah and dealt out justice, I want you to tell the true story to the other slaves. I don't want the vicious rumor she started concerning Baara and Naaman to continue."

"I will gladly do as you ask," Cozbi stated, "but I must warn you that Mara, the other slave who helped, may not be as willing to cooperate. I don't know why, but for some reason she is filled with as much hatred as Zipporah. She may try to fuel the rumors even as I try to rectify them."

As Cozbi turned to go back down stairs, Baara cried out, "Wait."

Hurrying to Cozbi's side, she embraced her tightly.

"Thank you, Cozbi. I know what you face is daunting. Today you have gained a friend. I will pray to Yahweh that He'll lift your burden. Promise me that you will talk to me before you do anything if you get the urge to harm yourself. I know what it is like to live in the valley of despair."

"I don't plan to end another life, even my own. Living with the knowledge of what I've done is my punishment. But I promise that if I'm tempted, I will seek you out first, if for no other reason than to say good-bye."