I remember how I spent my first birthday on the run. It was when I was turning 12. I had made a friend, someone like me, running far away from somewhere.

One the morning of my birthday, I woke up and saw she was gone. I thought she was out picking berries or hunting like she does in the mornings sometimes. So I began to walk in the direction that she normally goes to hunt. Not wanting to scare any game, I climbed into a tree and waited.

I heard her voice. But not just hers. Several others, and pairs of footsteps. As she neared where I was hiding, she told the people that I was right ahead and they could grab me and take me to my father.

That girl... She was never on the run. She was tracking me. We were never friends. She had a family, a job, a life, something to go back to. She lied.

As the group walked by, to the camp, tears fell. But I couldn't cry, so I took the pack that I had on my back, and ran. Ran as fast as my feet would take me. Until I thought I was safe.

Out of my bag, I pulled out a round object. It was a cupcake holder. My friend worked at a bakery and got a couple. She thought she could use them to hold food.

Inside, is a cupcake. One with mint green icing and vanilla cake. We were going to share it.

I took a candle that was in my pack and stuck it in the cupcake. Once I lit it, I crouched down and stared at it.

The sun had gone down and it was twilight. I blew on the candle, and tears flooded my eyes.

That's how I spent my 12th birthday. Alone in the woods.

My eyes flutter open, and I'm staring at light. I bolt up and see I'm in a hospital bed. I swing my legs off the bed and run out of the room, only to trip on my outfit.

My outfit... I want to scream when I see it.

A full length emerald colored gown, with gold jewelry. My dark hair is in a high ponytail, and my makeup has been done. The only thing missing are shoes.

I wander around the hospital until I hear voices. Voice that I recognize.

I throw open the door to the room that the voices are coming from, and gasp.

The room is a large banquet hall, with room for only four at the table. Neha, Luna, and Berenice are laughing and talking together.

Neha is wearing a sparkling orange dress, with her dark hair loose down her back. Luna has a midnight blue mermaid gown and her blonde hair is in an updo. And Berenice is in a light purple mini dress, with her brown hair in a braid that rests on the side of her shoulder.

Neha looks up.

"Mai?!" She screams, and runs at me.

She tackles me in a hug, and I hug her back.

"Hi," I laugh a little, "Where is everyone else? Like, Skye, Vix, and Gus?"

Neha's face falls, "Gone. They're gone."

"What do you mean, 'They're Gone'?" I ask, suddenly paralyzed.

"I mean, gone. They're dead."

Dead

The thing I tried so hard to make sure they didn't become. And yet, they did.

Because villains never win.

I can hear the voice, the one from the arena. The one that manipulated me, twisted me, and broke me. I thought it was gone. But it isn't.

As I hear more taunts about my failure to save my friends, I sink to the ground. My hands cover my ears, and I am aware that someone is screaming. Me. Images fly past me eyes, of my friends dying, my allies dying, my family dying. And then it stops.

I uncover my ears and open my eyes. My head rests in Neha's lap. She is singing softly and is braiding my hair.

"Thank- Thank you." I say as I sit up.

Neha simply nods, and pulls a seat out at the table for me. I get up and sit. In front of me is a bowl of some soup, looks like pumpkin. There is also glass of water, and, and a couple small biscuits. Pushing aside a bowl of peas, I reach for a platter that has perfectly cooked chicken laid on it. I scoop five pieces on my plate and inhale it. I get a burst of flavor with each bite. Once I sadly finish the chicken, I take my biscuits and dip it in the soup. The soup is creamy, and tastes exactly like pumpkin, with seasoning. I find no seeds.

After the meal is done, we all stand up. As we go to walk to the door, the ground begins to shake. I place my hand against the wall as my green dress dissolves around me. It turns into tight fitting black capris with with triangles on the knees and a snug, sleeveless shirt, with white by the straps of the shirt. Surprisingly, a pair of black combat boots appear on my feet, and a backpack lands in my hands. I close my eyes for the rest of the spinning and shaking.

When I open them again, I am sitting in the grass. Neha, Berenice, and Luna aren't very far.

We all stand and brush off our knees. We all wear similar black outfits, but Neha's is more athletic, Luna's looks warmer, Berenice's is more fashionable, and mine is more like the outfit of a killer.

Which I am, of course.

"Back to the woods. Yay," Luna sarcastically says.

I nod along and roll my eyes.

"So, what now? Are we just gonna, like, camp here?" Berenice inquires.

"No. This isn't safe. It's a valley. We could easily be surrounded. We'll walk to the top, in the north, and camp there." Neha instructs, beating me to a plan.

The three girls look at me, and I nod.

None of them know that today is my 18th birthday. If I were home, back in China, I would be hunting, probably with a partner. I try to treat myself. We'd go hunting, steal some stuff, hang out, and then split up. We'd promise to meet back in a spot in a couple of hours, but of course I never returned.

As we trek up the hill, I trying to hang by Neha for a bit.

"Mai, I'm so glad you're alive, I just don't know what I'd do without you." Neha wraps her arm around me in a tight squeeze.

"Yeah. I hate saying this, but I'd rather Skye die than you. I- I just- You're so young and you're life has been so hard and unfair so far and-" my shaky voice cracks.

The tears come and all I can feel is dread. Dread over the fact that Skye Finely, the soft speaking, wise girl is gone forever. Over the fact that Neha's innocence is gone and that her life will never be the same. Over the fact that I never had a chance at innocence because I ran away.

I cry into Neha's shoulder, and she just hugs me tighter. Both of us will never be the same, and sometimes it's hard to remember that she is only 15. Like me, she grew up too fast.

Together, we walk to the peak of the hill, where Berenice and Luna are pointing at something. We jog up to meet them, and I gasp.

The Capitol.

The only time I was ever here was during the Games, and I wasn't allowed outside.

"We'll enter tomorrow. Together." Neha smiles, and sits down.

The thought of meeting the rebels makes my stomach churn. The rebels had saved us, but killed many others in the process, like Hai. And although I know that his death is really my fault, I refuse to admit it.

I unroll my sleeping bag, and put it next to Neha's. I allow myself to drift off.

~~~

There were no nightmares. Not tonight. I groggily open my eyes and see that the sun has set. The Capitol looks like a sun, with the lights glittering and shining. The sky is a dark blue, almost grey. No clouds. The stars can barely glitter due to the Capitol, what a shame. They take everything beautiful, like always.

I turn on my shoulder and see the Luna and Berenice are asleep. Neha leans against a tree, repeatedly stabbing a blade into the ground. I stand, and walk to her.

"Hey," I say as I sink down next to her, "can I talk to you?"

With a confused look on her face, she says, "Of course."

I stand, giving her the indication to rise also. She gives a pointed look at the sleeping pair. I shake my head and pull her along.

I take her to a spot a little distance from the camp. We can still see the girls, but they wouldn't be able to see us, even with flashlights.

"So what did you want?" Neha asks.

"We have to run. Now. We can make it on our own." I say in a breath.

A shocked expression crosses Neha's face.

"What? No! We can't leave them." She cries.

"Yes. We can," I grit through my teeth. "We'll give them enough supplies to survive for a bit. And we'll find the rebels."

"No! I am not going to let them stay out here and suffer!" Neha counters.

"Shut up!" I scream. "Don't you ever say that again. They have no idea what suffering is like. Suffering isn't having to survive with skilled people, after living in the lap of luxury for over 15 years. Suffering is being trapped in your home for the first eleven years of your life. Being hunted by your father. Living on the run, before you became a teenager. Killing because you had to. Killing at the age of twelve. Barely being able to survive. Fending for yourself in the woods. Not having enough food. Causing terror in the people that love you. Having to hide your identity. That's suffering. And that's my life. They've never suffered, and neither have you."

"You barely know me. Did you know that my brother was killed in front of my eyes when I was five? That my house was burnt down by people who hated my family? That I loved dancing, but someone broke into the studio and killed my teacher, and injured my left ankle? That ever since my best friend was kidnapped in the dark, I can barely stand the night? That I can't be alone because my cousin was shot and killed walking home? I may not have suffered in your way, but I certainly have suffered. So next time, Mai Li, remember that everyone has a story and anyone could slowly be dying on the inside." Neha turns and walks away.

Her words shock me. There is nothing else for me to say.

I storm into camp, grab my sleeping bag, and roll it up. I shove it in my bag, and sprint away.

I can hear Neha singing softly again. I want her to be singing to me. But it isn't.

Neha is gone, never again to be mine. Our friendship is ruined. The next time I see her, it will most likely be at her funeral. If only she had come with me. I wish she had. We could escape together and live with the rebels. Take over Panem and stop the Games. But if she's dead, there's no point. All my friends would be dead.

Tears once again take over my vision. I keep running, as far away from her as possible. My breath shortens and my knees give way.

I fall onto the ground into a heap. I curl up, and put my head in my arms.

The tears flood across my face, and then darkness comes.