CHAPTER XXX: Am I?

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His green orbs were glued to my face, studying, contemplating me. Since the last words left my lips he didn't say anything, he just swallowed and licked his parted and dry lips. I needed an answer, it was what he wanted. Right? To give us a chance. I had a lot of time to think and maybe, just maybe, we were really made for the other.

Even if I had goals to reach in my life, he could help me with my mental breakdowns created by my demons. Our principal problem was the communication, and I had to be sure that he would accept my last decision: if I died after completing my mission, he would have to respect it. It meant he had to give me his word not to fall into revenge, I didn't want that life for him. But I wasn't going to die before, I had made a promise to myself, to my family. 

I wasn't allowed to.

"Then? Can you just say something?" My calmed voice, even if it masked my inner anxiety, took him by surprise. His eyes were penetrating me, making me nervous. All types of thoughts crossed my head and one of them was making my heart beat faster and faster: was he going to reject me because of how I treated him? 

In that moment all my breath left my lungs and my heart literary stopped. "I-I'm just... how... and why? I-" His head shook lightly, while his eyes blinked, as if he needed to see the situation from a different light. 

He paced around the room, not looking at me even once, he was too concentrated on trying to express himself, and maybe, swallow the situation he was in too. I couldn't blame him, it was too unexpected, one day I was about to reject him, and the other I was willing to give him, us, a chance. Sometimes I wondered if I was really crazy...

He stopped, his hands resting on my waist, I was so deep inside my thoughts I didn't feel his presence, even if he was my mate. "I mean, I'm happy but, why did you decide to give us a chance?" His eyes softened when they meet mines, he was trying to understand the situation and I thought for a moment before giving him the best explanation, or at least, the one I thought was the clearest.

"I don't have a fucking clue, really. I think our principal problem was the communication, and we seemed like a dog who chases its own tail. Maybe one or two days we could be fine but it would have an end, and we found it the night of the party." I stopped, taking a short breath.

"You know how women are, sometimes we just are so hard, and we don't think things straight, we just want to blame a different person because we don't even try to look at our problems from a different light. Yet, I thought about it, and maybe I found a solution, but you'll have to help me. All of this is new for me, and you know how bad I am with this kind of situations."

Once my explanation ended, I saw how his mouth curved upwards. His smile was sincere, and it reached his eyes, at least he was happy for my words, and, in the end, I was too, since we were finally able to tell the other how things really were.

It wasn't a new situation just for me, but also for him, and I kept blaming him as if it was his mistake, because he should have understood the problem since day one, instead, he didn't. A huge mistake, it was our first time, and it was pretty hard.

Suddenly, the actual situation reminded me the day I kicked him out of my room, after our night together, and gosh, poor guy, he didn't deserve that. As I was trying to make him understand the situation I decided to explain why I behaved the way I did.

"You see Kyan, I don't know if Victor told you something, but I have problems with my demons. It means that since they're inside of me, sometimes they can control my thoughts or actions, and in the morning after the party, they managed to persuade me to reject you thanks to one of my nightmares. That's why you didn't understand and why I kicked you out."

He waited, until he spoke his mind, left fingers brushing over my cheek, "So, they can be pretty persuasive when they want." I nodded, confirming his thoughts.

Normally I had a hard time to control them, but with years I became better on keeping them out of my mind. It was something Kyan had to know, because maybe, the fact he was my mate, could help me to get rid of them.

"Do they do other things? Like force you or-" I shook my head, giving him the answer he wanted, "No. They just live with me, inside my head, and try to drive me crazy." I stopped, trying to explain myself, " You see, to make you understand, it's as if I am a girl who suffers from schizophrenia. I hear their voices, every second, every minute, but by now I'm used to. Still, they're so persuasive that in the end I let them control my mind, they're too strong."

It was something really difficult for me to share, but it had to be done in this way with Kyan. Slowly, we would had to tell each other our most deep and darkest secrets, so we could trust and understand the other. Being the person I was, it would be really hard for me, because there were a lot of things I never told anyone, not even Charlie.

His eyes softened, as well as his features, "Now I understand what happened during the assembly and after it, while you fought the Alphas. It was them, right?" Confirming his thought, I added a last thing, "Yes, but just in the fight. In the meeting it was just me, but really angry."

His chuckle echoed the silent room, now his green eyes really shone and his lips formed a big grin. Kyan tightened his hold on my waist, making my body collide with his strong one. With my hands now on his chest, we locked sights, and he rested his forehead on mine. "Okay, I take note to not make you angry." We both laughed at his joke. 

It was odd for me to behave in this way with a guy, but it felt so good and right at the same time... He made me feel complete and whole, he was like the piece of me that was missing, until now. I relaxed against his warm body and inhale his manly scent, briefly closing my eyes. I knew I made the correct decision, but I still needed an answer.

"Kyan, you still didn't answer me. What about us? Is this what you wanted?" I asked him nervously. 

"Yes Andrea, it's what I wanted. But the question is, are you sure about this? Remember, it's not just me here, mates is something of two, not of one." I thought for a moment and the answer was, yes. 

I wanted to give us a chance. 

He wasn't a bad guy, far from it. Kyan was a softie, deep down, like me. Probably we had a lot of things in common, and we needed to discover them with time, but only the future would let us know if we made the right decision.

He was still waiting for me to speak, but I thought it was better if I showed him. Sneaking my arms around his neck, I pushed his head down, smashing my lips with his in a fervent and short kiss. It was enough to make him understand what I wanted.

We broke apart, his happiness was masked by a smirk, "So, I can guess that's a yes." I nodded, while we shared a laugh, our foreheads pressed together. Kissing him was so exciting, it felt odd but good at the same time, the sparks made it special, and obviously him too. 

He looked at me, his penetrating green eyes against my grey-green and grey-blue ones. "I promise you I won't let you down, Andrea. I'll always be by your side, for everything, I won't let anything bad happen to you. I'll take care of you, help, worship and love you. You won't feel pain, sorrow, alone anymore-" I shook my head, shushing him with a finger on his lips. 

It was something I didn't want, promises. "No Kyan, wait. Don't promise me things that are not in your hands. You can't know what the future will prepare for us, nor what will happen. I'm not doing this for the promises, I'm doing this because I don't want to regret not choosing the correct decision for once in a while."

He studied me for a brief moment before smiling softly. I thought he was going to be angry, but no, I was grateful since it helped me a lot. The communication worked and I was happy with that, at least we could express ourselves and it would have been fine.

His fingers caressed my cheeks before peeking me on the lips, he was being beyond gentle and in a way, I liked it. His feelings were stronger than mine, but I hoped that maybe, thanks to him, I could really feel a real emotion. I wanted to change, and I already knew he was the key for that.

"So now, what are we?" My mate's question took me by surprise, but I couldn't understand the logic behind it. "What's suppose to mean 'what are we'?" We were mates, weren't we? What else did he want? My forehead furrowed, maybe he wanted to be sure, who knew.

He separated from me and ran his fingers through his brown curls, stopping at the back of his neck. Kyan looked at me, after a deep breath escaped his sealed lips. "I want you to be mine and only mine, that's what I meant." 

"Oh."

Holly bloody water! I had never heard him being so possessive before and goddammit! It was so freaking hot, how his eyes held my sight, his breath, his scent, his domination. He was doing a good job to make me wet, and the worst thing was he knew, because he inhaled deeply, closing his eyes, and when he opened them again they were shining with lust.

Before he could snarl in desire, obviously lust woke up his friend down there, I cleared my throat, making him to break our sights for a moment. What he wanted was for us to be a couple, but I wasn't sure if I was ready for that, or if it was what I wanted. 

Even if I had my doubts about it, a little voice inside my head, maybe Malia or my long lost conscience, told me to give it a try, because if I wanted us to be mates, I had to accept everything of it.

Air filled my lungs, "Okay, yes. If we're going to try I think it's the most sensible thing to do, so I'm okay with it. But just one thing, I'd like to say nothing to the others so soon."

He grinned, showing his perfect white teeth, pulling me into a hug in which he took the occasion to inhale my scent and leave a pair of soft kisses in my neck. His lips were so gentle against my skin that I had to hold back a moan, they left a soft trail behind them.

When he separated, his hands cupped my cheeks, and smiled down at me in a lovely way. "That's perfectly fine with me. Fuck, I can't believe you're finally mine."

His lips met mine again, this time in a heated and passionate kiss, making it difficult not to moan. My hands were on his chest and his were at the end of my back, almost resting on my bum, and I was wishing for them to move lower. Our tongues fought together for dominance but he was clearly winning, I was succumbing to his charming and wicked tongue. He emanated possessiveness and experience, a thing I liked, with him I felt little, as I wanted him to protect and take care of me, so I would forget about the world.

Slowly I pushed him away, since I needed air. At first he didn't get it, but then, once we separated, I took a deep breath, as well as him. His light chuckle echoed in the heated room. He pressed a soft kiss on my temple, leaving a warm sensation after it.  

Our eyes were locked, and a gentle smile was all on his face. He seemed really happy. "I want to ask you a question Andrea. Why were you afraid about giving us a chance? It seemed you were almost scared to fall in love or care for someone." Swallowing hard I tried to avoid his intense glance. 

I couldn't tell him, I wasn't prepared for that. I wanted to open myself to him, to explain my past, my story, how I became the Andrea I was but it wasn't the right moment. I wasn't comfortable with it, and I needed him to wait, "I can't tell you, yet. I'm not prepared. When the time will come, I'll give you the explanation you deserve but for now, just give me time."

"Okay, I'll wait for you. I always will."

Oh Kyan! The man knew where to hit to make my heart melt. Victor, as well as Charlie and Emmett told me those words, not exactly, but the idea was the same. But him, my mate, saying that made me really happy, I felt protected and cared in a different way from the others. I didn't care if it was the bound thing, I only focused on the moment and how I felt.

It was incredible how the man changed me in less than two weeks. I always considered myself a really strong person, but it was unbelievable how he managed to step inside the battle field and win. Suddenly, I wanted to know everything about him: what he liked, his story, customs, favorites sports, even his family... But it wasn't because I already fell for him, it was just excitement.

Now that we told each other what we wanted to hear, I thought we should need some time alone. At least I needed it, because my neurons were already counting down the days till their holidays, and I didn't even know when they would come back. 

Feeling tired, I gave Kyan one of my warmest smiles and kissed him on the lips briefly, before something more could happen. "I think I need time alone to, you know, reflect on everything and relax." His lips curved upwards but not enough to reach his eyes, maybe he wanted to stay with me but I couldn't right now, I wanted time for my own, and probably he needed it too.

"Sure. I'll see you later."

Kyan's lips met mine again, this time in a heated kiss. The guy definitely couldn't get tired of them, because damn! I separated again first since I knew where we were heading to, and I wasn't in the mood to have a session of really hot sex. 

Yeah, sorry not sorry Kyan.

Kissing me again on the forehead for, I didn't even know what time, he started walking towards the door, his broad shoulders facing me. When his hand already made contact with the door knob, he turned around, a shocked and worried expression was all on his face. Meeting my eyes he made his way back to me and took my hands to his, trying to take deep breaths. 

"Andrea, baby. Em-Do you remember our first night, when you know..." He helped himself with his hands to explain what he wanted to say, but no words came out. I raised an eyebrow waiting for him to continue his question, but when he didn't, I did it for him. If he was worried if I liked the sex or not, the answer was I did,  but I wasn't going to tell him just to feed his masculine ego.

"When we fucked." I added bluntly. 

"Yes! Em-Do you remember if we used protection, as if a condom, or something?" Okay, what the hell was going on? Protection or something? He was joking, right? I wasn't on birth control because I didn't need it, and condom? He didn't use anything, the reason of why it felt so good, because it was bare sex. 

Shrugging, because I didn't care that much, he groaned in exasperation, and ran his fingers through his dark curls. It was something he used to do when he was nervous or stressed, well one more thing I learned about him.

"Gosh Andrea! How can you act so carefree? I didn't use a fucking condom, and you're not on birth control. I did cum inside of you! You're fucking pregnant!" Oh, so he was stressing himself about that. 

"Am I?" I asked incredulously. Was I pregnant? Nah, I didn't feel anything strange inside my womb.

Due to my answer he groaned again, but it made me chuckle which made him stop on his tracks and look at me deadly in the eye. Alright then, I took a mental note about not to laugh when Kyan was angry, sometimes he was scarier than me. "Is it so funny for you that now we're going to be parents? How the fuck could I be so stupid!"

I brought my hand to my mouth, trying to cover my laugh, "Kyan, I'm not pregnant." I managed to say gently, but when he raised an eyebrow, it made me burst into giggles again. Oh poor guy. He stressed himself alone, but it was really funny. 

Sneaking my arms around his neck, I pecked him on his lips before explaining the whole situation. Maybe, next time, he would ask first. "Kyan, I'm not pregnant because I'm an hybrid. And if you remember what you study at school, then, you should know that hybrid creatures can't get pregnant."

Just few people knew about the fact the offspring of two different creatures could had kids if they found their real mate, meaning if I mated to Kyan, probably I'd get pregnant. Yet, it was something he didn't need to know.

He opened his mouth and closed it again. His eyes were telling me something, maybe it could be deception? Did he really want to be a father, now? I, obviously, wasn't prepare for that, and I didn't think I would have been in a determinate moment in my life.

He nodded and gave me a sad smile, which was odd on him but I let it pass because the situation per se was really awkward. Without telling me another word, he kissed my forehead and turned around, making his own way to my door. Opening it, he left quietly, gently closing it after him, leaving me dumbfounded of how weird was our last moment.

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Hiyaaaaa guys!!! 
What do you thing about the chapter? Kyan and Andrea are finally together!!

*Squeals in excitement*

Okay, so important thing! I'm doing the editing of the book! You should read the first and second chapter again because they have knew things, also Emmett's past for those who love him!

That's all folks! If you liked this chapter I'd be so happy if you click on the start button or leave a comment!!

See you guys in the next chap!!

03/04/2017

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Awaken Demons: Stheno
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