Hi! I sort of kind of love the office, so I'm writing a really shitty script about the avengers like a really short episode of the office

words:1253

Tony and Peter are working on something in the lab.

SHURI: Walks into the room Hey Peter, do you like my new shirt?

PETER: That's so fetch!

TONY: ???

PETER: To the camera We've started saying fetch to see which one of the Avengers is going to use it first.

SHURI: To the camera I think it's gonna be Bruce.

TONY: In a cafe, talking to Doctor Strange Peter and Shuri keep saying 'fetch,' and I don't know what it means?

DOCTOR STRANGE: Ask Vision, he's the walking computer.

TONY looks at the camera and shrugs.

TONY: To the camera One time I said "bold of you to assume I sleep" in front of Peter. He was so happy he started crying. To be honest, I want to know what fetch means just so I can say it in front of him and see the look on his face.

TONY: In Vision's room The kids are saying fetch. What does it mean?

VISION: It's slang for cool, sir.

PETER: To the camera Did I bribe Vis to not tell Mr. Stark fetch is from Mean Girls? Yes. Best used three sticks of gum. Does he even chew gum?

VISION: To the camera I don't have taste buds.

TONY: So it's an adjective?

VISION: Yes.

TONY: Great! Thanks Vis.

VISION: No problem, sir

TONY: To the camera I'm going to have Peter come with me to my conference, and then I can use fetch! No, it's not that weird, I have interns come with me all the time. Well, some of the time at least. They HAVE come a few times.

TONY: Walking into the lab where Peter is Pete! Guess what! You're going to come to one of my conferences!

PETER: He's realllllyyyyyyyy excited REALLY?

TONY: It's in an hour, so go shower and all that.

PETER: Do I need a suit?

TONY: It's a conference, Peter. Yes, you need a suit.

PETER: Shyly I don't actually have a suit, Mr. Stark.

TONY: What? Ok, well you can borrow, uh, Banner can't be too much bigger than you.

PETER: Thanks, Mr. Stark.

Peter walks into the conference in a suit that's to wide for him next to Tony. Peter awkwardly looks at the camera

TONY: To the camera Jesus, I need to get him a real suit.

PETER: To the camera Mr. Stark's getting me a new suit??!!!

Tony and Peter sit down

TONY: So, Mr. Tree, is it?

PEPPER: To the camera Tony starts all his meetings by saying the person's name wrong. He thinks it establishes authority. He called Mr. Fury Mr. Furry once. That -that didn't go well for Tony. Why does Mr. Fury even know what a furry is?

TONY: Oh, Mr. Tristan. Well, it's nice to meet you.

Peter looks at the camera again.

Tony, Mr. Tristan and everyone start talking.

PETER: To the camera This is the most boring thing I have ever done. I could do this faster than Mr. Stark. Pause No, no I couldn't.

TONY: To the camera Wait for it...

TONY: So, this material you are proposing... I'm not sure what the draw is.

MR. TRISTAN: Well it is extremely light, has incredible elasticity, and is very inexpensive to make.

TONY: Ah, well it sounds very fetch.

PETER: To the camera WHAT?!??!?!??!?!?!

Peter looks at Tony.

PETER: Shuri! It was Mr. Stark! You owe me ten dollars! Peter runs out of the room.

PETER: From the hallway SHUURRRRIIIIII!!!!!!

MR. TRISTAN: To the camera What?

PEPPER: To the camera What?

NICK FURY: To the camera What?

T'CHALLA: To the camera What?

OKOYE: To the camera What?

STEVE: To the camera What?

BRUCE: To the camera What?

NATASHA: To the camera Yeah, I knew.

SAM: To the camera Not really sure why Shuri and the arachnid thought I knew what fetch means, but I mean, five dollars is five dollars. I wouldn't say anything if I did know for free anyway. Pulls his jacket to cover up his pink shirt that says "on Wednesdays, we wear pink."

CLINT: To the camera in the vents and is also wearing an "on Wednesdays, we wear pink" I know what fetch means.

TONY: To the camera So apparently Peter and Shuri thought it would be funny to make up a word. Very good initiative, but they forgot the very important rule of common sense. Still not sure what I'm gonna do about this.

PEPPER: To the camera Tony's an idiot. I love him, but...

DOCTOR STRANGE: To the camera Yeah, I know what fetch means, but I took Stark to see it on Broadway. This was self-inflicted.

SHURI: To the camera Nat has cameras all around the tower. Bruce said it three days ago. No way in hell I'm giving Peter ten dollars.

BRUCE: To the camera Fetch isn't a real word?

LOKI: To the camera You thought I was an awful brother, didn't you? Thor's been saying it for weeks. I covered it up with my magic. I'm a delightful brother, I'm a blessing to have as a brother.

THOR: To the camera I love the word fetch. It's very fetch.

TONY: Is talking to Pepper and Doctor Strange What is this even? Did you know about this?

PEPPER: Tony, you saw the musical for it.

TONY: Dammit, Pep! I don't pay attention to anything.

DOCTOR STRANGE: This serves as a nice reminder, then.

TONY: You guys knew about this? Can't trust anyone anymore. I'm going to talk to Rhodey.

RHODEY: To the camera I gave them the idea to do this.

TONY: To the camera HE WHAT?????

DOCTOR STRANGE: To the camera with Pepper We've decided to try and make Tony fall asleep.

PEPPER: To the camera with Doctor Strange First try is that we're going to put crushed up sleeping pills in his coffee.

TONY: Coming into the kitchen from his lab really early in the morning.

PEPPER: In the kitchen Hi sweetie! Want some coffee?

TONY: No reprimand?

PEPPER: Do you want one?

DOCTOR STRANGE: Who's watching the feed of the kitchen on a laptop in the sanctum. Well that's not very pg. Shuts laptop.

WONG: To the camera So Stephen's watching porn now, apparently.

PEPPER: To Doctor Strange in an otherwise empty room That didn't work out so well.

Doctor Strange looks at the camera.

Let's maybe try something else?

DOCTOR STRANGE: We're going to put them in his coffee while Peter's in the room. Two above average intelligence people, and that is the solution we come up with.

≈Next Morning≈

Peter and Pepper are sitting at a table with breakfast food. Tony walks in half-asleep.

PEPPER: Here's some coffee.

TONY: Takes the coffee Thanks, Pep. He drinks the coffee and spits it out. What is this?

DOCTOR STRANGE: To the camera with Pepper So we found out that crushed sleep medication is very flavorful?

PEPPER: To the camera with Doctor Strange We're going to ban coffee and caffeinated teas from the compound.

Tony walks into a coffee shop. A portal opens up in front of him, and Doctor Strange pulls him into the sanctum.

DOCTOR STRANGE: You have to stick with the diet.

TONY: I never agreed to this.

DOCTOR STRANGE: Well, you can take the diet pills...

TONY: Can I have coffee?

DOCTOR STRANGE: You, um, have to wait an hour or so after you take them, but then yes.

TONY: Well then, hand them over, Wizard.

Doctor Strange gives Tony a sleeping pill

TONY: To the camera *Is sleeping*