I had been spending a lot of time in the hospital.
It had been two days since the accident. The night after, I spent the entire night next to him, hoping that he'd wake up. Some of the nurses thought it was weird at first, as I am only 13, almost 14, and not direct family. I quickly explained to them that I've been his friend since birth and so on. Anyway, I spent that whole next morning at the hospital as well, but of course had to go to school. I came back right after school and spent the evening there, but my parents made me come home that night, but I couldn't sleep at all I was so worried. I then went to school the next day, and came back again after school, and that's where we are now.
I sat by his bed and sighed. The last couple of days at school had been rough, but slightly better than when Ryan was ignoring me. I started to take his words to heart, that I need to start being brave not only for myself, but so my friends and family don't see me suffer and be unhappy. I was able to answer a question without shaking once, but then had a mini heart-attack of fear afterward. I wanted to break out immediately, but I couldn't, my fears would speak over my hopes and wishes. They would scream for me to stop, to not go forward, to hold back. Slowly but surely, my hopes and wishes were breaking through, though.
     Ryan's heartbeat was steady and normal. It hadn't been strange since the first night, that night was tough. His heartbeat would occasionally slow way down, or speed up quickly. The doctors said that was normal, but it still made me very nervous.
      Ryan's eyes were closed, as they should be. Imagine how creepy it would be if you were stuck in a coma and your eyes were wide open? His hair had swung in small strands over his eyes, and the rest was a tangled mess against his pillow. His face was serene and calm, but it was slightly paler than normal. His nose was in a cast-splint-type contraption, as the impact from the car had broken his nose. His left ankle was also in a cast. He had bandages wrapped around his limbs and torso, as the car cause many bruises and the concrete caused many scratches. Luckily, the doctors said the impact did not damage his head or brain. He had a broken lip, along with the fact his lips were extremely chapped.
      I still couldn't believe this had happened, and I couldn't help to think it was my fault. I'm the one who got him upset because I was afraid of the future, I'm the one who made him run. I'm the one who made him not pay attention to the world around him, as his anger probably made him not think clearly. I'm the one who caused him to get run over.
       Tears filled my eyes as I looked back at Ryan's motionless, other than the rise and fall of his chest, body. I caused this to happen to him, I caused his pain. It's all my fault. My nails bore into the skin on my arm, I felt I needed to punish myself for this. Then I stopped. I couldn't do this to myself. Ryan wouldn't want me to do this, he would want me to stand strong and push through. Ryan would want me to see the bright side.
        "See the pros and cons," his voice said in my head.
        "Okay," I said, hoping he could hear me, "Pros and cons. Cons to this situation. You are hurt, I feel that it's my fault and I'm to blame, I'm mad that the car who hit you got away with it, I feel lonely without you, I don't have my friend with me. Pros. Um, I can be independent? I can push through and see how much strength I have on my own."
         "Good," his voice said.
         "Good," I repeated. I looked down at Ryan. "It will all be okay."
         I thought I saw his move turn up into a smile for a second.