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*** Karis' POV***

Christopher hadn't contacted me. He hadn't spent countless hours blowing up my phone. No messages, no reminders, nothing came from someone who had put so much effort into hurting me, controlling me and molding me into his vision of a perfect wife.

However, that didn't stop the pain. The memories replayed. His words echoed in my head, bouncing loudly as a painful reminder of everything I had given up just to make this person happier than I would ever feel.

Days went by that turned into weeks. I couldn't shake the feeling that I wanted, needed to get it all off of my chest. I couldn't rest knowing that he was not completely exposed to the depths of the scars he so easily inflicted upon my soul.

I fought every moment with myself on the reasons that I should or should not do this. When the reasons mirrored one another, I knew there was only one choice to make. I had to choose me.

So I did.

I wouldn't ever be able to fully allow Vance in if I didn't face the demons that were pinning my hands behind my back. I needed to let it all out, once and for all. I had to finally speak up against the abuse that was so much more than had Christopher just laid me out with his fist.

The matter felt like life and death, spiritually. I would perish in turmoil, letting anxiety be my guide, if I did not face the giant that lurked behind me. I was at an impasse. It was time to follow the only path that made sense for my own happiness.

With so much playing on my mind, I decide to put pen to paper.

As I sit at my dining table, I begin to release my pain into words that may or may not make an impression on someone I once loved with blind ambition.

It will not matter if my ex-husband even opens the envelope. All that matters is that I finally stand up to him. It may seem as if it is the cowards way out, writing instead of speaking. However, we know our personal limits. This is as far as I can reach without being drowned in the thrashing waves of my past.

Christopher,

I'm learning how to live. After all this time, the broken pieces feel so much like home. Every word, every inflection and each time you took more of me than I could afford to give, you chiseled away at who I was. You made me who I have become. So let me sit here in all my broken glory with a mangled heart, shattered dreams, tattered edges and parting seams. Give me time to breathe. Let me let go of the you that I hoped you could be. Give me space to finally reach in, gather what is left of me and put me back together piece by tiny piece. When your words come back around, I pray I can deflect the pain that they have always caused. While I was busy building you up, you were praying I would fall. Your narcissistic tendencies gave you everything while draining me. My empath soul desired to fill your every empty space. Your selfishness was rewarded with my golden heart's grace. You buried your claws so deep inside when it came time to run I had no where left to hide. I fought myself on things I knew to be true just so I could see the good inside of you. I pushed away the parts of me that I felt as if you couldn't bear to see. You gave me no opening to let you in when you closed me out, left me to fend off the demons that resided inside, you smiled while all I could do was cry. For years I knew that it was me. I was the problem, the source of animosity. Between me and you, I had no choice but to accept that I was the one who couldn't be pleased. You said things that broke the hope I had. When I argued my case that made you mad. Changing the rules as I finally learned to play the game, you made me feel as though I was insane. So if it is but a dream that one day a man could come in and help me feel less pain, if painting pictures of love so free that someone could love me just because I am me, if thinking that somewhere out there is another soul who could wash away the tears replacing them with love unknown, then let me dream. Let me close my eyes and partake of a world filled with my own fantasies. Because living inside this hell you painted as my only hope, is the reason I finally found the strength to go. With all my broken pieces and tiny fissure scars I hold my head up high, knowing that everything I ever wanted was nothing I left behind.

The pen drops dramatically from my hand, falling loudly across the wooden top of my table. With the last clink of plastic on grain, I feel relieved. Suddenly, as if someone removed the boulder that had weighed me down for so many years, I could breathe.

Relishing in the clean air as it seeps into my lungs, I take large gulps. Feeling so completely full of air and life, I now realize just how badly I was suffocating on the words of someone who could whisper love in the same breath as he ripped my heart from my chest. Freedom feels so invigorating, calming and most of all like living.

I smile as I fold the paper into three. The envelope tucks away my words as I seal the words behind the barrier. I quickly scroll his address before placing the stamp on the package and pushing it into my back pocket.

Leaving no room to change my mind, I simply walk to my SUV. Getting in, I add a final nail into my emotional coffin. I blast the radio with reminders of all that I had, everything I lost and more importantly what I have gained.

The ride to the post office should be short. However, I'm in a zone where the window being rolled down seems to be pulling the last of my guilt away from my grateful body. Each mile lends another minute for me to accept this new beginning. I embrace the emptiness knowing that it will only last as long as I allow it.

When the blue box sits in front of me, I do not hesitate. I slide the letter into the hollow reservoir, listening for it to land on the pile with all the others. How many letters are to abusers? How many divorce papers sit among my final omen towards someone who meticulously dismantled me when I was in desperate need of being held together? How many broken hearts are sealed behind a piece of tape or a stripe of glue?

The questions are endless. I sit quietly, praying that the answer is none. I hope that box is filled with I love you, I miss you and I cannot wait to be in your arms once again.

Thoughts of Christopher and I spin freely in my mind. All that I once cared for, cried over and suffered from is now just a few sheets of paper sealed away. I almost cannot fathom the finality of what used to be my dreams.

A new thought rushes to replace the ones that seem to want to dig around inside of my old wounds. I slowly let whatever may come to me just be. I wanted this to be over and now it finally is:

The pieces of me, that I gave to you, are now held together with tape and glue. The cracks and seams are now lines in my new story. Each one is a testament of glory. My heart is bruised but, no longer shattered. I finally realize that who I am is what matters. Love will come again, I have no doubt. This time, though, I won't give away my all until I am left worn out.

The simple poem speaks volumes to the healing wounds. I feel new. I feel relieved. More importantly, I finally feel as though I got to speak.

Pulling away, I can feel the distance as it cleanses my once poisoned heart. The disease melts away leaving drying scars that will finish healing completely in their own time. I look forward to that day. Today is not that day.

I am better than I was a year ago or even just this morning. Every day, I get a little bit stronger. Every moment, my heart pushes the broken pieces together, mending them into a ragged quilt that although it doesn't look the same, it warms just as well as if it did.

All that I have been through has been a devastating blow to myself as a whole. However, I have somehow managed to rummage through the burnt debris to take the small amount of hope with me on the next part of my journey. This new journey will be one where I control how I feel. I will never again let anyone make me feel so insignificant in my own skin. I am better for what I have been through. That is the best that anyone can ask for.

I already have so much going for me. My business is in a season of growth. I am finally ready to become someone that I am proud of. The people who I have come across along the way, have helped me become more than I ever thought I could be.

Vance, Rex and Flynn have poured into me with so much hope that even the deepest ravines within my heart have no chance of not being filled. Somehow, three men took the left overs that one narcissist mishandled and created beauty where I was sure only ashes could remain.

Dylan has been an encourager, a friend and most importantly someone I can look to when I need a helping hand. Without Dylan and his growing family, I would never have managed to double my business in little more than a year. I hope to find ways to show my appreciation that are both bold and meaningful in the many years to come.

A smile breaks out onto my face. I press my foot against the gas, leaning closer to the window. My blonde hair whips delicately into the vortex of wind. I laugh at the feeling of abandonment.

Knowing exactly where my path will lead, I just follow along. I absorb the sun, the wind and the beautiful sounds of nature singing a song of relief for my fleeting grief. I drive while my body takes a moment to mend places that I never knew were repairable.

I stop as I reach the club. Closing the door behind me, I straighten my back. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like a whole human being. My feet carry me while my heart thumps erratically in excitement to be reunited with the people who have easily become my life line.

As if they heard my call for their presence, the door bursts open, revealing my squad. Rex runs as my arms open wide, ready to embrace the man who had become my dearest friend. Flynn makes his way over, a smile adorning his face. Vance encourages me as his eyes shine with pride over what I know to be the happiness that radiates off of me in glowing waves.

They pull my body towards them, covering me in grace. Their words infiltrate my head, seeding themselves in the freshly turned soil of my newly awakened soul. The smile on my face is genuine, carefree and most of all my favorite part of me.

We stand for a long time as the radiant warmth of the sun beams down on my skin. Everything feels renewed. Suddenly, I can't find a reason to be sad. My whole world shifts into a place where I seemingly find balance in a split second. With the admission of what I have went through, I finally feel as if I have conquered the lingering demons that sought so desperately to banish me from a place of hope, love and security.

I think I just found me.