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CERVIUS HAVOC'S POV

Flashback...

Pigil inis at tawa ko habang pinapanood ang mga kaibigan ko na asarin ako. France was singing loudly of his own rendetion of the popular song I kept on hearing. Kahit maganda ang boses ko, natatawa at naiinis pa rin ako dahil sa pagkanta niya.

"I saw it coming I still cried, I thought when you left, you'd leave my mind, oh, no, I don't wanna hate you, but you chose your pride, when I needed a hug you held the knife, but I still wish we had more time, must be crazy right... we can be friends!"

Umiling ako at kinuha ang isang shot ng Vodka na binigay sa akin ni Tala, "let him enjoy annoying you, kapag siya naman, tease him more hanggang sa maiyak." He said, kaya pareho kaming natawa sa sinabi niya.

I drank the expensive tequila shot in my hand, hissing at the bitter taste of alcohol. I bit my lips and closed my eyes, letting everything sink into me. Damn, remembering I agreed to have a date with Eludes lit my burning heart! Who would've thought that a man— no, not just a simple man— is obsessed to me? Sa isang bakla!

Kinuha ko ang libreng shot ng tequila at ininom ito, "Baks, hinay-hinay ka naman. We can always buy some more no need to rush, babe." Jayah removed the shot glass from my hand. I smiled sheepishly at Jayah, letting my tongue out. I feel free tonight. I can feel freedom in my veins!

"I know, I'm just happy!" Sabi ko at tumawa. Palimos ng atensiyon that line keeps repeating in my head! I have been chasing Eludes ever since I have known him, and now he chases me like a madman.

Kinuha ko ang phone ko. I opened the camera and put it on selfie mode. I made sure that I looked ravishing in the angle. I'm wearing a simple yet sexy top from Armani and low-riding jeans from Versace. I wore a simple shoe to compliment the outfit. I pop out my glossy lips, stained with alcohol. I wink to the camera while my left hand is on my neck caressing it gently while recording myself with a successful thirst trap.

"I saw it coming I still cried, I thought when you left, you'd leave my mind, oh, no, I don't wanna hate you, but you chose your pride, when I needed a hug you held the knife, but I still wish we had more time, must be crazy right... we can be friends!" Muli na namang kinanta ni France ang kanta when the loud music boomed the whole club.

I replayed the video. I was smiling the whole time when I heard France's voice in the background singing his song. Okay na siya, 'yan na lang ang song choice ko. I opened my Ig and shared the video.

Cloud and Jaxxon were nowhere to be found. I know Cloud is dealing with his post-honeymoon work. Si Jaxxon naman ay na assign sa isang home-based nursing. That must be the reason why they can't come with us tonight.

I was also hesitant on going out after what has happened with me and Eludes. Sinisi ko ang alak ng gabing 'yon. Pero hindi ko mahindian ang mga kasama ko. It was Tala who asked for a night out since layover niya ang bansa. This does not happen, so most of the time, pinagbibigyan namin siya.

I looked around the club, it has lesser patriots unlike the club we are used to in Makati. Buti na lang at hindi doon sa club na pagmamay-ari ng kaibigan ni Eludes kami pupunta kundi makikita ko doon ang damuho.

Remembering that I gave him a promise. A date. I still have not confirmed to the date he proposed. Iniiwasan ko pa rin siya kung maari. Bakit ba kasi ako pumayag doon? I could've pushed him off me at that time, pero bakit ba kasi ang hina-hina ko pagdating sa kaniya!

People started swarming downstairs, it looked like a celebrity was there. Nasa itaas kasi kami naka-upo. On a couch where, Tala, France, and Jayah occupied. Buti at may kakilala si Jayah dito kaya nakapag book kaagad kami ng reservations.

"Oh, em gee, it's your brother-in-law baks!" Pareho kaming napatingin ni Tala kay France na maarteng tinuturo ang taong dinudumog sa ibaba.

"Come here na look for yourself! Taray ng bakla kaya pala nagkagulo kasi they're here!" Na curious ako kung sino ang tinutukoy ni France kaya natayo kaming lahat at pumunta sa railing ng club. Pareho naming tiningnan ang ngayon dinudumog at pinapalibutan ng mga kalalakihan ang walang iba kundi si Joxiah Zapanta!

"Shuta hakot na hakot ang bakla!" Si Jayah habang amazed na amazed din sa pinapanood. Of course, if it's the Zapanta— commercial model, actor, and with an undeniable talent and wealth— dudumugin talaga siya!

"Ay may kasama pang isa! Kasama niya ang kapatid niya. Ayon si Acrotis oh!" Si Tala habang tinuro ang lalaking nasa ibabaw ng lamesa, halos maghubad na at gumigiling sa harapan ng isang sikat na PBA player! I recognize the guy since I saw him play basketball once!

"Iba ang kamandag ng mga 'yan," Ang komento ni Jayah na natatawa na rin.

Naupo kami pabalik sa aming table, hindi pa rin makapaniwala sa nakita namin. It's not so often that we would see those two together.

"Kung pagalingan gumiling ah kay Havoc pa rin ang boto ko! Gumiling, kumanta, at muling gumiling sa kaniyang papi Eludes! Sa lahat-lahat, siya ang panalo! Iba ang harvat ni bakla!" Kinuha ko ang Clase Azul at ambang itatapon ko sa kaniya. Ang bibig talaga nito!

"Oh, eh napano tuloy? Kung noon ay pasulyap-sulyap lang ang ganda mo, ngayon hinahabol ka na! Anong klaseng panty ba suot mo at ng magaya kita baks! Gusto ko rin 'yong may pa-flowers, foods, at hot papi!"

Humagalpak kaming lahat kakatawa dahil sa sinabi ni France. Ewan ko ba sa isang 'to at lahat na lang hindi sineseryoso.

They continued drinking while I busied myself with my phone. Instantly, men and some women swarm my DM's replying to the video I shared earlier. Kagat-labi kong tiningnan kung sino ang mga nakakita ng video. Satisfied with it, I immediately deleted the video.

I received a message from Eludes, "Damn, you looked hot in the video, baby." I smiled triumphantly at his comment.

Of course, I would look hot on it. I don't show too much on my social media, but I will when I want to, and when I want a particular someone to see it.

Napa-ayos ako ng upo bigla ng maka receive ako ng isang message. It was from Eludes, but this time it's a photo message! Napatingin ako sa mga kasamahan ko bago in-open ang message at halos maubo ako sa gulat sa ginawa niya!

Eludes was shirtless, flexing his biceps on the mirror shot taken. Pawisan siya at naka workout pants lang. He wore the same stoic face in the photo, making me realize that the photo must've been taken earlier.

Another message from him and this time it's a video! Hesitantly, blinking rapidly, and biting my lips, I watched as Eludes on the video drank his water tumbler. Nakaharap sa mukha niya ang camera, and I'm seeing how his throat move from drinking. He let go of the bottle and looked at the camera again, with the same stoic face. This time, pinasadahan niya ng kamay ang kalbo na buhok bago natapos ang video.

"Baby, I went to the gym, and now I'm with my friends in a club. Text me back if you have time, please. I want to know your updates." Eludes message.

Ibang klaseng kalbo to ah! Alam na alam pano kunin ang puso ko!

"Let's dance!" I said to my friends.

Glad that they agreed, bumaba kami sa dance floor just in time for the music, Stereo Love.

"When you gonna stop breaking my heart? I don't wanna be another one..." I sang the song as I dance with my peers.

Time passes by so quickly when you're at pace with blasting music and the euphoric feeling of just dancing without knowing who you're dancing with!

Hindi ko pinapansin ang mga malalagkit na tingin sa akin ng mga kalalakihan, instead I dance my way until I reached the seemingly more crowded area. Medyo nagulat at napatawa ako ng hinablot ako ng isang tao kaya magkalapat ang aming mga katawan at parehong malalanding sinasayawan ang mga lalaking nasa likuran namin.

The music blasted more and more through my ears, and I let loose all the inhibitions in my body. The boy I am dancing with is no other than Acrotis King, I know he recognizes me the moment he pulls me close to him. Our hands are in each other's body, touching maliciously, letting the men see us dirty each other. We both looked at each other at parehong natawa— enjoying the pleasure as men lusted over us.

They can watch, they can touch, but they will never have me. I already belong to somebody, and my body only recognizes him as my marker. The bearer of my mark. I imagine dancing with his clad body.

Eludes...

I opened my eyes as I saw Acrotis go down on me. Mouth open, I sensually rolled my hips close to his smirking lips. Mas lalong lumakas ang hiyawan ng mga tao habang pinapanood kami. Bright lights and scorching heat made us do it!

Itinaas ko ang dalawang kamay at nilapat ito sa hubad na dibdib ni Acrotis bago nilabas ang dila at sumayaw pababa sa kaniya. Someone from the crowd shouted body shot and handed me the drink.

"We will regret doing this, but regret comes at the end, Buenavista!" Acrotis shouted, clearly intoxicated and drunk.

Pareho lang naman kami, "Fuck regret!" I shouted the same. Binuhos ko sa katawan niya ang Vodka at kaagad na sinundan ng aking dila ang inumin.

People stopped and watched us— amazed at how my tongue licked Acrotis's lower abdomen until his neck, tasting the bitterness of the alcohol! It only added confidence to my veins! They seemingly want to do the same, but they can never do this to us!

"Damn!" Ang pareho naming daing at parehong natawa sa pinagagawa!

This is the privilege of being gay. You can be doing this for fun and no issues. The music continued. Hinablot ni Acrotis sa akin ang bote ng Vodka, smiling sheepishly.

"K-Kuya..." Natigil kaming pareho dahil biglang natigalgal si Acrotis at malalaking matang tiningnan ang taong nasa likuran niya.

I refused to go around! If Acrotis is this disheveled seeing this brother of his, that only meant that it could either be of the twin Zapanta!

"What happened to taming down, Acrotis? And you're partying without your securities!" I recognize the voice, but this voice is not Eludes'. I just know his by heart.

Hesitating but I still did it, tumingin ako sa lalaking kadadating lang. The music still loomed over the club, and the fun continued, but not for me.

"Kuya Acades naman! I told you to not follow me here!" Ang maktol ni Acrotis at pinagpapadyak ang mga paa. Inis na inis.

"I did not, I came here to check something, and it looks like I made a good decision this time. Uwi." Acades signaled his head out, and just like that Acrotis was escorted by his securities out of the club. Di kalayuan sa akin ay nakikita ko na inaalalayan din ng mga securities niya si Joxiah palabas!

Well, that happened...

Nagkibit-balikat lang ako. I can continue my fun without them! I smiled to myself and went to look for my friends. Just as I was about to walk, I saw someone casually leaning his arms in the railing of the club. Up on the second floor, with his blue eyes on me— and only me. Holding a drink in his right hand, Eludes Zapanta watched every move I made.

"Eludes..." I whispered his name.

Dotingly, he removed his hands of the railing. Nilagay niya sa mesa niya ang baso ng inumin at pinasok ang dalawang kamay sa kaniyang pants. A small action that highlighted his arm muscles and those inks in his skin.

Nang makita ko siyang pababa ay kaagad akong napatingin sa kaliwa't-kanan. Looking for a clear exit! I don't need to see him again in a club! I'm reminded of the stupidity I made the last time I saw him in a club!

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" I ranted and immediately ran away from the dance floor.

Nang makalabas ako sa pintuan ng club ay dito ko lang naalala na 'di ko pala bitbit ang susi ng sasakyan ko! It was all inside my bag! Ang tanga naman!

Hinilot ko ang sentido at panaka-nakang tiningnan ang entrance door ng club, buti na lang at nakatakas kaagad ako! I smiled victoriously!

Kinuha ko sa pocket ang phone ko. I need my personal driver to get me here this instant! I put the phone in my ears when something passed it, and in a blink of an eye, nawala na sa akin ang phone ko.

With wide eyes, I saw Eludes holding my phone in his right hand, while his left hand is holding my waist, closing our gap, and the chance to run away.

"Fun time is over, let me take you home." His voice is soft, yet a commanding tone laced with it.

"I-I am with my friends," I reasoned out.

"I don't see them here, baby. What I saw was you almost eating my brother in the dance floor." There's a hint of warning in his words. Eludes is not harming me, but he was bringing something, like a signal that he did not like what he saw inside.

"Don't use that voice on me, Eludes. I can understand very well what I should be doing inside a club. Now, if you have issues with me dancing with your brother, then restrain him, not me." Kinuha ko ang cellphone sa kamay niya but he did not let go.

"I'm sorry, I forgot where I should be standing." He apologized and let go of me. I saw sincerity in his eyes. Alam ko na pinipigilan niya lang ang sarili dahil tiim-bagang niya akong tinitingnan ngayon.

"But at least let me take you home safe. It would settle me at pace knowing that you're home safe. Baby, please for my sanity." Eludes was heaving those words out.

I bit my lips, trying to stop myself from grinning ear-to-ear. I'm afraid I can't control myself when I'm with this man and intoxicated.

"Let me get my bag first, para makapagpaalam na rin ako sa mga kaibigan ko." I demanded.

Pinasadahan niya ang kalbong buhok at ang panga niya bago tumango.

"And then I will take you home." Eludes said with finality. Tumango ako sa kaniya.

"Let's get my baby his bag then." Nauna akong maglakad sa kaniya papasok. Halata ang tinginan ng mga babae sa lalaking nasa likuran ko ngayon. Bitches, hands off, he's, my man.

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Present...

Letting myself bask in the summer air, I lift my hands to the seemingly big, retired racehorse beside me. Looking at the horse, I can't help but be genuinely happy for its life now. Sure, he was sold and under pressure, the people used him for profit, but this time, I am rewriting the narrative of its life.

"Dahil sa'yo napahamak ang puso ko. If I didn't pursue you that night, none of this would've happened to me. Maybe, patuloy pa rin akong umiiwas sa lalaking 'yon kung hindi ako pumunta sa event na 'yon." Things would have been normal. Baka sakali hindi ako nauwi dito sa Maraya— pero hindi ako nagsisi ng umuwi ako.

Alam ko sa sarili ko na pagod na pagod na ako kaya kailangan ng katawan ko ito. Binaling ko ang tingin sa katabi kong kabayo ng mag-ingay ito. Para siyang nagrereklamo sa kung paano ko siya sinisi.

"I'm sorry Maxi, I'm just being me. Consistently looking for someone to blame when in fact I chose the decision. I made the decision, and I could only blame myself for it. Yeah... thanks for helping me out." Ang pagkausap ko kay Maximus.

The horse is bigger than my horse, Allistain. I caressed the horse's soft hair, smiling to see its reaction.

"I'm sorry, I know you're not used to people touching you. It's okay, no one will harm you here, Maxi." I whispered and tapped him gently, letting him run freely with the wind.

Pinanood ko si Maximus na magtatakbo kasama sa ibang kabayo dito sa rancho namin. Marami sila at malaya, gaya ng mga tao sa Maraya. I wacthed them run over the hills, down to the green grasses downhill.

"Bakit ikaw pa ang dumating?" I asked absentmindedly while looking at the big build of Maximus running with Allistain.

Nang ma-realize ko ang sinabi ko ay napatakip ako sa bibig. I feel like I betrayed Maximus when I said those words. What am I saying? Na sana si Eludes na lang ang dumating at hindi ang kabayo? Hinawakan ko ang sentido at hinilot ito para umayos ako sa pag-iisip. Nababaliw na ako!

A month of not seeing Eludes is driving me insane. Ano ba itong ginagawa ko sa sarili ko? This is not me anymore! Naupo ako sa damuhan at pinikit ang mata. Humiga ako at hinayaan ang sarili na matulog. I don't feel the heat since the mango tree is covering me from the direct sunlight.

Inalala ko noong dumating dito si Maximus. Halata ang kaba ko dahil ang inaasahan ko talaga ay si Eludes. Dad said we will be meeting the head of construction, and I was blinded enough to think properly and so I thought that it would be Eludes I was meeting.

Good thing it was not him or else I don't know what else! Hindi pa ako handa na humarap sa kaniya matapos ang mangyari sa amin. Eludes was the main reason why I came running home. To find shelter from a broken heart, hope, and now— even my thoughts are broken because of the man!

Instead, Maximus came. Kasama niya ang iba pang kabayo sa bidding auction that night. Of course, Kuya Hakob was quick to recognize who sent them. The good thing is he never asked me about it. But I know he's only restraining himself. Humuhugot lang 'yan ng pagkakataon para makausap ako. And when the time comes, I hope I can face him and tell him all that has happened between me and Eludes.

The head of construction said that it was Eludes' gift for the anniversary of my parents, to which he completely lied. A white lie that saved me from my mother and father's lecture.

The next day, another thing came. It was the pink Porsche 911 GT3 that Eludes won in the auction. This time, it was addressed to me as his gift. The delivery man said that it was Eludes' way of thanking me for choosing him as the firm provider. Bullshit! I admit that I wanted the car, hence I bid for it, but for him to send these things to me. Is he readying me of something else?

"What are you up to now, Eludes?" I asked below my breath. Kinagat ko ang labi at pinikit ang mga mata. Kung naipadala mo sa akin ang sasakyan bilang regalo, paniguradong sigurado ka na nandito ako sa Maraya.

"You took a month looking for me. I thought you're powerful enough to search someone like me?" Kagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi sa pagitan ng aking mga ngipin habang iniisip ang kahulugan ng mga salitang 'yan.

Or did you take a month looking for me because you found shelter from another woman's embrace again? How can I be sure that you are even looking for me? Hinahanap mo ba talaga ako Eludes? O naging katulad na ako ng mga babae mo na ako na mismo ang naghahanap sa'yo? Basing on my mental state, it seems like the latter makes more sense.

Inabala ko ang sarili sa gagawing family project namin. Ito na ang pinag-aabalahan ko para lang mawala sa isipan ko ang lalaking 'yon. Ilang araw na rin ng simulan ang pagtatayo sa temple at nakikita ko na mula dito sa mansion ang mga conrinthian pillars na nakatayo na.

Mula sa balkonahe ko ay nakikita ko mula dito ang ginagawang templo, habang sa likod naman ng templo ay ang waterfall kung saan muntikan ng may mangyari kay mom at sa akin. This is according to them. One reason why Dad chose to build the temple there was to erase the bad memories of what has happened.

"Masiyadong maganda ang Maraya para katakutan. Lalong-lalo na ang Luningning," Inabot ko sa aking kamay ang templo, trying to pinch it with my fingers.

Naalala ko na ako ang nagpangalan sa falls na 'yan bilang Luningning. It already has a name, a nickname given by the people here in Maraya, pero ako ang nagkusa na i-rehistro ito sa pangalang Luningning. Obviously, the name was taken from our baryo's name.

"Knock, knock, knock!" Narinig ko ang pintuan at kaagad na gumuho ang ulo ni Amasha. She did not wait for my approval at pumasok na sa loob ng kwarto ko.

"Ready na kami Cerv! Si Valerie ay nasa ibaba na. She's documenting everything for her vlog." Tiningnan ko siya at tumango.

We are doing an outreach program sa Baryo Luwal, which is the farthest barangay of Maraya. Due to some restrictions and safety measures, the Baryo receives little help among the others. Equally, they are given the same opportunities but it's the people who refuse our help.

While Maraya is a land of peace, I can't deny that complications arise as well. We can't please everybody, but I am trying. Iniisip ko kasi na magiging maganda rin ito para sa susunod na eleksiyon.

"Tito Jakob send more people to assist us while the outreach happens. He mentioned that when something happens, automatically, all of us are to go down immediately from the mountains." As much as I want to help, kailangan ko rin sundon ang gusto ni Dad. Alam niya ang ginagawa pagdating dito.

"I will thank him kapag nakababa na ako. Sigurado naman ako na hindi tayo hahayaan ni kuya Hakob." Ang sabi ko.

Inayos ko ang medical kit na hawak-hawak ko at naglakad na kami palabas sa loob ng kwarto. Tiningnan ko ang phone ko when it signalled for a notification.

The same message, the same person, the same intention, "Good morning, baby." Iyon lang ang binasa ko at pinatay na ang phone. Disturbo talaga 'tong si Eludes kahit kailan.

"Magandang umaga senyorito at senyorita." Una kong nakita si Melba na malalaki ang ngiti. Hawak-hawak niya ang backpack at naka raincot pa ito, handa ng sumulong sa lamig ng panahon.

"Malamig po sa aming Baryo, lalo pa't mararating natin 'yon ng medyo hapon na. Mas mabuti po na magsuot na kayo ng raincot para hindi kaya maambonan." Ang sabi ni Melba.

Tumango ako sa kaniya at tinuro si Roman, ang head security ng pamilya namin. Katabi nito si Baste na kausap niya, "No worries, once the rain starts pouring, they will instantly hand me the raincoat I prepared."

Iniwan ko muna siya at tuluyan ng bumaba sa bulwagan ng mansion. Dito ko nakita ang lahat na sasama sa amin. Halos mga local government staffs.

"Where are my team?" Ang tanong ko at nakita ko kaagad na nagtaas kamay si Grace habang kumakain ng puto.

"Sir! Here po," Kakarating niya lang noong isang linggo habang ang ibang mga medical stuff and materials ay kahapon lang nakarating dito sa Maraya.

"Listen up everybody! Makinig ang lahat para maiwasan ang aksidente. Ang Baryo Luwal ay kilala dahil maraming rebelde ang naninirahan d'yan, pero kahit kailan ay hindi pa sila gumawa ng ikakasama sa atin. Gayun din naman tayo. Maglalakad tayo ng halos tatlong oras bago natin marating ang military base at kadugtong nito ay ang tanggapan ng Baryo Luwal. Doon tayo mamalagi ng isang gabi." Ang anunsiyo ni Kuya Hakob.

Bumaba si Dad at Mom sa staircase at sumenyas na ipagpatuloy lang ni Hakob ang mga sasabihin at paalala.

Mahahati sa tatlong grupo, ang medical mission, ang food donations, at ang clothing donations. Ako ang mangunguna sa medical mission kasama ko si Amasha. Si Kuya Hakob sa food donations. Si Atasha at Valerie naman ang hahawak sa clothing donations.

Holding close to me my kit, the team started the mountain journey when the rain started pouring heavily. Damn, just our luck. 

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Note: Wala akong internet hanggang 36hrs! So, expect niyo na hindi ako mangungulit kaka-reply sa mga comments niyo. Yun lang, babush! 

♡⸜(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡