Important announcement
Hi, this is Suku not Sonali.. This chapter is planned and written by me for the soul purpose to surprise Sonali and you all.. I have been very busy.. But Sonal is extremely patient with me and all of you too.. So, I thought to dedicate this entire chapter to all of you and my lovely Sonal.I hope you enjoy it.. ~Sukanya
P.S.- Do read the end notes

He started to get images of how avni had tried to say sorry to him when she had come back to india

the efforts she would make to melt his heart

Their arguments where she decided not to intefer in his life

Their marriage

How she took care of him when he was ill

Him realising how much he had missed avni

Their reunion where they shared their emotions pouring it out

All those good times came flashing in front of his eyes

Suddenly he saw avni forwarding  her hand while he stood there smiling and lifted his bands but stopped when he saw a hand come on top of hers but the hand wasnt his but sahil who was smiling looking at avni...and then he heard avni say "mera sahil" while looking at him ...and then avni walking away with sahil where Neil extended his hands to reach to avni but she went away leaving him with darkness surrounding and suddenly grabbed avni hand

Neil leaned forward  with his forehead sweating.. he turned to look at avni still sleeping and looked at his hand clutching hers when he had held when he felt darkness around him

Even though it was a dream he couldnt bare the thought of avni been taken away from him..there was something there in him that was stopping him from letting avni go

Neil realised that he had lost avni once but he cant afford to lose her again and that fear was actually there in him...he looked at his hand which was holding hers and then looked at avni to see a smile on her face

Neil (in his mind) last time I couldnt stop u from going away from me... first be it leaving from college and then India... and now u have come back in my life...making me alive again and I cant  bare my life without u...no I will not let her go away from me again not again....I want u to be here with me avni...right next to me... he laid down next to her not moving his hands away from hers

How peaceful she looked while sleeping.. he kept rubbing his thumb in circular motion on her hand..Though it was consciously done as
he was looking at her face..  suddenly Avni jerked in her sleep and he held on to his breath  praying that Avni won't wake up and catch him.. But all Avni did was shift near him still sleeping and now her head was on the crook of his neck as she engulfed him in a half hug.. Her right hand which was being held by Neil was clasped tightly and now placed near his heart.. Neil was now very aware of their close proximity.. He released his breath which he had held for long when he realised she was still sleeping..

She took a deep breath and shifted more close to him..Now her nose touching his throat and her right hand leaving his hand and moved on to his waist ..Her half-body was on him totally and she hugged him possessively.. Her breath tickled his throat and he felt all the butterflies in his stomach.. she inhaled deeply as if taking his scent and with a content sigh she muttered 'Neil'...

Something jolted him right then and there as if her voice electrocuted him.. He felt goosebump on his whole body.. The deep black cloud that had covered and confused his mind and vision for so long now shifted..

For the first time he realised the shocking truth.. He realised why he felt so incomplete all these years..because.....because the person who made him complete was absent from his life.. He understood why he had felt so numb after Avni left because it was her that made him feel alive.. He loved her... God he loved Avni..not like a bestfriend but the way Adam loved Eve.. A Man loved his woman..

He loved Avni.. That's  why he felt so lonely when she had left.. He always loved her and when she left she took his heart with her and he felt nothing but hollow inside him.. An emptiness that even Mitali couldn't fill because it was not Mitali that held his heart, it was Avni all along..

He started ignoring Mitali after Avni left, not because of his guilt but because all his playfulness, happiness and  flirtatious nature had gone with her..

It was Avni's very presence  which made him alive and let him feel all the different emotion, love, empathy, friendship in life and with her gone all of it had gone and he became a shell of what he used to be once.. He started ignoring Mitali and everyone..

He remembered they returned to Delhi two days after Avni had left.. he started to distant from everyone including Mitali.. He did not talk to anyone properly, neither joined his classes for days.. Mitali tried to cheer him but all he felt was nothing but emptiness.. His gang and Mitali even threw him a party at a club to cheer him up but amidst all the neon lights of that club and the crowd, he felt lonely..truly lonely.. He felt so alone among the sea of people that day.. He left that club without telling any of them.. He did not understand back then why he felt so numb that day.. but now he understood, it was because of this girl, his childhood friend, his bestfriend, his chatterbox,  his stubborn mad Avni, his Avni..  Avni thi toh sab tha, Neil tha.. But when she was gone, everything was gone with her, his happiness, naughtiness  in short avni best friend disappeared .

Mitali died after a month later.. but by then their relationship had strained enough and was almost over.. He told her to give him time but he never got out of that numbness.. Even when She died, all he felt was guilty for not able to be there for her and for not able to save her.. But he felt nothing, no pain nothing.. Even after Mitali's death, he missed her but as a friend not like someone who lost their love..because Mitali was never his love, it was Avni always..he had lost Avni already and he was mourned and numbed by her absence so much that he never felt any pain after that.. Mitali's death shocked him, made him feel guilty but he never felt the loss because Avni took all his feelings with her too.. He was just numb and empty..

He became a cop, doing his duty day and night, making himself totally engrossed in cases, never felt the urge to go home.. and also he would tell vidyut he would handle the cases so he could avoid been around anyone that knew him.. sometimes he worked overtime and went to home just to take rest.. but couldnt sleep more than 3hours.. he kept himself so busy that he hardly got time to spend with his family and frnds.. though he did meet his frnd and spent time but it was bcoz they didnt want to leave him alone and he did not want to upset them.. Years of isolation and numbness made him cold and it continued like this till the day Avni came back..

The moment he met her on the airport, something moved inside his chest.. He felt something in his heart for the first time after so many years..what was it?? Pain..anger...rage..He left her there when all he wanted to do was run to her and hug her and  never let her go.. .All the feelings were so overwhelming him at that moment.. But amidst all these feelings, he felt that he found himself once again.. He was so angry on Avni that he vowed not to talk her ever.. But inside he was angry very angry and all he wanted to do was shake her, ask her why she left him, complaining to her like a 4year old kid.. but he controlled and ignored her and why shouldn't he do dat?? She left him, right?? So its only fair that she felt the pain, he once felt too.. but in doing so he hurt himself  and her even more..

She tried so hard to make it upto him..but he kept ignoring her.. and why shouldnt he do it?? Didnt she understand how much she meant to  him, how dare she leave him like that?? Oh how much it pained him to accuse Avni being selfish that day.. but he was so blinded by his pain and anger that day.. Then their marriage happened..  slowly slowly she started melting his cold, stubborn heart.. Her very presence unnerved and affected his cold demeanour and just like that he was drawn to her.. But this time the equation slightly changed.. their long separation, growing apart bought new realisation to him.. He had seen her in new light.. He always loved her but was too comfortable to realise that it was more than friendship.. but when she came back he understood how much he had missed her.. he felt the pain of missing her.. Maybe that distance was needed to understand his feelings for her.. may be it waa needed to understand what he lost because of his foolishness..

Avni became his wife and slowly slowly his anger started melting.. He thought their marriage was nothing more but sacrifices from both sides.. oh god.. how wrong he was.. he even told her that he would never love her like a husband love his wife.. Thinking about this Neil felt tears in his eyes.. how could he take their marriage so lightly??

However the wall of separation started to vanish between them.. they again came close to each other.. the long separation changed them both.. they both became more mature and he started noticing little things about Avni which he had never noticed before.. her softness, her patience and her caring nature.. She took care of him even after he behaved so rudely..She was so worried when he got ill and didnt sleep for days. No one could have done this much for him... He felt so guilty for behaving so rudely back then..but she started to melt him with her care and love.. yes, he noticed everything..her sweetness, softness,careful but not taking bullshit nature..it made her so attractive..when did she become so beautiful?? No wrong question, she was always beautiful.. why did he not notice it?? He was just contented admiring her from far and happy that he got her back but then came that day when he kissed her.. God!!! she was so beautiful and sinfully tempting that morning.. he just couldn't stop himself from tasting those plump lips of her.. He couldnt resist, he wanted to feel her.. It still made Neil shiver remembering that moment.. Her lips was so sweet and soft, he bit it ,nipped it tasted her sweet nectar.. and then she started kissing him back.. oh! It aroused him so bloody much.. He wanted to take her right then and there.. But suddenly that realisation hit him he was so confused at that moment between friendship and the new found feeling.. He got scared of it.. He didn't know what to do.. He  never got this much physically attracted to someone that too with his bestfriend, his Avni.. it overwhelmed and scared him.. Instead of confronting this new feeling he pushed her away again.. why??? because it was easy than confrontation... he was scared to admit his feelings for her..Avni was melting all the walls around his heart that he carefully built these past years.. she made him feel things again.. and he was not ready.. his heart felt vulnerable and naked.. He was so scared to feel vulnerable once again.. He thought she would leave again.. and though he once managed to live but this time he just couldn't live if she left him once again.. He refused to open his heart and feel vulnerable n rejected by her once again.. so he did the stupidest thing.. he pushed her instead..

It was done in defence mechanism.. He was confused, scared and overwhelmed by the new feelings and he pushed her..bcoz that's how he survived all these years by pushing her memories and everything from his mind.. that was the only way he knew how to cope.. so he pushed her instead of embracing her.. he blamed her.. He blamed her with such cruelty.. Tears started rolling frm his eyes remembering the cruel words he had told her that day.. oh!! How could he blame Avni for taking Mitali's place.. How could he blame her for something she never did.. It was always Avni's place in his heart.. But he had to tell her all those hurtfull words.. He knew he was doing wrong but he was so scared to admit that... he thought it was easy to push her.. and by doing so, avni would never hurt him again.. how wrong he was.. He was so blind in his feelings that he never saw the sadness in her eyes.. she was so hurt.. his avni.. he couldn't forgive  himself for that day.. That day he single handily managed to push her from him, he destroyed his own happiness..

Avni will never forgive him for that, even if she did, he would never forgive himself for that..

Why did he hurt the only person he loved so much?? How could he do that.. she never deserved that.. if he can change that, he would have changed it then and there .. but then Sahil came..

He hated him so much.. he never hated someone this much in his entire fucking life.. Always roaming around his Avni, as if duniya mein koi ladki nahi hai.. He didnt feel good around him.. And Avni looked so happy while talking to that monkey, it made him jealous.. yes, he now admits that he was jealous... it made him wanted to kill that sahil.. And when Avni called him " mera Sahil" today, it shook his world.. but it made him scared that what if that sahil take his Avni away.. He was never felt this insecure before, but sahil was a different matter.. He loved Avni.. yes, Neil saw the affection in Sahil's eyes..for him it was similar to his.. he understood that look very well..  Neil  too looked at avni like that.. and avni cared for him, not love but cared deeply for him.. and with Neil pushing her, what if she got fed up and left him one day?? What if she understood she deserves better than him and left him and went to sahil, who definitely treated her better than Neil ever had.. could he live with that?? Could he see her with anyone else than him?? No, he couldnt.. just thinking about this was making him numb.. No, he would die before seeing Avni with anyone.. he would simply die..

Was that how it felt?? Worse than dying.. Was that how Avni felt seeing him with Mitali?? Seeing him smile, but to someone else.. just seeing Avni smiling to Sahil burned him so much, was that how she felt during our college days.. .. How could he  do this to her.. It was so much painful to see ur loved ones with someone.. Neil just now couldn't fathom the hurt Avni must have felt seeing him and mitali together..  he selfishly thought it would go away but the fact was it would never go away.. Sahil and avni didnt even date and were just friends yet it still  hurts  and infuriated him so much.. and he and mitali were in a relationship, he just couldnt dare to measure Avni's pain now.. it must have been too much.. that was why she decided to leave bcoz she thought Neil loved mitali and she didnt want to be between them.. because all Avni ever wanted  was him to be happy but seeing him with mitali killed her from inside and she did not want to be between them. She didnt want to be the reason of their pain so she sacrificed her love, her friendship and chose to leave him.. chose to leave her love, her family, friends ... and what did he do?? He blamed her of being selfish.. how could he!! He  couldn't have done what she did.. if the situation was reversed and he was in her situation,he would have done the same.. avni did everything for his happiness and he kept misunderstanding her because he was wrapped in anger to understand her situation.. Neil brushed his tears and looked at her.. she still was sleeping unaware of his tumultous feelings.. so he wrapped his hands around  Avni's waist and pulled her closer.. He breathed in her hair and felt so much love for this incredible woman..when had he been so lucky?? How could Avni loved him so much??.. his chest was swelling with so much love and respect for his wife..

He held her tightly in his arms.. He thanked God for bringing Avni once again in his life or else he would have never understood the true meaning of love and would have died without meeting her again.. the very idea of it scared him.. he wanted to thank Sahil too.. though he did not like him, but if he did not come, he would never understand or got back his love, his Avni again.. most of all he thanked Avni to love him so unconditionally.. She loved him without hoping anything in return..

He does not know, if he ever returned anything to her.. but he promised himself now, that he would never let her go now.. He would never pushed her, hurt her, blame her.. This woman had his heart, she always had.. it took him so long to understand it, because he was always a fool.. but now that he has understood he would never let her go.. No matter how much Avni got angry, he would fight for her, for them,  for their love.. He might be a slow learner but he was not a loser.. It was always Avni fighting for him, but now he will fight for them.. he wont let sahil or anyone come between them.. She was his and he was hers..

He will make her realise that he loves her too and  always did.. he would make her see that her love was reciprocated and that too unconditionally.. he was grateful that despite drifting apart, she came back to him, became his wife..may be universe too was on their side.. whatever it is.. He loved Avni and he would keep loving her always.. and he would make all her pain go away.. she can't leave him now, he wont just let her.. with the final realisation, he kissed her on the crown of her head lovingly and said, "sleep tight Wifey, we have a long way to go now.." and with this he drifted into sleep, holding her possessively in his arms...

So, how do you like it?? I hope now you understand, Neil's pov and his side of the story.. This is the longest chapter in this story.. I decided not to split it for two reason..
1. If I split it then the mood of this scene (Neil's realisation) would have spoiled..
2. The second reason is, you guys have waited for so long for this story, that it only justified to give a long update .. Thank you so very much Sona for letting me surprise you like this and thank you all for your love..~Suku
P.S.- we are gonna regularly update from now on..
Love Sonal n suku..