29th January 38 AD

Blue sparks flashed through the room, driven by the light of the setting sun, hitting walls, furniture, papyrus, clothing. One of these sparks caught Gaius' eye and made him look up. Kissed by the reddish-golden sunlight, Aurelia stood like a statue in front of the large window of his study and stared, lost in thought, at the slowly fading city. Her hair fell in soft waves over her shoulders, her almost transparent dress clung tightly to her body, accentuating the slight curve of her belly. The fingers of her right hand played nervously with her wedding ring; a habit Gaius always observed in his wife when she was thinking. The same unconscious gesture he had seen his mother make countless times. Surely his mother would have loved Aurelia as her own daughter.
In the next moment, Gaius put aside his father's stylus, rose, bridged the few steps that separated them and wrapped Aurelia in his arms. But she was so deep in her thoughts that she did not seem to notice him at all.
"What are you thinking about, beautiful?" he murmured in her ear, and she flinched, startled. Then she automatically put her arms on his, which held her gently at the waist, and began to draw patterns on his forearms, lost in thought.
"About tomorrow," she replied simply, and he sighed deeply, waiting for her to continue. But she remained silent. After a while he gently probed and she murmured softly, "I'm worried about Gemellus. What if they sentence him to death?"
Gaius pulled her closer and gently kissed her hair.
"They won't sentence him to death," he said softly, hoping she would miss the doubt in his voice. "He is guilty, but he is still part of our family. Besides, I have forgiven him publicly. Much more likely they will send him into exile and if not, he will surely beg me for mercy, and I will change his punishment to banishment."
Aurelia nodded and her body relaxed a little. Silently they looked over the city and watched the sun set. Was banishment any more merciful than a quick death by the sword?
"Will we help him when the time comes?" she asked wearily, as if she had heard his thoughts. Perhaps he had been thinking aloud too. As a precaution, he asked again what exactly she was going to help Gemellus with. Aurelia snorted, as if it were so obvious. But then again, maybe it really was obvious to her. When he had asked her a few days ago what sentence would have been imposed on Macro in her time, she had only laughed and said that they would probably have put him in prison for twenty-five years. At first Gaius had thought her answer was a joke and laughed with her. Then she abruptly became serious and explained to him that both torture and capital punishment had been abolished in her time - at least in her country, and at that she wrinkled her nose as if any country that held on to these methods in her time was barbaric and backward. Perhaps it was. Perhaps it was a sign of impotence and abuse of power towards the subjects of a state when that state could end the lives of its subjects. But they were not living in 2019 AD - whoever that Christ was supposed to be. They were not living in a republic or a proper monarchy. They lived in a Rome that needed political stability more than anything else. As long as Gemellus lived, he posed a threat that could unbalance Rome. If Tiberius were still in Gaius' place, Gemellus would have burned to a pile of ashes long ago.
"The wording of the law provides, in the case of banishment, that the banished person is denied access to water and fire within a certain radius of Rome, my dear," Gaius explained gloomily. "Anyone who will help Gemellus is thereby committing a criminal offence."
Again, Aurelia snorted contemptuously. Suddenly she spun around and took his face in her hands. A new gleam came into her eyes.
"Then we won't give him fire or water," she murmured urgently, a mischievous smile spreading across her face. At that moment, Gaius realised once again that this beautiful woman in his arms was the answer to all his questions and prayers. Even if all of Rome was whispering and gossiping about her behind their backs, they should still talk. In all his life, no woman before her had touched him in this way and no other would ever be able to. There was only her. They were two halves of a whole - like the spherical men in Plato and Aristophanes. How could anyone think he could ever lose interest in her.
Automatically, his features conspiratorially mirrored her expression. He tilted his head slightly and her warm breath brushed seductively across his face. Gently, he traced the contours of her neck with his fingertips, and he registered with satisfaction how her pulse quickened instantly under his fingers, her body instantly clinging to him and her eyes darkening with desire. She was his as much as he was hers. Irrevocably eternal.
That night he didn't sleep a single second. Normally, after a while, he would have carefully detached himself from Aurelia, slipped out of bed and burrowed into his work or a reading until she woke up and admonished him to finally come back to bed or his mind had grown tired enough for him to find sleep. But that night Gaius was afraid of going completely mad when he no longer felt her warm, soft body against his and her divine scent no longer rose to his nose. Her steady breaths set the rhythm for his heart and kept it from lashing out in panic like a frightened horse. Aurora stalked slowly and inexorably towards them. If only he knew what would happen before nightfall the next night. Again, and again his mind showed him all the events, decisions and consequences for his family and him. If only he knew what scenario would occur. Then he could plan and gain control of the situation. But he had relinquished control when he almost drove Gemellus to suicide in his desire for safety. For Gaius knew that his own need for peace and safety was still stronger than his reason. His fear clouded his mind, playing with him like a cat with a mouse, driving him mercilessly before him. He was not strong enough to resist the temptation. At least not alone.
Instead of looking for a distraction, he held Aurelia close and stared blindly up at the ceiling while his thoughts spun in circles.
"You did the right thing," a sleepy voice whispered softly in his ear. Caught, he flinched and jerkily turned his head towards her. Sleepily, she propped herself up on her elbow, rubbed her eyes and returned his gaze seriously. Only the pale light of the moon gleamed softly on her face. Guilt flashed through him like lightning. She should sleep, her body needed all her strength.
"Go back to sleep, dearest," he urged her instantly. Next, he assured her that he was fine. But Aurelia only snorted contemptuously and rolled her eyes. How could he blame her when he didn't believe himself?
"I really believe you made the right decision - for you, for your family, for us, for Rome," she said seriously, and her gaze became so intense that Gaius could no longer withstand it and stared at the ceiling again, ashamed. Why hadn't any of his predecessors had a fresco put up there?
"How can you be so sure?" he asked quietly into the silence and closed his eyes. A rustling sound told him that Aurelia had shifted her weight on the mattress and the next moment he felt her small, cool hand against his cheek.
"I just know," Aurelia's voice murmured emotionlessly and much closer than he had expected. Surprised, he opened his eyes and sank into hers. In the moonlight they looked like two silvery shimmering oceans. Automatically, he buried a hand in her hair and pulled her closer. His troubled heart longed to believe her words, but his mind was not so easily convinced. He had spent too many hours thinking of her lifeless body with lacklustre eyes as a consequence of his own incompetence and powerlessness. He wanted her to continue speaking, to explain what she had learned about him in her own time, but she remained silent.
"Tell me what you have read about me," he pleaded with her, and her face mirrored her inner struggle. A tear escaped her eye, flitted down her cheek and landed silently on the pillow beside his head.
"Nothing I've read about you, Gaius," she declared passionately. "Because you are different, your lives run differently. I don't know why, but this person I've read about, it's not you. Caligula made choices that ultimately destroyed him. In each of those situations, you chose differently than he did. You are Gaius, my Gaius. There is no Caligula and I swear to all the gods, I will never allow you to be like him."
Then she collapsed on top of him, clawing at him, sobbing and crying as he held her and hid her face in her hair. Only after a while did he realise that he was crying silently into her hair. Slowly Aurelia became calmer, and her body relaxed. But Gaius clung to her and tried to form a clear thought. He knew why Aurelia knew other, dark stories about him and there could only be one reason: In this other time or other world or dimension or whatever you could call it, she did not exist. Without them, the attack would probably have succeeded, and then what? Would he have met the same unworthy death as his father, or would he have survived the attack?
Somehow this knowledge gave him comfort. Gaius closed his eyes, and his thoughts relaxed a little. He listened attentively to Aurelia's regular breaths, and he fell into a strange twilight state between waking and sleeping.

"You look terrible," Agrippina greeted Gaius coldly, nervously tugging at her clothes. Aurelia only rolled her eyes and quickly steered the conversation to a more innocuous topic. But Gaius only listened to the two women with one ear while the rest of his family slowly arrived in the atrium. Followed by Julia, Drusilla came down the stairs yawning, despite all the make-up, the bags under her eyes were almost as deep as his own and Gaius wondered where she had been roaming the previous night. At some point he would have to lock her up for her own safety before she seriously injured herself on one of her nightly forays. When was she going to grow up and get a bit more serious like his other two sisters? But just as he was about to call her on it, Gemellus appeared at the top of the stairs and all the half-hearted conversation fell silent. Politely, Gemellus greeted those present and quickly joined them. Only a few steps behind him, a woman detached herself from the shadows. At first Gaius had taken her for a common slave, but then he caught a glimpse of the attractive face and recognised its wearer.
"I wanted to give them the opportunity to come clean with each other," Aurelia whispered softly to him and placed a hand reassuringly on his arm under the fabric of his toga so that the gesture remained hidden. Gaius' gaze quickly flitted over the faces of those present, but to all the rest his true feelings were hidden. Relief flooded through him, and he nodded gratefully to Aurelia. But she had already taken her hand off his arm again and was engrossed in a conversation with his sisters. Gaius calmly strolled over to Gemellus and inquired about his health. Gemellus laughed dryly.
"Better than I expected," he replied quietly, eyeing the small gathering of their family and various senators, who stood together in groups and talked quietly. They were silent for a while.
"Somehow it's strange," Gemellus continued. "My mother always told me to watch out for you because if I don't, you will kill me. But if I should die today, I alone am to blame for my death. It was my choices that brought me here and whatever the judges will decide, it comforts me to know that the sentence was not ordered by you."
Attentively Gaius listened to him and was amazed to find no sign of resentment or bitterness in his cousin's words.
"I sincerely hope it will not come to that," Gaius replied, patting Gemellus on the shoulder in a friendly manner. Quietly, Gemellus thanked him, and Gaius imperceptibly raised an eyebrow.
"I thank you for sending Persia to me last night," Gemellus continued in a hushed voice. Gaius felt a knowing smile spread across his lips.
"That was Aurelia, not me," Gaius returned. "If you want to thank anyone, thank her. I didn't know anything about it until just now."
Gemellus' gaze automatically drifted to Aurelia, who was still conversing in hushed tones with Gaius' sisters and eyed her thoughtfully.
"She really is a remarkable woman," Gemellus murmured more to himself. Then he quickly checked again to see if anyone was eavesdropping on their conversation and continued a little louder, "Everyone underestimated her. When you suddenly disappeared and reappeared a few days later with her as your fiancée, everyone thought it wouldn't be long, as usual, before you got tired of her and turned to someone else. But it's not going to happen like that, is it? She's all you need."
Before Gaius could reply, Suetonius joined them and saluted. Then he declared loudly enough for all present to hear him that all was now ready to depart. Suddenly he had a sinking feeling in his stomach and the next moment Aurelia appeared at his side followed by Clemens.
"Are you ready?" she whispered, placing her hand unobtrusively on his arm. Suddenly his nausea vanished. Gemellus nodded at them, then headed confidently for the exit.
"Let's go," Gaius murmured, pulling Aurelia with him out into the streets of Rome bathed in bright sunlight.

The way to the basilica and the rest of the trial rushed past Gaius as if in a dream. He only caught fragments of what was happening, while Aurelia did not leave his side for a moment. Only when the judges asked Gemellus again whether he really wanted to forego his own trial did Gaius awaken from his trance. His cousin rose calmly and declared: "If you wish to try me in a separate trial, then I will bow to your will, honourable judges. In view of the fact that this man is the only witness against me who can testify, I would ask you not to do so. This man has threatened my family for too long. If my victim is protecting my family and this state, then I will gladly forego my own trial. Guilty either way I am."
The chief justice nodded, then turned to his colleagues. Together they turned their backs on those present and quietly took counsel. With nervousness, Aurelia's leg began to vibrate next to him and he would have liked to put his hand on her knee soothingly, but with that small gesture he would have betrayed to all present the tension that was almost robbing his wife and him of their sanity. After what seemed an eternity, the judges took up their original positions. Macro leaned back in the dock and winked conspiratorially at Aurelia. But she had eyes only for Gemellus, who sat serious and candlelit beside the former Praetorian prefect. For the first time in his life, the young man's face did not betray a single emotion. His face was an impenetrable mask, and he did not even bother to act out any emotion for the audience. Gemellus was blank and ready for whatever the judges would inflict on him.
The chief justice rose to pronounce the sentence. His colleagues did the same. The whispering of the people in the packed basilica fell silent. The chief justice cleared his throat quietly, then announced in a loud voice: "Quintus Naevius Sutorius Macro, you have been found guilty of high treason by this court. We hereby deprive you of your civil rights and sentence you to death by strangulation. Your body shall be displayed on the Gemonian Steps once the sentence has been carried out. You have the right to appeal to the People's Assembly."
Macro laughed in amusement as members of the cohortes urbanae, vigiles, emerged from the shadows and joined him. Snorting, Macro assured them that he recognised this verdict. Immediately Gaius relaxed a little, the men were under his city prefect, Quintus Sanquinius Maximus, and they would never obey the order of another - unless the order came directly from Gaius. When the chief magistrate turned his attention to Gemellus, Gaius' wave of relief abruptly ebbed.
"Tiberius Gemellus, you too are guilty of high treason in the eyes of this court," the chief justice announced, and Gaius reached for his wife's hand. He closed his eyes in agony as the chief justice continued, "As punishment, we deprive you of your civil rights and you shall be denied access to water and fire within 400 miles of our city. Do you recognise this sentence, or will you appeal to the People's Assembly?"
Gemellus stared open-mouthed at the judges, but after a second, he composed himself and calmly declared that he accepted the sentence. The chief judge nodded and declared that the ban would begin at sunrise the next day. The vigiles seized the laughing Macro and dragged him with them to the carcer, where the sentence was to be handed down immediately. The crowd followed them and shouted insults at Macro. Suetonius appeared next to Gemellus and took him outside unnoticed through the side exit. A palanquin was already waiting for them there, which took them directly to the palace. Suddenly Uncle Claudius appeared next to Aurelia and snapped Gaius out of his thoughts.
"Come," his uncle urged them both. "We must be on the spot for the execution of the sentence."
Immediately all colour drained from Aurelia's face. Quickly Gaius stood up and pulled her with him. How he would love to reassure her that she could just go home like so many other women. But he needed her. Frightened, she clung to him and seemed not to notice Agrippina taking her other hand and Clemens joining them with her cousins Vespasian and Sabinus. Silent and pale, she followed Claudius.
Amused, Macro, bound and surrounded by guards, stood before the open trapdoor in the Carcer awaiting their arrival. His gaze wandered over the assembled. There was no sign of Ennia.
"It seems the time for last words is now," Macro said quietly, turning to Agrippina.
"Take good care of yourself. You know our souls are the same," he advised her, "Be smarter than me and survive."
For quite a while he showered the rest with ridicule and contemptuous advice, which none of them even considered seriously. When his gaze lingered on Aurelia, Gaius' insides tightened convulsively.
"I underestimated you," Macro confessed quietly to Aurelia, whose face became strangely expressionless. "That was the mistake that brought me down. Ennia sensed from the start that you would be a threat to my plans. But to me you were nothing more than one of many pretty faces who had just attracted the flighty attention of my princeps. Only now am I beginning to realise who you really are."
Briefly, Macro gave her an admiring smile, then turned to Gaius with these words, "I am not the first nor will I be the last to try to replace you. Be always on your guard. You will never be able to trust anyone."
Macro nodded gracefully to the group, then jumped through the hatch and disappeared from their sight. Concerned, Gaius turned his gaze to Aurelia. Trembling, she stood beside him, staring at the hole in the floor from which Macro's joking voice drifted up to them.
"Don't look," Gaius whispered in her ear, pulling her close. Like a drowning woman, she clung to him, burying her face against his chest, and automatically he placed his hands protectively over her ears. Reassuringly, he rested his chin on her head and cast sombre glances at the others present. No one paid any attention to her. Each of them seemed to retreat into their own little world at that moment. As a voice from the floor announced the execution of the sentence, Gaius and Claudius leaned forward, barely perceptible, and peered fleetingly into the sparsely lit light. When his gaze fell on Macro's wide-open eyes, Gaius had only one thought: at last, this haunting was over. He quickly released Aurelia's ears, grabbed her hand and pulled her with him out of the dark and damp carcer back into the warm light of the sun, which was shining unusually brightly over Rome for this time of year. Perhaps it only seemed so bright and hot to him after he had left this dreadful place.

It was only in her chambers that she regained her speech. Every now and then Gaius thought he heard the cheers of the people and closed his eyes.
"At least Gemellus gets a chance to say goodbye," Aurelia said, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face.
"Is it really over?" she asked, staring blankly out the window. At first Gaius wanted to contradict her. Gemellus would always be a threat as long as he lived. But just as he was about to open his mouth, he remembered her despair in the Carcer and swallowed the darkest thoughts. Slowly he stepped up to her and placed his hand on the small bulge of her belly.
"It's over," he assured her, losing himself in her sea-blue eyes. "We are safe."
In her eyes he read what he was thinking. They would never be safe.