[•part one•]

The dark, bloodstained forest finally broke away to grassy, rolling hills days after trekking hopelessly through the woods. It was an odd sight to see so much light, as darkness had ruled over Berenice's life for many days in the forest.

And every single day killed her. The guilt ate away at her, and large, harsh, red scratches could be found at where she had clawed at her tracker as she went through sleepless nights. Berenice was falling apart, and nothing could save her. Soon, she would be beyond repair, and the other three could already see it. Berenice had always been the weaker one of sorts, the one who couldn't throw a knife as easily as walking, the one who couldn't come up with marvelous strategies because she wasn't smart enough. She was just there, the spoiled, pompous brat, whining over a best friend who had died years ago.

Talking to Berenice was like walking around a minefield. You didn't know when you would accidentally hit the wrong spot, and when you did, she would hurriedly run away, then disappear for hours at a time. Berenice had contemplated leaving the others, but the result had always lead up with her deciding not to, and the guilt would build up a mountain higher. She had overheard the others talking about her once, and she had tried, oh-so desperately to not let a single word hurt her.

"She's like a...runt in a sense. Berenice is just so innocent!" Mai Li explained to the others, trying to define her thoughts.

"She can't fight. She can't even think properly," Luna sulked, driving Berenice deeper into this quicksand-like pit of guilt and uselessness.

"She's not all that bad, honestly, Neha murmurs softly. "She's kind, I guess. She's not all that bad company either. And she does know her way around the Capitol, which might be useful. I mean, Luna, you know the way around the Capitol too, I'm not saying you don't, but the more the merrier, right?" Neha chuckles nervously.

"The thing is, I don't know anymore, Neha, whether or not she can actually do anything. Sure, she has survived this long, longer than all the others who have died, but she hasn't proved anything else! Berenice is a liability, Neha, and she's going nuts. You can feel it, can't you?" Mai Li ranted, before sinking down, shoulders sagging tiredly.

She's going nuts. It was merely an hour after hearing those words, and God, they destroyed her. Berenice looked over her shoulder, her movements stocky and strained from her lack of energy. She was sitting on a boulder at yet again, another hill. And as she processed what she saw, she felt calm for just a moment. Mai Li no longer had trees to use as target boards, so instead, she substituted the forest with the ground around her.

Berenice could see the odd, deathly grace as Mai Li drew back her arm, and then whipped it forward launching the knife spiraling through the air, flying. The sharp, blade glistened in the sun as it sunk into the ground, piercing a small patch of ground where there was no grass. A few markings scratched into the ground showed a small triangular target, and the knife had hit just the middle. Neha hooted excitedly from the side as she saw the success that Mai Li had made. Berenice smiled weakly at the sight, but quick turned away seconds later.

She's going nuts. She was, wasn't she? The way she could no longer look at a bow without hearing Jade's voice call out to her, or how the purple flowers seemed to scream, yelling bloody murder, it meant something. And there was that voice, that kept talking to her. Are you talking about me, Berenice? You said you felt guilty. Berenice, if you're so guilty, why do you still have that tracker in your arm? Shouldn't you...do something about it? Remove it so the Capitol can't follow your every step? After all, you wouldn't want to be caught when you're just this close to making it to the rebellion base. She hissed slightly at the voice, clawing at her forehead, trying to get it out. Do you want the rest of them to die, now? Oh wait-if you take that tracker out, someone else will die. My bad.

"Stop it!" She muttered, trying to look inconspicuous. Pick one-your family, or the tributes. Berenice knew it would always come down to this, choosing a side to be loyal to. But what do you pick in a time like this? You're such a selfish brat. Jewels, and mink balls? What, are you going to not pick and kill both of the two? You might as well throw yourself off a cliff, you fool. No, she wasn't going to kill both, she wasn't selfish. Berenice, what will they do when they learn about your dirty secret? You should've tried to kill them all when the Peacekeepers were still there. Berenice was not a murderer. She couldn't be. But you are. She was doing this for something, she had a purpose. Besides, those who she killed were better off. You want to know why Luster died? Maybe you were too...useless for her. Even to the point where she would kill herself just to rid you. No, that couldn't be true. Luster cared about her. Then why didn't she ever tell you? Did she ever truly care about you, or were you just a toy? And Berenice couldn't think of anything, for she did not know what she was. A murderer. So, so selfish. Just a toy. Berenice couldn't fight anymore. Do something.

"Berenice? Look at me! Berenice! Someone, help!" The voice that was shouting was fading, and dark spots danced in her eyes, voices taunting her. What a traitor. Who do you think you are? A mindless princess who sits on a throne of gold? Others fight your battles for you, right? You can't even do a thing. You never meant anything. Black filled her vision, a consuming darkness that swallowed every part of her. Murderer. That's what you are. Jade. Amber. Popsy. Skye. They're dead because of you. Leave, Berenice, leave. They don't need you. You're just a liability, remember? And you being a liability means that all you are is a burden. You are nothing, Berenice ViPointe. You lie, you kill, you are filthy. And you're just like them, every other useless human being who tries to make themselves bigger than they actually are, who goes so far that nothing, not even the blood on their hands will stop them. You are broken, and trust me, it's better to leave you in shards than to try to glue the pieces back together.

•

One of the most painful experiences is waking up, because when you do, you feel dead, and in fact, you were close to death, his hot breath breathing down your neck as he watches you sleep, deciding, deciding whether or not it's the right time to your soul. Your mind wakes up first, and in the beginning, it tries to drag you back down. But then, it realizes that you, you are alive, and that you are breathing, and you have escaped from your nightmares and you have lived again, escaped death. And then, the fight begins. You try so desperately to tear your eyes open, but your body is still dead, stark and cold. Perhaps that tiredness, you can just push aside with that willpower? But only the strongest can, not the strongest of brawn and muscle, but of pure, sheer determination. It's that pain of death, and the lack of willpower, the want to sink back, the raging fight that makes waking up the worst. But the way Berenice woke up from passing out was entirely different, a different kind of pain, the kind that drives you awake so quickly you can't tell end from beginning, and beginning from end.

Consciousness hit Berenice like a brick. For one moment, all she could see were stars, and she felt nothing, was weightless. But in the next, she felt yelling up ahead, someone thrashing at her arms, pulling at her violently. Her eyes were open in a flash, a bright blue cloudless sky upon her eyes. She felt as if someone had taken a bucket of ice cold water and dumped it on her, the tingles traveling down her spine, skin cold to the touch. In the next second, she saw Neha peering down at her, extreme concern and worry lacing her perfect complexion.

"Merlin, Berenice!" She gasped. "My God, you just started screaming your head off! You kept stumbling around, and you fell and hit your head on this rock!"

"Merlin? What? Is that a person?" Neha paused for a moment, perplexed on why in the world Berenice would ask such a question after being told she had basically gone mental.

"Merlin," she said slowly, as if she were thinking up of some answer on the spot, "is this man from a very old story. His name was used as an expression later on. I think." Neha pursed her lips before turning around. "You've been out for an hour. Luna tried to help you with what she knew, but she left a good twenty minutes ago when she said you were most definitely stable." Berenice nodded.

"Do you think you know...what happened?" She asked cautiously, thinking of each word carefully.

"Not really...maybe the tiredness is just getting to us." Neha shrugged, her eyes flickering down to the ground . "That's what I'm trying to figure out." Each second was another step Neha took away from Berenice. Liar. Berenice grimaced as she watched Neha walk away. It was obvious that the girl had been lying. Neha couldn't lie to save her own life. She's going nuts.

I'm sane. I'm sane. The two word phrase repeated itself over and over again in her head, as she tried to drill the mindset in. But Berenice ViPointe wasn't sane. She was simply crazy, a force that had no starting line and no endpoint. She had managed to stay sober for so many years, but the dam of emotions and all that insanity were pushing against the gates. And from here to her final seconds, touching the rebel base's cool, stone walls, she would just have to hold the dam shut, and hope it wouldn't break.

•

Sleep evaded Berenice, and she lay in her sleeping bag, staring at the starless skies. They had disappeared many years ago when pollution had destroyed the skies. She wondered what it would have been like to see the little peepholes of light in the dark sky, shimmering through like little diamonds. She rolled over to her side, nestling herself deeper into the warm, nylon sleeping bag.

"Neha, you can go to sss-leep, I can be on patrol." The indian girl nodded, and soon enough she heard soft breaths fill the air around her.

Sanity. Murder does many things to those close to the victims. But no one ever says what happens inside of the minds of those who murdered. And it was now, Berenice knew, the way all that stability you had that kept you standing just seeped out with looking into the dead's eyes, knowing that you, you had killed them, taken the knife to a throat, barrel to temple. There was no rush that you felt afterwards, just the emptiness that hollowed you out, until you were merely a thin shell that was as flimsy as tracing paper.

She didn't know when the tears started falling, but when they did, Berenice sobbed until all she saw was darkness. She climbed out of her sleeping bag and wiped her eyes. Do something. The tracker burned into her, a tattoo that made her feel impure, dirty. It jabbed into her skin, the way there was just the slightest bulge on her wrist. It taunted her, something just in her sight, something that would change everything. Take me out, it seemed to say. And she sat there for hours, hunched up into a small ball, shivering as the wind blew on her skin. Run away. The Capitol will never know that you left the group. Choose for the future. Berenice was just a girl. She was simply, just a girl. None the less, a girl who had a job to save tributes, but she was just a dot, a dot in history. And she was nothing. But the rebels were everything. They were the future. And Berenice ViPointe could only choose for the future. She was a coward, and she could not run, so she felt for her sheath. Within moments, she had snuck away in the dead of the night. The weight of her dagger dragged her down, a heavy stone in her hand, her consciousness begging not to go forward. In the end, Berenice persisted onward, fighting all she had ever believed in. The future is waiting, the future is waiting.

She laughed silently to herself as her slow strides turned into a weak sprint, what was left of her energy propelling her up the countless hills. The future is waiting. When she looked back and could only see a few blobs in the distance, what made up of her group's very small camp, she stop and stared, her body frozen. Berenice, you have to do this. Do something. The future is waiting. She took out her flash light and turned it on, so she could have light for more precision. And as her knife came closer to her wrist, she paused for a moment. Hestia. Juniper. Mom. Dad. Hestia is only six, Berenice. Juniper has two children at home. Mom. Dad. Their fates lie in your hands. Her logic screamed at her, begging for her to spare her family, to stop what she was doing. The future i-.

When Berenice had fantasized about finally cutting out her tracker, she had imagined that it would be in a situation where she was ready, and she would take a few breaths before lowering her knife. But the reality was nothing like what she had dreamed of. Everything crashed down, and she didn't think before she took her knife and pressed the blade against her skin. Another scar to add, another memory that was only of pain and desperation.

Berenice hissed loudly, unable to keep in her cries. Slowly, she moved the knife, trying not to scream out loud. And slowly, she saw something dark, something very dark just underneath the surface of her skin. She tried to dig her fingers in, but quickly yanked away as she felt her hand go numb for a second before extreme pain sobered her up in the night. Again and again, she tried to grab the tracker. Around the tenth try, she grab hold of the tracker and tugged gently, trying, trying to block out all the pain, to no avail. And as she pulled the tracker out, no salty tears came falling down, because the true tears were of the drops of blood that rolled down to the earth, soaking the soil. Every cell within her cried out, begging her to stop, even for just a moment to let everything pause for a moment. When she noticed that most of the square-like piece of metal was almost out, in her desperation to quickly finish, she yanked on the tracker, revealing it to the night air. It was done.

Blood flowed freely, and Berenice grabbed the cloth she had brought, and pressed it to the wound. Within seconds, blood had already soaked the towel. Groaning silently, she mentally hit herself in the head for being so stupid. She should have thought ahead. No cut like that could easily be covered up by simply a cloth. A wound like that would need stitches. The bandage rolls she had brought with her weren't enough, but she had nothing else, so she wrapped them tightly around her wrist, taking deep breaths to soothe the pain.

After Berenice had wrapped her wrist, she took the tracker out. This was your betrayal to the Rebellion. Now, this is your betrayal to the Capitol. She heaved slightly, before setting the tracker down. Berenice picked up her dagger, and gazed at the tracker. She raised her arm, and she drove the dagger into the ground, watching as the tracker's smooth metal split against the blade. And she did it again and again, feeling her anger, her insanity pour out she stabbed and stabbed agin, until she was no longer stabbing at the tracker, but at the earth. The cut wires and the bits of metal scattered around and Berenice finally let out breath she didn't know she had been holding in. It was done. The Rebellion had a chance. And her family was abut to break apart.

Berenice slid the dagger into its sheath, and left the bloody cloth behind. She didn't look back at the remains of the tracker, for it was it he past, what once was the physical reminder that she had belonged to the Capitol was crushed into splinters. But what wasn't in the past was the gash on her arm. Berenice did't worry though. There were some skills she had gained in her years, and sewing was one of them. The needle and the threads she had taken after she had (secretly) rummaged through Luna's backpack would also be quite useful. Berenice was almost there, almost free. She just had to make sure that she could last through the end.

•

The stitches hadn't been all that bad, compared to cutting out the tracker. She had first cleaned out the wound by pouring water over the cut. Berenice rid as much blood as she could, and soon after she sterilized the needle, she set to work, placing the flashlight besides her. The part where she had to push the needle in caused her to have to bite down on her lip until she felt a metallic taste flood into her mouth. It was almost over. It was almost over. This was almost like making some simple stitches to fabric...just a little more fleshy. Afterwards, Berenice couldn't even remember most of the experience, simply because it had been so natural, the needle and the thread. The pain hadn't lasted, and it hadn't quite scarred her the way her dagger did.

And as she nestled back into her sleeping bag, sighing from the comfort it brought to her, she felt relieved! awake. Soon, she let sleep take over her, finally being able to rest without that nagging feeling in the back of her mind. It was over. At least for now.

[•end of part one•]

[•part two•]

"Walk faster, we're getting closer to the Capitol," Luna yelled at the rest, waving her hand. "The land is changing, it's becoming cleared out in areas." The sun beat down on them in the midday heat that caused beads of sweat to roll down Berenice's forehead. She had been careful to keep her wrist out of sight from the others. That morning, when she had woken up, the guilt had finally hit her. Her family was probably dead by now, because of her choice. Even though the tracker was gone, that could only mean that the Capitol was probably after them now, especially her, simply for the fact that she was a traitor, and they needed to dispose her, show everyone what happens to those who don't keep their sides with the government. The notion of leaving seemed stronger than ever, but Berenice couldn't bring herself to keep away from the others, to feel what it was like to be so lonely again.

"I can't wait to go to the Rebellion's base. I'll finally be able to sleep in a real bed, take an actual shower after so, so long," Neha sighed, dreaming about things that had once been simple luxuries that had been taken for granted, but now, were near impossibilities.

"And we can food that was actually cooked by a chef." Everyone looked up to stare at Berenice. "Um, no offen-ssse or anything. I ju-ssst, mi-sss Capitol cui-sssine."

"Pork buns would be really good just about now. In China, they had restaurants just for them," Mai Li said wistfully, a rare look of peacefulness settling across her features that were usually tight and calculating.

"A book I was waiting for came out a few days ago. I can't wait to get my hands on it," Luna added. Soon, the conversation became full of wishes and small stories, and they all went a little faster, ran a little harder to reach those wants.

•

"I'm going to take a sss-troll around for a little bit," Berenice informed the others soon after patrol had been assigned. The night had come fast. Mai Li nodded courtly at her, and Luna cracked a small smile.

"Do you want any of us to go with you?"

"I'm fine. I'll be back sss-oon enough to take my shift." She grabbed a small backpack full of general supplies in the case of an emergency, flashlight gripped tightly in her right hand. As she walked farther and farther away, she heard soft, quiet footsteps behind her. Berenice simply brushed them off as the wind that was gently whipping around her, but she couldn't help but shiver as she felt something rush through her, causing her entire body to feel as if she had been locked in a meat locker.

"Berenice." The voice sounded smooth and cunning, and Berenice stopped in her tracks. For another of the three to go after her was something that seemed very much unlikely, but the voice she had heard was a different situation, a sound that should have never been heard after what she had done. No, it couldn't be possible. "Bear-a-nee-ss!" The voice sang, waking her from her thoughts. She quickly turned around to see the fox-like features and the flaming red hair.

"J-jade?" She stuttered, unable to keep the shock out of her voice as Berenice looked into the eyes of the girl before her. She felt a staggering amount of shock hit her, not being able to take in the sight in front of her.

"Uh, who else would I be? Popsy?" Jade snickered, before throwing a coy look at her.

"You died though."

"Mm-hm, yes, I know I did. And you very much know that too, since you were the one who held that dagger of yours and drove into my chest." Jade spoke calmly, picking at her nails, as if replying that yes, you were in fact dead was an everyday answer to any question.

"You're before me right now."

"Yeah, I know. I'll admit it, it's pretty nice where I went after I died, but I just thought I would tell you something."

"Wh-what?"

"You really didn't think I was just here for small talk, did you?" Jade snorted, throwing her hair over her shoulder. "No, I have something to tell you. You've already taken to many lives, Berenice. I might not have been the closest with some of the others, but I care about them. Your threats are closer than you think." Her eyes narrowed onto Berenice's, making her feel self-conscious. "Don't let them die on you on you, Berenice ViPointe, or I swear I will come back from the dead and brutally kill you." And within a blink of an eye, Jade disappeared, leaving Berenice shaken and confused.

"Berenice," another voice called out. This one was deeper and calm. Berenice choked upon sight.

"Gu-sss?"

"Sometimes, we all get a bit arrogant. I guess I went a little too far. Thought I could take on the lead Peacekeeper, and look where I am now." He sighed and pointed at a spot on his chest. "I got shot here two times. At least I didn't get stabbed to death. I've heard that you're not all that bad with that dagger of yours. Y'know, you did take a few lives with it."

"What?" Berenice spluttered, eyes wide in fear. "How would-how did you know?"

"I can perceive things in another's point of view. You seemed a little more nervous than usual, so I thought something was going on."

"You didn't tell the other-sss."

"I didn't think you would actually kill anybody, Berenice. Nobody thought you could do something like that. And you didn't seem all that reluctant to help the Capitol when I looked into your mind. Well, when I did find out that you killed someone, I just didn't tell." Berenice shook her head furiously.

"You're a fool, you know that don't you?"

"I kept your secret so in the case that we needed to, I could use you." He shrugged. "Not my usual style, but survival calls for desperate measures." Gus' gaze fell onto Berenice's wrist, looking at the stitches, before a pitying gaze fell on his face.

"You finally cut out the tracker, didn't you?" She nodded briefly before backing away. "Berenice, don't celebrate too soon." He turned and walked away until the beam if light coming from her flashlight could no longer reach him.

"Hey." The voice came out of nowhere, scaring the wits out of Berenice. "Y'know, you could have been a little more appreciative of my help. I saved you from that trap." The girl rolled her eyes. "And you had to kill me. Really? Popsy and I didn't appreciate that." Amber Dauntless stepped aside to reveal Popsy, a reluctant smile planted on her face.

"Berenice, we trusted you. To think that you would just kill us, after all we did for you when we trained for the Rebellion, honestly hurts." Popsy laughed bitterly, her gaze flickering downwards. "And to think you were actually working for the Capitol! I'm not one to hold grudges, but I can't quite forgive you." Amber nodded before opening her mouth to speak.

"When you know, it'll be best to leave." And like Gus and Jade had before, the two were gone in an instant.

"Berenee-ss!" A high, scared voice called out. A little girl came tumbling out of nowhere, rushing towards her. She closed her eyes, and waited for the impact, but she never felt it. Instead, the little girl had clumsily passed right by her.

"Hesss-tia!" Berenice gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"These guards took me...and I think they killed me. With a gun. I was really scared. But I saw this girl, and she said she knew you."

"Who wa-sss thi-sss girl?"

"She was really nice." Hestia paused for a moment, eyebrows furrowed. "Her name was Luster. I think."

"Wait, Lusss-ter?"

"Yeah, Lusss-ter!"

"Hesss-tia, what did she look like?"

"She had green eyes."

"Hesss-tia-WAIT!" She could only watch hopelessly as her sister's eyes widened when she saw something, sending her sprinting. Berenice couldn't move her legs, and she felt as if she had been glued down. I'm sane. I'm dreaming.

"She'll be fine." When Berenice turned around, she stumbled backwards, hands clammy.

"Lusss-ter?"

"Berenice." The girl smiled at her, and for the first time in years, she felt alive.

"I misss-ed you so much. God, I hate you!"

"Of course you do," Luster sighed.

"I did all of thi-sss, for you, Lusss-ter. And look where I am now." Berenice had imagined that if she were ever to see her best friend again, she would have probably died of joy. But the excitement had quickly passed, and all she could feel now was a sore anger.

"I hate myself too. But I died for something. He won."

"And you didn't. He wa-sssn't worth it!" Berenice cried, exasperation filling her voice.

"No, he wan't worth it for you. But he was for me," Luster tried.

"I hate you! I hate myself for getting my-ssself into this! I hate that I've been doing thi-sss all for you!"

"You didn't have to get revenge for me, Berenice. Besides, you shouldn't have made a deal with the Capitol. They were always a step ahead of you. They knew all along, Berenice. That you would rebel against them at one point. Berenice, they killed Hestia last night because of the tracker. They knew you would cut out the tracker in your wrist. The Capitol put one in your skull, Berenice."

"No," she whimpered.

"They did."

"Lusss-ter, tell me thi-sss i-sssn't real. Tell me thi-sss i-sss all in my head, and I'm just sss-eeing and hearing thing-sss right now."

"I'm real. This is real." Tentatively, Berenice reached out to touch Luster's hand, and warmth filled her fingers as she brushed her fingers over skin.

When you know, it'll be best to leave.

Don't celebrate too soon.

Your threats are closer than you think.

She finally understood the look that Gus had given her, and the words she had been told. You've been so selfish all along. You always knew it would be the best to leave the others, but you never did leave. They always knew what you were going to do.

"I can't sss-tay. I can't endanger them. Luster, why i-sss it so hard?" Berenice sobbed.

"Because you are the future, Berenice, and the most heroic ones must suffer the most."

"I'm not a heroine," Berenice whispered, shaking her head. "I killed." Luster smiled sadly.

"Yes, you are. You've fought the most. You are human. If you weren't, if we weren't, we wouldn't have been born into a country like this. We must do all the wrong things to achieve all the right things." Berenice wiped tears away from her eyes, and tried to smile.

"I sss-till hate you, Lusss-ter."

"I wouldn't forget."

"You'll sss-tay with me, right? For as long as you can?" Luster nodded, and for the first time in a long while, Berenice ViPointe cracked a true, genuine smile.

The next morning, Berenice was gone with the wind. When she hadn't come back in time for patrol, the others had set out searching for her. They were two hours too late, and Berenice was already in the past, for no one could find her, the rambling girl who spoke to someone no one else could see. I'm am the future. I pave the way. I must leave to save the others.