"Let me get Avrielle so I can take her to my room." 

I went to Haze and carried Avrielle with me instead. The poor baby looked sleepy. Nagising siya nang kaunti pero nang makita ako, sinandal niya ulit ang ulo niya sa balikat ko. Clyden looked at us with a serious expression while Haze fixed the towel on Avrielle's back. 

I went inside my room and placed Avrielle on my bed, covering half of her body with the blanket and putting pillows on both sides. When I went back to the living room, Haze was already looking around my unit. Akala ko aalis na siya pero narito pa rin siya. I didn't want to be rude, so I asked him if he wanted anything. 

"Do you want water? Coffee?" I asked, fixing the living room. Naroon pa 'yong yoga mat ko at nakapause pa rin sa TV 'yong yoga video. 

"What are you guys doing?" Haze looked like he wanted to laugh when he looked at the television. 

"Oh, we're... We're doing yoga." It sounded so awkward when I said it! Napakamot ako sa ulo ko. 

Clyden was standing beside the television with his arms crossed over his chest. He surely wasn't pleased with Haze's presence in my unit, but the latter was enjoying it so much. He was smiling playfully while taking his coat off. 

"Wow, I love yoga. Why don't you continue with me?" Haze was obviously trying to tease both of us! 

He started loosening up his tie, taking it off his white dress shirt. He even rolled the sleeves up to his elbow and opened two buttons so he would feel more comfortable. Clyden looked at him before muttering something. Probably a curse. 

"I'm sorry, but it's so weird to do yoga with both of you." I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at them. These grown-ass men wanted to do yoga with me? Something was wrong right there. 

The fact that I even asked Clyden to do yoga was already awkward for me! I just wanted to save a face because of the message I sent last time! Hindi ko naman in-expect na ganito ang magiging outcome ng araw ko ngayon. 

"Aren't you busy, Doctor?" Haze raised a brow and turned to Clyden. "If not, then continue with your session. I really want to see Clyden doing some yoga poses here." 

"What now? Do you like me?" Clyden raised his brows. His facial expression looked bored. He was probably sick and tired of Haze's little games. 

"Bro..." Haze suddenly laughed, holding his stomach with one hand. Ang saya niya tuwing nakikita niyang napipikon si Clyden. "You didn't change at all, Cy." 

"How do you guys know each other?" Pinabalik-balik ko ang tingin ko sa kanila. 

"We went to the same high school," Clyden answered, rolling his eyes a bit. "Fucking asshole," he whispered, but I completely heard it. 

"Yeah, he was on a lower year level than me." Haze casually leaned his elbow on my shoulders while looking at Clyden. "I think I made fun of him a lot because he was a quiet kid." 

"You were just fucking noisy," Clyden whispered again. Kahit anong bulong niya, sigurado akong naririnig pa rin ni Haze dahil tahimik sa unit. 

"Oh, Kalix went to the same high school, but I already graduated when it happened. You were his senior, right?" he asked Clyden again, but Clyden didn't answer. "See? What a quiet kid, right?" Haze turned to me, laughing. 

"I'll get juice for the both of you." Inalis ko ang siko ni Haze sa balikat ko at naglakad na papuntang kusina, leaving the both of them there. 

I saw Clyden rolling the yoga mat and placing it on the side of the sofa while Haze took a seat on the couch, leaning his elbow on the armrest while holding his head. He was looking at the television before saying something to Clyden. Hindi ko marinig ang pinag-uusapan nila but Clyden looked even more pissed. 

Nagtimpla lang ako at bumalik na 'ko sa living room. Nilapag ko ang dalawang baso and 'yong pitcher sa coffee table bago ako umupo sa couch. I sat beside Clyden because he held my wrist and pulled me with him. Haze looked at his hold and smirked before looking away. 

"Since we're already here, why don't we have a drink instead? Do you have beer?" Haze asked again. 

"God," Clyden whispered, massaging his head. 

"What? You can't handle liquor?" Haze raised a brow, obviously provoking Clyden. 

Clyden looked at his watch before checking his phone. "I'll just take a call." He stood up and went to the kitchen so he could still see what was happening in the living room. 

I looked at Haze and furrowed my brows. "You're being playful again. Stop teasing him. What are you, a kid?" Hininaan ko ang boses ko. 

"You didn't tell me that you were referring to him last time," Haze whispered, too. He looked betrayed for not knowing a secret. 

"It's because you didn't ask, and I thought you didn't know him, so ano p'ang sense? What a small world. Anyway, stop teasing him. He's really tired from his shift!" I scolded him. Clyden was staring at us while talking to someone on the phone. 

"You're being overprotective. He's an adult. I'm not even saying something offensive." Haze sipped on his glass of orange juice, hiding an evil smirk. "I'm actually helping you right here." 

"He needs to go back to the hospital tomorrow, so don't ask him to drink-" 

"I can drink," Clyden cut me off. 

Nagulat ako at napalingon sa kanya. Hindi ko namalayang umupo na pala ulit siya sa tabi ko. I looked at Haze and gave him a glare before standing up to get some bottles of liquor. I had some stored in the cabinet and cans of beer inside the ref. 

I placed a bottle of tequila on the table and eight cans of beer in a bucket of ice. Hindi masarap kapag hindi na malamig. I turned the yoga video off and just played a chill playlist so the silence wouldn't be too awkward. 

"I invited someone to join," Clyden said while opening a can of beer. 

I asked who it was, but he didn't answer. Instead, he looked at Haze, who opened a can for me. I didn't even ask him to! Clyden rolled his eyes and looked away, sipping on his beer. Uminom saglit si Haze ng beer at nagsalin na kaagad ng tequila shot sa tatlong baso. 

"We're warming up here," I complained. 

All of us sat on the floor instead, with me on the other side of the table and both of them in front of me. It was better because we could see each other fairly. Clyden was extra quiet today. Alam kong hindi niya gusto ang nangyayari pero hindi pa rin siya makapagreklamo. Haze was the only one casual about it! He wasn't even feeling awkward. 

"So, what was he like in high school?" I asked Haze while pointing at Clyden with my thumb. I asked him before about his college days, but now that I heard it, I got more curious about his high school days. 

"Oh, him. Top of the class. He doesn't communicate with other people. I told you, he was a quiet kid. He became an officer of mine in the Student Council as a batch representative, so we worked with each other." Haze shrugged. 

"Your position is?" I asked Haze.

"Oh, we're talking about positions now." The side of his lips rose when he glanced at me. "Position in?" 

"President," Clyden answered me instead. 

"Did you win because of your good looks?" I teased... but Haze took it the wrong way. 

"So you think I have good looks, huh?" Haze raised his brows, smiling. "Flattering." 

I panicked and looked at Clyden again to see his reaction, but he was just looking away, leaning his elbow on his knee while drinking beer. I suddenly felt bad that he was quiet again, so I tried so hard to involve him in the conversation, but his responses were all short like he didn't want to talk to us. 

I quickly stood up when I heard the doorbell again. I thought it was a delivery, but when I opened the door, I saw Kalix in his working attire. It looked like he came here straight from work. He was wearing a black button-down dress shirt tucked inside his pair of grey slacks. May dala pa siyang black leather briefcase. 

"Clyden invited you?" gulat na tanong ko. 

"Unfortunately." Kalix sighed heavily. He looked like he was just forced to come here. I wondered what Clyden said to make this guy come to our little drinking party. He wasn't the type to drink after a day of work. 

"Come in. Take a seat." I closed the door behind us and pointed at the floor. 

Kalix sat at the left side of the table, adjacent to Clyden. Siya ang mag-isa sa side na 'yon ng table habang magkaharap kami nina Haze. He rolled his sleeves up until his elbow and got himself a can of beer. How did we... end up drinking here? I thought Clyden and I would spend some alone time together! May dumagdag pang isang bisita! 

"Can I read while drinking?" Kalix asked. 

"Oh, come on. Loosen up, KJ." Haze gave him a shot glass, still smiling. He really liked calling people by their nicknames, huh? "We're here to drink, not to study." 

"So much free time for a C.E.O," Kalix said, taking the shot glass. 

"So, have you found a girlfriend yet, Cy?" Haze suddenly opened up the topic and then glanced at me in a meaningful manner. 

"I'm not trying to find one," maikling sagot ni Clyden at uminom ulit ng beer. Pangalawang can niya na. I was worried for him since his alcohol tolerance was low. 

"Sucks to be single, huh," Haze teased, smirking. 

"Watch your words," Kalix said, shaking his head a bit. 

"Oh, you're single, too?" Haze laughed again, teasing Kalix. "I thought you were with Giselle." 

"We're over." Kalix shrugged. "It wasn't anything serious for us." 

"Getting together with your friend's exes. So it's a thing?" Haze curiously asked. I glared at him so he could stop. It was because Giselle was Hiro's ex. 

"Yeah, you should know," Kalix replied before glancing at me. 

"W-what? Why?" I suddenly panicked when all of them looked at me! 

Narinig ko ulit ang tawa ni Haze, wala man lang sinabi tungkol doon. Oh, right. I told him not to say anything... But I was referring to the media! Hindi ko alam kung nagbibiruan ba sila o totoong nagkakapikunan na. Ang sigurado ko lang, hindi natutuwa si Clyden. 

"What time are you going to leave?" Clyden suddenly asked Haze. 

"Oh, me? I'm sleeping here with Avrielle," Haze joked, but Clyden obviously took it seriously! 

"No, I'm sleeping here," mariing sabi ni Clyden. 

"Geez, why the fuck am I here?" Kalix whispered, shaking his head a bit before taking another shot. "Leave me out of your triangle." 

Haze suddenly leaned over the table and gestured for me to lean too so he could whisper something. Clyden was staring at us the whole time. "Did you hear that? He's sleeping here." 

"And so?" bulong ko rin, nakakunot na ang noo. 

"What? Can't you even thank me? I told you I'd help you out." Umayos na ulit siya ng upo at hinawakan ang dibdib, umaarteng nasaktan. He unbuttoned his dress shirt again when he suddenly felt hot because of the alcohol, exposing his chest a bit. 

"Can't you hide your damn hickey?" Kalix raised a brow. 

"Stop being jealous." Haze gave him a playful smirk before looking at his chest again. There was a faded hickey there. Mukhang pawala na. 

Everything was in chaos! After finishing one bottle of tequila and a bucket of beer, naglabas pa 'ko ng Johnnie Walker and Mule. They couldn't get enough. I could feel that they were already getting a bit tipsy. Naiinitan na sila kahit binabaan ko na ang temperature ng aircon. 

"Are you sure you're still okay?" I asked when Clyden stood up and sat beside me instead. 

"It's hot," Clyden whispered back, opening the buttons of his dress shirt one by one. Nanlaki ang mata ko at hinawakan ang kamay niya para pigilan siya. "What?" 

"Aren't you driving?" Haze asked Kalix. 

"No. I live in the same building," Kalix answered. "Your brother used to crash in my unit with his friends and-" He suddenly stopped talking when he saw someone in the hallway. "There's a kid..."

Avrielle was standing there, holding a toy in her hand. "Mommy?" Her eyes were still a bit closed, adjusting to the light. She had just woken up and was already looking for Yanna. 

"Baby!" Napatayo kaagad ako at lumapit sa kanya para buhatin siya. "Let's go. You need to eat na." I went straight to the kitchen and left the boys in the living room. Clyden looked at me, and then at Avrielle, before looking away. 

Avrielle sat down on the chair while I prepared her food for her. Nagtimpla na rin ako ng gatas para sa kanya. "Mommy's not here, but she will come back, okay?" I whispered while feeding her. 

"Daddy?" she asked, still a little sleepy. 

"Daddy's with Mommy," I told her. 

After feeding her real food, I gave her a bottle of milk and doon na siya uminom. She was staring at the guys in the living room, getting curious, but I couldn't let her walk near them since may alcohol doon. 

"You can go back. I'll take care of her and put her to sleep again." Haze suddenly appeared in the kitchen. 

"Oh, okay. Thank you." I kissed Avrielle's forehead. 

Haze carried Avrielle with him while the kid was drinking milk from the bottle. Avi leaned her cheek against her uncle's shoulder habang hinahaplos ni Haze ang likod niya para makatulog ulit. Clyden was staring at them for a long time. 

"Drink more," Kalix urged Clyden, pouring more liquor into his glass. 

"You're getting me drunk," Clyden said, but he still drank the liquor in one shot. Ang dami noon kaya nagulat ako! 

"I think that's enough." I tried to stop him but he shook his head. Binigay pa niya ang baso kay Kalix para salinan ulit. 

"It's never enough," he meaningfully said, glancing at me. 

"It was never fucking enough," Kalix replied, sharing the same sentiment. Sabay silang uminom at nilapag ang baso sa lamesa. I was starting to get worried for both of them! 

Si Haze, mukhang nag-volunteer lang kay Avi para tumakas sa inom, ah! That was a nice strategy! Ako tuloy ang nakipagsabayan sa dalawa. They wanted to get drunk so bad! Kalix reminded me of Luna. Pareho lang silang nagpapakalunod sa alak. 

"I tried so hard. I worked my ass off, distracted myself, but I keep coming back to the start," Kalix suddenly started talking. Hindi na 'ko makasunod sa usapan nilang dalawa. Sila lang ang nagkakaintindihan. 

"I'm doing the same." Clyden sighed and looked at me. "I always end up making a fool of myself. Fuck." 

"Is this how boys drink?" nagtatakang tanong ko. Hindi ko na alam kung ano ba ang pinag-uusapan. Hindi ako makasali. 

After a few more shots, they started talking about more serious stuff like academics, theories, news, and napunta na sa social justice. I was already getting confused! How did we arrive at that topic? I didn't even notice the transition. 

"The justice system is really fucked," Clyden said. "It's survival out here."

"It's so hard to work in this field. It's like asking the dirt to come into your hands willingly. The future of people depends on you. It's the same with your job. One mistake and the person is either dead or ruined," Kalix replied. 

"What hurts me the most is when they can't do anything because they don't have money. The rich are the only ones with choices, both in healthcare and the justice system. I offered a lot of sponsorships to help, but it's really not enough." 

"What are you guys talking about?" Haze already came back and sat on the other side of the table. Nakatulog na siguro ulit si Avrielle o kaya pinapanood niya ng kid's show sa kwarto. 

"I think they're both drunk already," I told him. "Kalix has become... talkative. It's a rare sight." 

"Clyden too." Haze observed both of them before laughing. 

Patuloy pa ring nag-uusap 'yong dalawa at hindi kami makasali sa usapan. I just waited for Clyden to pass out. Sila na ang umubos ng Johnnie Walker at Mule na lang ang ininom namin ni Haze. 

"Bring out another bottle," Kalix told me. 

"Wow, are you paying for it or what?" I laughed. His drunk state looked interesting. He was treating me as a bartender or something! 

"I think that's enough." Haze stopped both of them from drinking. "Party's over."

Haze stood up and helped Kalix up. Damn, he was wasted! What a rare sight! His alcohol tolerance was high, and to think that Clyden tried to keep up with him... What a disaster. Muntik pa siyang matumba kaya inalalayan ulit ni Haze.

"Ah, these kids. Fuck." Haze massaged his head. 

"Make sure to take him home safely. Here's his key." Inabot ko sa kanya ang susi ng condo ni Kalix na nahulog kanina kasabay ng car keys niya. "You're not drunk, right? You can drive home." 

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll just take this kid to his unit and go straight home. You can take care of that one?" he pointed at Clyden, who was already leaning on the table. Nakayuko na at nakadikit na lang ang noo sa lamesa. 

"Yes." I put my hand on Clyden's back before waving at Haze and Kalix. I told him Kalix's unit number just in case Kalix couldn't talk anymore. Naiwan na tuloy ako kay Clyden. Hindi ko alam kung tulog siya or nag-iisip lang. "Hey, are you up?" 

Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang umayos ng upo at sinandal ang likod sa sofa. We were still seated on the floor. Namumula na ang pisngi niya at inaantok na ang mga mata. Lasing na talaga siya. 

"Sam," he suddenly called. 

"Yes?" Lumapit ako para marinig ko siya nang maayos. 

He looked at me for a moment before talking. "Tanga ba 'ko sa 'yo?" 

My lips parted in shock. I wasn't expecting to hear that one. He looked... lonely when he asked that like I just broke something in him. Hindi ko alam ang isasagot ko dahil hindi ko alam kung ano ang tinutukoy niya. 

"What do you mean?" I asked. 

"Hah..." He scoffed and looked away. Napahawak siya sa ulo niya, raising his knees up and leaning his elbow against it. "You probably think I'm a fool, huh? Is it fun? Are you having fun?" 

"Hey, I don't understand." For some reason, I wanted to cry. I didn't like his tone and the fact that he looked... broken. "What are you talking about?" 

"You know, I am willing to accept everything that comes with you, but I can't chase you anymore. Everything is so complicated. No matter how hard I try to be enough for you, I know that you would still prefer someone who can spend time with you..." He looked down and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. 

"Hey, it's not... It's not like that." My heart hurt from his words. 

"It must be tiring. Maybe you broke up with me back then because you wanted someone else that could give you time. I'm sorry for everything, Maureen. I became too busy with my dream that I already forgot to do things for you, to celebrate your achievements with you, to help you build your career. You were with me the whole time, but you probably didn't feel my presence." 

"No, I needed to focus on myself, and you needed to focus on your dream." I held both of his hands and tried to catch his gaze. "We were both busy that time, and I understood-" 

"You always did," he whispered, looking away again. "You... always did. You were probably keeping all of it inside because you didn't want to trouble me. When she... died... you didn't even reach out to me. You kept it inside. Why?"

"I thought you were on duty-" 

"But I could drop everything to be with you that day!" he cut me off. He looked at me with tears in his eyes. It hurt. 

"And that's why I couldn't call you!" I started thinking about the past again. His words opened up and closed wounds inside me. My heart was breaking again. "But I already told you! I understood! There's no need to blame it all on yourself!" 

"The relationship felt one-sided, Sam!" he fired back. Napaawang ang labi ko at hindi na nakapagsalita. "You were adjusting yourself for me, but you just wouldn't let me do the same to you. Palagi mong sinasabing naiintindihan mo 'ko! Why can't you just say what's really on your mind?!" 

"Fine!" I yelled and stood up. "Fine..." Tears started streaming down my face. It was hard for me again to breathe. "Fuck you! Fuck all of you! I felt so alone! I felt so left out! I'm always there for people, but I'm always alone when I'm at my lowest! And yes! The truth is I also like pushing people away, so I can't blame them for not being there! So yes, I always understand! I understand because the blame is on me!" 

He pursed his lips and watched me cry in front of him. He still looked drunk, but I knew he still understood where I was coming from. I told him everything... The things I was trying to keep inside me for years. I had grudges, too. I can't always be nice. 

"Ubos na ubos na 'ko..." I cried more, covering my face. 

He stood up and gave me a warm embrace. Nakatakip pa rin ako sa mukha ko, refusing to look at him out of embarrassment. I can't even remember the last time I cried like this. I was doing just fine in controlling my emotions. He just wouldn't let me! 

"I'm sorry," he whispered, caressing my hair. "I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I had to let you go. I should have held onto you... I promised that I won't leave you alone, but I didn't keep it." 

"I helped everyone because I knew so well the feeling of being helpless." I sobbed, trying to wipe the tears from my face. "And now, I feel so alone again."

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you time. I still can't. Not yet." He hugged me tighter, kissing the top of my head. 

"I don't know where this is going. Stop talking," I said. 

He let me go and held on to my wrists to move my hands away from my face. I looked at him, basang-basa ang mukha dahil sa luha. He gave me a small smile before using the sleeves of his dress shirt to wipe my tears. 

"Do you feel a little better now?" he asked. 

I did feel a little better, but I knew that there was still something deep inside me that I couldn't say yet... The wound that I couldn't open. Not yet... And he knew what it was, so he had already stopped provoking me. I wasn't ready to talk about it yet. My family... My sister. 

"I'm leaving," I told him after crying. "For New York." 

He didn't even look surprised. He just continued wiping my face and moving hair strands away from my eyes so they wouldn't block my view. Mukhang walang epekto sa kanya ang sinabi ko. 

"It's fine," he whispered. "Let's enjoy the time while you're here." 

"Aren't you going to stop me?" I asked again. I wasn't really hoping for him to stop me. My decision was already final. 

"How could I? You promised that you would finally live for yourself. You promised that years ago, but honestly, up until now, you were still living for other people." He held my chin and forced me to look at him. 

I knew he was right. I managed to become independent or live without my parents, but I dedicated the past years to taking care of Avrielle and Yanna. I was living for them. My decisions were all based on what could be better for Avi. I wanted to leave for New York because it was already tiring to go back and forth, but I couldn't because of those two. 

This was the only time that I felt free... But Clyden came into the picture again. I had a reason to stay again, but he refused to let me stay. 

"Do things for yourself this time. The only person you should be considerate of is yourself." He held my cheeks in his palm. It was warm. His skin was warm. 

I looked away from him when I felt butterflies in my stomach again. I started cleaning the table, putting all the bottles and cans in the trash bag. May natira pang Mule kaya ininom ko 'yong isang bote bago tinapon. I felt warmer, not because I was crying a while ago but because of the liquor. 

"But I really hope that you're happy," he suddenly said. Nabitawan ko tuloy ang trash bag at napatingin sa kanya. "Don't worry about me anymore. You can give him a chance if that's what you want." 

"What?" My brows furrowed. Sino ang tinutukoy niya? "I don't know what you're talking about." 

"Haze," he said clearly. "He likes you." 

"Huh?" Tuluyan na 'kong napalingon sa kanya. "No, he doesn't. He just likes messing around with people." 

He scoffed. "That's bullshit, Sam. He clearly likes you." 

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:)