The slowly setting sunbathed the city of the seven hills in its golden light and lent it something magical, as if it were a wonderful dream. But this picturesque idyll was deceptive. Aurelia had had to learn that in the past years. It was different just to read about a story than to suddenly take on a significant role in it. In the past two months of her absence, not a day had passed in which this city had not dominated her thoughts. Nor had she experienced a few nights when she had not dreamt of it. Rome was not only the centre of a world empire. It was the centre of her life, which ironically was in her heart. Her life was as irrevocably linked to the fortunes of Rome as vice versa. Antonia had written to her in one of her letters that she would now no longer be called the Roman Helen. The people now referred to her as mater matriae. She was worried about both nicknames. The first was too Greek and the second, well she was only a woman, and her senators must have been a thorn in her side by now with this exaggerated title of honour - especially because they had not bestowed it on her. So, she would be careful not to call herself the mother of the motherland until the senate saw her as such.
But what really worried her was how right the people were about her role as mother. Clemens and her staff had so far not let Aurelia's renewed pregnancy leak out, and the magistrates and guests who had received her at the Gulf of Naples remained ironically silent. By now she could no longer hide her pregnancy and she hoped that her position had already been sufficiently consolidated. For the storm of the Senate would come. She knew that only too well. When everything was so up in the air, she always felt so helpless and powerless. There was still too much that was completely beyond her control.
"Are you not feeling well, mom?" an uncertain voice whispered, snapping her out of the world of her thoughts. She quickly detached herself from the breath-taking sight of the all-dominating city they were inevitably approaching and focused all her attention on the little boy sitting next to her, eyeing her intently. Aurelia would have loved to tell her son how sick the uncertainty made her. It drove her to the brink of madness to fantasise the various scenarios of her return and at the same time to make plans so that they would not come to pass. But his big, golden child's eyes looked at her with innocent concern that she could not put this burden on him. Julius was still a child. Gaius and she had to live long enough for his childhood to be happy. Rome was his home, a vast playground. She simply couldn't take that illusion away from him. Not yet. He would grow up soon enough. Automatically a smile came to her lips, and she brushed a tangled curl from his face.
"It's all right, my darling," she assured him and quickly changed the subject. While he excitedly told her about a new game he was dying to show Titus, she slowly began to relax. Unconsciously, she placed a hand on her stomach and was pleased with the little nudge she felt. Julius had been completely thrilled by the news that he would soon be a big brother. He could not wait, but surprisingly, he did not utter a word about his mother's pregnancy to outsiders, as if he felt the importance of keeping this secret.
After dark, the raeda rumbling over the cobblestones finally came to a halt and for a precious moment, mother and son were surrounded by silence. Then Clemens barked an order and, as if in a play, everyone suddenly found themselves in their appointed places, taking their predetermined roles. Aurelia suppressed a sigh while Julius was already jumping out of the carriage and offering his hand to help her. The sight warmed her heart and brought a radiant smile to her face. Quickly she straightened up, grabbed his little hand and got out of the carriage. She was not too heavy handed yet.
As the cool night air hit her bones, she instinctively pulled her coat tighter around her and turned to look at Clemens. But he was too busy coordinating with the other Praetorians to notice her. She looked questioningly at Julius, who was trying with all his might not to tremble. Reassuringly, she nodded at him and together they walked into the warm atrium. There the slaves were already busy bringing their luggage upstairs. Out of nowhere a young kitchen slave appeared, if she remembered correctly his name was either Ariovist or Gorovist. In his hands he held a tray of refreshments.
"Has my sister-in-law arrived yet?", Aurelia asked the boy as she took one of the goblets, but before he could answer her, Julia's voice was already calling her name. She quickly turned to the caller and Julius cocked his head. He was probably already looking for his friends. But Aurelia's smile froze only when Julius' gaze lingered on her stomach and her sister-in-law feverishly tried to understand the situation for a moment.
Aurelia gently stroked Julius' head, then signalled Julia to follow her and marched off in the direction of Gaius' study. She could not delay this conversation any longer.
In her study, Aurelia thought for a moment, then called for Prunia and told her to bring them some wine. Julia would need it. Silently, Julia entered the room and looked around uneasily. She had probably never seen it from the inside. Briefly, Aurelia considered sifting through the letters that had arrived while they waited for Prunia's return, but perhaps this was not the best course. So, she put on a polite smile and inquired about Julia's condition. Torn from her thoughts, Julia blinked briefly, then picked up the subject and a brief, innocuous conversation developed between them.
Only when a full goblet of wine was in Julia's hands and the door closed behind Prunia did Julia fall silent, folding her arms in front of her chest and waiting for Aurelia to begin speaking.
Aurelia brushed a loose strand of hair from her face with a sigh and withstood Julia's probing gaze. She had done nothing wrong. At least that was what she had been telling herself for months. In a confident voice and striving for a matter-of-fact tone, Aurelia briefly described her view of the events since she had learned of her pregnancy. After a while, Julia sank powerlessly onto one of the chairs and shook her head in bewilderment. Aurelia almost felt sorry for her. Hiding her reluctance, Aurelia sat down on the second armchair and came to talk about Agrippina's betrayal.
"Why didn't you just explain everything to me?" Julia wanted to know when Aurelia had finished and eyed her stunned. Before she could affirm that she understood Aurelia, Aurelia leaned forward and ignored the scent of the heavy perfume that hit her nose. She could not afford to show weakness now.
"I am not in a position where I can afford to make another mistake," she said in a firm voice. "I cannot take a chance and risk the safety of our entire family. Agrippina has not only betrayed me, but all of us. How can you look me in the eye and say you would have helped me when I have this?"
With those words, Aurelia pulled a stack of letters from a fold of her dress and dropped them into Julia's lap. Every single letter was addressed to Gaius and contained a request to mediate between his wife and sister. Clemens had intercepted them all. He had proven his unwavering loyalty time and again since Capri.
Julia swallowed hard as she recognised her own seal and redness rose up her neck into her cheeks. Her breathing quickened. Was she ashamed or afraid? Aurelia was sure it was a mixture of both. Aurelia had always known that the Julio-Claudian dynasty had not been a normal family. But to be able to observe their tendency to intrigue and self-destruction with her own eyes again and again surprised her more than she had assumed. Would she manage to change this family from the ground up?
"I thought that perhaps my brother should know about this," Julia began to justify herself in a clenched voice, her hands clutching convulsively at the scrolls.
"Gaius has more important things to attend to," Aurelia objected quietly, returning Julia's tear-blurred gaze calmly. "He has a country to conquer and while he is away, I will watch his back in Rome so that nothing distracts him from his duty to our country and our people."
For a while they sat together in silence, examining each other closely. Suddenly Julia jumped from her chair, marched to the fireplace and threw the letters into the fire. With a mighty hiss, the papyrus burst into flames that consumed it within a few moments. All that remained was a pile of ashes on the gently burning logs. Aurelia watched with interest as her sister-in-law turned to her with a flourish and a new determination entered her eyes.
"I will not make the same mistake as my sister. I trust your judgement and I will keep no more secrets from you. I will do as you wish of me," Julia declared solemnly and a fine smile spread across Aurelia's face. Perhaps it was not too late for their family to become a real family after all - for they would never be able to be normal.

When Aurelia woke up the next morning, she wanted nothing more than to be able to lie down. She didn't want to get up and greet the clients. Still less did she want to go to the Senate and face the magistrates of Rome after the salutatio. But a little kick in her gut reminded her that she couldn't run away. The sooner she got this day over with, the better - she just had to survive.
To her relief, the salutatio only dragged on for just under two hours. Obviously, not all the clients had returned from their summer residences yet, so they could not wait on her just yet. Nevertheless, she noticed the surprised looks on her clients' faces and knew that every one of them would tell others about her pregnancy. Rome's rumour mill was probably already bubbling.
The strict updo gave her a headache. All of a sudden it seemed very tempting to just stay at home and wait for the storm to pass. At the same moment, Prunia appeared on the threshold of Gaius' public study and said that all the clients on her list had been dealt with and Aurelia's sedan chair was ready to take her to the Senate on time. Aurelia immediately put on a professional smile, rose and made her way to the senate - wasn't she an exemplary deputy?
It did not surprise her that the meeting had already begun and there was already a lively discussion when she arrived. Unobtrusively, Aurelia scurried out of the carriage and slipped into the building through a side entrance so that the shouts of the people would not announce her arrival to the senators. She wanted to know what the senators were really thinking. Half-hidden in the shadow of a column, she stopped and listened to the babble of voices. Most of the senators, including especially her adoptive father and a few men loyal to Antonia, were trying to reassure the other magistrates. But after all, everything revolved around the question of whether there was any truth in the rumours about her pregnancy.
After a few minutes, Aurelia had heard enough and stepped out of the shadows. Gnaeus Sentius Saturninus, the second consul next to her, was the first to register her presence and nodded politely to her. Actually, Gaius had wanted to replace him with another senator after half a year, but Aurelia had spoken against it and apparently this had got through to Saturninus, which was why he had cooperated very well in the past months. So, he had been one of the first officials to accept her as Gaius' deputy.
Immediately the senators present fell silent, so that every step she took echoed off the walls of the temple. Without haste, she settled herself on the curule chair and gazed kindly into the round. The silence that followed was deafening.
"It is good to see you again, gentlemen," she greeted politely. "Please excuse the slight delay. Let us begin immediately with my husband's latest report."
Serenely, Aurelia pulled a scroll from the pocket of her skirt and began to roll it up. Within seconds, the excited murmur of a few senators swelled into an excited buzzing wasp's nest. Her headache instantly intensified, and Aurelia resisted the urge to close her eyes.
Playing innocent, she looked up from the document and gazed into the faces of Rome's leading men.
"Has something happened?" she asked naively, still playing the clueless, looking at Saturninus. The latter swallowed and exchanged a quick glance with Vespasius.
"A rumour has come to the ears of us all this morning and possibly some of the gentlemen presents are waiting for you to comment on it," Saturninus replied diplomatically, and Aurelia's eyebrow shot up instantly. Wide-eyed, she let her gaze wander over the magistrates and tilted her head. She didn't need to ask what rumour Saturninus was alluding to. Aurelia's heart began to race. One of the consuls of the past year, Gnaeus Domitius Afer, rose and finally addressed the problem directly, saying, "Everywhere in Rome we hear that you are once again in different circumstances. Will you not take a stand on these rumours?"
Her eyebrows still raised sceptically; Aurelia glanced meaningfully at her stomach. Scattered laughs could be heard from the audience, but still the situation remained extremely tense. Aurelia took a deep breath and exhaled, then nodded briefly and confirmed her new pregnancy before the Senate.
Immediately, the senate divided into two large groups. While one group was just about to shower her with congratulations, the other, slightly smaller group seemed to be at least as vocal in their disapproval that they were only now finding out.
With a jerk, Aurelia rose from her chair and instantly the entire hall was silent. Gaius' report hit the marble floor with a bang and the sound echoed off the high walls of the temple.
"I was not aware that I would have to inform the senate about such things," she replied to a touch too sternly and some of the senators began to whisper quietly to the person next to her. There was no way she was going to lose the Senate's favour. In a more measured tone, she continued, "When I was in other circumstances with my son, my husband decided the appropriate time. My husband is not here, and it seemed to me that the appropriate moment had not come until now"
To her relief, the conversation finally died down as she sincerely and earnestly returned the senators' stares. In a firm voice she admitted: "Everything I have done, am doing and will decide in the future seemed necessary to me for the stability and security of our state. I assure you, gentlemen, that it was not my intention to violate the trust you have placed in me. But it is my body, and I did not realise that I would have to inform you of my circumstance even before my husband, who so far from this temple serves Rome with his skin and hair. Here we are all in a completely new situation. But I give you my word that my present circumstance will in no way affect or interfere with my work."
Compassion flashed in the eyes of the senators as they nodded in understanding. Silence settled over the hall and that silence spread to everyone present. Their silence symbolised their agreement. Everything had been said. A wave of relief swept through her and gradually her racing heart calmed down. After a while, Aurelia gently suggested, "If that is settled, I would now like to begin the reading of the letter."
Instantly, the senators gave her their full attention. Smiling, Aurelia unrolled the report and began to read in a clear voice. The senators hung riveted to her lips like her little Julius. They were all fascinated by her husband's words and deeds.