if you really want to know, so, yeah, sunyeong knows very well that their relationship is not gonna last.

but he holds onto it like it's the only reason for him to continue living.

he knows that he and jihoon are different. he likes skinship, he gets attached too easily and falls too hard. he barely gets why jihoon even accept to be his boyfriend in the first place.

jihoon. jihoon. his jihoon. he's small and cute and talented and so well- loved. every friend of them loves jihoon. his parents love jihoon. heck, even the Auntie at their favorite coffee shop gives jihoon free cakes sometimes just because he's that cute.

sunyeong thinks jihoon is the most precious gift in his life. jihoon was always so nice to him. jihoon would let him hold his hands in public even when his ears turn red right after. jihoon would kiss him on the lips when he talks too much, even when it often comes with one or two punch after. jihoon would text him good night when they're parted after a date, and good morning on days he suddenly feels the urge for going out too early in the morning.

he loves jihoon, and everything about jihoon.

but their love wasn't supposed to be that easy. especially when he's an attention freak and he only wants jihoon for himself.

he wants to come home to him every night. he wants to wake up next to him every morning. sunyeong wants jihoon's face to be the first thing he sees every morning.

but the more he desires jihoon, the more he feels lacking.

he can't do much for him. jihoon is such an independent man. it takes him years and years of trying to catch up to where jihoon is.

Because jihoon is the light, and he is surrounded by shadows.

sunyeong doesn't know where all of this coming from, he loves jihoon, but as time goes by, it gets tiring.

they've been fighting a lot lately, and when those three cruel words slipped out of jihoon's mouth, he felt numb.

but he keeps coming back to him.

he waits and waits and waits.

because no matter how painful it is to fight this anxiety, he wants jihoon more than anything else.

because no matter how pathetic he feels, he still can't let go of jihoon.

so he dries his tears, and picks up his phone again, just to give the person he loves another chance to hurt him.