CHAPTER XXV: Painful memories

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"I swear, I love you Andrea."

"I love you too, Nigel."

He smiled down at me, showing the dimples on his cheeks. His sky blue eyes shone every time we were together, highlighting his blonde and soft hair. He had a military-style cut, along with big and bright ocean orbs, a perfect aligned nose along with full kissable lips.

I didn't remember in which moment of my life belonged this memory. The only thing I knew was how happy we were and how good was the taste of his mouth. We could have had a future, so, how could things end up the way they did?

'It's because he was fooling you.'

'Did you think he cared about you? Poor Thana... she's always the victim, isn't she?'

'He wanted to see you empty, numb, desolate, ruined, broken! He wanted to destroy the demon you should have been from the beginning, leaving you at the mercy of the darkness!'

I felt tired and mentally exhausted. I couldn't argue back even if I wanted to. My demons had my mind at their own control. I was a puppet. A doll they could play with. Someone who was split in half, not owner of her mind or soul, waiting for somebody who could tame and control her. A slave.

'Oh my beautiful Thana, how stupid can you be making the same mistake as years ago? Didn't Nigel teach you anything?'

It was cold, I couldn't find a light source. I was shrouded in darkness, but something told me I wasn't alone until a voice spoke. It was familiar, and that was what worried me the most. In my nightmares my demons always played with me, making me go crazy until I woke up.

'Girdiwa, is that you?'

'Yes, Thana. But I'm not here to talk, I'm here because I want to make you live again a moment of your life. When you changed.'

'No, please! That-'

I was again in the place of my bad dreams, where everything started.

The smell of sweat, urine, excrement, and vomits filled my nostrils, reminding me how dirty the room was. The walls were painted in a light gray color, but you couldn't almost see it since it was covered in muck and blood. My mom and sister were chained on one of their ankles, at the other side, facing me. Instead, I had a collar with sharp spiked on the inside, making contact with my neck, along with my cuffed wrists and shackled feet.

I couldn't move, even if I waned to. My head hurt and my breath sped up at the sight. I started hyperventilating, my vision was blurry until I heard a slammed door, that was when my world stopped. The guy I loved, before my eyes, with an evil smirk plastered on his face. My only question was, why?

"My beautiful Andrea, you're awake. That's good, I'll let you drink some blood, next I'll free you and we will have a bit of fun with your mother and sister. Shall we?"

Shaking my head furiously, I took a glimpse at my family. They were looking at us. I would never forget how scared they were, and I was too, since Nigel wanted to get me out of control. My, what I used to call, boyfriend approached me, he rolled up his left sleeve and taking a folding knife, he knelt right before me and offered me his bared wrist where he cut on the veins, horizontally.

The smell of blood was driving me crazy, and he knew it. Smiling mischievously, he made me drink his sweet dark red liquid. It was an addictive taste, I couldn't think about to stop, since my inner demons were being feed. In this way they got stronger, so it was easy for them to get free or take the control over my body and mind. When he thought I had enough, he pulled back, leaving me a needing mess.

I couldn't see properly. The sound of chains being unlocked filled the room, letting me now I was free. My breath became heavy and my body got rigid. My primal instincts were surfacing bit by bit, burying what was left of human part deep inside of me.

All I saw was blood.

All I could smell was blood.

All I wanted was blood.

"Now, let the fun start."

My mom and sister were scared, I could smell it. Nigel was beside me, his hot breath on my neck while he kept whispering things I should do to them. My rational part was watching the situation from behind a crystal wall, screaming deaf pleas, desperate for saving them-

I woke up covered in sweat, already in a sit position. I was wondering why I was awake if there was more about that painful memory.

Breathing hard I looked around, for a brief moment I didn't recognize where I was, but then I knew I was inside my room, on my bed. Feeling a heavy arm on my waist I glanced down just to find Kyan sleeping soundly beside me, hugging my panting frame with part of his body. Then I remembered what we did last night. Shit!

I pulled at my hair, hard, because I was beyond stressed. For a moment I felt even disgusted, for give myself that easily at him, my mate. Suddenly, I recalled Girdiwa's words inside my head. I hated to admit it, but she was so damn right and I had to do something if I wanted to move on.

I shoved Kyan's arm, not in a nice way, from me. He groaned, making me know he was awake, good. I needed him in alert for what was coming. I pulled the sheets off me and I grabbed a new pair of panties form my walk-in closet. When I was walking back to the bed, putting also an oversize red T-shirt on, I saw him sat and awoke, rubbing his eyes like a little kid.

"Why did you wake up so suddenly, Andrea?"

God, his morning voice! But no! I couldn't distract myself. Walking around the bed I took his boxers and threw them to him, but since he was fully awake he took them before they landed to his head. A frown was all I could see on his face, probably questioning my actions. What was he expecting? A love and caring moment after we woke up? Ha! Neither in his dreams.

"What happen? Did you get up with the wrong toe or it's something you normally do?"

Fuck his sarcasm, really. Did he think this would have been a Disney's story? This was the fucking reality, and in my world I didn't have any reasons to care about him. I wanted he out of my room as soon as possible. Trying to explain things in the most 'caring' way, I let out a heavy sigh. I already felt an upcoming headache.

"Look Kyan, what we had yesterday was a mistake, it shouldn't have happened, but I got carried. At least for me, this is a very awkward situation since you'll be here until the start of the next month. The thing I want is to not discuss what we did yesterday, and to not let the others know. I want to face this as the adults we are."

I saw how his eyebrows furrowed in confusion, well, after the heavy bomb I released it wasn't strange. Without answering me he got up from the bed and put his underwear on while I turned my head to the side, even if I already saw him naked yesterday I couldn't allow to get distracted by his alluring and lustful body. Once he was done, he faced me with an angry expression. Shit, I thought it would as easy as to him got dressed and leave. But no, he was a freaking hard nut to crack.

"It's really funny how you want to face this as an adult, Andrea. Grown ass people talk things, they don't take their underwear, throw it at their faces and then tell them to leave. You should have chosen other words to tell me that yesterday was a mistake because for me meant everything. Make love to you was the most pleasurable thing I have ever done, and I'm not afraid to say it, but it hurts me to know it was nothing for you."

He stopped to take a breath, but when I was about to answer him he told me he wasn't finished, yet. Kyan was making a mountain of a molehill! How he couldn't understand it was a mistake?! What he told me was the typical cliché thing someone tell to the other in a film or book. I didn't buy it, he was complicating things. It was as simple as to move on with our lives, he finding a substituting mate and me focusing on becoming the next Alpha, and fulfill my revenge. I couldn't lose my time thinking about my love life!

"Look Andrea, I still don't understand why you make things so complicated. The only thing I want is to be with you, I know it will be worth to fight for us. Just please, let me help you, I can do anything for you and I will do it, I swear."

"Can you resurrect people?"

He thought for a moment, it wasn't because he was thinking if he really could, but to understand the meaning of the question. When he shook his head I almost laughed, but I managed to hide it behind a smirk. Obviously he couldn't, how fool he could be telling me he could do anything for me. I really hated men, they talk to much, not knowing the weight of their words.

"I thought so... Kyan, you're making things very complicated. It's as easy as to forget what we did yesterday, the fact we are mates, the only thing I'm telling you is to move on and find a girl who's really worth your time, because I'll never be the woman you always dreamed of."

"Are you telling me to not accept you as my mate? Are you fucking crazy?! How the hell can I do that?! Do you know how painful would be for us?! I just don't get it, okay? I see things are very simple, I think it's you who is beyond paranoid. From what the hell are you scared of, Andrea?"

I was trying to take deep breaths. Since I wasn't famous to keep my demons at bay, I tried my hardest to swallow his words without jumping to his jugular. I didn't have much patience, and he don't understanding what I meant made my nerves electrify. What it made my blood boil was the fact he calling me 'paranoid'. Was the guy for real? He didn't know anything about me.

"Who the fuck did you call paranoid?! And I'm not scared of anything! I'm just pissed because I asked you one thing and you're so useless to not even do me the favor to accomplish!"

"You're asking too much Andrea! Mates is a thing for two, not for one! I'm inside this whenever you want it or not, and I'm not going to step back for your ridiculous ideas! Are you sick or what?! Did you even listen to yourself when you speak?! I think no."

We were shouting as crazies and I mentally thanked Victor for choose soundproof walls. I was beyond pissed, but for some stupid reason all I could read in his eyes was rage, but deep down he was good at hide his fear. But why? I already told him to move on, I was giving him the opportunity of a better life with a woman he could choose. The only thing he had to do was to reject me and it would have been done, but he didn't give up. Why?

"Andrea, listen here baby."

I didn't even realize he walked towards me, until his hands gently cupped my cheeks. His warm body was relaxing me, but it as an effect for being mated with him, not because I liked him. When our eyes met, his softened, showing a clear green color. I had to admit it, even if I didn't want to be with him, the guy sure was gorgeous.

"Something is going on inside that head of yours. The only thing you have to do is to tell me, I assure you I'll help you, I'll do everything in my power to make you move on. I won't stop fighting on us, not now, not ever. So don't think about telling me twice to reject you. Got it?"

He was talking so seriously, I couldn't believe him. If someone could have helped me, I would have asked long time ago, but it was just impossible. My past would haunt me down until the end of my days if I didn't do anything. I had to be strong by myself, and be mated wasn't helping since he could be a dangerous factor to make me stop. And I couldn't allow that, I didn't need more problems or distractions.

Taking a step back I free myself from his fingers. A cold stare replaced my frown. If I had to be harsh with him to make him understand then I would.

"Kyan, I'm tired. Just step out of my life. I don't need more distractions nor problems. You don't have enough power to help me, I assure you, I know what I'm saying. Just move one, be happy, get married, have a lot of pups, but not with me. What you want... it's just impossible."

The gentle look he had was now gone, and it was replaced by one of pure hatred and rage. The guy was fucking stubborn, but if I said no it was no. I was a hard nut to crack when it came to discuss with someone, so he was fighting a losing battle.

"You make me laugh, really. You want to face this as an adult and look at what you're doing. You're kicking me out of your life as if I'm trash, I have feelings you know? And it's very unfair you're making decisions on your own, maybe if I know what's happening to you I could give you more time, but I already understand it's impossible. I pity you Andrea, but I feel more sorry about your family, who have to live with a callous person as you."

I. Pity. You. Something I hated to be told. And my family, he named my family when I did everything I could these past years for them. How could he disrespect me in this way? He didn't know anything about my life, my real parents, and he didn't need to know. For what? To being criticized? I didn't mind, but no thank you.

All the pain, suffering, all the times I wanted to die because my life was so awful, and he reminded me of those times with just three words. He wasn't conscious of what he was saying, but the moment he told me what he thought made me cringe internally, hating myself more than ever. That was why I didn't want a mate, I didn't want him. But I lost all the patience I had when he told me he left sorry for my family to live with me. Hard words, really.

"Kyan, please, leave."

"No."

"No?! After you called me a callous person you still want to be near me?! For what, to get fucking hurt?! Then you're a fucking masochistic!"

He stared at me briefly, opening and closing his mouth. He knew what he said wasn't correct, and it was difficult to admit, but it freaking hurt hearing it coming out of his mouth. Taking a step closer to me I shook my head, I didn't want to be touched at the moment, not for him.

"Andrea, I'm sorry, I just-"

"Absolutely no! You meant it! So get the hell out of my fucking room!"

I saw fear and pain crossing his beautiful green eyes. I told him, I fucking told him I wasn't as good as I seemed! A mate was something unnecessary inside my life, I only had one goal I was living for. Revenge.

"Get the fuck out, Kyan!"

It wasn't my voice anymore, it was some type of snarl, but I couldn't help it. I heard his sigh and then some quickly steps until he slammed the door shut. I let out a whimper and made my way towards my bed. I plopped down and decided to take a rest, but the pillow he slept on didn't let me, since it had his smell. I hugged it with my arms and legs, letting it to relax my body. Painful memories of what just happened passed through my mind, I didn't want to hurt him, but he was so stubborn.

Apart of me didn't want he to hate me, it just seek the comforting feeling between his arms, his soft lips making contact with mine, his strong body hugging me tightly until I would fall asleep. It was too beautiful, but I knew demons as me didn't know what was the meaning to be happy or loved. My mind was playing me tricks, but my feelings were intact. I let out a whimper thinking about Kyan, and how things could have gone differently.

My eyes started to close slowly, I was too tired to think anymore. I drifted off to sleep with one single tear rolling down my right cheek, regretting, deep inside, to have listened to my demons.
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Hey guys!! I'm so sorry I couldn't update before!!

So, here you are another chapter! A bit messy, isn't it? If you want to know what will happen just stay tuned!! 

Until the next time!!! If you liked it vote, comment and share! Let me know your thoughts!! :)

07/01/2017

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Awaken Demons: Stheno
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