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*** Karis' POV***

Vance had dropped me off at my house. I didn't want to leave him but, I have work tomorrow. I will need to get myself prepared for a long day.

The expected hangover never comes. I'm grateful. God knows that I earned it.

My phone lights up from the coffee table, where I placed it earlier. I quickly make my way over to grab it. I assume Vance is letting me know he made it home like I had asked.

Smiling at the message that alerts me it's Vance, I open it.

Vance: I'm home sweet doll. Thank you for spending the weekend with me. I'm here if you need anything. I will let you prepare for your week. I will call you later.

Me: Thank you for an amazing time. Have a wonderful night. I look forward to that call.

I put my phone down, sweeping my eyes across my clean apartment. I really don't have much to do to prepare. I just need to get my head on straight.

I shouldn't have slept with that man. I won't call it a mistake. I just shouldn't have. I can't imagine what he thinks of me. Knowing someone for three days doesn't give you adequate time to make such a huge decision.

I couldn't help it. He stirred a fire inside of me that I had long forgotten. His touch on my skin was heavenly. His lips tasting my mouth made me feel worshipped, adored. It was fleshly. I admit. I really don't want to regret it.

If I'm being honest, I miss him. The way his attention was centered around me felt amazing. The heavy emphasis he put on listening to my words as if they were important, necessary, that was captivating.

He really showed me what I would want in a relationship. I can't go there. The minute he realizes my every flaw, he will run. They either run or stick to you like an unwanted virus.

My phone starts ringing, dragging my attention from my inner turmoil. With my headphones in place, I answer the call.

"Karis speaking." My business line runs through this number. I usually answer professionally.

"Didn't think you would answer." Although quieter, more sad, I recognize the voice. My heart sinks.

He sounds so broken. I can hear the depression in his tone. This is my punishment. I deserve it.

Deciding that he has earned the right to say whatever he needs to, I entertain the conversation.

"I didn't realize it was you calling, Christopher." I sigh heavily. A moment on the phone is all I need to fall hard into the wide ravine of self-admonishment that awaits me.

"I miss you. I don't know what I did to make you leave. Come home. Please." His voice is scratchy. That could be from deeply rooted emotion or last night's binge.

"I can't." My reply is immediate. Firm.

"Can't? Or, won't? Did you replace me? Find someone to sweep you off your feet. That would be ideal. Karis, I love you. I miss you." His voice is far less sad. His anger begins taking over. It leaks into his accusations.

"It's been a year. Move on. We tried. I tried." I feel guilty. I stayed so long, put up with so much; he didn't even know I was done. I just left.

"No. You didn't try. You sat around crying all the time. You read all those books and listened to those fucking fag songs. They aren't good for you. They encouraged this. They made you think you could go out and get anyone you want. That's make believe sweetheart. Amazing men don't just fall in love because you are sweet or cook well or know how to give a great blow job. I get it okay. I wasn't everything you expected. You weren't my expectations either. I am willing to accept that you won't change. I'm willing to settle for you." Christopher's words are a thousand contradictions. They land the heavy blow needed to make me feel like utter shit.

"I'm not doing this. Please don't call again. Goodbye Christopher." My finger hovers over the button on my ear bud. I will be kind, wait for his goodbye. I won't hang up on him. That is childish.

"I love you. Just come home." Christopher hangs up on that note. My eyes fill with warm tears.

Collapsing on the couch, I roll onto my knees. Tucking my face into my hands, the tears fall.

I hate myself. I hurt him. Maybe I should have tried harder. I could have pretended to enjoy drinking every day. I didn't have to want alone time. I could have followed him, chased his dreams. Is that what a good wife does? I did it for a while. It just wasn't as easy as I expected. I hated the rowdy games, loud parties, hours of entertaining just to feel left out, alone.

God, he used that horribly derogatory word. He knows how much I hate when people reference other's sexuality with such distaste. It's disgraceful. I remember how many times I had explained my feelings over and over.

"You are so unnaturally obsessed with gay men. What is it about that fag music you like so much? Everything you listen to is either Christian or that deep shit. I don't listen to music to think." His face scrunches in disgust as he spits his hateful slurs.

"Don't. Ever. Never again. I don't care if you don't understand. I don't care if it's a bundle of sticks. Stop. Don't ever again use that word in this house. You are hateful and homophobic."

"It's not that. I don't want to think that a man is looking at me like that." He laughs, pulling a gulp from his beer.

"They have better taste than that. You're safe." I roll my eyes as I walk back into the house. My anger causes my blood pressure to rise. A headache forms.

I shouldn't have answered the phone. Now I fell even worse. I sniffle while pushing my hands in front of me to sprawl out on the couch. I turn my face towards the black television screen to stare.

I have done better the last few days. Vance helped. I don't want to seem like a drama queen. I wish he could come save me from my thoughts. He is really good at that. I guess I should learn to save myself.

I have been independent. I know how to rely on myself. Emotional independence is no different.

Deciding a nap would make time pass quicker, I close my eyes.

My phone wakes me. Looking at the time, I groan. I slept for five hours. Great. Unisom is going to be my best friend tonight.

Careful of who I answer for, this time, I read the caller ID. Vance.

"Hello." I rub my eyes while sitting up.

"Did I wake you sweetheart? I'm sorry." Vance's voice sounds truly apologetic.

"I wasn't supposed to sleep so long. How was your day?" I stand up to head to the fridge.

My body sways as it often does when I get up. My ears ring. The high pitched tone causes my eyes to screw tightly. I hate tinnitus.

"Were you tired?" Vance innocently asks.

"Not really." I shake my head. I grab my coke off of the counter. The fridge doesn't offer anything of value.

"Then why were you sleeping, doll? Is everything okay?" I know he is truly interested. He has proved that already.

"I'm fine." I walk outside to lean over the balcony. I just need to work through this on my own.

"In my experience, no one who says I'm fine is truly well. Please talk to me beautiful. I want to make you feel better." Vance pleads gently with me.

"It's not important." It really isn't.

"That's not true. If you had to sleep because you were upset, than it is more than important. Would you like me to come over? I can give you a listening ear." God his offer is tempting.

"I'm going to be going back to bed shortly. It's unnecessary." I reject his offering. He doesn't have to be my knight in shining armor. It's best if I separate the drama. Maybe he will hang on a little while longer.

"Karis, I wish you would let me in. I know you have been hurt. I would never hurt you." Vance tells me nothing I don't already know.

"I'm okay. Can we talk another time please? I'm really ready to go to bed." I am too exhausted to talk. Christopher has always had that affect on me.

"Goodnight, Karis. Sweet dreams doll." Vance hangs up after I say goodnight. He's too good for me. I would ruin him.

Walking to the cupboard, I pull out a 50mg Unisom. I take it quickly. Tomorrow, I can try again. Tonite, I have no fight in me.

My feet feel heavy as I take a shower. My limbs ache. Whether that is a mild depression setting in or the extremely pleasant sex I had, I'm worn down.

I change into my night time clothes. A t-shirt and panties. I hate sleeping in bottoms. I swaddle myself in the comforter. It does give comfort. It's a perfect name.

My body doesn't seem to want to cooperate. My legs tense, jerking periodically. A deep throb settles in my hips. I know I'm tired; I can feel it. My mind is having a hard time shutting down.

I toss and turn for over two hours, fighting the will to stand up. I grab my phone to send a text.

Me: can you come hold me?

Vance: sure love. Be right there.

Me: code to the door is 5258

Vance: I will be there shortly.

Me: be careful

My eyes dart around the room relentlessly. Fifteen minutes pass before I hear his soft footfalls. I move the blankets over so they will be ready for his warmth.

He slips in quietly; I hear his shoes, shirt and pants slide off. A heavy weight causes the bed to dip. I sigh, rolling over to get to him. I am met with large arms that open immediately. Shifting my body into his embrace, I curl into his chest without hesitation.

"Thank you." I whisper into his chest.

"Thank you for texting." Vance places a gentle kiss on my head. Leaning up, I kiss under his chin. I linger. My lips move up his jaw. His hands crawl into my hair. He pulls my head back. His eyes search mine knowingly.

"We don't have to talk about it." His lips find mine. He kisses me softly.

Relishing in his affection, I cup his jaw to pull him into me.

Our tongues collide. My toes tighten in anticipation. Our legs tangle as if they know their rightful place. His hard-on makes contact with my thigh. I can feel the warmth fill my center. He literally does nothing to turn me on, yet I am.

I push deeper into his mouth, accepting his oxygen supply as my own. His taste is sweet, manly and delicious. I could quite possibly enjoy the flavor forever.

"Karis." Vance pulls back; his voice is a warning.

"Vance." My words are soft spoken, almost timid.

"If you don't go to sleep, I'm going to lay you down to tenderly make love to you." I don't know if Vance believes that I would say no. I won't.

I pull him back, sealing our lips together. I kiss him passionately. My kiss is hungry yet, yearning for a deeper connection. I run my hands up his chest, my fingertips create circles on his taut skin. He's a real man. Only real men know what to do and say to soothe a woman when he knows nothing of why she needs comfort.

Vance's fingers cup my neck; his other palm pulls me underneath him by the small of my back. I shift my hips so he doesn't sprain his hard cock.

"You are so beautiful. Absolutely, mesmerizing." Vance leaves open mouth kisses down my neck. His fingers slip into my panties, pulling them down with little effort. I unlatch from him to pull my shirt off. I lay below him once again, letting my arms drape over his shoulders, my fingers play with his hair.

"You're perfect." I have little words to describe him. He's stunning.

Vance doesn't say much else as far as words go. He pushes inside of me tenderly. There is no quickened pace, just a smooth connection between our two bodies.

My body opens; it relaxes for him. He's huge but, he fills me in more ways than physically.

"Vance." My words are a cry. My body shudders around him.

"Baby, release for me." Vance thrusts inside of me. His stokes are long, pulling from me an orgasm that brings tears to my eyes.

"Daddy." It's a whimper, a whine. My cry is emotional, the release is far beyond arousal. Stress escapes as my climax cleanses the pain away.

"I got you baby girl. Let it go." He swaddles me to his chest, rolling me on top of him. I let his hands push and pull me while my body exhales my climax on repeat. I can feel the bed absorb the fluid as it pours between us. This man knows how to make a mess of me.

Vance picks up the pace of my hips moving. He thrusts up while I manage to grind against him. A loud moan screams from my lips. My whole body convulses as I collapse on his chest. The warmth and moisture between us multiplies substantially.

"So. Fucking. Precious." Vance flips us over as he kisses me between words. His arms rest on either side of my head; his thumbs stroke my cheeks softly. He pushes in deeper than I have ever felt anyone inside of me. I swear I taste his dick.

The cry of pleasure is strong. I rock my hips up greedily releasing my third orgasm. My body sucks his seed straight from his shaft. He grunts into my mouth while his hips contract. I feel him throb inside of me.

"Love, I have never wanted to be inside of someone like that. You are truly a treasure." I nod into his chest as his words wash over me, cleansing the immediate stress away.

"Go to sleep baby doll. We will have breakfast in the morning." Vance shifts me so he is behind me. He spoons his body against me. His arms tighten around my waist. I feel safe. I feel wanted. I feel cherished.

I fall asleep in peace.