Bad days

•••

I went home, tired and hopeless.

I just sat at my sofa and threw my Chanel classic flip bag on the side. I was not in the mood to change my black puffy-sleeve dress and strappy black stilettos. I am tired, and I wanted to ease my mind from problems and thoughts.

I reached for my bag and took my phone. When I opened it, I saw a message from Sebastian.

Sebastian <3: Daniel, sana maunawaan mo ako. Sa totoo lang hindi ka nababagay sa akin. Hindi ka nababagay sa isang anak ng dating kagawad lang at nang isang tricycle driver na sabungero pa. Itigil na natin 'tong kalokohan na ito...ayoko na.

After I read the message, I replied, but he wasn't online anymore. I searched for my car key in my room and hurriedly went out and drove my car. In the middle of a traffic jam, the rain suddenly poured. I tried my best to drive with a heavy feeling in my heart.

I kept thinking about Sebastian's message, he can't end it like that...I need to know why.

As I reach the corner of his place, I saw him walking his way to their alley. I drove fast, then stop my car in the opening of their alley. I went out my car, shouted his name several times. I was just standing here, getting soaked by the heavy raindrops.

"Sebastian! Please! Just... just tell me what I did wrong. why?" I kept shouting, but he was just standing at his spot, not saying anything.

"At least give me an explanation! I...I...I deserve it!"

He may not see it but tears keeps running down my cheeks...just like the rain.

"Hindi mo ba nabasa sa chat ko? Malabo ba iPhone mo?" he finally talked but he shouted.

I really wanted to run to him, but I'm worried about my stiletto and how I could end up if I ran in the pouring rain... I wanted to take off my shoes, but I couldn't move. I was frozen; I really don't know what to do.

"Bakit ba ang bobo mo? Sinabi ko na sa'yo na hindi ako nababagay para sa'yo! Hindi ka nababagay sa isang anak ng tricycle driver na sabungero at dating kagawad na nakatira lang sa isang squatters area!"

Reading it was heartbreaking, but hearing it made me cry more. Why is he breaking up with me? Is it that time when I saw him at the company? Did he go to my dad's office?

"And who told you that? My dad? You shouldn't believe on anything he says! I know you more than he knows you! I accepted you whole! Please don't break me...please...not like...not like this!"

My tears never stop from flowing down my cheeks. I don't deserve this...I need an explanation. I never did anything wrong, I did my best, I fought for him, I didn't accept my dad's proposal to be with him and then, this is what I get?

"Umuwi ka na, magbanlaw ka pag-uwi mo, matulog ka ng mahimbing...salamat sa lahat!"

And then he started walking away from me. never turning back, like I don't deserve to be given any explanation. I can move on from him, but how can I unlove those people that I met because of him? How?

He continued walking 'til I can't see him. I fall on the ground, crying and all wet because of the continues rain.

It has been a while, but Sebastian never came back. I'm still here, still sitting on the ground, and the only thing that accompanied me was the rain. And I can almost feel that the rain knows what I feel...it sympathizes with me. It gives me comfort. The sound of the rain needs no translation.

Then, I saw her...covering me from the rain with her umbrella.

"I'm sorry, daniel, pero umuwi ka na. Kilala ko si sebastian, hindi na niya binabalikan ang mga bagay na binibitawan niya." ligaya said with a sad tone.

"No, I'll wait."

"Baka magkasakit ka..."

"It's fine."

"Daniel, don't allow someone to treat you poorly just because you love them."

I looked at her, she was extending her arm for me.

"Tumayo ka na r'yan." she commanded.

I grabbed her hand, she helped me stand up.

"Napunta na rin ako sa ganiyang sitwasyon dati...na parang may kulang kahit na ginawa mo na ang lahat."

She smiled at me and tapped my shoulder.

"Sometimes you must forget what you feel and remember what you deserve." she continued.

She accompanied me back to the car when Esperanza came. She gave me a towel and an umbrella, but I didn't accept them. I don't need a towel or an umbrella...those things won't fix my damaged heart and pathetic feelings.

I went home, took a shower, and then drunk some wine by the glass window...thinking of how disappointing I turned into.

He was a good day, and also a bad day.

•••

I always waited for him at the fountain ledge by the park, but he never showed up. Bryce was always there to accompany me, making me feel that I was not alone because I had started to lose hope.

"Elizabeth?" my mom peeked by the door of my office.

"Mom, come in."

It's really rare for my mom to come visit me in my office. She always does that when she's bored or in a bad mood with my dad.

"Why did you come here? You needed something from me?" I asked.

"No, just wanted to see you. Matagal na tayong walang mother and daughter time."

She's indeed in a bad mood with dad. She needed someone to forget that anger.

"What is it this time? His attitude?" I asked.

"Well, you know your dad...anyway, I don't want to talk about it, it's nothing!"

"If you say so."

I started typing on my MacBook and I can see on my peripheral vision that she is staring at me.

"Your just like your dad when you're too focus on work."

"I'm not like him...never."

"Okay...anyway, how's your relationship with your guy, honey?"

I didn't answer her...I stayed quiet.

"Is everything doing good? I actually like him, his funny."

I knew from the start that she would like him. Mom is the opposite of dad. She doesn't care whether a person is rich or poor...she just likes people that are fascinating.

"I know you liked him, but he broke up with me."

"You two have broken up? But why? Is it because..."

"I don't know..."

I stopped whatever I was doing and looked at her. She has those expressions that moms usually have...the face of concern and worry. She reached out and caressed my hands gently.

"He never explained why, he just left me a chat message and then I tried to confront him but," I said with a sigh and just looked at her...sad. Then continued, "If his going to leave someone like that, at least tell them why, because what's more painful than being abandoned is knowing you're not worth an explanation..."

My mom let go of my hands and then rest her chin on the palm of her hand.

"Do you hate him?" she asked.

"I'm starting to hate him..." I honestly answered.

"Hate is good." mom said, all smiley. "At least your starting to see him for what he is, and not what you think he is. At least your starting to know what you deserve. Elizabeth, there are few times hate is good but don't stay too long hating him, because that means he's still got a hold on you. Indifference. Indifference is better." she added.

I smiled to what she advised, I promise to keep that in heart.

"Mom, do you think the universe fights for souls to be together?" I asked.

"Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences, honey."

And maybe mom's right... and maybe one day we'll meet again and explain to each other what really happened. Maybe one day I'll finally understand. Until then, I hope he lives his best life. And I hope he really does all the things he always said he wanted to do.

•••

It was Sunday afternoon, and I was shopping for clothes when I saw Ligaya heading out of the SM Appliance Center holding a lunch box. I waved at her, and she waved back.

"Hi." I greeted.

"Hi daniel..."

"How are you?" I asked with a smile present on my face.

"Ayos lang naman, ikaw?"

"Fine."

I once visited their place, but it was totally damaged and felt abandoned. I don't have any info on where those people are now after that demolition.

"So, where do you live now? Just curious." I asked.

"Sa baras...in rizal."

"Ahh..."

"Pero sila sebastian hindi sila sa baras nakatira."

"Hmm, where?"

"Hindi ko alam kung tama ba na sabihin ko sa'yo na hindi pinapaalam sakaniya, pero siguro kailangan din ninyo mag-usap..."

She asked for my phone, so I gave it to her. She began typing the address, and out of curiosity... I went there the next afternoon, making sure Sebastian wasn't home.

It wasn't that far from their old neighborhood. They were living in a small apartment. The small apartment has two small bedrooms, small living room, small kitchen, and one bathroom.

"I'm sorry about what happened in your house po."

"Ano ka ba, ayos lang! Hindi mo naman kasalanan iyon! Kumusta ka naman ba? Hindi ka na bumibisita sa amin! Palaging sinasabi ni sebastian na masikip raw ang bahay, iyong bata talagang 'yon! Ikinahihiya yata iyong sitwasyon namin sa'yo!" said nanay.

I gave her a shy smile. We were at the sofa, tatay was also here watching a movie in the tv.

"Nanay, me and sebastian have both separated. We are no longer in a relationship po." I finally told them the truth.

"Oh, jusko! Kailan pa?" nanay exaggerated.

"Its been a month now. I just came here to visit you, not him. I kinda miss you and your cooking. Its just...you guys are like a family to me. So please nanay, can you keep this a secret between us only? I don't want sebastian to find out that I am seeing you."

"Oo naman daniel, puwedeng puwede kang bumisita rito kung kailan mo gusto. Para na kitang isang anak na babae kung tutuusin." nanay said while smiling.

"Thank you very much po."

"Puwede ba malaman kung bakit kayo naghiwalay ni sebastian?" asked tatay.

"Sevi! Tigilan mo nga pagiging chismoso mo!" said nanay to tatay and smacked his thigh so hard that I giggled.

"Gusto ko lang malaman, masama ba 'yon?"

"Hay nako, sevi! Kung gusto mo malaman kausapin mo iyong anak mong 'yon!"

"Kaya nga hindi sinasabi sa atin kasi ayaw niyang sabihin!"

"Tumigil ka nga!"

"Its fine po, I really can't tell what's the reason po...I actually don't know. I just received a message from him saying he wants to end it. I had a clue that its about my dad...my family in fact. They don't approved of him."

They both stayed quiet for a while and I had to get back to the office soon.

I was about to leave when tatay started talking.

"Iha, payo ko lang...bigyan mo muna ng oras at panahon si sebastian hanggang sa may mapatunayan siya. Hindi lang sa iyo kundi sa pamilya mo at kapag nagkita kayong muli at bumalik siya sa iyo na handa ka nang ipaglaban niya...nasa sa'yo na ang desisyon kung tatanggapin mo pa siya."

He wasn't looking at me when saying that, he was focused on the TV. And when you look closely at him...he looks like sebastian.

"Kung tinadhana talaga ang dalawang tao na magkasama, sa huli ay mahahanap nila ang kanilang daan pabalik sa mga bisig ng bawat isa, anuman ang mangyari." he added.

Tatay's word played in my mind like a song.

I often visited them when I'm free. Not until I agreed to my dad's proposal in handling the business in Bulacan.

•••

TBC.