so if i told you all the stories
and showed you all the bruises

would you stay?
i doubt you would

maybe i should tell you that you remind me of a boy i never loved but kissed anyway.

but then you'll think i am a bitch
and your eyes would probably remind me how i left those glimmering brown eyes vacant

maybe i should tell you that when you make love to me

all i can think of is that cold night

when a strange man shoved his tongue inside my throat and pinched my butt

but then you might not look at me the same way

you ask me why i always look sad

why i never tell you how much i love you

why i never ask you where you've been as long as you come back to me

you ask me if i even care
as i stand in a corner watching you

all the while my mouth reeks of death
the taste of the corpses of all the unsaid words lingers on my lips

you tell me how you wish i would just let you in

but i can't seem to tell you
i already have

i've given you whatever was left of me

unspoken promises and poisoned kisses
shaky embraces and stolen glances

maybe i should really just tell you

how my best friend called me an attention seeking whore when i showed her traces of self loathing on my wrists and how in that moment i wanted to slit her throat

maybe i should just tell you about the boy with pitiful eyes who'd make me morning coffee and how I'd think of drowning him in that hot beverage

maybe i should tell you about that asshole who didn't just squeeze my ass but also left me with torn clothes and bleeding wounds

and how when he was making me lick his balls, i bit down on his skin, hard and left him screaming

what if i told you i think about him as you touch me sometimes and how it makes me want to skin your pretty face

what if i told you my dreams aren't made of screams and lonely streets but your blood on my lips

i know you don't love me and you only come back to me because i remind you of the girl you loved but could never fuck

i can't stand you sometimes with all your why's and i know I drive you crazy with my what if's

but you know, i think it's a good thing we've going on, no matter how rotten

maybe we can be each other's salvation for the time being

So i will cling to your shirt as i sleep and you'll moan into my ear as you pound inside of me, thinking of some other bitch for another day, week, month

maybe you'll fall in love with me which would be a catastrophe

but truth be told, i know you wouldn't

because you see i am the one who has remembered every detail of your face

maybe because i am addicted
or maybe because sometimes you seem to blur, as if you're not my reality but just another face of a dream on loop

i am starting to think, maybe this is it

maybe this is the night i let you go and fall back into the abyss of sleepless nights

maybe tonight is the night i let you suck my breasts for the last time

maybe tonight is the night i tell you about the time when i cut off her fingers...

" Wanna fuck?", you whisper in my ear

your alcohol laced breath tickles my lips and as i look into your eyes

your gaze promising a night of passion and sin

i decide

not tonight