SKYE TRUTHFULLY DIDN'T KNOW HOW SHE'D ENDED UP THERE ON ROOSTER'S DOORSTEP. she put her hands into the pockets of her leather jacket, subconsciously pulling it closer to her body. the night breeze felt somehow cold against her cheeks, which was surprising for california.

if she could turn back time, skye would've gone back home and written down a list of the things she wanted to say. honestly, if she could turn back time, skye probably wouldn't even be there on his doorstep. she would've stayed at home and gotten an early rest.

but there was no denying that she couldn't put it off any longer. she knew how she felt. she knew that no one made her feel the way rooster felt, and that she wanted him to know. she wanted to be able to tell him just how much she cared about him, and to hopefully hear him say the same.

despite how much she wanted the conversation to happen, though, she still dreaded it. skye hated facing her feelings like that. it wasn't really.. something that the mitchell's did. her father had always been more hidden and reserved with his feelings, and unfortunately it had passed on to her.

that isn't to say that he never did anything to make her feel loved. skye knew that she was the most important thing in pete mitchell's life, and he reminded her of it frequently if she ever were to forget. he took time out of his day to send her photos that made him think of her, or to ask her questions. he was very proud of her and of everything she did, and she knew that.

but something about the word 'love' scared maverick. he often only said it when it was a significant moment, like her winning a game or getting a promotion, or celebrating a birthday. it wasn't that he didn't love her, and skye never took it personally. but it did mean that it wasn't really a part of her vocabulary.

and so, figuring out that she loved someone was something genuinely quite horrifying to skye. she kept most people at an arm's distance, too afraid to open up or admit her feelings. that was why she'd never had a boyfriend, even in high school. at least, not one that lasted longer than one date.

if she was really being honest (or if you'd gotten her drunk enough to be honest), skye always thought she was afraid of commitment. the idea of being with someone scared her.

it wasn't that she didn't want to be in a relationship. truthfully, skye had often envied people who were able to get into long and withstanding relationships. but she didn't think that she was cut out for them. or, at least, that's what years of failed dating experience had taught her.

skye was terrified of opening up to someone completely. of someone knowing all of her best and worst moments, her secrets and her triumphs, her fears and her joys. because it was nice and all until they left.

everyone skye had known other than katia had left her. she'd tired of any other friends by her junior year of high school because she knew that to be true. the only constants in her life were aviation, her father, and katia. and she hated to admit it, but she was afraid of adding someone new into the mix.

rooster had been a constant for a while. that was, at least, until he'd left her in anger, too butthurt about not getting into the naval academy. a part of skye was, admittedly, still afraid of him leaving again, even though he'd promised long ago not to.

if she was, once again, being honest, skye had asked herself if that was the reason she'd been easy to convince to join the black aces. of course, the main reason was to stay close to iceman. but she often had wondered if she was genuinely too afraid to stay with rooster.

what if he left again? what if she was, once again, all alone?

she wondered if she'd therefore decided to leave before she could get left. if she'd packed her bags and moved to california in hopes that she was saving herself from something inevitably more painful, something worse than simply leaving on her own terms.

but she was over that now. she was through with hiding her feelings in a lame attempt to save them. all that did, she found, was make it even more unbearable.

there was no reason for her to pretend to not have feelings for rooster anymore. nearly everyone around her had already told her that they'd seen it; she clearly wasn't being sly about it anymore. and all she wanted, truthfully, was to be with him in every way that terrified her.

she wanted to open up to him, to let him know every single thing about her. to know what scared her, what she dreamed for. what she'd been through, what had affected her, and what she wanted to do in the future. everything that she was terrified of admitting to anyone, she wanted to tell him like it was nothing.

and she wanted to be in a relationship with him so badly. every time she looked at him, she was reminded of how much he deserved to be loved, and how much she wanted to be the person with the privilege to love him.

all of these thoughts were running through her head as she stood on rooster's doorstep, her hands in the pockets of her jacket.

she was about to turn around and pretend she hadn't even shown up when rooster finally opened the door. "hey." she breathed, looking up at him.

he'd clearly been about ready to go to bed, since he was only in a white undershirt and plaid sleep pants. he still looked good as hell, though. "hey." he replied, his lips slowly upturning into a smile. "what.. what're you doing here?"

"i uh.." skye hadn't thought this part through yet. "i just wanted to.. um.. see your new house."

rooster clearly knew that this was a lie, since it was late at night, and he also simply knew her too well. nonetheless, he smiled and opened the door further to invite her inside. "i mean, it's nothing too fancy."

"no gabby tapestry?" she joked, hoping it would calm her nerves.

he chuckled. "no, no gibby tapestry, or framed michael cera photo, or keanu reeves cardboard cutout, or.. whatever you guys have in your house."

"all of those, actually." she replied.

rooster sent her an amused look. "interior designers, both of you." he joked. "um.. this is my place. i have my.. my fridge over there. there's my tv, but it doesn't really work that well. and there's uh.. there's mom and dad."

skye looked at the framed photo of carole and goose immediately after their wedding. they both looked so completely in love. she often found herself wishing that she could've met goose, or have even been alive at the same time as he was.

carole had always been so sweet to her, though. the memories she had of the woman were mainly full of her gushing about her husband, who she evidently missed dearly. their love was truly something to aspire to, she'd always thought.

"they both look so happy." she commented, smiling at the picture. she then took in the frame next to it, and her brows furrowed in confusion. "is that..?"

he cleared his throat. "oh, um, that's.. that's me and you." he confirmed.

skye studied the photo, immediately recognizing it as the same one she'd been keeping in her flight suit. her and rooster on the piano, her looking at him and him singing his heart out. not only had he had his own copy of it somehow, but he'd framed it. he'd framed it next to his parents.

"i actually, um.. i wanted to talk to you, roost." she finally said, turning to look at him.

he seemed confused, but one of his brows lifted as he smiled. "yeah? what's up?"

now skye really wished she'd brought flash cards to write everything down. "uh.. well. i've just.. i've been thinking about a lot of things. and i've been thinking about.. about when we were on the beach the first time we played football, and-"

"and the matching tattoos." he nodded. "yeah, i remember. what, do you have new ideas?"

she chuckled dryly. "um, actually, that's, uh.. that's not what i've been thinking about." she cleared her throat. "do you remember when you asked me what the.. perfect, or ideal guy for me would be?"

it was his turn to chuckle. "i think i do remember asking you something about that. why?"

she was too far in to turn back now. "i've been thinking about when you asked that. i said something about.. how he'd have to be funny, or whatever, how he'd have to like star wars, blah blah blah." she was now avoiding eye contact, trying to construct her next few words carefully. "the truth is, the more i think about it.. the more i realize that the guy.. my ideal guy, or whatever.. it would just be you."

skye met his eyes for a moment, noticing the look of complete shock on his face.

"and i don't need you to.. to say anything, really, or to feel the same way, i guess i just.. i can't stop thinking now about all the times i haven't been honest. because honestly.. i didn't want to leave. when i was there at your birthday and you asked me to stay i.. god, i wish i had, roost. and i regret it because i don't know what could've happened if i.. if i had stayed there with you. and when i saw you with.. your cousin, and i was so stupid, and.. and i was so jealous, because i wondered if something different would've happened if i stayed."

skye couldn't stop herself from rambling at this point. she'd adverted from his gaze again, instead finding the wall behind him to be very interesting.

"i guess what i'm trying to say in all of this is.. i don't want to keep.. i don't want to keep looking at you and pretending that i don't feel the way i feel." she finally admitted, looking into his eyes for a moment again. "i don't want to keep pretending that i don't love you, and that i'm not.. that i haven't fallen in love with you, roost."

if she hadn't been scanning his eyes for his reaction, she wouldn't have noticed the way the look of optimism so quickly became a frown. "i.. i don't know what to say."

"you don't have to say anything, i just.. i just wanted you to know." she blurted, trying to save herself from the embarrassment that was rising in her.

rooster seemed to be thinking for a moment before he pinched the bridge of his nose, almost as if he was in pain. "i'm sorry. i just.. i just don't think.. i don't think it's a good idea right now."

skye felt her heart practically sink. "oh."

"i just.. with the mission and everything.. i think we need to stay focused on the-"

she shook her head. "no, no, i get it." she interrupted, refocusing her gaze back to the floor. "i should go."

"skye.."

"i'm gonna go." she said more forcefully, her hands tucking back into the comfort of her jacket. "i'll see you tomorrow." with that, she was out the door.

rooster immediately considered punching his wall. what the fuck had he just done? he'd just blown it. he'd heard the exact words he'd wanted to hear for years and had chosen to do nothing about it.

he remembered two years prior when his plan had been for her to confess her feelings first. he had genuinely had everything planned out. he'd tell maverick that skye had said it first, and that he wasn't going to lie to her. surely her father wouldn't be upset then, right?

but here he was, after hearing the love of his life say that she loved him, and he couldn't fucking say it back.

out of some sort of buried respect he still had for maverick, of all things.

he knew he should hate him. he knew that he should feel nothing but hatred for the man who had taken so much from him. but, deep down, he feared that he was right. he was worried that he would only hurt her. it was better for him to just hide his feelings and let her focus on the mission. they didn't need to be distracted by whatever feelings had formed.

but, god. he felt so stupid. he couldn't wipe out the look on her face. the way her mouth had dropped into a frown. how even her eyes had become more dull.

rooster stood there for a moment with his head in his hands, having absolutely no idea what he'd done, or what he was even going to try to do next. he'd blown it.

skye, meanwhile, had revved up her motorcycle and had sped as fast as she legally could back to her house. when she opened the door, tears had already begun to swell in her eyes. katia was sitting on the couch, and her smile faded as she took in skye's evident disappointment. "what happened?"

she collapsed onto the couch and into katia's arms, letting out a sob into her shoulder. "he doesn't love me." she whimpered. "he doesn't love me."

a/n: hey besties so first of all i want to apologize 🫡

second of all thank you formally for 200k reads! i love you all so very much and i'm so glad that you're enjoying this book! this is the most thought i've ever had to put into writing something, since normally i can just look at the script of the show or movie and just add my characters. but i'm trying something new, and, as i'm sure you've noticed by now, i've written out everything and planned everything myself, which has been super fun! it's also fun to get to surprise you guys with different things that have actually been planned since the beginning, like this chapter.

(don't worry, there will be a happy ending for our favorite lovebirds, just not yet)

anyway, thank you so much for everything you've given this book so far! here's my celebratory 200k brownie (it only felt fair since i did this for wires to also do it for automatic stop)

thank you and i'm sorry again 🫡