These past few days, that has turned into a week, since Abby has been released from the hospital.. Have been really hard. I don't know what to do anymore. I tried going to church to pray, but it felt like I was a burden, an outsider. I felt like everyone was shunning me or staring at me because I would get so emotional and start breaking down, they acted like I was a animal who had gotten runned over by a car and all they can do is stare and watch me whimper in pain.

So I gave up on that. So we're on our own now. And God just watches us from above, probably chuckling at how pathetic I am, how less of a man I've become. I make Abby special soup everyday. And when I mean special.. I literally mean special, no one is allowed to eat it but Abby. The doctor informed me to put Abby's pills in her soup so that she wouldn't know, and hopefully get better. Scandalist don't you think?

Well... I'm only doing it because I have no better solution as in what to do for my wife. I always talk to her. And tell her how my day went. I don't allow the Bangtan boys to come over because... I don't know. I'm over protective. My parents had come over twice. But they were too heart broken to visit Abby in our room, so they just visited Bella Rose and I.

Her parents stayed a couple of days, her mother couldn't stop crying and I've never seen her father so broken. Jessica was crying too.. I don't think its her hormones either, yeah she's pregnant again with her second child. Joseph, you can tell that he was mentally trying to act like he was okay. But you can tell that he was shattering like glass. Bella always keeps them on the happy side. She likes to play with her cousin Isaiah whose only four.

Bella.. What can I say.. She's strongly effected by this as well.. But she always finds a way to make me happy. How can a four year old coup with this? She barely knows how to say her R's , it breaks my heart to see Bella cry when Abby can't go to pick her up from school like she used to. Abby also hasn't gone to any of Bella's school plays because of her condition, but I've recorded them so that when she does get better she can watch it. Bella is very talented.

She's so enthusiastic, cheerful, and I know she has a great character for a four year old, she reminds me so much of Abby. Soon she'll be five next week. I don't know what we are going to do if Abby is still in this state... I don't want Bella to suffer just because Abby is in such position. I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that her parents don't love her. It would break my heart, more than it already is.

Everyday I try to explain Abby's condition to Bella in the least complicated way. She's just a child, still a baby in my eyes, she wouldn't understand. Bella always asks me if the baby is okay in heaven.. She asks me this every morning before I drop her off at pre school. I always say the same thing, "yes." Just as simple as that. Because I have nothing else to say. My poor Bella Rose...

Sometimes, I walk into the baby room we had ready. And I cry and cry and cry. I don't want to say that I'm suffering more than anyone else, but it feels like I am. Having to see my wife go through this shatters me into trillions of pieces. When I have to go to work, I can't concentrate. I think they're close to firing me. But I know they won't because I've told them the state that I'm in, that my family is in. I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

Everyday I wonder if I'm at fault for this. If my sperm had affected the baby. That its my fault. But, I've read that unintentional causes happen and it makes a miscarriage. But I can't think about this, I need to know if my wife will get better. I need her. I need her in my life. I do. I really do.

I walk into our room where Abby is laying down , how she's been for almost a week now. I place the bowl next to the bed side. I sit next to her on the bed. I stare at her face, she just stares into space, unknowing what has been happening in our universe. "Abby. I want you to know that..." My voice cracks before I can continue. I brush her hair back behind her ear.

"I love you... And I've been doing every thing I can to help you.." Just then the door swings open and its Bella. She knows that she's now allowed in here, but I let her because I don't feel like arguing with her. She jumps on the bed. She sits in front of Abby, staring at her intensely, her cheeks red. "Why mommy? Why? Why do you do this? I miss you." Bella says with anger and sadness in her voice. I feel my tears fall down my face.

"You hurt me mommy." She says her tears strolling down her pink cheeks. "I am here. I am your baby." She says. And I lose it. I face the side of the bed where my back is to them. My head hung in between my legs and I just cried, I didn't care if I was loud. "You hurt daddy!" Bella cries loudly and slaps her small hand on the bed. "Why mommy!? Why!?" Just then I hear Abby whimpering. I turn. Her face is in her hands and she's crying. I stare at her.

Is this real? Is she actually moving? Is this all it took for her to come back to us? Bella Rose? "Maaamaaa!" Bella yelled as she swung her small arms around Abby's neck as she hugged her back. I was uncontrollably crying. "I'm so sorry baby... I'm so so sorry..." She whispers her voice raspy because she hasn't talked in a week. This is the first time I'm hearing her voice again.

Its music to my ears, the kind of music that makes you cry but the kind you'd listen to over and over again. "I love you mommy.." She says quietly. "I love you too my little Rose." Abby says. They sat there for a couple of minutes. Crying. I sat there and watched this beautiful scene. Abby then looks at me. Her eyes puffy. She looks at Bella. "Can I talk to daddy now?" Abby asks. Bella looks at me with her face pink and her little eyes swollen. She smiles.

"Daddy deserves it." She says then kisses Abby's cheek and runs out of the room. Abby adjusts herself on the bed. We kinda stare at each other for a while. My eyes had longed to be seen by hers. I scoot closer to her. "I'm so sorry Jungkook... You've been through so much. I never thanked you... For taking care of me... Through everything and being the best husband I can ask for. I was selfish, thinking of only myself and not how others were affected my this."

She touches my face and my skin tingles. She wipes my tears. "Don't cry baby... I'm okay now." She pulls me close into a hug. I cry in the nape of her neck. "I love you.." She says running her fingers through my hair and rubbing my back. I wrap my arms around her tighter. I wanted to make sure that this was true, that this was real and that my head wasn't playing games with me. I pull myself away from her.

I stare at her face, its the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Right away she kisses my lips. I push myself into her. My lips had been longing for hers. To taste her again. So passionate. I was willing to forget all the pain that I've been through. To cherish this moment. She pulls my body towards her. Our bodies sending off heat, causing all my shattered pieces to come back together and make me whole again. I pulled her closer to me.

I don't ever want her to drift away from me ever again. I feel wetness against my face. I pull away and look at her. She's crying. "I love you so much Jungkook... I.. Thought I was going to lose you.." She says. I glide my thumb on her cheek. "Lose me? PFF.. Never" I say leaving my hand caressing her face as I kiss her lips again.

I know this is kind of stupid but I kinda got a little emotional when I made Bella yell at her mom, I don't know.. I can't stand seeing kids cry. I think it's because I can imagine it. I hope you guys can too. I really wanted to have this chapter explain what was going on as Abby was in her depressing state. I didn't want to just go right into it, you know what I mean? I needed a building block before I got into it, if you know what I mean. Well. Anyways. I hope you enjoyed it. And if you did. Please leave a comment on how you liked it, I'm open to suggestions and make sure to vote. It really does mean a lot.
Thank you so much! ❤