26
"Kapag ikaw, hindi ka pa tumigil sa kakaiyak diyan, ihahampas ko na 'to sa 'yo."
I laughed and drank another shot while Yanna was busy studying for her exams. Second sem na nila. Panibagong year na ulit. Months had already passed ever since my breakup. I turned my back on my parents, so I didn't want to live in the condo anymore. I told Yanna to move in with me to a cheap apartment where we could fit in.
I was in a bad condition for months, but I never stopped modeling. I had more and more bookings, and I liked getting my hands full to distract myself from coming back into his arms again. Speaking of him... Halos wala na 'kong balita sa kanya.
"He deleted my photos on his Instagram!" I told Yanna with a laugh while scrolling through my phone. Even though I let out a loud laugh, I was still a bit hurt.
"Ano b'ang dahilan para hindi niya i-delete? Wala na kayo," Yanna said without looking at me.
Still emotionless as ever! Still harsh! Parang hindi siya ganito noong nagmo-mourn pa siya sa relationship nila ni Hiro, ah!
"You could be a little nicer to me! I never treated you like this when you were heartbroken!" I yelled, getting a little drunk. "Ah, this tastes like shit!"
Ako lang ang umiinom ng whole bottle of tequila because Yanna was busy studying. Avi was already asleep, so it was fine to relax. Besides, wala akong schedule tomorrow, though I had to take care of Avrielle.
Since we moved into a small apartment, the space was a bit suffocating! I had too many things so medyo magulo ang kwarto. It only had two rooms. Yanna stayed with Avi, and I had my own room, but my things were still everywhere. Ang gulo ng buhay namin ni Yanna.
"They pay me well, but damn, I have a manager now, so nagpapasahod na rin ako! My life is a mess!" I held my head and closed my eyes, getting frustrated now. "Damn my parents! I won't ever crawl back to them! I can do this by myself!"
"Tama. Kaya mo 'yan," Yanna cheered me up while reading something. She was just putting up with me because I was already drunk. Paano pa kaya siya nakakapag-aral kahit ang ingay ko rito? Well, she could even study while taking care of Avrielle so I guess sanay na siya.
The more I drank, the more I cried. It was really embarrassing. Yanna had to put up with me all night.
"Yannaaaa," I cried again. "It hurts so much... Why did I leave him?! Why?! I miss him!" I started shaking her shoulders while she was reviewing.
"Same question," she said without any emotion.
I suddenly stopped crying when I saw my phone placed on top of the table. Gumapang ako at kinuha 'yon para buksan. I started scrolling through my messages until I saw Clyden's name. I opened it and typed something.
"Hoy, ano'ng ginagawa mo diyan?" Yanna suddenly got the phone out of my hand.
Umiyak ulit ako nang kinuha niya na. "Come back to me?" Binasa niya pa 'yong tinype ko! "Samantha Vera! Nakakahiya ka naman!"
"How dare you!" I covered my face and cried again. "I just miss him. Can't we just see each other again? Even as fuck buddies?"
"Samantha!" she yelled at me, disgusted by what I said. "Yuck! Ano ba 'yang lumalabas sa bunganga mo?"
"Wow!" My mouth formed an 'o'. Tumigil bigla ang luha ko at napatingin sa kanya with so much amazement. "Wow, Ashianna... You're really saying that?"
"Heh." She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Itatago ko muna 'tong cellphone mo. Umiyak ka nang umiyak diyan basta huwag kang mag drunk-text."
The next day, I woke up so early because of Avrielle's cry. Although I was still experiencing a severe hangover, I still stood up and fed her milk. She was already getting bigger after turning one! I can't believe she was growing up too fast. It almost had me in tears.
"Are you still hungry?" I asked her while she was reading a storybook. She was turning the pages by herself already. She liked looking at the pictures, especially those with beautiful skies.
"Uh!" she answered. She was also learning how to respond now, though wala pa siya masyadong alam na words.
"No? You're not hungry?" I asked again. Nang hindi niya 'ko sagutin, I just took that as a yes and put the milk back. She became too busy with the storybook now while on the floor. She could already take a few steps! Nagugulat na lang ako na nasa tabi ko na siya at nakahawak sa hem ng shirt ko.
My break-up with Clyden had me more devastated than ever. I kept on missing him. Halos hindi na 'ko sanay na hindi siya nakikita. Maybe living together was a bad idea. I didn't know how to continue living my life alone.
"Hala, sige, stalk pa," Yanna said while I was scrolling through Clyden's Instagram account. I used her phone and account to see his stories! "Tanga ka talaga, Sam."
He even made his account public right after deleting my photos, like he was finding a new girl. Like he wanted to tell the world that he was single already. It was fine for me... It will be easier for him to move on.
"We're on the same page here." Humiga ako habang tinitignan pa rin ang story niya. Clyden would rarely put something on his Instagram story. "He looks okay. He looks fine. How can he look fine?"
"Nakamove on na siya sa 'yo, eh," Yanna harshly said.
"How fast!" I sighed heavily and put the phone back on the table. I didn't want to see his face anymore. "How I wish I could do that, too."
He was already okay. He was doing well. I needed to catch up! Hindi pwedeng ako na lang ang naiiwan. I chose to do this. I should be happy.
A few more months passed before Yanna's graduation. She was planning to apply to Fly Asia, so we really waited for their job openings. I didn't know why she liked tormenting herself more. That airline was owned by her past lover's family.
"Gosh, what floor ulit?" I asked Yanna while we were in the lobby of the building. Doon ini-i-schedule 'yong job interview, but I forgot what floor. We left Avrielle with Via today since wala naman siyang gagawin. I wanted to be with Yanna today! I had waited so long for this day to come!
"Kaya ko 'to!" Yanna told herself, but she was shaking. "Tangina, kaya ko 'to, 'di ba? Sagutin mo ako! Kinakabahan ako!" She started shaking my shoulders!
"Kaya mo 'to! Go na! I'll wait here! Ace the interview, okay?! Be natural! Don't seduce the interviewer!" I yelled while she was walking away. Lumingon pa siya sa 'kin pabalik para samaan ako ng tingin bago sumakay ng elevator.
I took a call from my manager, Arah, while waiting. She started talking about my schedule and my upcoming bookings. I landed on a big brand just now and was invited to New York for a photo shoot and a show. My manager was really great! She had already booked my flight ahead. Having a manager made my life a little bit easier.
"Yeah, I'll get back to you. I'm just waiting for a friend," I said before ending the call. I went out of the building for a bit and was about to come in again, but I bumped into a familiar man. "Oops, sorry!"
"It's okay. You can go first," he said while typing on his phone. He stepped aside and dialed something before putting his phone on his ear.
My brows furrowed when I got a clear look at his face. No wonder why he was familiar!
"Haze?" I asked, still not sure about it. He looked a bit like Hiro, but he had rougher features since he was older than him. He was wearing a white button-down polo tucked inside his light brown pants. He looked like he was in a hurry.
"I'm sorry, who...?" Kumunot din ang noo niya at tumingin sa 'kin. He didn't want to sound offensive, so he really tried remembering who I was. "I give up. I can't remember."
"Samantha Vera," I introduced myself and even offered a hand. I already met him years ago at a few events, and we even talked, but I guess not everyone could easily remember me. His connections may be wider than mine.
"Oh." His mouth formed an 'o' before putting his phone down. "Hiro's friend, I think?" He still wasn't sure about it. Maybe he assumed that because I looked like I was the same age as his little brother.
"Yeah, and we have already met before. I guess you don't remember much, huh? It's okay, though! See you around!" I smiled before entering the lobby.
I sat down on the couch and watched him walk towards the elevator while talking to someone. That was when I connected the dots. Yanna was here for a Fly Asia interview. Hiro's family-owned Fly Asia. Haze was Hiro's brother. I heard he was helping in the business because he was a business major back in college.
I grabbed something to eat before I went back to the building. Yanna texted me that the interview was over, so I stood there, waiting for her to come out of the elevator. When I saw her, she looked so down!
"Hey! What happened?" nag-aalalang tanong ko. "Why do you look like that? What did you say? How was it?"
"Okay lang siguro, pero hindi ako satisfied sa sagot ko! Ugh! Kapag hindi ako natanggap dito, maga-apply pa 'ko sa iba! Hassle naman!" She scratched her head while ranting. She looked so pissed over the job interview!
But in the end, she got accepted to Fly Asia! May assessment pang kasunod so hindi pa siya pwedeng magpakampante. I also had to fly to New York, so I needed to leave her for weeks. I wanted to stay there to look for apartments, too. I really wanted to move to New York, but I was thinking about Yanna and Avi. I couldn't leave them both.
"Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Pia, and I'm your chief flight attendant. On behalf of Captain Haze Limuel Juarez, our first officer William Kaw, and the entire crew, welcome aboard to Fly Asia Airlines."
My mouth formed an 'o' when I heard a familiar name again. I just met him last time as a businessman, and he was already flying a plane?! What a coincidence. I shook my head and just put my eye mask on before I slept through the flight.
It was a long flight to New York. Sa sobrang dalas kong magpabalik-balik, nasanay na rin ako sa mahabaang flight. If only I had more money, I would have booked a business class seat but I had to save. Besides, malapit na 'kong makatanggap ng malaking pay sa big brand na nag-hire sa 'kin. I was slowly crawling my way to the top.
"Samantha Vera! A pleasure to meet you!" The director gave me a warm embrace when I entered the studio for the photoshoot. "I've been preparing for this day! I've heard a lot of good things about you in the industry, and I heard you're also friends with Giselle!"
"Yes, we were schoolmates," I told him, smiling. "Thank you, too. Take care of me today! It's nice meeting you!"
The makeup artist had to do my makeup again before I put on the sleeveless shirt partnered with a pair of panties. It was a big lingerie brand, so I was pretty excited to do this shoot. Two days ago, after I landed in New York, I went to their company and had a brief meeting. I was glad everything went well.
"You have a nice body! You must be strict with your diet and work out?" The female makeup artist asked.
"Yeah, I can't skip a day. I have to discipline myself. My manager is pretty strict, too," I whispered and laughed. Arah was strict with keeping my form, but she was really nice. I liked her a lot, and she was taking good care of me.
The shoot was for their new lingerie collection, and I had to work with other models, too. We finished early, so I asked them to hang out with me so we could get to know each other more because I had always been that kind of person. I wanted to be friends with everyone. Good thing they were so nice, so all of us went to a shopping mall after and grabbed a coffee. Arah was busy running around New York to take care of my stuff.
"I'm actually happy that dating's really not a big deal here. I know some agencies want their models to stay single for years!" Iya, the female model, said. She was the tallest among us. "Have you dated anyone, Sam?"
"Well, for sure. She looks like she could get the boys in one wink," Carina praised.
I laughed and took a sip of my coffee. Inside my head, I was thinking of... him. I couldn't help but think of him whenever I would hear the word 'love,' 'date,' or 'boyfriend.' It was always him. It was always Clyden. He wouldn't leave my thoughts for a second. I had a lot of past flings before, but he was the only one I could think of.
Because we were serious. I had only ever loved him that way. My love for him was overflowing. It was something no one could break, but I was already trying to move on. Being busy helped me a lot. Hindi ko na siya ganoon kadalas iniisip. He was probably the same. Busy din naman siya katulad ko. We were still chasing our dreams, but we were already running in different directions.
"Of course, I have dated before," I still answered. "But I won't talk about it. How about you?"
My circle started to get bigger and bigger. More connections meant more opportunities. In this industry, it was important to get to know the people. I was so good at making friends that everyone I met admired me. I got invited to parties and events a lot by models and designers.
"You like this? Tita-Ninang bought this for you! Happy birthday, love!" I hugged Avrielle as soon as I came home. I was late for her second birthday party because I had a shoot in France. Mabuti na lang nakaabot ako bago pa matapos ang birthday niya.
"Birthday," she repeated what I said and giggled. "Tita-Ninang!" she called before giving me a hug back.
The next morning, I had to meet a female friend in a coffee shop in Robinsons Manila. I arrived earlier, so I just sat there, waiting while scrolling through my phone. For some reason, I felt nervous about my surroundings. Maybe because I kept on seeing students around. The mall was so near UP and PGH.
I stopped scrolling through my phone when I heard a familiar name. "One latte for Clyden!"
My heart started beating so fast when I looked over the counter and saw him getting the cup. He was wearing a maroon top inside his white uniform. He looked tired, but I could see that he was doing fine. He didn't lose weight. He was still the same, minus the different hairstyle. His hair looked a little longer than before, and it was pushed to the side.
"One iced Hibiscus tea for Samantha!"
I almost fell on my chair. Hindi ko alam kung tatayo ba 'ko at pupunta roon! Clyden was still on the counter, putting something in his cup. I sighed heavily and stood up to get my cup when the woman shouted my name again. My knees were shaking a bit when I went to the counter. I could smell Clyden's perfume. He was so close.
"Oh, fuck," I whispered when I almost slipped. Nabunggo ko pa si Clyden sa likuran ko at natapon nang kaunti 'yong latte niya. "I'm sorry!" I looked back at him, trembling.
He was looking down at his uniform, trying to wipe the little stain on it. Because of that, I couldn't help but look at the name on his coat, just above the pocket with the logo on it.
Clyden Jaile H. Ramirez, MD
"It's fine," he whispered without looking at me. He was busy getting a tissue. Hindi ko alam kung alam niyang ako ang nasa harapan niya. He looked like he didn't care at all.
"Cy! Tara na!" A woman called him.
He looked at her and nodded before leaving. He didn't even glance at me once. Did he notice me? I never saw him looking. Doon ko lang din narealize na it was Eva. The woman who called him.
"Sam! Uy!" I stopped walking to my table when I heard a familiar voice again. When I looked at him, it was Ridgen. "Kumusta? Nandito ka pala!"
"Hey!" I awkwardly smiled and looked around. Eva and Clyden had already left. Ridgen was wearing the same coat with the name on it. "Did you graduate last year? Congratulations."
"Hindi pa! Ngayong year pa lang kami ga-graduate. May internship pa kami ngayon, eh. Wait, Clyden was here a while ago. Nakita mo? Nag-usap kayo?" sunod-sunod na tanong niya.
"I saw him, but he didn't see me," I told him. I smiled a little so he wouldn't think that it was tragic. "Anyway, it's nice seeing you."
"Uy, sikat ka na pala, ah! Pa-autograph next time! Bye, Sam!" he said before running away. He was in a hurry so hindi na 'ko nakapagpaalam nang maayos.
That was the last time I saw Clyden. When Yanna started working in Fly Asia, I became busier than ever. I had to attend events, take care of Avi, manage my schedule, find a new condo, and take flights. When Avrielle turned three, she was with me all the time. Paminsan-minsan na lang akong umaalis ng bansa. My fee went higher and higher until I could finally afford a big condo unit. I saved enough.
I was still not used to taking pictures with strangers in public. They started treating me like a celebrity. Kaunti na lang ang nag a-associate sa 'kin sa family ko, which was better. For me, it just happened that I had the same surname as my dad. No connection with him at all. Last year lang sila nakulong. The case moved so slowly. Maybe they already ran out of money to bribe, huh?
I felt nothing at all. No pity. No regrets. After everything they did to Naomi, I could never look at them anymore. When my sister died, they just visited her grave. I wondered if they asked for forgiveness, too. Even if they did... I still couldn't accept them again. I had already cut ties with my family ever since I lost Naomi.
It wasn't easy. Some nights, I would still break down, remembering her pain. Sometimes, in between shoots, I would cry in the dressing room because memories of her, being the one behind the camera, played over and over inside my head. Those were such good memories.
"I miss you so much," I whispered while looking up at the brightest star.
I was standing on the balcony of my new unit with a wine glass in my hand. The air was cold, and my heart was, too. Even though I made more friends and my circle got bigger, there was still this emptiness inside me. Something that would usually bother me in the middle of the night whenever I was alone.
I was eating at the airport when I saw an airline crew walking by, finding something to eat, too. There was just something about flight attendants that could make heads turn whenever you would hear them walking. They caught my attention that fast.
I stood up and went to the counter to order a drink, but someone already got in line before me. I was about to walk behind him when he suddenly stepped back.
"You can go first," he said.
"Thanks-" I stopped when I saw a clear look at him. "Oh, Haze!" I was surprised to see him again. He was wearing his pilot uniform.
"Oh, it's you again." He let out a small laugh when he noticed. "Samantha Vera, right?"
"One cup of coffee, please," I told the woman at the cashier before turning to Haze again. "So you remember me now?"
"It's easier to remember now that I see your face everywhere." His tone sounded playful. It reminded me a lot of his brother. Hiro was always this nice, too. "Can I get a bottle of water, please? Thank you," he told the cashier.
"You're still flying planes." It was more like a statement than a question. I heard he was helping to manage the airline. Hindi ko alam na nagpapalipad pa rin siya ngayon.
"Just when I'm free. Besides, Hiro will soon replace me." He shrugged. "Put her orders on me," he told the cashier again before paying in dollars.
"Hey, you don't have to pay for my drink!" I waved my hands in front of me. "I have dollars with me!" I opened my wallet, but the cashier had already taken it.
"It's fine. It was nice seeing you again, Sam. I'll get going now." He smiled at me before walking away with a bottle of water in his hand.
After that, nag-board na 'ko for my flight back to the Philippines. It was so tiring to attend a shoot after landing and then take care of a kid after getting home. Sometimes, whenever I wasn't around, I would just hire a babysitter for a day. However, I didn't want to depend on a babysitter always because it was hard to trust people these days. Avrielle was safer with me.
I never unfollowed Clyden, so I could still see his posts. He didn't unfollow me, too. Hindi ko alam kung chinecheck niya IG stories ko dahil masyadong marami nang nagviview. I stopped myself to check his stories because I knew he would see them. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea.
The latest photo he posted was him in a white coat. 'Yong uniform nila noong internship. He had a stethoscope around his neck, and he was also wearing his specs. He looked so good in there... and happy. He looked happy.
He was over me already. I was so happy for him.
I wanted to congratulate Clyden when I saw his graduation pictures. I wanted to congratulate him when I saw that he passed the boards, topped it, even. He became so famous because of that. He was all over social media. Most of them were thirsting over him, praising his good looks and his intelligence.
"Grabe si Clyden Ramirez, 'no? He's all over the news! How could someone be that perfect?" Even my manager was thirsting for him. Well, I couldn't blame her. She was still young. Maybe four years older than me.
"Doctor Clyden Ramirez," I whispered. "He made it, huh."
Doctor Clyden Ramirez...
"Sam, this is Doctor Clyden Ramirez. He's a pediatric resident," Dr. Lana introduced.
Fuck. My mind was flying around somewhere. With the mention of his name, I went back to my senses again. I realized that I was in the same room as him! Him! Clyden! He was in front of me! After almost four years ever since I broke his heart, he was right in front of me, in a coat!
"Hi, Maui."
My heart was beating so fast. This was so awkward. My last encounter with him was when I left him a stain on his coat. I wasn't even sure if he noticed that I was the one who did that. He was too occupied back then. But now... He was looking at me. His eyes were like looking into my soul.
"Hello, Cy," I greeted him back. What an awkward moment to call each other by our nicknames! Why would he call me Maui?!
"How do you guys know each other?" Dr. Lana asked. "Common friends? Or maybe sa social gatherings?"
"She was my fiancée," Cy answered casually without taking his eyes off me.
I suddenly cursed him inside my head and regretted it after. He didn't lie! We were really engaged, but why would he even tell Dr. Lana that?! It wasn't like she needed to know! But she asked how we knew each other! I also didn't want to lie... But he could have said that we had a 'thing' back then. That would sound more... appropriate.
"I'll leave Avi to you, Cy. Maui, I'm sorry. I need to go to the ward," Dr. Lana apologized before getting her coat and leaving the room.
Fuck! Why the hell should this happen?! How did I end up in the same room as him?! Ngayon pa?! I was with Avrielle!
"Okay! Let's see! What do we have here?" Clyden suddenly changed his voice when he sat in front of Avrielle. He checked Dr. Lana's notes on the table, and just to be sure, he checked Avrielle's breathing, too. "Can you take a deep breath for me, Avi?"
I was standing there like a dumbass! I couldn't move! I couldn't talk! My presence didn't affect Clyden at all. He was still doing his job, ignoring me. I wanted to say something, but no words came out of my mouth.
"Does it hurt when you cough?" he asked Avrielle in a calm voice. His voice was so soothing.
"My throat. A bit," Avi answered, staring at Clyden. She was trying to familiarize herself with him. Avi liked memorizing people's features. She liked knowing people.
"Can you say 'ah'?" Clyden showed Avrielle how to do it so she could mimic it. He had a pen with him with a light on the other side, so he used that to check. "Okay, then. Thank you, Avi." He caressed her face before taking a small piece of paper.
He went outside to call Dr. Lana before he went inside again and handed me the note. Avrielle was looking around and moving her legs while seated in the high chair. She looked so happy and carefree.
"Don't worry too much. She'll be fine after taking medicine. This is from Doctor Lana. You can give this to the pharmacy. We have it on the second floor." He talked so much like a professional. He kept his cool, but here I was, still trembling at the sight of him. "If it doesn't go away after two to three weeks, take her back here again. If it gets worse, or if she starts having chest pains or difficulty in breathing, call..." He suddenly stopped.
"I'll call Dr. Lana," I finished his statement. "Thank you. Avi, let's go," I said without looking at him.
As soon as I went out of the room, I exhaled the breath that I had been holding in for too long. Avrielle was looking at me, wondering why my face looked red. I just gave her an assuring smile before walking to the parking lot.
"Wow, the rumors are getting out of hand. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" My manager, Arah, asked again while scrolling through her iPad. I just finished a shoot for a swimsuit brand.
"It will die down," I told her.
"Why don't we create a new rumor, huh? You have a non-showbiz boyfriend. What about that?" Arah teased again, smirking. She was still so persistent in giving me a love life! Ang sabi niya, masyado raw akong focused sa work. Kailangan ko raw mag-relax.
"I don't have time for boyfriends," I told her again. Ilang beses ko nang sinasagot sa kanya 'yan.
"You're starting to get grumpy, Samantha Vera!" She covered her mouth in surprise. That was an exaggeration. "Is it because you're not getting laid?"
"Arah!" I yelled at her. My face started to heat! Hindi ko na iniisip 'yon!
A lot of male models had also tried to 'get it' with me, but I turned them down. Dating didn't sound bad, but it had already lost its effect on me. I didn't want to be talked about that way, and I also didn't want the media to talk about the people who were close to me.
"How about that ex of yours? Hindi mo pa rin sinasabi sa akin kung sino!" pangungulit niya ulit. "He better be hot."
I was reminded again of Clyden. Damn, I can't believe I ran into him in the hospital. What a small world. I thought I would never see him again, but because of Avrielle's constant check-ups, we seemed to be bumping against each other more often.
"Dog! Tita-Ninang!" Avi suddenly stopped walking in the parking lot when she saw a dog.
"Avrielle!" I shouted when she suddenly ran towards the dog. I followed her and tried to pull her away until I noticed the familiar face of the dog. It was a Chow-Chow. I was shocked when the dog ran to me and started poking me with her paw.
"Maple, calm down."
Maple! I was surprised to see Clyden in his casual look. He brought Maple with him! I heard there was also a veterinary clinic in the hospital, pero sa ibang building. Maybe he was taking Maple there. Or he already did.
"Dog!" Avrielle looked so happy when she hugged the dog.
"I'm sorry. She just likes dogs." I carried Avrielle to stop her from hugging Maple too tight. She pouted and started telling me to bring her down. I struggled with my hold, so my bag fell on the floor.
I was about to get it, but Clyden had already kneeled down and started putting my things back in the bag. I was so embarrassed! He handed the bag back to me without saying anything. He was just staring at Avrielle's face for so long, like he was memorizing her.
"Thank you," I said after getting my bag back.
Clyden opened his car and carried Maple to the back seat before closing the door again. Umikot siya papunta sa driver's seat at binuksan 'yong pinto. I thought he would already leave, but he still said something that made me so confused.
"She takes after you." That was the last thing he said before driving away.
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:)
Question: Bakit may MD sa coat kahit gagraduate pa lang?
Answer from a UP med grad:
Once you finish med school, may MD na, but still you're not a doctor yet. You can't practice and nag-remind daw ang APMC about the usage of MD and Doc without license. You still can't practice. You need to take the exam.
In other med schools 4 years lang and graduate ka na (MD) but in UP, 5 years kasi kasama ang internship. However, kaya may MD sa internship coat ng UP, considered nang tapos ka na after nung 4 years. Pero 'yong graduation mo, after pa ng internship.
This is just about the name sa coat :)
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