obssessive

CERVIUS HAVOC'S POV

Seriously, what changed? I don't know. But I feel like something changed within me. Or could it be the people around me? Or maybe, it has always been this way before but I just failed to notice it since I was too preoccupied to make my family proud.

Holding close to me my kit, the team started the mountain journey when the rain started pouring heavily. Damn, just our luck.

Tiningnan ko si kuya Hakob kasama ang mga sundalo at personal niyang securities, lahat sila busy sa kakabigay ng instructions para sa kasama namin. My team is right behind me, napansin ko rin na medyo nilalamig na sila dahil panigurado hindi sila sanay sa ganitong climate. Kung malamig na sa Baryo Luningning, mas malamig ang Baryo Luwal dahil nasa bundok na ito.

"Mag-ingat po kayo sa paglalakad senyorito dahil medyo may kakapalan na ang putik." Kaagad na umalalay sa akin si Baste, may katandaan na ito pero mas halata naman sa pangangatawan niya na mas sanay siya sa ganito katinding lamig. Kagaya ng mga tauhan ni kuya ay kinakaya nila ang lamig para sa amin na medyo may kahinaan pagdating sa ganitong aktibidad.

Isa ito sa mga rason kung bakit hindi masiyadong nakakababa ang mga taga Luwal dahil mahirap ang daan nila. Napaisip ako na baka sa susunod ay tulay o daan naman ang ipagawa ko dito para mas mapadali ang buhay nila.

"How are you holding up? Here, wear my coat." Tinanggal ni kuya Hakob ang suot niyang coat at pinasuot sa akin.

"I'm fine, ang team ko ang unahin mo, please. They're not used to this kind of weather, baka may mahimatay pa. I don't want any more trouble." Ang sabi ko sa kaniya. Hinagod niya ang mga balikat ko para mainitan ako. Umalis din kaagad si kuya at tinulungan na sa pagbubuhat ng medical equipments na dala namin.

Habang mas tumatagal ay mas lumalakas ang ulan, ang sabi ay kung hindi kami maka-abot sa tamang pagkakataon ay baka tumaas ang tubig ng ilog na kailangan pa naming tawirin.

Kagat-labi akong nakasunod kay Valerie na kanina pa nadadapa dahil sa putik, pero wala akong naririnig sa kaniya maliban ang tawa niya. She was busy filming herself, not minding the mud and the heavy weather.

Halos hindi ko na makita ang daan dahil sa lakas ng ulan pero patuloy pa rin ang paglalakad. If they're not complaining, then who am I to complain?

"Bababa na tayo sa tubig! Ang hindi marunong lumangoy ay kumapit sa mga marunong. Kapag nasa tubig na ay iwasan ang maglikot para mas mapadali. Halos nasa sampung metro ang lalakarin para matawid ang kabila ng ilog!"

Napatingin ako sa ilog, mahina pa ang agos ng tubig at nakikita ko ang mga bato dito. Alam kong kaya lang namin lakarin ito pero may mga parte na lulubog ang katawan mo kaya ang mga katulad ko na balingkitan lang ay kailangan humawak sa mas malalaki ang bulas.

Tag-iisang team kaming inalalayan at pinapasulong sa tubig. Nauna ang team ni Kuya Hakob, sumunod naman ang team ni Valerie at panghuli kami. Ang mga sundalo na kasama namin ay naghahawakan sa bawat-isa at ginagawa ang sarili nila para maging isang hawakan ng tulay.

"Go Cerv! I know you can do it!" Tumalon-talon si Atasha habang pinapanood akong sumulong sa tubig.

Unbeknownst to the knowledge of everybody, I have a fear of water bodies just like this one. It came to me as I was born with this kind of trauma. Simula pagkabata ay matakutin na talaga ako sa mga ganitong tubig.

"Humawak lang po kayo sa mga kamay namin, senyorito. Magtiwala po kayo sa sarili niyo. Kaya niyo 'yan." Napatingin ako sa isa sa mga tauhan ni Baste. Nakangiti ito sa akin at pinapakalma ang nanginginig kong kamay.

Nararamdaman ko ang lamig ng tubig na umaabot hanggang sa dibdib ko. Ang mga bato sa ilalim ng ilog ang nagpapahirap sa akin na maglakad. May isang kamay ang humila sa akin paalis sa tubig at papunta sa may damuhan ng tabi ng ilog.

Napaluhod ako sa takot habang si kuya Hakob naman ay hinahagod ang likuran ko, "You're fine now, and you did great, babe." Ang pagpapakalma niya sa akin. 'Di na rin ako nag-inarte at tumayo kaagad.

Kinuha ko kay Grace ang medical kit ko at nakinig sa mga paalala ni kuya Hakob.

"Nandito na tayo sa Baryo Luwal," Biglang sumulpot si Valerie sa akin at tinuro ang isang sign board, gawa ito sa isang malapad na kahoy at naka-pintura ang puting kulay na sign— BARYO LUWAL.

Humina na ang buhos ng ulan kaya nakikita ko na ang paligid ko. Ang mga bahay ay hindi gaano kalapit sa isa't-isa pero maraming bahay akong nakikita. Gaya ng expectation ko, the life here is quite poor, basing on their house structures, but the quality of their surrounding is expectedly great.

"Magandang hapon po, Mayor! Maraming salamat sa panginoon at nakarating kayo ng maayos!" May isang matandang lalaki ang lumapit sa amin. Siya siguro ang kapitan dito.

"Magandang hapon din po, Tay Mersing! Oo nga po eh at medyo nabasa po kami sa ulan. Mga kasama, ito nga po pala si Tatay Mersing, siya ang punong barangay dito." Pinakilala ni Hakob ang kausap niya.

Kaagad na nagsilapitan ang mga kasamahan ko sa matanda at nagpakilala. Habang ako ay pumunta sa ilalim ng puno para hindi magtago sa ulan. They did not stop there, Tatay Mersing finally invited us to the area where we will be staying for two nights and three days. Surprsingly, the place was huge and comfortable.

"Ito po ang barangay hall ng Luwal, sa likuran nito ay ang bahay ng pamilya ko. Medyo may katandaan na nga po ito pero mahalaga sa amin kasi dito namin ginagawa ang mga pagpupulong. Dito rin po nakatambak ang mga inaani namin bago namin binababa sa Luningning." Nakikinig lang ako sa usapan nila.

I caught a glimpse of woven clothes with amazingly good patterns. How I failed to realize that Luwal is known for its clothes and woven fabrics.

Nagsilatag na ng mga camping nets at iba pang kagamitan ang mga kasamahan namin, habang ako ay nakatayo lang at pinanood si Kuya Hakob na ayusin ang sa akin. I may be an independent person, but I still need help, especially in this kind of work.

"There you go. May kailangan ka pa ba? Sabihin mo lang para ma-asikaso kita bago ang iba." Ang sabi ni kuya Hakob matapos lumabas sa inaayos na tent.

There's a roof but the insects and the cold would be reduced if we use tents, "No, I'm good. Go and help the girls, they need you, kuya." Iniwan ako ni kuya at tinulungan na ang mga pinsan namin.

Kinuha ko ang bag at pumasok sa loob ng tent. Inalis ko ang basa kong sapatos at isa-isang inalis ang mga basa kong damit. I changed into my pajamas and wear coat to ease the cold weather. Umuulan pa rin pero mahina na. The sound of the rain made me fall asleep.

After a tiring hike, I let myself fall into deep sleep. It's best to store more power for tomorrow's outreach activity.

-

Flashback...

Tapping through my computer, I answered all the emails necessary, especially that I'll be going to Germany next week. I'll be staying over for a week since I heard that a new way of treating a neurological disease was presented. I need the research and the machines necessary to operate it at my hospitals.

Being at the second best after the hospital lines owned by Eludes, I deemed myself to stand on par with him. Tapos ngayon nabalitaan ko na magtatayo rin ng pampublikong hospital ang mga Powers sa bansa kaya medyo na-threatened ang current standing ng hospital na pagmamay-ari ko.

Hinilot ko ang sentido dahil sa hangover kagabi. Ilang beses ko ng sinabi na titigil na ako kaka-inom ng sobra, because of its aftermath. Hangover is a bitch!

I closed my eyes trying to remember what Eludes did last night, "Why were you in the club anyway? You never come to that club ever since." Ang sabi ko at inirapan ang lalaking katabi ko sa loob ng sasakyan.

"Who says I don't go there and why do you know that I don't go there, baby?" Eludes asked. He seems pretty calm— his usual demeanor— calm and confident, oh wait, let's not forget the fact that this man is a domineering manwhore.

"Everybody knows how you and your philandering self usually hook up with women in the same club you got me. There's not even a single difference in there, Eludes, really!" Ang sabi ko.

Nakita ko na natigilan siya sa sinabi ko. What? Cat got his tongue. Gosh, baka nakalimutan niya na alam na alam ko ang buhay babaero niya.

"Following me around, knowing my whereabouts, and sending me updates every single time makes you no less of an asshole. I know your kind, and I know that after chasing me like a damn predator, you would also dump me. Again, not even a single difference." The alcohol clouded my mind and thoughts, but it made me more confident in blurting out the truth. Well, the truth that lives inside me.

"I'm trying to change, baby. Yes, I know that you hate me, but I'm trying to change, and I don't want you to realize the changes I made just because imposed them on you. Baby, I'm not asking you to trust me, I can't make you do something you don't want." Eludes said.

Hinuli niya ang kamay ko at hinawakan ito. Eludes watched me as I stared at his hands covering mine.

Inalis ko ang tingin doon at tiningnan siya sa mata, kaagad din naputol ang titigan namin dahil binalik niya ang tingin sa daan.

"So ano nga ang ginagawa mo dun at bakit ka napadpad sa club na 'yon?" Ang balik kong tanong habang nakatingin sa labas ng dinadaanan namin.

Eludes did not let go of my hands, and surprisingly, my mouth remained shut, stopping all the smart remarks after he touched me. Maybe, a part of me let loose after what he said.

"I stalked one of your friends. He posted about going out with you." Casual niyang sabi.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya, "You stalked someone just to get to know my whereabouts? It doesn't sound like something an arrogant Eludes Zapanta would do." I smirked.

I saw how he swiftly hid the embarrassment in his face when he looked sideways. Tumikhim siya at hindi mapatingin sa akin.

"I know, I just want to know where you are after seeing you enjoying the video you shared. Baby that was too much skin." I wonder what his face was like after seeing the video.

"I thought you liked it. You even sent me a photo as a reply, Eludes. Unlike you, I'm not even scared to admit that I liked what you sent. You were hot." I bit my lips when those words felt so natural rolling out from my lips. Damn, alcohol and sanity do not go well together!

"You were heavenly in the video baby and what I would do just to have that kind of pleasure only for me. Posting your pretty face is not in my control, but those kinds of videos should be made privately." Ang sabi niya.

Eludes is acting like a well-spoken person right now. Nasaan na ang Eludes na naka-usap ko sa banyo noon? This is not him!

"And what? I should have it sent it you only and not share it on my social media. Admit it, Eludes, you only want to keep the video for yourself." I said, this time a smile forming on the brink of my lips.

Eludes turned his attention to me and gave me a smirk, "I get easily jealous, baby. And trust me, I don't get jealous often. I like to keep it to myself but since you want me to say it, then yes, I was jealous of those people who saw that video, baby. I want to keep that video for my eyes only." Natigilan ako sa sinabi niya.

Huminga ako ng malalim at tumango sa kaniya. I agree. Aaminin ko na ginawa ko lang naman ang video na 'yon para makita kung ano ang magiging reaksiyon ni Eludes. Now that I hear and saw what kind of reaction I got from this man, then I'm sane already. Ang angkinin na sa kaniya lang ang isang bagay na nagpa ingay sa mga paruparo sa tiyan ko.

Eludes has his way of captivating the hearts of those he touches, and I hate that it's working on me.

"Can I borrow your phone? Mine is dead." I spoke. Binitawan niya ang kamay ko at tinuro ang dashboard niya.

Napatingin ako dito at dahan-dahan itong binuksan, "If you are expecting to find a lubricant or a condom in there, then you won't, baby. No other person has ever seat with me inside this car, not until you."

Binaliwala ko lang ang mga sinabi niya at hinalungkat ang mga sim cards at cellphone niya dito. Kunuha ako ng mga pakete ng sim cards. I showed it to him inqusitively.

"Those are unused cards. Do you want to have it?" Eludes asked.

"Seriously, ilan ba kasi kami at napakadami mo naman yatang back-up sim cards just so you could contact us, Eludes?" I can't believe the amount of effort he made ha.

"Baby, you did not even ask the reason why. Don't assume things and conclude matters the way you want to. In my defense, you kept blocking me every time I called you, so I bought a hundred more of those sim cards just so I could reach you out, but I keep on failing since you haven't answered any of my calls, baby." Pinanood ko na pasadahan ni Eludes ang ulo niya pababa sa kaniyang panga. Ang angas ah. Napakagwapong angas naman nito.

Napakagat labi ako sa narinig, "Well, at least you know I'm not an easy one. Try harder, Eludes." I said and laughed a little.

Eludes scoffed and shook his head— clearly not believing that for the first time, he made efforts, and those efforts were discarded by a gay like me.

I opened his phone, and it automatically directed me to his home screen. But what surprised me more was his wallpaper, "Stalking my friend was a little bit shaky, but using me as your wallpaper, damn, Eludes, you're dangerous!" I joked at tiningnan ang larawan ko sa home screen niya. Ibang klase.

"So, what? I have a huge crush on a pretty boy named Havoc, and he's just so pretty that I did not even hesitate to take a photo of you and use it." Umiling-iling ako sa sinabi niya. Grabe ang haba na ng buhok ko! 

"I am pretty, so I believe your reasons." Ang sabi ko. Napunta ako sa music application niya at hininaan lang ang music doon. I played jazz to ease my drumming heart.

It was like that during the drive and when he stopped at the entrance of the condo building, where I was staying, he waited for me to enter the entrance before leaving. Okay, I might have missed a single detail there— I let him kiss my lips before stepping out of the car.

Nothing more.

I paused for a minute and admired the peaceful halls of my office. Ganito rin ang opisina ko noon sa BFTC, I was the head of Finance, and it was more frantic with people going in and out of my office. Comparably, the two offices are plain, but the two differ in the noise.

"Hello, mom..." I said through the phone. Na-miss ko na ang Maraya kaya tinawagan ko si Mommy.

"Hello, baby... How are you? Do you want me to visit you there? Sayang wala ang Dad mo kasi nagkasakit si Allistain, yung kabayo mo. Ayun kausap yata si Simon." Napangiti ako sa kadaldalan ni Mommy. Ah, how I missed his hugs and comfort voice. Mom is used to singing us before going to sleep, and I remember that it feels so soothing.

"Pakisabi lang kay Dad na dalhin ni Simon si Allistain sa Pergola malapit sa sapa. Paniguradong nami-miss na niya ang lugar na 'yon." Si Simon ang veterinarian namin.

"Sige, sige, eh ikaw ba, kailan ka makakauwi? Hindi mo ba ako nami-miss? At tsaka malapit na ang wedding anniversary namin ng Dad mo. He said he will surprise me with something. Uuwi ka naman diba, Havoc, baby?" Malambing ang boses ni Mom. I did not forget that a month from now will be my parents wedding anniversary, it only means that I will be going home.

Hindi pwede na wala ako sa wedding anniversary namin dahil paniguradong malulungkot ang mom at dad. While the latter doesn't show much of his emotions, Dad still values my presence. I remember that he greatly opposes me staying here in the city. But I know deep within, he is very proud of me.

"I would never trade it with anything, mom. Yes, I will attend, pero babalik din kaagad ako dito dahil marami akong ina-asikaso." Tumayo ako at naglakad palapit sa hilera ng glass cabinets sa loob ng opisina.

Kinuha ko ang larawan naming pamilya. I smiled at it, "I missed you guys, so much." Ang sabi ko.

Pinigilan ko ang sarili na maiyak dahil ayaw kong mag-alala ang Mom. Binalik ko ang photo frame sa kinalalagyan nito at bumalik sa upuan ko.

"Oh, baby, miss na miss ka na rin namin dito sa bahay." I ended the call after mom and I bid our goodbyes, ayaw pa sana niyang ibaba pero kailangan kasi marami pa akong gagawin.

I opened the folder that was sent from BFTC, may seal ito ng kompanya. I scanned the documents inside, and I was right, this is the financial statement of the newly built ten-story public hospital building for Maraya. I used my money to build this. In the last part, I saw an attached photo of the newly furnished building.

"Sir may nagpadala po ng pagkain para sa'yo. Same sender, ipapasok ko ba or ipapakain mo ulit sa akin?" Narinig ko ang intercom kaya napa-irap ako sa hangin. Nagrereklamo na kasi si Grace na tumataba na siya kakakain sa mga pinapadalang foods na para sa akin.

"Let the delivery in." I'm hungry. Without raising my head, I heard my office door open.

"Para po kay sir Havoc Buenavista..." From the document I was signing, tinaas ko ang tingin sa delivery na hawak-hawak ang maraming pagkain.

"Pakilagay na lang sa lamesa d'yan. Maraming salamat." Ang sabi ko sa delivery. Pinanood ko itong ilagay sa isang lamesa. Sa dami nito ay halos mapuno ang center table ko!

Honestly, isang beses ko lang nakita ang pinadalang bulaklak at pagkain ni Eludes sa akin, lahat ng mga kasunod ay hindi ko na pinapasok sa opisina ko. This is my first time seeing this! Ganito ba karami ang pinapadala niya sa akin?

Tumayo ako sa pagkakaupo at tiningnan ang oras. Tanghalian na— always at the right time. I checked everything. Surely, galing ito lahat kay Eludes. Wala namang lalaki na pangahas akong pinapadalhan ng mga ganito. Kaninang umaga lang ay dumating ang bouquet ng bulaklak galing din sa kaniya.

My phone vibrated kaya tiningnan ko kung sino ang tumatawag, it's him, Eludes.

"This is too much," I answered his call for the first time.

Eludes consistently pester me these last few days— messing with my schedules, sending me flowers and food, even designers. Mukhang natigilan ang kabilang linya at hindi kaagad nakasagot. I looked at the call and it's still on. Bakit hindi nagsasalita ang lalaking 'to?

"You're not gonna talk or I'll end the call." Ang sabi ko.

"Fuck, no, no, no, let's talk over the phone, baby. Damn, you don't know how many attempts I made just so I could hear your voice over the phone." Naupo ako sa couch at pinakinggan ang boses niya sa kabilang linya.

"It's not an attempt when you pester someone with different phone numbers, Eludes." Ang sabi ko. Sobrang irita ko sa kaniya dahil halos isang daan na iba't-ibang unknown numbers ang tumatawag sa akin sa isang araw! All came from him!

"I have a bunch of sim cards here in my office, just in case you would block my number again." Gusto kong mairita sa kaniya pero nagpipigil ako sa sarili na matawa. Naalala ko kasi ang mga sim cards sa loob ng dashboard niya.

Kaya tama nga ako. Lahat ng unknown numbers ay galing sa kaniya. Lagpas isang daan na ang nasa blocklist ko kaya paniguradong isang daan na rin na sim cards ang nagamit ni Eludes.

"Eat your lunch," Eludes said over the phone. Napanguso ako at tiningnan ang mga nakalatag na pagkain sa mesa ko.

"Like I said, this amount of food is too much for me. Pero salamat. You don't have to do it every day. This should be the last, Eludes." Kinuha ko ang isang set ng meal at tiningnan ang laman nito.

"You finally ate what I sent you. Tell me why would I stop when you finally appreciated what I gave you. That's on me, baby," Kibit-balikat lang ako sa sinabi niya. Bahala siya. If he wants to do it, then that's on him.

I'll keep my liberty to accept and decline what he sends me here, "You should eat as well, Eludes." Ang sabi ko. Ramdam ko na natigilan siya sa sinabi ko. Napatingin ako sa phone ko at nagra-run pa naman ang call.

"I'm not hungry yet. Eat yours, just don't hang up the phone. Gusto kong marinig ang boses mo." Inaamin ko na natigilan ako sa sinabi niya. Ganito ba siya kalandi sa lahat ng mga naging babae niya? Kaya ba sila umuuwing luhaan pagkatapos pagsawaan niya?

I can't blame them.

"I'm going to Germany the next day..." I informed him. Bakit ko ba sinabi? 'Di ko rin maintindihan ang sarili kung bakit ko sinabi sa kaniya ito.

Something inside me compels to inform him, "But you don't care, so don't mind what I just said. I'm sure you will enjoy your days just the same without me. Anyways, why don't you come here and eat with me?" Ang sabi ko ng walang dalawang pag-iisip.

"Of course, I care, baby. If you would only feel comfortable eating with me, then I would've probably come running to you right now. Don't mind me, I'm satisfied with you answering the call." He declined my offer to eat with me.

I don't believe this obsessive man! Si Eludes ba itong kausap ko ngayon? Did he really change his approach? Nagbabago ka na ba talaga Eludes? Or you're only changing the mechanics to your game? Tell me, how would I even trust you when in the first place I see no reason to further invest in you? The sweet action and words, for sure Eludes has done it with those other women. For now, I'm curious about what tricks he would pull out of his sleeves just so he could level up the game.

.

.

.

.

.

Note: Time check, it's already 3 in the morning. I hope this update made you smile. Your appreciation through votes, comments, and follow meant so much to me. Also, I'm on Instagram so do follow me at writelike.jesooon and I will surely follow you back as well!

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚.