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The first thing Rain remembered when he woke up was what he had said to Jude about Aura.

His heart started racing. It pounded even harder when he glanced at the clock on the nightstand and realized Aura was supposed to be at preschool half an hour ago.

He had messed up. Everything.

Rain jumped out of bed. He was still in yesterday's clothes. Although he remembered his conversation with Jude and even the slap Jude had given him (which he more than deserved), he had no idea how he had gotten home.

He rushed out of the bedroom, ready to dash into Aura's room, but stopped short. Jude was standing in the kitchen by the sink, washing something. He completely ignored Rain.

Rain moved cautiously. He peeked into Aura's room, but it was empty. "Aura?" he called to Jude.

"I took her to preschool," Jude replied simply, not looking up.

"Jude—"

"Don't talk to me," Jude snapped. "As soon as I finish cleaning this up, I'm leaving. I don't want to talk to you right now."

Rain approached the kitchen island and saw what Jude was washing—Aura's child-sized dishes. That meant Jude had made her breakfast, probably just cleaning up so he could leave without exchanging a single word. Rain's waking up had ruined that plan.

"I'm sorry," Rain said quietly. "I remember what I said to you last night. And I really regret it. I didn't mean it, I was drunk and emotionally exhausted—"

Jude finally looked up at him and turned off the water. "I don't care that you were drunk. That you were grieving, even though you had every right to. That's not the point. What you said about Aura is something you should never say. Under any circumstances. Imagine if she had heard you."

Rain felt the guilt eating him alive. He wished Jude could see how deeply it hurt him. Of course Jude was right. Of course Rain deserved the slap he got last night; he deserved a dozen more. He'd been drunk, grieving, and knew that sober he would never have said anything like that. Aura was the most precious thing in his life. But there was no excuse. He couldn't take it back. He had said it. And Jude had heard it.

Rain didn't reply. Jude wasn't finished.

"I couldn't figure out why Aura acts differently around you than she does with me or at preschool. But now I think I understand."

"No, Jude, that's not true," Rain immediately defended himself. "This has nothing to do with what I said, because I've never blamed her for Caroline's death. Really, I haven't. So if you're trying to say I've neglected her upbringing or something like that, you're wrong."

Jude placed the last plate on the drying rack. "I don't know if I can trust you," he said. "After last night, I really don't."

"I'm sorry for how I treated you last night. And even more sorry for what I said. As for—"

"Why am I babysitting Aura so much?" Jude interrupted sharply. "What are you doing on the nights I watch her? You said no one watched her before me. So what is it?"

Rain hesitated, knowing Jude wouldn't like the answer. But lying would be worse, so he told the truth: "The first time you babysat, I went out with someone. It was a disaster, so I came back early. The other nights... I go out drinking. Alone."

Jude let out a bitter laugh. "Great, so—"

"Before you say anything," Rain cut him off this time, "I've never put Aura in danger. I have one or two drinks, just to unwind. I talk to strangers who don't know I had a kid at nineteen, because that's the end of the conversation if they do. People are judgmental. It calms me, even though I know it's not right."

"I've been babysitting Aura more and more often," Jude murmured.

"What?"

He looked up. "I'm watching her more and more. You're drinking more and more. Do you think that's okay?"

Rain closed his eyes. He had made so many mistakes in his life, and he knew it. This was a big one, something he couldn't just stop doing overnight. "I'm not drinking more often. It was just hard because Caroline's birthday was coming up. Every year, it's hard for me. But it's over now."

"You're right," Jude nodded. "It's over now because you've lost your babysitter. I'm not watching Aura so you can go out drinking when you should be home spending time with her," he said firmly and walked out. Jude's things were already packed in the hallway.

Rain panicked slightly. He couldn't let Jude leave with such a terrible impression of him. Yes, he had screwed up—Jude was right again—and what he was doing wasn't right. But Aura was his everything. He needed Jude to understand that.

"Jude, Jude, Jude," Rain called, rushing after him and grabbing his arm to stop him. Jude shrugged his hand off.

"Leave me alone."

"I'm not trying to make you stay. And you can think whatever you want about me, but I can't let you leave thinking I don't love Aura or that I blame her for Caroline's death. I swear that's not true. What I said last night was complete nonsense, and I regret it more than you can imagine. Yes, it was hard when Aura was born, but I was excited for her. We both couldn't wait, even though we knew we were too young. Caroline's death shook me, but I never did anything that wasn't good for Aura. She's my everything."

Jude stared at him with a blank expression. "I don't doubt that you love her, I've seen it," he said slowly. "And fine, you don't blame her for her mother's death. Okay. But think about what you're doing. Show her that love more. And it doesn't change the fact that I'm angry. For Aura. Someone has to be, because she didn't deserve this."

Jude turned on his heel and went to the hallway to grab his things. Rain swallowed hard. "Thank you for taking care of her this morning."

"Yeah," Jude replied vaguely and slammed the door behind him.

Rain leaned against the wall. Only then did he realize how much his head hurt, but he didn't care. His heart hurt more.

All morning, he couldn't do anything but think about Aura and how he had hurt her. Even though she hadn't heard him, it didn't change how he felt.

When he picked her up from preschool that afternoon, a chill ran down his spine when he saw her, saw her smile as she said goodbye to her friends. Jude was right—how could he have ever said what he did?

The teacher walked Aura over to him. Rain crouched down and pulled her into a bear hug. He held her for several seconds, almost crying. Aura looked confused.

When he let her go, he picked up a bouquet he had left on the bench. "Let's go visit Mommy, okay?"

Aura knew she didn't have a mom. That her mom was watching over her from heaven—at least, that's how Rain's mother had explained it. But he had never taken her to the cemetery because he thought it wasn't good for her. But her mom had a birthday yesterday. And as Jude had said, he should have spent it with his daughter instead.

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