Champagne Problems Part 2

Again, Spiderman No Way Home spoilers

Italics mean flashback

Aunt May got me this journal years ago, after Uncle Ben died. She told me it would be a good place for me to privately process feelings if I didn't feel ready to go to her. I never thought I'd use it, but here I am. Maybe it's because this dumb book is all I've got. I can't talk to anyone else about anything I'm going through, so I guess this finally comes in handy.

I don't know if it makes sense to introduce myself to paper but I'm Peter Parker, AKA Spiderman. Nearly six months ago the entire world found out that I was a superhero and then months later I got Doctor Strange to make everyone to forget about that and forget about me entirely to save the world- the multiverse, really.

But I regret it. I regret so many things.

MJ and Ned have no idea who I am. My last tie to Tony doesn't know I ever existed. My aunt is gone. And I made the biggest fuck up in my life.

I met (Y/n) years ago when we ran into each other- literally. The homecoming posters she was hanging up went everywhere and I helped her pick them all up. From there, we smiled at each other in the halls, waved, she gave me gum. We kind of just became friends through stuff like that. She and Ned were friends, too. And when MJ joined us she was friends with her, too. She was just so awesome. I saw her as another best friend. Our junior year we decided together as a group of 4 to be roommates in college and that we'd apply to all the same ones, dream school and backups.

It was awesome until the space donut showed up. And I had to go off and fight Thanos and lose. I disappeared for 5 years and then came back on the same planet I had left. It didn't even feel like that long. I thought I had passed out and then woke back up until the wizard told me the truth. I don't even know how he knew.

When I went back home after fighting Thanos again and losing Tony... I was so happy to see all of them. I was so happy to (Y/n), and she was happy to see me. We all cried a little when we saw each other again.

And yet, I'm a terrible person. During our school Europe trip "Fury" got me to help with this fake elemental plot and this guy who I thought was great, Quentin. Then he became a backstabber and ruined my whole life. If he weren't dead, I would've killed him myself when I saw the news.

'Peter Parker is Spiderman' splattered across everything.

What ruined my life was the fact that I never told her. I never told (Y/n). And she was so mad- she was beyond pissed. I don't even know if there's a word to describe how much she hated me. Do I blame her? No, how could I... I had been lying to her when MJ and Ned and Aunt May and all the other people I'm close to knew. She was the only one and she was hurt. I never really realized how hurt she was because I didn't know the full story. I didn't know anything. Not until it was too late.

The plan was risky, but it was all we had. Peter 2 and Peter 3 reassured me a hundred times but that wasn't what I was worried about.

"Peter, I'm going to be fine! Ned's going to have a portal open next to me so that way whenever my part is done with, I can be back in the science room safe and sound. I'll be okay!" she kept insisting. This was the fourth time we've talked about this.

"Besides," she continued, "there's no going back. I'm already in position so you might as well get ready to fight, too."

I still hesitated. "You're one of my best friends, (Y/n), so please understand that I am a little worried about you being out here in the fight."

She smiled and gave me a hug. "I'll be okay, Peter. Really. And if anything happens, Ned's always got the ring thing to make a portal for me to get out, okay?"

We pulled apart and I nodded. "Okay. But if you're in any sort of danger you have to promise me you'll get out of here. We can always figure something else out for the cure, okay?"

"Sounds good, Peter," she agreed.

I swung off to the others while she got into her hiding position. Hopefully no one would see her there and she'd be safe and good to go. The other two Peters knew how worried I was and reassured me when I landed by them that she'd be okay. They each had some weird look on their face but I moved on quickly because, well, they showed up.

It was a rough start, but we finally figured out how to work together and benefit from each other. It was all going to plan until Doctor Strange somehow showed up and Ned and MJ couldn't get to safety and Doctor Osborne showed up.

After that, things were going to shit. I tried to warn Strange that there was a bomb in the cube thing but it went off before a single word could come out. When everything settled I saw (Y/n) hanging onto a bar over at least a 100 foot drop. "Peter!"

"(Y/n)! Hold on I'm coming-"

And then I heard MJ's scream. She was falling. I looked over to (Y/n) who heard the same thing. "Go!"

I didn't hesitate and leapt out to catch her, but Osborne grabbed me instead. Then Peter 3 jumped out and saved MJ instead. I almost sighed in relief if I hadn't heard another scream.

Even though I was still stuck on the glider, my head snapped to look in the direction of the scream only to see (Y/n)-

"NO!" I yelled, writhing, trying to get out of the damn glider but I couldn't move and had a person trying to kill me at the same time. "(Y/N)!"

By the time I got out and the others figured out what happened...

Peter 3 ended up telling me that (Y/n) had been in love with me for... years. I think since we first met. And I didn't know. I didn't know until she was gone and I had nothing left.

Aunt May was wrong, writing this only made me feel worse. Because all it does is remind me I have no one left. I have nothing. And it's all my fault.

I can't sit here and blame anyone else for all the things I've caused all because I was selfish and wanted to go to college. I could've done other things. I didn't have to risk everyone's lives just to get into freaking MIT.

MJ and Ned are going now, at least. (Y/n) should've been with them. Her funeral was quiet except for her mom's crying. I watched from a ways away so no one would see me. MJ and Ned were there, at least, so she had some of her friends.

Before they all left the cemetery, I decided to go and visit (Y/n)'s house one last time. I didn't go there before the Blip because of her parents, but after when they got divorced I was invited over a few times. We would study and hang out in her room or her bonus room, where she had a gaming console and ping pong table. They had been gifts from her dad since her mom got full custody.

So yeah I broke into her house so I could be somewhere familiar one last time before going on to live the life of a kid who couldn't finish high school and has no family or friends. It was nice, comfortable, and brought out a few tears.

Afterwards I broke into the school (it was the weekend) and got my things from my locker, then made sure the science lab wasn't a total mess after what we did. It was there I had found (Y/n)'s diary. I had seen it once in her room and then saw her writing in it a couple times before she

Anyway, it was still there so I took it and kept it. Maybe it was selfish not to give it to her parents, who knows, but it's all I had.

I'm too scared to open it and read it, but I might. It feels like an invasion of privacy but... I don't know, I think I'll open it tonight and read through. It might make it feel like she's still here, who knows?

...

I'd give anything to have her back...

~Fin~

A/n: Okay, so as I was writing this I figured this might be a good part one but I had already posted the actual part one so whatever. Thought about having a Star Wars moment, you know?

Anyway, here's this for you! Depressing, I know. That's my favorite part about it. But also I just liked the format of diary/journal entries so I decided to do that one a smaller scale than an entire book in that format just to see what the thoughts are.

I hope you guys enjoy! Interact if possible so I know you liked it and I'll do my very best to get more imagines out there to you guys :)

Bye Lovelies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!