Gaius' hair shone warmly in the soft light of the oil lamps, he gave her a wry smile over the heads of her guests, then turned all his attention back to the conversation with his uncles Claudius and Gemellus. The soft sounds the musicians elicited from their instruments blended gently with the conversations that were going on all around. It was Gemellus' last evening in Rome, and in her thoughts, Aurelia marvelled at the many faces that were now familiar to her - Gaius had only planned a small dinner with the immediate family. Yet the members of her family had not refrained from having their slaves and clients accompany her that evening. The small room felt so crowded to her, especially as they had to close all the windows overlooking the garden so that the cold winter air did not get into their bones.
At that moment, Claudius' wife Messalina joined her and said, "What a beautiful feast for such a beautiful deception."
Aurelia looked at this woman, who had been portrayed in the darkest colours by Roman historians. Her eyes twinkled jokingly, but her otherwise delicate face seemed rounder than usual, and Aurelia caught herself wondering if Messalina was already pregnant with Britannicus. Out of the corner of her eye she registered Agrippina breathing a kiss on her young son's head. Lucius was the centre of the female attention and suddenly a deep sadness came over Aurelia. Immediately Messalina noticed her change in mood and her light-heartedness also drained from her features.
"Some days I wish we could give up this game and just be a normal family," Messalina murmured, placing her hand on Aurelia's upper arm.
"What's normal at times like this?" asked Aurelia, and the corners of Messalina's mouth twitched. She sipped her goblet thoughtfully and let her gaze wander over those present. Gaius was surrounded by all the men, patting his uncle proudly on the back. Julia and Agrippina were engrossed in a conversation with their grandmother, which Clementina followed with polite interest without taking an active part. Drusilla stood on the sidelines, her gaze going blank and looking lost.
"Please excuse me," Aurelia said anxiously, gently withdrawing her arm from Messalina before unobtrusively joining Drusilla. Drusilla didn't notice her. Without a second thought, she grabbed Drusilla's wrist and gently pulled her out of the small room full of people and into a narrow, silent corridor. Even the soft music could no longer be heard. When she was sure no one had followed them, she turned to her sister-in-law and let go of her wrist, wanting her to tell her what was bothering her. Drusilla tried to put on an impenetrable mask, like the one Gaius used to wear in public. But Drusilla's eyes didn't lose that harried, lost expression that worried Aurelia even more now that Drusilla was standing right in front of her.
"I can help you," Aurelia promised gently. "If you just tell me what's bothering you"
"No one can help me," Drusilla muttered hopelessly, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face. Aurelia eyed her sister-in-law thoughtfully and waited. If there was one thing she had learned about Drusilla, it was that she had a tremendous need to communicate herself to others. Quietly, Drusilla confessed that she was pregnant and avoided her gaze. Aurelia closed her eyes and tried to recall the family tree of the Julio-Claudian dynasty in her mind. Blinking, she opened her eyes and gently inquired about her husband.
"My husband," Drusilla laughed hysterically. "Him I haven't touched in years and so now he wants a divorce. Of all times."
Reassuringly, Aurelia put her hand on Drusilla's shoulders and gave her time to calm down. Only then did she inquire as to who then could be the father. Tentatively, Drusilla raised her head and returned her gaze. Marcus Aemilius Lepidus. Just a whispered name in a dark corridor and yet a shiver ran down Aurelia's spine. Another piece of the puzzle moved into place, completing the mosaic.
"Is he married?", Aurelia wanted to know thoughtfully, although she thought she already knew the answer. Drusilla shook her head, confirming Aurelia's thoughts. Smiling, Aurelia tucked Drusilla's unruly strand of hair back into her elaborate hairstyle.

Suddenly, a hand settled on her hip and gently pulled her against a warm body. Eagerly, she sucked in his familiar scent and relaxed against him. Instantly she forgot everything else around her.
"Thank you for taking care of my sister," he murmured in her ear, his breath brushing warmly and tickling the back of her neck. Laughing, she turned to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. His sky-blue eyes sparkled like two precious stones in the dull light of the oil lamps. Automatically he put his arms around her and instantly she felt safe.
"Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia," she whispered. Instantly his eyes darkened, and he pulled her closer. A finger tapping Gaius on the shoulder burst her little bubble and reminded her that they were not alone.
"Your guests are starving, and the food cannot be served without you," Claudius admonished with mock rebuke, winking amusedly at Gaius. Gaius sighed softly as Aurelia broke away from him and grabbed her hand. Smiling, he pulled her to her seats and dinner could begin.
No sooner had the last course been carried off than Gaius gave her a meaningful look. She understood what he was thinking. What else were they going to wait for? Another time the whole family would not be together. But her gaze flitted over Gemellus, Drusilla and Messalina and somehow it didn't seem right. Happily, Gaius tried to lie up straighter, but her delicate hand pressed him unobtrusively back into the soft cushion. She was still smiling, her eyes fixed warmly on her family who were having their usual conversations. Out of the corner of her eye she watched as Gaius eyed her questioningly and as she relaxed, resting her head on his shoulder, the tension slowly drained from his body. A little later, Gaius' secretary entered Hesiod and discreetly reminded Gaius that in a few minutes Gemellus' punishment would begin. Gaius nodded expressionlessly and rose. Then he turned to Gemellus with a sad smile. Gemellus nodded, jumped off his couch and strode out of the dining room together with Gaius. Quickly, everyone present rose from their seats and followed the two through the dark corridors. Without Gaius' warmth, Aurelia began to shiver and put her arms around herself. As she stepped out into the courtyard with the others, she joined Gaius and Gemellus, who were standing next to two beautiful horses. To her surprise, another figure broke away from the crowd and swung onto one of the horses. Only now did Aurelia notice that they were already saddled.
"Don't worry about us," Gemellus implored Gaius urgently and Aurelia sensed that Gaius would have liked to retort something, the many onlookers at their backs stopping him.
"All the best," Aurelia wished, inwardly kicking herself for not being able to think of anything better than such a phrase to say goodbye. But Gemellus gave her a warm smile, then nodded to Gaius, raising his hand in farewell to his other relatives. After that, all emotion drained from his young face. Seriously, Gemellus mounted his horse and looked at the city that was the centre of their world. Demonstratively, he turned his horse and rode out into the night without turning around once more. The second rider followed him with his cloak flowing. Behind them the gate closed with such finality that tears came to Aurelia's eyes. In a few hours his ship would sail from Ostia. Hopefully Gemellus would find the peace that did not exist in Rome.
Gaius took a deep breath, then slipped his warm fingers between her cold ones and pulled her back into the warmth of the villa.

Most of the relatives were already waiting for them in the atrium. Now that Gemellus was gone, the supper was over, and they were going home.
When Gaius and Aurelia finally retired to their chambers, the past day suddenly seemed infinitely long to her. She would have liked to just drop onto her bed and fall asleep on the spot. Reluctantly, she fought her tiredness, sat down at her dressing table and began to pull the pins out of her hair.
"Why did you stop me?" asked Gaius softly and she raised her head in surprise. Their eyes met in the mirror. Slowly she took off the other earring and placed it on the table in front of her. Protectively, she placed her hand on the small bulge and bit her lower lip thoughtfully.
"For Gemellus, this was the last evening with his family, our happiness is his fall," she murmured quickly. But Gaius snorted contemptuously.
"Gemellus has realised his mistakes and is bearing the consequences for his actions. Besides, he has a very high opinion of you, I'm sure he would have been pleased," he said with little conviction. "So, what is really troubling you, my heart?"
"I don't know, Gaius," Aurelia murmured sheepishly. "Don't you think it's not the right time for this news? All Rome is already gossiping about the execution of our Praetorian captain and the banishment of your cousin, and soon Drusilla. Once Gemellus is gone, they will only flock more to you in the hope of being named your heir. I do not want our child to be mentioned in the same breath as two high traitors. For I feel our child will outshine everything and I believe we can stage the moment of announcement better than at a private dinner with the family."
He stepped thoughtfully behind her and gently placed one hand against her cheek, the other on her shoulder. Their eyes met in her reflection and a proud smile spread across his lips.
"I'm so glad I have you," he murmured and as she nestled her face against his warm palm, she closed her eyes and enjoyed the security and love that surrounded them both.
"Will you tell me what made Drusilla go off the rails like that?" he asked her softly. With a sigh, she opened her eyes and met his worried gaze in the mirror. Slowly she turned to him and began to tell him about her conversation with his sister.

The next day, Drusilla was divorced. The day after that she married Marcus Aemilius Lepidus.

The next few weeks were surprisingly the most uneventful and by far the happiest since Aurelia had been flushed into that time. In record time, everyone around her had fallen into their usual routine. When she awoke, Gaius was already in his downstairs study, listening to the affairs of his clients. After his morning salutatio, he either went to the Senate or moved his work to his private study, while at the same time Aurelia was already surrounded by his sisters and Clementina. These meetings with her friends were as varied as possible. Sometimes they went to a temple, sometimes they met for a joint wellness session at Gaius' private spa, once they even sneaked into a play dressed as simple women, and even though their activities changed constantly, the familiar conversations calmed Aurelia down a lot and, with time, the anxiety that had been building up inside her since her return to Rome subsided. The general excitement about the trial of Macro and Drusilla's change of husband also gradually began to subside. However, Aurelia only felt this calm, which was budding in all corners of the city, when Gaius was near her.

At the end of February, she received a very interesting letter from Vespasian's mother, in which Vespasia asked for her help in choosing a suitable wife for her youngest son. Actually, Aurelia had wanted to talk to Vespasian about his mother's request that same evening, but one look at Caenis was enough to make her think. Again and again, she pondered what should give her the right to interfere in Vespasian's love life. When she finally turned to Gaius that same evening, he immediately suggested his only unmarried sister, Julia, to her, triggering a heated discussion. At least Gaius did not inquire why Aurelia had so much private information about Vespasian in her original time. As dawn was already breaking, they agreed to send Flavia Domitilla an invitation and if she did not arrive in Rome within a year, they would jointly look for an alternative for Vespasian. When the new governors left for the provinces on the African continent, each of them had a strictly confidential letter to Flavia Domitilla and orders to track her down as quickly and discreetly as possible.
At the same time, Rome's rumour mill began to bubble. As the days grew longer and warmer, Aurelia registered more and more the interested glances of senators and their wives resting on her waist. Gaius had tried with all his might to find out who had passed on the information about her pregnancy, but all his enquiries came to nothing. Their staff was so loyal to them that none of them would have been capable of such treachery even under torture. At some point, Gaius had finally reluctantly given up his investigations.

On the day of the Liberia, Gaius laid a beautiful amulet for the Lares of his family on the house altar and thanked them effusively for the great favour that Liber and Liberia had granted his house. No sooner had Gaius finished his short speech than Agrippina grabbed Aurelia's arm and pulled her unobtrusively into the adjoining corridor. Julia and Drusilla were already waiting there, arms folded. Immediately Aurelia looked in vain for a way to escape. Agrippina mimicked her sisters' attitude with a smirk.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" asked Aurelia innocently, trying to control the panic that was welling up inside her. Again, the corners of Agrippina's mouth twitched.
"When were you planning to tell us that you were also expecting a child?", Julia wanted to know calmly, and Aurelia did not miss the displeasure that resonated in her friend's voice. She brushed a stray strand of hair out of her face in distress.
"Soon," she replied wearily, resisting the urge to close her eyes. Drusilla snorted indignantly, Julia frowned, while the corners of Agrippina's mouth twitched. Suddenly, a deep calm overtook Aurelia. One by one, she considered each of her sisters-in-law with a deep look before asking quietly, "What would you have done in my place?"
"I thought we were friends," Drusilla murmured sadly. Aurelia sighed deeply.
"You are my only true friends," she affirmed, "But you are also my sisters-in-law. I didn't want to deprive Gaius of the chance to tell you himself."
Slowly, understanding smiles appeared on her sisters-in-law's faces, Aurelia gave them a quick nod, then turned on her heel. Her husband was waiting in the atrium. As soon as their eyes crossed, Gaius gave her a radiant smile and extended his hand to her. Smiling, she automatically took his warm hand and willingly let him lead her out to the palanquin that would carry them together to the games that Gaius was holding in honour of the gods. The next time she saw her sisters-in-law was when they joined them in the box in the best holiday mood. Smiling, she turned her attention to the gladiators entering the arena. Hidden from the curious eyes of the spectators, she clung to Gaius' hand, which had not let go of hers once since they had left home. Reassuringly, he ran his thumb over the back of her hand, then gently untangled her fingers and rose. As he turned to the crowd and raised his hand, all conversation died, and an expectant hush fell over the arena. Out of the corner of her eye, Aurelia noticed the gladiators who had set up in front of their box and, like everyone else, turned their attention to Gaius. The latter savoured the moment of silence for a moment longer before announcing: "Citizens of Rome, as a token of gratitude for the supreme favour that Liber and Liberia have bestowed on our country, our city and our families over the past twelve months, the victorious gladiators will not only win glory and honour today but will also receive their freedom from me. May Liber and Liberia continue to be so kind to us in the future."
After he had finished, Gaius paused for a moment, waiting with a gracious smile for his words to be relayed to the people by the speakers spread throughout the tribune. When the crowd finally voiced their approval loudly, Gaius nodded to the leader of the games and sat back in his seat. Smiling, he turned to her and grasped her hand. His eyes were as wide and clear as the sky above them. But as soon as he let his gaze wander behind her, she would have liked to jump up and flee the arena. Wide-eyed, she looked at the gladiators bowing to the crowd one last time, then the fighting began. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears. Only muffled did she hear the clang of clashing weapons. The roaring in her ears grew louder. Suddenly Gaius' voice filtered through to her softly and she concentrated on understanding his words.
"Look past the cruelty," he crooned softly. "Forget the inhumanity and look at the battles through the eyes of a historian."
Slowly the roar died away. The enthusiasm of the crowd drowned out the sounds of the fighters in the arena. Calmly, she breathed in and out deeply. Leisurely, her vision cleared, and she turned her attention to the fighters. As she blocked out the excitement of the spectators, she discovered the subtleties of the fighters. Suddenly snippets of memories popped into her head of things she had read about as a child with the same enthusiasm with which the Roman people cheered their favourites. The more she observed and analysed, the more she understood the ancient system by which these fights took place. There a murmillo fought against a thraex. There a secutor against a retiarius, while another retiarius fought a scissor only a few metres away. As she watched the retiarii with their shimmering tridents and almost invisible fine nets in fascination, Gaius leaned over with a smile and whispered in her ear, "These are the kind of gladiators I came up with when I was in Capri, Tiberius was very enthusiastic about them. The two who are fighting here today are the first retiarii ever. I sincerely hope they win. They have more than earned their freedom, don't you think, beautiful?"
A shiver ran down her spine at those words. She couldn't manage more than a nod in reply, too fascinated by the gladiators fighting in the arena. She hadn't held a weapon in months, and it was indescribably thrilling to watch these men specialised in combat at work. To her relief, none of the gladiators sustained serious injuries. A few had had to leave the arena with a limp, the winners left the arena with a blissful glow on their faces, that was what a real winner's smile looked like.
Smiling, Gaius held out his hand to her and led her out of the arena with satisfaction. His Retiarii had won and could now look forward to a calmer future.

That evening they were showered with congratulations - not only for the successful games, but also for their child. The wives of the invited senators pestered Aurelia and Drusilla with questions in such a way that Aurelia would have preferred to sink into the ground. After a while she feigned a headache and slipped unobtrusively out of the dining room. In the peristyle she stopped and, enjoying the silence and fresh air, closed her eyes for a moment.
"Congratulations, my dear," murmured a voice beside her and Aurelia flinched in shock. Heart racing, she looked into the kind face of Antonia Minor, who quickly apologised for giving Aurelia such a fright.
"Sometimes I feel infinitely old," Antonia confessed, leaning against a pillar. Surprised, Aurelia remained silent.
"I have lost so many people I love," Antonia continued. "Some days it makes me wary when something beautiful happens to my family. Every loss has made me feel like we don't deserve to be happy. Germanicus and Agrippina would be bubbling over with joy and pride if they could be with us today. Gaius was always their favourite, perhaps because he was the youngest and they expected less from him than from his older brothers, of whom they were already so disappointed. But that's life. There are always moments when children disappoint their parents or parents disappoint their children. Yet nothing is more irrevocable and greater than the love that parents feel for their children. But all that is still ahead of you, I am just an old woman who lives more with the ghosts of the past than in the present."
"You'll never be just an old woman," Aurelia interjected, and the same wry grin spread across Antonia's face that Aurelia had admired countless times on Gaius when he dropped his public mask for her. Instantly Antonia looked ten years younger. For a while they both gazed silently down at their city until Antonia broke the silence, "May I give you some advice, my dear? I'm sure your mother-in-law would give you the same advice if she could."
Interested, Aurelia nodded and put her arms around herself. The air was still too cold to spend any length of time outside at night. Antonia thought for a moment and chose her next words carefully. Her tone was very empathetic.
"You will soon be unable to meet my grandson's needs for a while," she explained softly. "He is the most important man in Rome, and it is only a matter of time before other women will try to win him over. It is important that it is you who installs a woman in his bed at this time. A woman you can control"
All at once her body froze into ice. Horrified, she stared at her husband's grandmother. Had she just seriously advised her to convince her husband to commit adultery? Speechless, she struggled to compose herself. Nausea rose in her as her mind brought to her mind in the most dazzling colours what Antonia was talking about.
"Please don't get upset about it, my dear," Antonia said quickly. "It's not good for the child. Just think about it calmly."
Antonia patted her arm sympathetically, then left Aurelia alone in the cold peristyle. Aurelia would have preferred to scream or burst into tears and the last thing she wanted to do was return to the feast. For a moment she considered simply disappearing into her chambers. But she didn't want Gaius to worry about her unnecessarily. Suddenly she felt a poke in her stomach. Surprised, she expelled the air and put her hands on her stomach. There it was again, this time a tiny bit stronger than before. The child was moving. Automatically, a bright smile spread across her face.
"Don't worry," she whispered through chattering teeth to her belly. "Daddy doesn't need anyone else - just you and me. I promise."
Reluctantly, she withdrew her hands and hurried back into the warmth of the palace. She took a deep breath before entering the dining room, yet she was unprepared for the sight that met her eyes. Gaius was surrounded by beautiful women and no less attractive men who seemed to be flirting with him without restraint. Although the sight gave her a small stab in the heart, her smile did not slip for a second. As if he had sensed her approach, Gaius caught her gaze and his wry grin spread across his face. Without hesitation, Gaius left the small crowd trying to throw themselves at him and bridged the short distance between them. To her surprise, he pulled her to him and pressed his lips hard to hers in front of everyone. Aurelia felt the blood rush to her cheeks in embarrassment before his touch made her forget everything.
"I love you," she murmured breathlessly in his ear as he broke away from her, breathing heavily.
"You are my life," he panted into her ear with a grin and Aurelia blotted out the fact that he was stealing words from a glistening vampire. This story, from Gaius' point of view, would not be written for another two thousand years or so. So, it was the vampire who stole the quote from him. When their eyes crossed and his eyes gleamed darkly with desire, she felt like bursting with happiness. Gaius' crowd of sycophants who wanted to drag him to their beds had dispersed as he led her to her cot.

All evening she wrestled with whether to tell Gaius about her conversation with his grandmother. On the way back to her chambers, she feverishly considered how to begin.
"A letter has arrived for you, milord," Gaius' secretary interrupted her thoughts. When had it appeared? Gaius wordlessly took the scroll from his hand, then led Aurelia to her chambers. Nara and Belana were already waiting for her. Exhausted, she sat down at the dressing table and watched in the mirror as her girls gently washed the make-up from her face, then pulled the pins out of her hair and combed it until it spilled down her back in silky waves and shimmered around her face. In the background, Gaius was still being unwrapped from his toga. Thankfully, Aurelia wished her girls a good night, then watched in the mirror as Gaius was unwrapped from his clothes. At moments like these, she was glad she didn't have to exchange her pretty and simple clothes for his intricately folded toga. Questioningly, he returned her gaze and Aurelia winked at him jokingly. Gaius swallowed and as soon as he was wearing only his light tunic, he sent his slaves out.
The next second he was with her, stroking her hair back and covering her neck with feather-light kisses. Smiling, she closed her eyes.
"Are you playing with me?" he asked her playfully serious, and Aurelia couldn't help giggling.
"Possibly," she murmured back. She felt his lips tighten into a smile at her neck.
"I just have to read the letter quickly and then I'm all yours," he promised and let go of her. Instantly she shivered. Slowly she opened her eyes and watched him intently in the mirror. Suddenly Antonia's words came back to her mind and dampened her mood. Nervously, she ran her fingertips over the pretty glass-trimmed designs of her dressing table. Finally, she gathered all her courage and said, "Gaius, there is something I want to tell you..."
But when she lifted her eyes and noticed his expression, the words stuck in her throat. His face was pale as death. The papyrus in his hand crackled, so much was he shaking all over. Instantly she jumped up and rushed to him.
"What's wrong, dearest?" she asked worriedly, gently brushing a strand of hair from his face. Backwards, Gaius lifted his head and stared at her with wide eyes, his pupils dilated so that the beautiful blue of his irises could only be glimpsed as a narrow band. His voice was no more than a whisper: "Gemellus has married."