"Come! I'm going to introduce you to one of my favorite designers!"

The week after Avrielle's birth, classes resumed for me. Ito na 'yong last sem ko sa Ateneo and in a few months, finally, ga-graduate na 'ko, so while waiting for my graduation, I attended modeling classes so I could have the confidence to seek modeling companies. I didn't want to take a rest. I wanted to land a job after graduation since I was planning to live by myself. It was the first time I'd be doing something against my parents, so it was better to earn early with the risk of getting cut off from the family. 

I had been hanging out with Giselle a lot because when I asked for modeling companies in my IG story, she replied to meet her in a coffee shop to talk about it. In the following days, she kept on introducing me to the people who could help me. I really appreciated her efforts because I really didn't know a thing about how the industry worked until now. 

"Markus, this is Samantha Vera, my friend from Ateneo," Giselle introduced me to a guy with glasses and a fashionable scarf around his neck. He smiled and offered his hand, looking at me from head to toe, trying to examine me. I took his hand and gave him an awkward smile. 

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not checking you out, darling. We play on the same side." He laughed and put his glasses down on the table. "You're smaller than Giselle, but other than that, you look fine. How innocent! Pareho kayo ng agency?"

"Oh, no. I haven't applied to agencies yet!" I smiled nervously.

"So you're saying that no one has ever contacted you? Scouting? No one? Geez, they're missing a piece right here! What's your name again? Samantha Ve- Oh my gosh." He covered his mouth dramatically. "You kind of look like Selen Aguilar." 

"She's actually my mother." As I mentioned before, my mom was popular with media companies and fashion industries since she was a celebrity before she got married to my dad. Her beauty was exceptional, but after getting married, she retired from the industry to take care of me. 

"She's hitting big! Selene was the goddess of our generation! Bakit wala pang cumocontact sa 'yo? You should start sending your portfolio. A lot of agencies would probably reply A-S-A-P." 

"I'm already helping her with her portfolio, so no worries! I introduced her to my agency last week via video call, and they loved her!" Giselle sounded so excited. She told me that her agency was really nice to her and helped her a lot with bookings. After three local shoots, the agency already booked her an international one. However, her agency was based in New York, so I wasn't sure if I could do it.

We had coffee and shopped together before I went home. It was a Saturday, and Clyden was out studying with his friends. Tomorrow, we'll probably just stay at home and watch a movie. Masyado na kaming busy para lumabas pa. I was busy trying to fit into the industry, and he was busy studying. Ito na ang last lecture sem nila. Clerkship na ang kasunod so he was really trying his best to learn. 

It actually felt good that I finally had something I could focus on. Back then, I used to envy Clyden for being occupied with the things that could help him achieve his dreams. Now I could say that I was doing the same thing. It wasn't really easy to survive in modeling here, so I asked for Giselle's help. I read articles and they said that you really need friends from the industry to help you. I didn't want to bother Giselle, but she also looked so excited for me. 

The next day, I had to leave early for a shoot. Giselle sent me some sample photos I could imitate. Ang sabi niya, pwede siyang mag-hire ng photographer para sa 'kin pero ang sabi ko, I wanted my sister to take them. Last Christmas, ang regalo ko kay Naomi ay lens ng camera niya. Clyden also gave her some light equipment she could use. I wondered how much kaya 'yon? 

"I prepared so hard! I'm so excited!" Naomi said while setting up her tripod. She really hung some pieces of cloth around so the background would look white. Inalis niya rin ang mga gamit niya at nagmukha na ngang studio 'yong kalahati ng room niya. She looked so passionate about photography. 

"I already did my makeup. Hindi ko alam ang susuotin ko so I brought a lot." I placed the hangers on the mini sofa. 

"Wear all of them so you won't look the same in the photos. Let me fix your hair a bit. It should look a bit messy for my concept." Naomi went to me and tied my hair before plucking out some strands to look a bit messy. I curled it earlier. Humaba na ang buhok ko at lumagpas na ng balikat ko. I wasn't planning to cut it short anymore. 

I sat on the stool and retouched my makeup a bit while she was setting up the studio. She gestured 'okay' and looked at the screen of her camera. Umayos ako ng upo at ginaya 'yong pose ng babae sa sinend ni Giselle na photo. I put my leg up and leaned my elbow above my knee before staring at the camera with fierce eyes. I parted my lips and moved up my chin a bit for the next pose. 

"Great! Now try smiling! Laughing, whatever!" Naomi said. "They need to see how you would look like in every expression." 

My first smile was a bit awkward, so she scolded me for it. She played music while taking photos so I would 'get in the mood.' It really helped me. I sang along with it and ended up laughing when she said a joke. After taking a few more pictures, I changed my clothes. This time, it was a fitted dress hugging my body. Naomi gave me an apple I could hold, and I had to figure out what to do with it. 

"Where did you even get this apple?" I asked, confused. She just laughed and asked me to focus on the shoot, so I did. I pretended to take a bite, so it emphasized my lips. I also took off my hair tie and moved my hand up, looking at the fruit with seductive eyes. I tried so hard for it! I was praying that it would actually look good and not weird! 

"That's great. Loosen up more," Naomi said while looking at the screen of the camera. "They turned out good, but I know you can do better than this. Go and unleash yourself. You're still a little awkward." 

I felt like I was the younger sister here! I can't believe she was actually scolding me. Ginawa ko na lang ang sinabi niya at inisip na we were both professionals. I should act like a professional kahit hindi pa. I shouldn't act like this during an actual shoot, or everyone would get disappointed in me. 

After taking photos, Naomi told me to practice my 'walk.' Ni hindi ko nga alam na kailangan ko pala 'yon ipakita sa kanya kaya niya 'ko pinagdala ng heels. I wore Clyden's gift and lumabas kami sa long hallway. I used to wear heels a lot so it wasn't really a problem for me to walk in those. Naiilang lang ako dahil may nanonood. 

"Your walk looks so plain, like you're walking in a mall," Naomi insulted. I scratched my head in embarrassment and tried again. She got pissed after, so she made me watch runway shows for me to imitate. 

I can't even see what was wrong with my walk! It was just... walking! How can I even make walking look so pretty and charismatic? How could it be enough? I reminded myself to ask Giselle about this next time. 

"You know what a model needs? Confidence. Power. You need to stand out in the crowd. Deliver yourself properly. Dalhin mo ang sarili mo. You need to believe that you're a powerful woman when you walk. You need to make heads turn in your direction, you hear me?" Naomi was already getting so annoyed. She was even making hand gestures. Tumango na lang ako at sinubukan ulit. 

I inhaled and exhaled before walking again with my chin up, but she stopped me and said that I was moving my hands too much. I massaged my head and tried again. Ah, I wouldn't suddenly learn how to 'walk' properly! It would take a lot of practice! 

"Not gonna lie, you're great when it comes to shoots, but your walk still looks plain, so work on that one. I'll send you your photos this week after editing," Naomi said, like an instructor. 

I changed my clothes and wore my flats before I left the mansion. My parents were out the whole day, so it was peaceful. When I went back to the house, Clyden was playing with the dogs. I went to them and joined them before going inside to take a shower. 

I was taking a shower when the door opened, and Clyden went inside the bathroom to shave his facial hair. Normal na sa amin ang magkasama sa bathroom. Good thing may glass wall naman sa shower na hindi see-through, so it was fine. 

"My walk is plain daw. How do I even walk? Do you know how to make heads turn when you walk?" I asked while I was in the shower. 

"You make my head turn when you walk," Clyden replied outside. 

"It's because you love me. How about strangers? I need to get everyone's attention to become a model, right?" I asked again. "I don't understand what is a good walk and what is not. I'll show you later so you can judge me. Your judgment is important because you're a judgmental person." 

"Para namang ang sama ng ugali ko." He scoffed. 

After taking a shower, I wiped my body and covered my hair with a towel before wearing my bathrobe. When I went outside, Clyden was already waiting, leaning against the countertop in his sweatpants without wearing anything on top. May towel sa balikat niya at handa nang maligo. 

"Dapat nagsabay na tayo, e," he said, his lips forming a smirk. "I can help you wash your body." 

"No, thanks." I rolled my eyes. I was about to walk past him when he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back into a deep kiss. I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck to pull him closer to me. 

He made me lean against the countertop and put his hand over the mirror to support his weight while kissing me. I opened my mouth to let his tongue inside and sucked on it while my other hand went down to his abdomen. He held it and put it back to his neck before his hands went in between my legs. 

"How was your photoshoot? I can't wait to see the photos," he said while kissing my neck. 

I gasped when I felt his finger inside me. "It was... It was fine." 

"Yeah? Tell me about it," he whispered. 

I ended up taking a shower again because he dragged me with him. I got so tired I ended up taking a nap on the bed. He just woke me up for dinner, so I went down.

He cooked for me again. Kahit gaano siya ka-busy these days, he would still cook for me every day. Walang araw na lumipas na hindi niya 'ko nilulutuan ng food. By now, na-master niya na lahat ng dish na inaaral niya last sem. He was still trying new things and new flavors. I didn't know if he wanted to become a doctor or a chef. 

"Let me see your walk." Clyden pulled a chair with him and sat, facing my direction. 

Kinuha ko ang heels ko at sinuot 'yon. It was a bit weird to do a walk while wearing my nighties, but I only asked him to watch my walk and not pay attention to my clothes. He looked so serious while watching me.

"I can't do it when you're watching." I stopped after two steps and covered my face in embarrassment. His stare was too intense for me! I was easily intimidated by his eyes and aura. 

"Come on!" He groaned and massaged his head. "Isa lang ako. Paano kapag humarap ka na sa maraming tao?" 

Crowds had never been my problem ever since, but he did not seem to realize that his presence affected me so much. Kung ibang tao 'yon, hindi naman ako magkakaganito. He thought I was nervous because someone was watching me when in fact, I was nervous because he was the one watching me. 

I sighed and tried walking again without looking at him. I focused on the clock aligned with my vision when I did the walk. I turned around and went back to my place earlier, only to see him holding his chin, thinking. I suddenly felt nervous because of his expression. It was like defending my thesis to a professional. 

"You look good. However, you walk like you're going to fall in a second. Why are you so awkward?" he asked with his brows furrowed. 

"It's because you're watching me." 

"You're embarrassed? Even after everything we did?" Mas lalong kumunot ang noo niya. "Babe, nothing could ever make me love you less, so just do your thing." 

His words made my face heat, so I had to turn around just to hide my face from him. I didn't want him to see me blushing! He really knew how to make me feel good, huh? After that, I told myself to do my best and imagine that he wasn't around, no matter how intense his stare was. I tried to imitate the ones I watched earlier in runway shows. 

"That walk is better, but honestly, you need to improve the strength of your legs and knee. Your knees still look weak, like you are at risk of falling." He tapped his leg. "And I don't want you to hurt yourself, so try your best." 

"Okay." I nodded and sat down to take off my heels, but Clyden kneeled in front of me and did it for me. His touch was so careful, like my skin was so delicate. At that moment, I just wanted to be in his arms forever. 

The day after Naomi sent me the photos, Giselle helped me with choosing which ones to include and then sent the requirements to her agency. While waiting for the response, I focused on my school works since we needed to start working on our thesis. Clyden also got busy with his studies. Sometimes, I would catch him studying around midnight before I went out for a morning jog. 

I also bought gym equipment and placed them in my room so I could work out at home. I wanted to work on my body more. Clyden also tried his best to help me with my work out, but he had things to do. 

It was around March when I received an e-mail while browsing on my phone. My brows furrowed when I saw the name of Giselle's agency. It was Zenaida Models, one of the top modeling agencies in New York. My heart was beating so fast while reading the e-mail. 

"Oh my gosh! I got hired! I got hired, love!" I screamed while running down the stairs. Clyden held his chest out of surprise and put his highlighter down, a little confused. "I have an agency now! Look! They e-mailed me!" 

"Wow, congratulations! That calls for wine night!" He gave me a tight hug. I was so happy I wanted to cry. 

"I'll go to New York after my graduation!" I said with so much excitement while holding my phone and showing him the e-mail. The smile on his face slowly faded, and his expression looked more confused with the mention of New York. 

"New York?" Kumunot ang noo niya at tinignan ang e-mail. 

"The agency is based in New York, but I can also land bookings here in the Philippines, like Giselle, if I request to be here. Though there will be times that I would... I think... go there for meetings. I'm thinking of buying an apartment after saving up. I don't know. I haven't talked to them in person, so I'll schedule it after graduation," I explained nervously. 

"Hey, it's okay." He laughed it off and caressed my cheek. "Don't worry about it. Whatever and wherever it is, I'll support you on that. Our love is not that shallow, Maui." 

"Thank you," I whispered before giving him a kiss. 

It was the only thing I was looking forward to while practicing for our graduation ceremony. I was also thinking about Avrielle. I knew Yanna's mom would be there to take care of her habang nasa school si Yanna, but I also wanted to be there for the kid. 

"My graduation photo looks a bit weird, right?" I showed it Clyden. I mean, the photo looked good with my blue toga and all, but I looked weird because of the edit. 

"No, you look gorgeous," he replied while putting my grad picture photo inside his wallet. Lumabas na rin kasi 'yong physical copies, and I gave him a copy of the wallet-sized one. "Let's frame the big one and hang it with my graduation picture." 

"I like your college graduation picture. Bagay sa 'yo 'yong sablay. I want a copy of that one." Nilahad ko ang kamay ko para manghingi. I didn't expect him to actually give me one from his wallet! 

On the day of my graduation, both of my parents attended the ceremony, as well as Clyden. I can't believe I would actually cry with my precious block mates. I would miss them so badly, especially my girls. Raylee told me not to cry because my makeup would be ruined. 

"Why are you crying?" Clyden laughed while carefully wiping my tears so he wouldn't ruin my makeup. "It's not like it's the last time you'll see each other." 

"But I'll miss going to class with them." I pouted while holding the bouquet he gave me. My parents went to me to give me a hug, so I returned it. I was actually surprised that they really attended my graduation, especially my dad. 

"Congratulations. You should have done better to be the summa cum laude," my dad said. 

I saw how Clyden clenched his fist and pursed his lips like he was about to fight my dad, but I held his other hand to calm him down. He sighed heavily before looking away, whispering something. Probably cursing my father. 

"He should have done better to be a better politician," Clyden whispered again. "And a better father." 

I squeezed his hand to stop him from talking before smiling at my mom. She hugged me and gave me her graduation gift, which was a bottle of wine and an expensive designer bag. I was looking for Naomi, but they didn't bring her with them. It was okay since may graduation party naman sa mansion after, and she would be there.

While we were on our way to the mansion, I couldn't help but look outside the window, remembering my father's words. I only graduated as a cum laude, but it still wasn't enough. When will it ever be enough? He was giving me hell for not taking Political Science like what he wanted. Because of him, Naomi was also suffering from her program. 

"I hate him," I whispered. 

"Who?" Clyden asked while driving. 

I bit my lower lip. "Dad." 

He pursed his lips and remained silent, probably sensing that I didn't want to talk about it. He looked a bit surprised, too, because of what I said. Was it my first time saying it out loud without actually feeling guilty about it? 

The car stopped in front of the mansion. Before I could go out of the car, Clyden held my hand to stop me. I looked at him and raised a brow, asking what he needed. 

"Sinabi mo na ba 'yong tungkol sa modeling?" he carefully asked. 

"Not yet. I'll tell them today." I gave him an assuring smile because he looked nervous for me. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he kept his mouth shut. "Don't worry about me. I'm calm. My mother trained me for years to fake my emotions when facing a lot of people so-" 

"I love you," he cut me off. I stopped talking and gave him a kiss before we went inside the mansion. 

I greeted Clyden's parents before my mom introduced me to her other friends. Clyden also went around with his dad to talk to other people. He was also good at faking his expressions. Inside him, he was probably already thinking about how to excuse himself from the conversation. 

"This is Samantha, my daughter. She's marrying the heir of Ramirez Medical next year. I'll send you the invites!" my mom proudly said. 

"Next year? You already decided on a date?" I whispered to my mom, a little confused.

"Yes! Clyden will graduate next year, remember? We'll start preparing for your wedding soon. It will take a lot of work, so just cooperate with me, okay, honey? We need to rush your wedding," my mom said after pulling me out of the circle. 

"Why? I don't want to rush my wedding. I want to do other things, too." I felt like my freedom was being taken away from me again. 

"You can do those things even when you're married, okay? We already talked about this, honey. Stop fighting back," my mom calmly said. 

"I am going to New York this weekend," I told her without hesitation. "Because I got hired by Zenaida Models." 

"What?" Kumunot ang noo niya at humigpit ang hawak sa braso ko. When her friend greeted her, she smiled with her fake expression before dragging me out of the venue. We went out to the garden so we could talk. "You want to become a model?! Why?!" 

"Because it's what I want!" I raised my voice. "Why don't you just let me do what I want without exchange?!" 

"No, you can't enter that industry!" She shook her head. "Contact that agency and tell them that you're not signing! No way!" 

"Mom!" I yelled. "This is what I want, and I do not need your opinion in my life! I graduated already! I will now start working for myself! I do not need your help or agreement on this!" 

"I am worried as your mother, Maureen!" she yelled with so much anger in her eyes. It was the first time I had seen her become this angry. She failed to control her emotions. "You know why? Because I was once a part of that industry! It's not exactly rainbows! I do not want you to go through that!" 

"Then how will I ever learn how to grow?!" My face heated as tears started pooling at the side of my eyes. "When will I grow if I will spend my life doing everything you want me to do?!"

"Maureen! Listen to me! Be useful to us just for once!" 

My lips parted when I heard what she said. 'Be useful'? Was I only born to become 'useful' to them? I questioned my existence a lot of times. All my life, I had been following them just to please them.

"Fine! Fine!" My mother massaged her head. "Fine! Become a model and be famous enough so you can help your father with his future campaign. Your popularity can do something." 

I inhaled sharply before looking away, tears suddenly falling from my eyes. "You are... unbelievable." 

She was about to say something, but I already walked away. I ran through the crowd while looking down. I just wanted to leave the place. Hindi ko na napansin kung sino ang mga nabubunggo ko. I went inside the restroom to wipe my tears, but as soon as I entered, the door opened, and I saw Naomi. 

"Hey," Naomi whispered before opening her arms. 

I walked towards her and hugged her tight. She wrapped her arms around me and caressed my hair while I cried on her shoulder. It wasn't good to show my weakness to her as her big sister, but I couldn't help it anymore. It hurt so much to be treated as a possession rather than a daughter. 

"You're worth more than what they say," Naomi whispered. "So focus on doing things for yourself, okay?" 

"Can you just leave with me? I can't imagine what you're going through in this house," I cried. 

"I'm hanging in there, okay? Besides, I took your advice. I'm already going through therapy. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me," she assured me. 

She had to lend me a light yellow handkerchief with her name on it. Pinunasan ko ang luha ko at nag-retouch ng makeup para hindi mag-alala si Clyden. I couldn't stay in this place anymore. It was a party held for me, but I couldn't feel it at all. 

"You'll be okay, right?" Naomi asked me before I left the restroom.

"Of course. I need to be strong because you look up to me," I teased. She gave me a smile before nodding.

I went out to find Clyden, but he found me instead. He looked so worried. He probably saw me running earlier. He caressed my face so he could look at my eyes. Then, he sighed and held the back of my head to lean it against his chest in a protective manner. 

"This is exactly why I didn't want you to get off the car," he whispered. 

"I went against my mom. I can't believe it." I laughed, my lips forming a smile. I didn't know what to feel about it. When I realized what had happened, I couldn't help but feel a little happy because I finally got the courage to stand up for what I wanted. "Honestly, it feels a bit good." 

"Let's go home." He wrapped his arms around my shoulder and guided me out of the mansion. 

That weekend, I went to New York alone... Or that was what I thought. Noong hinatid ako ni Clyden sa airport, nagulat akong hindi siya dumeretso sa drop-off area. He parked the car and helped me with my bags. 

"Hindi sa 'kin 'yan." I pointed at the black luggage. 

"Yeah, because it's mine. I'm going with you, dummy." Clyden laughed before pulling my luggage with him. My eyes widened as I watched him walk away, pulling two suitcases. "Hurry up, Maureen!" 

I got back to my senses and ran to him so we could walk together. I didn't even expect him to book a flight with me! I didn't ask him to come with me, but he must have noticed that I was nervous to go alone. I kept on repeating how nervous I was last week. Wala naman siyang sinabing sasamahan niya 'ko. I thought he was busy, so I didn't bother asking him anymore. 

"Oh, love..." I said dramatically before clinging to his neck. Because of that, he suddenly stopped walking. "Thank you so much." 

"Yeah? You're paying for my ticket," he simply said. 

"What? No! Go home! I don't have savings anymore!" 

Inalis ko ang hawak ko sa kanya at umayos ng tayo. I literally spent my savings on this flight. I didn't want to ask my parents for money anymore. Ever since my graduation party, hindi na kami nag-usap. 

"I'm kidding." He laughed and kissed my forehead before walking again. "Let's go. We might miss our flight." 

"Just say that you booked a flight with me because you can't be away from me. You love me that much, huh?" I smirked and squinted my eyes. 

"I want to spend every hour with you as much as possible because I wouldn't know how to make up for it once I start with my clerkship," he explained. 

"It's okay. I'll be busy with my gigs, too... I hope? I hope I can book a shoot or a fashion show. I'm not like... so tall like Giselle." 

"Stop comparing yourself to other people. You're good enough." 

And with that, I felt another door opening for me. It was the beginning of an end. 

________________________________________________________________________________

:)