Chapter 70 ~ Bonis ominis incipit
The flash of lightning caused such nervousness in Gaius that he would have preferred to rush home. Intuitively, he stepped out into the rain when a hand grabbed his arm and vigorously dragged him back inside the temple.
"What are you doing?" hissed Vespasian at him irritably, only managing to muffle his voice with difficulty. "In there you preach not to leave the building, but you yourself want to rush out into this storm. Damn it, have you thought for a second what would happen to your heavily pregnant wife if something happened to you?"
At the last moment he managed to prevent himself from bowing his head to his friend like a schoolboy reprimanded by his teacher. Of course, he was thinking of Aurelia, he never thought of anything else. Lightning had struck very close to his house, what if Aurelia or his sisters needed help? Thoughtfully he looked at the sky, the storm was subsiding. He could no longer see any lightning. Serenely, he turned to Vespasian and just as he was about to answer him, his friend gasped and stared past him at the forum with his mouth open. Irritated, he followed his friend's gaze and suppressed a sigh. His unease grew as the sky cracked open and the warmth of the first ray of sunlight fell on his face. Steam rose in ghostly grace from the streets of Rome and Gaius forced himself to avert his gaze. He suppressed a sarcastic reply and signalled to his still astonished friend to follow him back to the other senators. For Gaius, this vote could not pass quickly enough, so urgent was the desire to return home and see what was going on.
After what felt like an eternity, Gaius crossed his threshold and found himself in the midst of absolute chaos. Flustered slaves and slave girls scurried about the atrium, barely noticing his entrance. They were far too busy with their orders. Their faces, to his surprise, showed nothing but joy. Perhaps he was mistaken, and the lightning had not been a sign from Jupiter. Perhaps it was just an ordinary flash of lightning, part of a storm with no further meaning.
Dignified, Gaius strode through the atrium and climbed out the stairs. Out of nowhere Agrippina appeared on the landing so that he almost ran into her. Full of joy, she beamed at him and when he was with her, she embraced him effusively. Confused, he returned her embrace.
"She did it," Agrippina whispered excitedly in his ear. "Congratulations, big brother. I'm so happy for you. I have to go find Julia. We have so much to do."
Already Agrippina was rushing past him, leaving him even more confused but reassured on the landing. Amused, he made his way to his chambers. He couldn't wait to get rid of his toga. By now he was annoyed by how much it restricted his movements and for a brief moment he remembered a conversation they had had with Aurelia so long ago in Capri.
Full of enthusiasm, she jumped up from the couch and bridged the distance between them with two big steps. Curious, she reached out to him, but before her fingers touched the fabric of his toga, she paused, and Gaius had to suppress a sigh. His desire for her touch frightened him. With a jerk, she lifted her head, and he sank into the infinite depth of her sea eyes.
"May I?" she asked shyly, and Gaius nodded hastily. When her fingertips touched the fabric of his toga, a shiver ran through his body, and he almost closed his eyes. Instead, he studied her breathtakingly beautiful face in fascination and greedily sucked in her beguiling scent. Her nearness intoxicated his senses and Gaius felt himself slowly losing control.
"It is indeed a uniform that at the same time uniformises the movements," she marvelled, smiling at him thoughtfully.
"What do the men in your time wear instead of a toga?" he asked, surprising himself how calm his voice sounded. Her eyes lost their dreamy expression and fixed him seriously.
"A suit," she answered immediately. "A pair of trousers with a jacket and a shirt"
When he laughingly confessed to her that he could not imagine anything under it, she began to explain the individual terms to him with passion. Her eyes sparkled with enthusiasm.
Smiling, Gaius shook his head and drove the memory away. By now he had reached the door to his chambers and peripherally he registered that Suetonius was standing in front of it, smiling at him. Gaius gave him a friendly nod, then slipped through the open door and closed it behind him. Aurelia's girls, who seemed to be tidying up, looked up from their work and quickly left the room when they recognised him. The door to the bedroom was open and frowning, he noticed how bright and light-filled the room was. Normally Aurelia drew back the curtains when she wanted to sleep. Feeling nervous again, he entered the bedroom and the scene before him he did not understand. On her side of the bed, Aurelia sat bolt upright, her long hair flowing over her shoulder like a golden waterfall and in her arms was a small bundle hiding her long hair from him. He could not see her face either. As if sensing his presence, she lifted her head and smiled at him. Although there were deep shadows under her eyes, her face shone with love and happiness. Automatically, he came to her and sat on the edge of the bed. Still smiling, she turned her attention back to the bundle in her arms, slowly he followed her gaze and what he saw took his breath away. Lying peacefully asleep in her breath was probably the most beautiful child Gaius had ever seen. It was so tiny that he immediately felt the need to protect it. The small nose, the tiny ears, the small, finely curved lips - everything was so perfect. At that moment, the little creature opened its eyes and looked up at him curiously. The little lips twisted into a broad smile, then his eyes fell shut again and the child fell asleep snuggled close to Aurelia. Euphorically, he pressed a gentle kiss to Aurelia's forehead.
"You did it," he murmured softly, and she carefully placed the child in his arms. It was so tiny that it fit exactly on his forearm. Full of trust, the little creature nestled against him. A tiny, beautiful miracle of nature that they had both created.
"Would you like to name him Drusus?" she asked, the uncertainty in her voice making him look up from his admiring contemplation of the child. Confused, he raised an eyebrow and the blood rushed to Aurelia's cheeks. He had never been so relieved to see her blush as he was at that moment. He was so glad she was all right. After all the tragedies he had already experienced in his short life, she was bordering on a miracle. She and this perfect little boy were the best thing that had ever happened to him. Never in his life had he been so perfectly happy. For hours he had read Plato, Zeno, Epicurus and Cicero, but this was true happiness.
"Because of Drusilla?" she added uncertainly, and Gaius felt as if this question had been on her mind since Drusilla's death. Smiling, Gaius stroked his son's little head, then put his hand under Aurelia's chin and forced her to look him in the eye.
"When we name him Drusus, we are not honouring Drusilla, but my brother," he said gently. "Drusus was an idiot and he doesn't deserve us keeping his memory alive like this. Let's just follow the classic version and name our son after me"
Laughing, Aurelia rolled her eyes until her laughter suddenly died and she looked startled at the child in his arms. The little one was sleeping soundly like a rock.
"Aren't there enough men who bear the name Gaius Julius Caesar?" she interjected with a lowered voice. "Another one could possibly cause a lot of confusion among the students in the future"
Laughing softly, he stroked his son's small hand. What did he care about the problems in three hundred, a thousand or two thousand years? Still asleep, the child reached out and clawed at his finger.
"One day he will surely make his own name," he promised gently, and Aurelia surrendered.
"My little Julius," she whispered, pressing a feather-light kiss to the child's forehead.
"Our little Julius," Gaius corrected with a grin. For a while they looked at their little boy in reverent silence. Just as he was about to break the silence by asking how she was and tearing his gaze away from his sleeping son, he found that his wife was sleeping peacefully with a happy smile on her beautiful lips. Silently, Gaius contemplated the two most important people in his life and lost all sense of time over it. At some point, one of the wet nurses entered the room and asked for permission to take his son with her so that she could go about her work. With a heavy heart, Gaius placed his son in the young woman's arms and looked after them as they left the room. While he waited for his son to return, he looked at his sleeping wife. Soft footsteps announced his son's return and expectantly he tore himself away from the sight of his wife. But it was not the nurse who entered the room, but his little sister Julia. Her fair skin stood out clearly against the dark patterns of the hem of her robe. Uncertainly, she stopped on the threshold and looked back and forth between Aurelia and him. Suppressing a small sigh, Gaius rose carefully, brushed a tangled strand of hair out of Aurelia's face, then sidled up to his sister and pulled the bedroom door closed behind him. Wordlessly, Julia walked into the living area of his private chambers and dropped onto one of the couches. Immediately, Gaius pushed away the memory of how he had flung that very couch across the room a few weeks ago and sat down beside his sister.
"What's on your mind, little sister?" he asked. "Can't you be happy for me, is that it?"
Slowly she shook her head, avoiding his gaze. Nervously, her fingers drummed on her thigh. He hadn't observed this tic in her since Great-Grandmother Livia had died. Completely calm, Gaius leaned back and let one of the slaves' hands him a goblet of grape juice.
"It's not that, I couldn't," Julia whispered, ashamed. "I couldn't stand by Aurelia like Agrippina. I'm not as strong as our sister. All I saw was Drusilla. I remember running. First through the corridors and later through the rain. At one point I sank down, soaking wet, on the marble floor in front of the altar of Vesta and started praying. For an eternity I begged her to spare our family further misfortune. Suddenly, lightning struck the charcoal pool with a crash and, oh Gaius, the flame was so powerful. The next moment I heard the cry of a child and then I knew that my prayers had been answered."
Eyes wide, Julia finally met his gaze, tears shimmering in them and for a moment Gaius was at a complete loss as to how to comfort her.
"I saw the lightning," he confessed softly, and Julia blinked. "Not a minute later the storm was gone. Wouldn't this be a feast for any augur? You know I don't believe in such signs, so keep what you saw to yourself."
With a sigh, he ran his hand through his hair. His son was not yet three hours old and already his birth was almost as legendary as that of Alexander the Great. Hopefully the goddesses of fate would not have the same fate in store for Julius. For even if Gaius did not believe in prophecy, he did not doubt the power of fate and the gods. In no case did he wish for his son to die as early as Alexander or that his early death would mean the end of Rome. Before his thoughts could darken any further, the nurse entered the room with the sleeping Julius and handed him over to Gaius without a word. Curious, Julia sat up straighter and eyed the little creature.
"By the gods, Gaius!" she exclaimed a little too loudly and Julius squirmed in his sleep. Gaius gave her a punishing look. But she was too entranced by the sight of Julius to pay attention to her brother. Perhaps it was his son's destiny to captivate the whole world, Gaius thought, smiling proudly down at his son. At that moment he was relieved that Aurelia had not yet given him a daughter. For no doubt, with her beauty, she would need not only a father like him, but also a brother like Julius to protect her from all evils.
When Gaius awoke from his daydreams, the rest of his family was already gathered in the room, completely entranced by the little boy in his arms. Even Tryphaina stood a little apart and regarded his son with a thoughtful smile. At that moment, Gaius was particularly struck by her presence. In the past weeks he had caught glimpses of her at his guest banquets and of course she had paid her respects to Drusilla. But the former queen had always kept in the background. She had probably been too busy supporting her delegation of merchants. So far, she had not sought out Gaius for a confidential conversation, almost as if she had deliberately avoided him. But he sensed that this would soon change. In the way she looked at his son, Gaius could see how much Tryphaina had longed for this moment. But he was tired of waiting for her to make the first move. Perhaps, as a former queen, she didn't see herself in the position to do so either. With these peoples from the East, one could never know what social and societal ideas influenced them, because they were not completely Roman. If Aurelia could already join the dinner tonight without it costing her too much effort, he would ask her to address Tryphaina in her subtle way for him.
After a while, he heard Aurelia call out to him and carefully rose from his couch so as not to wake the little one. At that moment, Aurelia already entered the living room and looked around searchingly. When their eyes crossed, she sighed softly in relief and her face lit up with joy. She paid no attention to the other members of her family but scurried to him and made sure Julius was all right. Out of the corner of his eye, Gaius watched as all conversation fell silent and all attention turned to Aurelia. At that moment he was relieved that she had hastily thrown her silky dressing gown over the transparent tunic she usually slept in, protecting her at least a little from the prying eyes of his uncle, brothers-in-law, Sabinus and Vespasian. Her hair fell open like a golden waterfall over her shoulder as she took Julius from him and breathed a kiss on the little one's forehead. Immediately Gaius put his arm around her and was able to get at least Vespasian and Sabinus to stop staring at his wife as if she had descended straight from Olympus to them. Gaius smiled silently to himself and admitted in his thoughts that her beauty overwhelmed him every time and he understood only too well why she seemed like a goddess to the other men. Because that's exactly what she was to him, his little goddess. As if she had been listening to his thoughts, Aurelia raised her head and looked at him questioningly. Grinning, he brushed a strand of hair from her face.
"Shouldn't you be resting?" he teased her softly and she rolled her eyes - in front of her entire family. Gaius ignored his sisters' giggles. In a sugary tone, she replied, "Next time you plan to leave the room with my son while I'm asleep, leave me a message. Then I won't worry if I wake up and you have disappeared."
Amused coughs mingled with the louder giggles. They both skilfully ignored that too. Their faces were slowly losing colour.
"March to bed," he ordered her quietly and to his relief she didn't roll her eyes again. Before she could hand Julius back to him, Agrippina appeared beside her and begged her to give her the child.
"Not once has Gaius been able to give the little one away," his sister rebuked him, and Aurelia smiled wearily. Carefully she placed the new-born in her sister-in-law's arms, then quickly left the room. Concerned, Gaius looked after her and considered whether he had better follow her to make sure she was indeed resting. But then he noticed the crowd of relatives gathered around Julius and decided not to leave his son, who was being passed from one relative to another like a scroll that was particularly interesting to read.
When the little one woke up and began to whine, the wet nurse appeared out of nowhere and took the child from Vespasian without a word. Relieved, Vespasian met his gaze.
"I was beginning to think I was the only one he didn't like," his friend joked, and now that the child was gone, the volume of conversation swelled. Gaius took the opportunity to slip out of the room unnoticed. When he entered the bedroom, Aurelia was tossing and turning restlessly in bed, murmuring softly in a language that was foreign to him. Suddenly she turned to him, and he saw the tears running down her cheeks. Gaius could not remember her ever having nightmares. Immediately he was with her, calling her name softly. It took a few heartbeats for Aurelia to fight her way out of her dream images and open her eyes. Sleepily, she blinked at him. Suddenly her arms were around his neck and her trembling body pressed against him. Reassuringly, he ran his hands over her back and held her silently. At some point she broke away from him and wiped the tears from her face with her hands. Concerned, he looked at her, but she avoided his gaze and after the traces of her tears had disappeared, she stared dully at her hands lying powerlessly on her lap.
"How are you?" he asked softly. At last, she raised her head and returned his gaze.
"I'm fine," she replied automatically, and Gaius tilted his head. After a while, she added with a sigh, "I don't know. The events of today have completely overwhelmed me and I don't know what to feel. On the one hand, I am overjoyed. Our son is healthy and strong and so handsome, Gaius. But on the other hand, I am so sad. It saddens me how many people will never be able to meet our son. Somehow, I always thought that one day my father will enthusiastically teach my son how to play football and my mother will spoil the little one with her food. On days like these, I especially miss them. I try not to think about it and concentrate on all the good things that surround me. But sometimes I don't really want to succeed."
"I can understand you," Gaius confessed softly, gently cupping her face with his hands. Slowly Aurelia closed her eyes and just as she was about to say something, there was a knock at the door. Immediately Aurelia opened her eyes and at the same moment Agrippina entered the room with a violently writhing Julius. Instantly Aurelia stretched out her arms demanding to see her son and as soon as he was in her arms, the little one calmed down and fell asleep.
"He wanted to come to you so badly," Agrippina explained unnecessarily and to his delight he saw Aurelia smirk.
That evening, he could not persuade Aurelia to have dinner with him and Julius in their bed. She mumbled something about crumbs and cuddled her tiger behind the ears, who hardly left her side. She called the big cat Catulus.
"Why do you call a tiger catulus?" he asked irritably, and she tilted her head.
"Should I call him rex?" she countered pointedly, and he resisted any further comment. Still, he didn't really think the name was more appropriate for a big cat of that size. Catulus was definitely no little pussycat. But he seemed to be as enthusiastic about Julius as he was about Aurelia, and when he wasn't with Aurelia, the tiger was looking after his little son. Just as Gaius was about to ask her to seek conversation with Tryphaina tonight, his gaze fell on the dark shadows under her eyes, and he remained silent.
During the meal he did not leave her side for a moment, reassuring himself again and again that it was not taking too much of her strength. At some point Aurelia left him, annoyed, and joined his grandmother and Tryphaina. Smiling inwardly, he concentrated on his own conversation with Uncle Claudius and Sabinus.
"What were you talking about with Tryphaina and my grandmother?" he wanted to know, as soon as they had returned to the safety of their chambers. Aurelia only rolled her eyes and began to pull the needle from her hair. Soon it was flowing in gentle waves over her shoulder, but she began at the same time to braid it into a new, less severe plait. Curiously, he watched her do this simple work, which she usually had her slave girls do. After a while she looked up, lost in thought, and caught his gaze.
"Mostly about Pontos and Thrace," she replied to his pronounced question. "Have you actually confirmed her family's rule over the client kingdom yet, or are you thinking of making it a Roman province?"
Open-mouthed, he stared at her as she fixed her braid with a simple ribbon. She tilted her pretty head questioningly, immediately a strand of hair slipped out of her braid and fell into her sea-blue eyes. Once again, she had presented him with the solution without him having to ask her first. Thoughtfully, he fiddled with the folds of his toga, but gave up rather quickly and called for his slaves, who quietly unwrapped him from the fabric within a few blinks. Clad in his toga, he sank down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, lost in thought. The more he thought about it, the more certain he became that Aurelia had spotted the problem long before he had. In the past months he had been so busy procuring grain, hosting games, writing laws, attending the Senate and his private life that he had not given a thought to the many client kingdoms that ruled their lands in the name of Rome but were not really part of his empire. The concerns of the provinces had seemed more important to him. But was it worth making Thrace and Pontus provinces?
"No," he murmured as Aurelia lay down and snuggled up to him. "There's no point in annexing them. Sometimes it is better to rule indirectly."
"Then legitimise who you think most suitable for the task," Aurelia whispered wearily, and the next moment her breathing became more even. Even he lay awake for hours thinking about her words.
The next morning, he sat in his official study and studied again all the reports he had received on the political situation in the East from his governors. They were all unspectacular. That was probably why he had not paid more attention to them before.
A knock on the door made him look up from his reports. Hesiod announced his next guest. Shortly afterwards, Antonia Tryphaina entered his study and sat down quite naturally opposite him on one of the chairs. Slowly he leaned back in his chair and eyed her with polite interest.
"First of all, I would like to congratulate you once again officially on the birth of your first-born son in my capacity as envoy to my sons," Tryphaina stated without mincing words and Gaius accepted her further words of congratulation with a friendly smile.
"What can I do for you, Tryphaina?" he inquired politely and Tryphaina sat up from straighter. Every fibre of her body radiated pure confidence.
"Well, if you ask me about it like that, there is indeed a little something I would like to ask you for the good of Rome," she said kindly. Attentively Gaius listened to her passionate little speech in which she tried to convince him why he should extend her sons' rule over the client kingdoms of Thrace, Pontus and Cilicia and secure it by a new legitimation. He had already made his decision before she had come through that door.
No sooner had she finished speaking than he wordlessly slipped her one of the documents he had personally drawn up that morning. The wax had cooled hours ago. She skimmed his words with wide eyes.
"Will this document suffice, or shall I make another speech to the Senate as soon as it reconvenes?" he inquired politely, successfully hiding his amusement. Playfully calm, she shook her head and put the document back on his desk.
"That should do it," she replied, her voice sounding strangely occupied. Still smiling, he watched as Tryphaina thanked him, rose and left his study with her version of his explanation. Sometimes the task he undertook for Rome gave him great pleasure. But now he had earned himself a little time out from this all-dominant city.
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