How had I gotten roped into yet another group gathering with the bunch of people I least wanted to see in the world?

This was the question I repeatedly asked myself on the metro while heading towards Palace Square the next day. By the end of the seven-minute commute, all I had to show for my thoughts was a burgeoning headache.

Nik had somehow manipulated me into agreeing to come – I had deduced sometime during the tossing and turning in bed the previous night. He was good. Even Ansel, my closest friend for the past three years and the one person I would say now understood me better than most, couldn't have done pushed my buttons the way Nik had.

Grumbling to myself, I checked the time before stepping onto the escalator. It was ten thirty, half an hour past the meeting time Nik had set. With any luck, everyone should have been there for a while and gotten sick enough of each other that I wouldn't have to stay long.

The cold blast of wind that hit me in the face caused me to flinch as I emerged from the underground station. Despite it being a Sunday, the place was buzzing with activity like I had predicted. The place wasn't called 'Palace Square' for nothing. True to its name, the New Palace stood on the southern edge of the square, a landmark that many tourists and locals alike gravitated towards. The palace had been built in the late Baroque style and had once, in the second half of the nineteenth century, housed the kings of the state. Now, the building was being used as the office headquarters of the State Ministries of Finance and Education.

The statue that Nik had said we were meeting at was actually more of a column on which Condordia – the goddess of harmony – stood. The column was located right smack in the middle of the Palace Square, towering at three times the height of the palace itself. The fact that he had called it a statue made me wonder if he had forgotten more than number of bank holidays we celebrated here.

I came to a stop at the railing that the management had set up to discourage vandalism by bored teens. Glancing around for familiar faces, I saw that there were none. I wondered, with a little relief, if they had gotten sick of waiting and decided they didn't want me there after all. Resolving to leave if I couldn't find anyone within the next five minutes, I scanned the crowds absently, looking over the sparsely scattered groups of couples and tourists, some of them bravely sitting on the cold hard ground that had long ago been part of the palace gardens but was now more of a park open to the public. In a month or two, when spring came, these grass patches would make for perfect picnic spots. During our school days, this place had been our usual hangout. Some of our best memories as a group had been made lying on the grass at Palace Square. Ansel and I still came here sometimes, but the place would never again be as special as it had back then. Perhaps we had outgrown it.

I saw Nik before he did me. He was sitting on the ledge of one of the two water fountains placed on either sides of the statue, staring into the distance as if searching the crowds for someone. His windswept dark-blond hair suggested that he'd been waiting for a while, sitting out there in the cold and fully exposed to the bitter wind. His long, jean-clad legs hung down so that part of his shoes touched the ground below, where he would occasionally tap his heel against the base of the fountain as if nervous about something.

My heart turned over. Sitting there like this, he looked so incredibly attractive, so incredibly... him.

I couldn't do this.

I had only managed a step back the way I had come before he caught sight of me. His eyes lit up and he jumped off his seat on the ledge and headed for me. Stifling a sigh, I moved forward to meet him halfway.

"Hi," he greeted me when we were within hearing distance of each other. His voice was pitched below the volume I knew he usually spoke at, as if he was afraid he would scare me off if he raised his voice.

"Hi," I replied, frowning a little. I had been deliberately late, assuming that the half-hour time lapse would give the others plenty of time to reach before I did, so that I wouldn't have to spend time alone with any of them. "Nobody else here yet?"

He shoved his gloveless hands into the pockets of his jeans, smiling faintly at me. "Nope."

"That's strange," I muttered, half under my breath. Unless they had all changed drastically in the last three years, I was sure none of the others had the habit of being late. I also knew for certain that Ansel was never late. He was the type more likely to be a half-hour early than a minute late. Now I was wishing I had texted Ansel to ascertain his whereabouts before exiting the station.

"Maybe they're caught in traffic," Nik offered, a little too innocently.

"On Sunday?" I stared at him in disbelief. He had been the one to bring up the shop closures on Sunday first, so he couldn't have forgotten. "And anyway, they're probably taking the metro. What traffic is there to get caught in?"

He shrugged, like he didn't much care. "Train broke down?"

I continued to stare at him sceptically. I had just come from the station; I would have heard if there had been a breakdown. "Where's Ansel?" I asked. "You guys didn't come together?"

He shrugged again. I was starting to realise that he was as likely to give me a proper answer as a rock was to provide water when wrung. "Look, let's go sit and wait for them," he suggested. He started to reach for me, before changing his mind mid-motion and shoving his hand back into his pocket. Then he turned and walked headed in the direction of the fountain, glancing back to see if I was behind him.

Left with no option but to follow, I did.

He was back on the fountain ledge by the time I reached him. Seeing my hesitation, he tapped the empty spot right next to me. "Sit."

"I'm fine standing, thanks," I said a little stiffly.

He ignored me, patting the ledge again. "Oh, come on. I promise you won't get cooties." There was a dry tinge to his tone, like I had hurt him with my rejection and he was trying to cover it up.

I sat down, making sure to leave a three-inch gap between us.

Nik's brow creased into a frown but almost immediately smoothed out again. He tapped his fingers against a jean-clad thigh without seeming to notice what he was doing. "So... How have you been?" he asked.

I shot him a side-glance that told him, without words, what I thought of his small talk. We had just seen each other less than twenty-four hours ago. "Fine," I replied grudgingly.

"I meant," he laughed a little, having caught my sceptical look, "you know, over the last few years. What have you been up to?"

Great. This sounded like the beginnings of one of those personal conversations I had been striving to avoid. "Not much," I said.

He wasn't daunted by my lack of response. "How's your thesis going? Are you graduating soon?"

"Probably in a few months. I'm still working on it, but it's slowly coming together." Then I pulled my coat tighter around myself, wondering why I was giving him details.

"That's great," he said. His fingers had moved to curl around the edge of the ledge. He looked down at the ground for a moment, like he was trying to think of something to say, before looking back at me. "Have you started sending out the job applications yet?"

"You know," I said, "you working people are all the same."

"Oh?"

"Everyone keeps asking me the same question lately. 'Are you looking for a job?' 'What are your career plans?' Well, I don't know! Let me finish my thesis in peace first!"

Then I subsided as I realised who I was talking to. Nik was watching me with bright eyes, trying not to smile.

"Weren't you going into teaching?"

"Yeah. Maybe. Probably."

He chuckled. "Which one is it?"

"I'm on the teaching track," I said, shrugging and looking away. "But I don't know if it's what I really want to do for the rest of my life."

I didn't know why I had told him that. I hadn't even shared my doubts with Ansel. But Ansel wouldn't have understood. He had always wanted to be a lawyer. Everyone else – parents, professors, coursemates – with whom I'd even begun to raise the question had pretty much said the same thing: it will all work out eventually.

At this point, that wasn't what I needed to hear.

"I know exactly what you mean," Nik murmured, in a tone that sounded surprisingly like regret.

I jerked in surprise. I hadn't expected him to agree.

"You... don't want to work in finance?" I asked hesitantly.

Nik's gaze flickered away for a moment. "I don't know," he said with a shrug. "But it's a good job, and finance computing fits my major. It's the logical step to take."

"Sometimes life isn't about what's logical or just good," I said softly, before I could stop myself. It was a topic I felt strongly about. "What about... passion? Finding a job you love?"

He cast his gaze downward. One side of his mouth had twisted, as if he had swallowed a particularly bitter pill. "Sometimes just good has to be enough. We can't always get everything we want."

I shoved at him, hard, on the shoulder. Of course my strength wasn't enough to do more than surprise him, but he did turn to stare at me. "You're too young to be so jaded," I chided. "What about your dream? You can't tell me you don't have a dream job."

A spark of emotion came and went in his eyes as he looked at me. His mouth flattened into an unhappy line. "No," he said shortly. "I don't."

There was a heaviness in the air that made me feel like I had said something wrong.

Nik stared out into the distance, thinking about something, clenching and unclenching his teeth all without moving his jaw. I knew of his struggle for control only because I was watching the muscles at the side of his face flex. Finally, when he had gotten over whatever it was that had been bothering him, he spoke.

"So," he began challengingly, "you believe that people should fight for what they love?"

It felt like I was putting my foot in my mouth here, but I agreed reluctantly. "Yes." Then I added, as a caveat, "Within reason, of course."

He settled back slightly, smiling a smile so small, it was barely there. "Good."

It didn't seem like he was going to say anything else, and I found myself forgetting my vow to avoid conversation in an attempt to dispel the lingering shadows in his eyes.

"So what exactly do you do with a degree in Computer Engineering?" I tried to recall what I had known of his university life overseas, but the memories eluded me. I had tried to block out everything to do with him for the past few years and my mind was resisting opening up that Pandora's Box again.

"Computer Science," he corrected.

"Well, what's the difference?"

He studied my disgruntled expression, then let out a light chuckle. "I won't bore you with the details. But mostly I work with information systems and data analysis, rather than the hardware stuff that computer engineers usually do."

"Ah," I said, nodding. "I get it."

He smiled at me.

I turned my gaze onto the crowd of people sitting on the steps in front of the building on the opposite side of the Square – aptly named King's Building – so I wouldn't have to look at his smile. It was worse when he smiled like that – just a straightforward smile that turned the sides of his mouth up and crinkled the corners of his eyes. He looked so boyishly happy that it made my heart jump. I almost wished he would go back to flashing one of his mysterious half-smiles – at least those I could harden my heart against.

"Where are the others?" I asked, fidgeting with my phone. "How can they all be so late? Did they mix up the time or something?"

Nik coughed. "Maybe it's because I told them the wrong time."

I leapt up. "What?"

"I told them we were meeting at eleven," he said with that signature half-smile of his, the one that should have told me from the start that he was up to no good.

"I'm leaving," I declared, turning to do just that.

His hand snaked out to grab mine. I was so startled by his touch that I stood rooted to the spot, and he made use of my momentary stupefaction to tug me back.

"Don't go."

I snatched my hand out of his, even though I did sit back down on the fountain ledge. I wrapped my arms around myself, slipping the hand he had touched into my coat. It was still tingling.

"Why...?" I let my question trail off. I didn't know what I was asking, exactly – why had he lied to the others about the time? Or why shouldn't I leave?

"Because I want to spend time with you," he replied baldly.

Not having expected such a straightforward answer, I was at a loss for words. The old Nik, the one I had known four years ago – or even before we'd broken up three years ago – would have never revealed his feelings like that.

I sat in silence, twirling my phone round and round in one hand.

"Tamy," Nik said softly. It was the first time he had called me by name since we'd met again two nights ago. I didn't dare to look at him.

"Hm?" I made a noncommittal noise, not tearing my eyes off the ground, where I was inspecting a particularly interesting spot of dirt.

There was a slight pause, then I heard him sigh. "About what happened between us... I–"

But I didn't get to find out what he thought about what had happened between us, because in the next instant I heard someone else call my name from a distance. I turned eagerly in the direction of the source of distraction, squinting to make out the figure heading towards us.

It was Ansel.

I glanced at my phone screen – ten fifty-three. As per his habit, he had arrived earlier than the scheduled time. I sent him a quick mental wave of gratitude.

Nik blew out an exasperated breath. I turned back and saw that his eyes had fluttered shut for a brief moment, like he was trying to control his reaction, before he opened them again and smiled wryly. "Ansel. Figures."

I jumped down from where I'd been seated beside Nik on the ledge and nervously bounced on the heels of my feet until Ansel reached us.

"You're early," Ansel said to me, a little questioningly. He had probably guessed that I would have come late and was wondering at my presence.

I glanced fleetingly at Nik. He was still sitting on the ledge, listening in on our conversation while trying to appear uninterested. "There was a mix up about the time," I said.

"Really," Ansel said, in a flat tone that sounded like he had already put two and two together. He cast Nik a look, "You didn't tell me when you were leaving."

"I didn't know you needed me to hold your hand on the way here," Nik replied, a tinge of sarcasm colouring his words. It was the first sign of overt emotion he had shown towards Ansel since his return.

They were almost physically facing off against each other, even though Nik was still sitting on the fountain ledge and Ansel was standing diagonally across from him. Nik was leaning back slightly in his seated position, cocking a challenging look at Ansel. Ansel, for his part, was at an advantage to stare Nik down from his elevated height. And both had their arms crossed over their chests. I felt the charged hostility in the air and knew defence could very well shift into offence in a second.

I tugged on Ansel's sleeve to get his attention. "Ansel."

"What?" Ansel responded, even though his eyes were still fixed on Nik.

"I, um..." My mind was drawing a blank. All I knew was that I needed to break up the situation. "I need to talk to you." A glance at Nik now told me his gaze had darkened further.

Ansel suddenly smiled, in a way that reflected no mirth. I liked to call this smile of his the 'lawyer smile' – it was a smile that said he had found his opponent's weakness and would exploit it for all it was worth. He turned to me fully, uncrossing his arms to touch me lightly on the shoulder. "Sure. Let's go somewhere more private."

"Don't mind me," Nik said in freezing tones, his voice almost as cold as the wind whipping at my face.

Ansel barely flicked Nik a glance before throwing his arm over my shoulders and ushering me towards one of the grass patches a little way from the fountain.

"Why did you say it like that?" I lamented, when we were out of earshot. "Now he's going to think–" I abruptly cut myself off.

"Why do you care what he thinks?" Ansel was watching me with sharp eyes.

"I don't," I muttered. I looked down at my shoes and realised I was scuffing the tip of one against the dirt. I stilled my restless foot by stepping on it with my other foot so that I wouldn't be tempted to fidget.

"You didn't really have anything to say to me, did you?" Ansel asked shrewdly. It was uncanny, the way he could sometimes figure out my thoughts with nothing more than one glance.

"You two looked like you were one barbed comment away from punching the lights out of each other," I admitted.

"It wouldn't have come to that."

"Tell that to all the testosterone in the air that I almost choked on," I said flatly.

Ansel smiled at me, a real smile this time. "Don't worry, I wouldn't cause a scene. I'll just wait till we get home before I punch him."

"Ansel!" I balled up a fist and hit him in the chest.

He laughed at my meagre attempt to hurt him. Then he grew serious, "He tricked you into coming early, didn't he?"

I pursed up my lips and didn't reply.

"How did he even get you to agree to come for another one of these things?"

"Good question," I muttered.

"Be careful," Ansel said quietly. "He's up to something."

After all of Nadine's accusations and Wolf's warning-off, it felt good that someone was looking out for me. I stepped forward and gave him a quick, impulsive hug. "Thanks."

Ansel was staring at me oddly when I pulled away. I had never been much of the touchy-feely type. "What was that for?"

I scrunched up my nose at him and started walking backwards, in the direction of the fountain. "Nothing."

"You're going to bump into someone," he warned laughingly, watching movements with warm brown eyes.

I stuck out my tongue at him – and that was when I did bump into somebody. Whirling around, I exclaimed, "Sorry!"

The teenaged girl I had bumped into shot me an unfriendly look before tugging the hood of her coat lower over her face and walking off without a word. I was left staring in her wake, feeling vaguely annoyed by her rudeness.

Ansel was smirking as he fell into step with me. "Told you."

I glared at him. "Oh, shut up."

Now that I was facing in the right direction, I saw that Nadine had arrived in the time Ansel and I had been talking. Nik had gotten to his feet and was deep in conversation with her, even though he had positioned himself in a way convenient for sneaking quick glances in our direction every so often. Nadine looked like she hadn't noticed his distracted manner and was chattering away brightly, gesturing with her hands as if telling a particularly interesting story.

"Do you think she's still in love with him?" The question was out of my mouth before I could think the better of it.

Ansel was also looking at the two of them, standing slightly apart, by the fountain. "Maybe," he said slowly. "But he's not interested. Never has been."

That last sentence had startled me. "Really?"

Ansel shot me a quick look. "You don't need me to tell you that."

I was silent.

"Tamy," Ansel said, "it's better to stay away from him."

"I'm trying," I responded in a low voice, just before we entered into earshot of Nik and Nadine. Ansel didn't say anything more.

Neither Nik nor Nadine acknowledged our reappearance. We stopped a short distance away from them, leaving them to their conversation. I didn't really care, nor had I any desire to find out, what they were talking about.

"Well, this is fun," Ansel muttered under his breath.

I chuckled at the annoyed look on his face.

Time ticked past as we stood around waiting for Lux and Wolf. Eventually, even Nadine ran out of drivel to spout and fell silent. Nik was no help either – he was still standing by the fountain, scraping the side of his shoe against the base absently, seemingly deep in thought about something.

I was just as determinedly staring down at my phone, practically watching the minutes pass. The time display had just changed to 11:06 when Lux and Wolf arrived in a flurry of activity.

"Sorry we're late!" Lux wheezed, bending over a little to catch her breath. Wolf strolled up behind her at a much slower pace. "We came straight from church."

Nadine was staring at Wolf. "Really? Church?"

Wolf shrugged.

"We go to Mass together every week," Lux explained.

"Every week," Ansel echoed. It was his turn to stare disbelieving at Wolf. "Really?"

From both Nadine and Ansel's reactions, it seemed that nobody had known Wolf was such the frequent churchgoer. Only Nik looked unsurprised – or maybe he didn't really care. He slowly looked at all of us in turn before he spoke, "You know, if I had to guess, I'd say you guys were complete strangers. You don't seem to know much about each other's lives."

Nadine fought to control the flash of alarm that had spread across her face at Nik's comment. She opened her mouth but apparently couldn't think of anything to say, because she just stood there gaping stupidly.

"Jeez," I heard myself say, "what are we, conjoined twins? Nobody knows everything about anyone else's life."

Everyone turned to look at me with varying degrees of astonishment.

I was too busy berating myself inwardly to feel self-conscious. Why the hell had I said that?

Lux snorted and flipped her long curls over her shoulders. "Some of us know more than others," she said.

Nadine shot her a warning look.

Nik was watching us with the little half-smile that was becoming quite familiar to me. Every time I saw it, the niggling feeling within me grew stronger. He definitely knew more than he was letting on. Why he didn't expose the whole charade, though, I didn't know.

Then again, I was equally guilty of that crime. I stuffed both hands into the pockets of my coat, determined not to say anything else.

"Let's sit down," Wolf said, breaking the awkward silence.

"On the hard, cold ground?" Lux wrinkled her nose. "Um, no."

"Let's just sit at the fountain," Nik suggested in response.

"What's with your obsession with fountains?" Lux asked, but she was already turning towards the fountain.

Nik, who hadn't moved a step away from the side of the fountain since Nadine's arrival, sat back down in his original spot. "I don't know," he said with a shrug. "They're pretty cool, aren't they?" He glanced at me when he said this, but I looked away.

It wasn't that Nik was obsessed with all fountains. This fountain at Palace Square – this exact one to the right of the column – was special. A little over five years ago, I had come out to meet him at this very fountain one night. He had been acting weird all day, staring into space and not responding to any of the conversations going on around him. When school had let out, he had pulled me aside.

"Meet me at the fountain at Palace Square at ten," he'd whispered hastily. I hadn't understood why he had been so antsy then, but in hindsight, he had probably wanted to give me the message before any of the others had come looking.

"Why?" I'd asked him naively. "Are we spray-painting something again? Because after that last time–"

"No," he had cut me off, glancing around furtively, "just come, all right?"

"What about the others? Do you want me to tell them?"

"No!" He had looked exasperated. "Look just... come at ten, okay? I'll tell the others."

"Um... Okay," I'd replied, confused by all the secrecy.

He hadn't invited the others.

I had turned up by the fountain at ten to just him and the rose petals scattered across the surface of the water in the fountain. There were a group of older teenagers sitting on the benches nearby, laughing amongst themselves and glancing over at Nik every so often.

"Wow," had been the first out of my mouth as I'd stared at the petals bobbing prettily in the fountain. The few streetlights in the distance had cast an orange tinge on both the water and the petals. It had all looked surreal and almost... romantic. "What's this? It looks amazing."

Nik had come to stand beside me. "You like it?"

"I love it!" I'd exclaimed, turning to grin at him. "Wait – did you do this?"

"Yeah." He had been watching me closely, as if trying to read the emotions off my face.

"Awesome," I had said. I had stood looking at the fountain for a little while longer, completely absorbed in the way the water droplets glistened off the rose petals. When I next turned back to Nik, it had been to ask him where the others had been. The words on my tongue had dried up at his expression.

He had whisked out a slightly wilted rose from somewhere – which he had pressed into my hand when I'd turned to face him. He cleared his throat. "Uh... I like you," he'd said very quickly, the words so jumbled together that I'd blinked uncomprehendingly at him at first.

"What..." I'd gaped at him like a fish out of water.

"I like you," he'd repeated. I hadn't been sure, in the dim light, if the dark tinge to his skin had been a red flush creeping up his neck. "I, uh... Do you... What do you think... about me?" he had run out of courage somewhere in between and ended up mumbling the last few words.

My heart had been going into overdrive with every word he stuttered out. I'd clutched at the rose and stared up at him. "I..."

The truth was, his confession had caught me off-guard. We had been spending a lot of time alone lately, and I'd begun to notice that sometimes the things he'd said, or done, or even his smile had had the ability to make something inside me grow warm. But did that mean anything special? I had never experienced any sort of romantic feelings of any sort before. The only points of reference I'd had thus far had come from romantic movies or books, and those had always talked about 'sparks' and 'love at first sight'. All the heroines I had seen or read about had just seemed to know when the time had come. But all I had felt then had been confusion, like my feelings had been balls of yarn that had suddenly unravelled and had now been pooled at my feet, hopelessly entangled.

"I don't know," I'd said finally.

He had cast his glance downward, biting his lip and frowning. I had reached out and touched his arm, unable to bear seeing him so dejected.

"It's not that I don't..." I'd trailed off, frustrated at my inability to express myself. "I think... I don't know what this feeling I have for you is."

"You feel something for me?" His countenance had grown hopeful again.

"I..." I had felt embarrassed all of a sudden. "I don't know. I... like being with you."

"More than anybody else?" he'd asked, a glimmer of his usual playfulness coming back into his eyes.

I hadn't known if he'd been teasing me, but I'd ducked my head, feeling like I had been betraying Lux when I'd said, "Yes."

He had smiled at that. Then he'd reached out and grasped my hand in his. "Give me a chance to show you how good we can be together," he had whispered.

The warmth of his grip had sparked feelings in me that I hadn't been able to identify. The only thing I'd known was that I hadn't been able to look away. "Okay," I'd whispered back.

His grin could've lighted up the entire night. "You'll see," he had said confidently. "I'll make you fall in love with me."

Out of the corner of my eye, I could feel Nik watching me now, proving that his thoughts had indeed gone back to the same place mine had. My eyes slid sideways to meet his of their own accord. Our gazes clashed for a split second, in which he must've seen the remembered devastation in mine, because his gaze darkened and dropped away.

Snatching my own gaze away, I followed Ansel back to the fountain and sat down next to him on the ledge. Ansel leaned down to whisper to me, "You okay?"

"Yeah," I whispered back, but my mouth had gone dry.

The past was in the past. I had to remember that.

The others took their seats. Wolf sat down on Ansel's left and Nadine stood nearby, seeming to consider her options. On the one hand, she didn't want to sit with me, but she was also well aware that shunning me in any way would look suspicious to Nik. Her indecision proved to be her downfall, however, because Nik took the choice out of her hands when he took his seat – right next to me. Something within me trembled when Nik sat down beside me, even though he had left a bit of a space between us. He glanced at me, as if to gauge my reaction, but I refused to look directly at him.

Before I could think of a way to shift myself away without appearing too obvious, Lux unceremoniously plopped down in between us. She wriggled a little, forcing me to squeeze closer into Ansel's side to make space for her. Then she shot me a triumphant glance before turning her back on me, effectively cutting me out of whatever conversation she would be having with Nik.

I really couldn't care less. I fiddled with my phone and replied to a message one of my friends from university had sent me, then stared at the unresponsive screen. After a moment, I shoved the phone back into my coat and switched to studying the laces on my sneakers. There were patches of dirt blending in with the white. I would have to wash them soon.

Then I kicked my legs to and fro and wondered why I didn't just pretend to recall an important function and leave.

Beside me, I could hear Lux ask Nik about his career plans. I looked over Lux's shoulder to see if he would turn moody like he had done earlier, but he just laughed and said, "I have an interview with Commerzbank tomorrow. If that doesn't work out, I'll probably try another bank."

"You're going into finance?" Lux asked, rubbing her hands together like she could already see the banknotes pooling around him. "That's awesome. You're going to be rich! You'll never have to worry about money."

Nik's return smile was a little less cheerful and a little more concerned. He bent lower to look at Lux in the eye. "Hey... Is everything going all right?" He had lowered his voice as if speaking of a secret only the two of them were privy to.

"Everything's fine," Lux said brightly. "You don't have to worry about me."

I saw Nadine eyeing Lux speculatively from the other side of Nik. "What are you guys talking about?" she asked sweetly.

"None of your business," said Lux, turning her face away from Nadine.

Interesting, I thought. Nik and Lux had a secret that even Nadine didn't know about. Nik had really gotten a lot closer to Lux over the past few years. Had this shared secret brought them closer together?

The hard look in Nadine's eyes told me she was asking herself the same question, but she managed to smile and grit out, "Fair enough, if you don't want to tell me."

Nik was looking between the girls with his habitual half-smile. "Is everything all right between you two?"

"Of course," Nadine rushed to say, fixing Lux with a look. "Just peachy."

Lux snorted but didn't say anything to contradict her.

Tired of witnessing Nadine's two-faced behaviour, I tuned into the conversation between Wolf and Ansel, on the other side of me.

"Most cases don't usually go to trial," Ansel was telling Wolf. "An out-of-court settlement is usually enough to please both parties."

"But not for this one?"

Ansel shook his head. "No settlement. This one's going to trial."

"Both parties unwilling to compromise?"

"Something like that. Because of the media coverage, it's more about image, really. Whoever backs down first, loses in the eyes of the public."

Wolf thought a little about this, then said, "You must see the worst sides of people in that line of work, huh?"

Ansel laughed, looking surprised. "I've never thought of it that way, but I guess you're right."

Ansel was kind of a chameleon, I mused. I rarely ever saw this serious side of him, even though I had known all along that it existed. Seeing him talk to Wolf about work in all seriousness had only served to highlight the contrast between the way he acted with Wolf and the way he acted around me. With me, he had always been more of a playful, brotherly figure.

Then again, he wasn't the only one who had multiple sides to his personality. Didn't everyone? Even between the six of us, we all acted differently towards one another.

We were all chameleons, in a way. In fact, who was to say which side of a person's personality was the true one? Maybe there was no one true personality; maybe all of them were just different facets that made up the complex individuals that we each were. And that just proved there was no way of knowing what someone was really like, no matter how long you knew each other. There would always be at least one side of their personality that was hidden from you.

I looked down at my shoes again, my own thoughts starting to depress me.

Ansel nudged me. "Hey." He was peering down at me with concerned brown eyes. "Are you okay?"

I smiled bemusedly at him. "Stop asking me that."

"You're being strangely quiet."

"There's no one to talk to," I shrugged.

He gave me an odd look. "I'm here."

"You were talking to Wolf," I pointed out. I looked over to see what Wolf was doing, and saw that he was watching us. I ducked my head, not wanting to sound like I was jealous for attention, "And that's fine. I mean... I don't mind just sitting here."

"We could leave," Ansel suggested.

"I..." I didn't know how to respond to that. I could've – should have – left any time before this. Why hadn't I?

Ansel was studying my face. "Why did you agree to come, Tamy?" he asked suddenly.

I didn't want to have this conversation with Wolf – and who knew who else – listening in. "I don't know." I jumped up from the ledge, suddenly restless. My movement caused the rest of the group to look at me. "I'm hungry. I'll go buy something to eat."

Nik stood up, "I'll go with you."

I opened my mouth to object, but Ansel got there faster. "I'll go too, I skipped breakfast today."

Nadine was on her feet as well. "Why don't we all go?" she suggested, even though I could tell she wasn't happy about it.

I sat back down abruptly. "Why don't you all go then? I'll just wait here."

"Weren't you the one who wanted food in the first place?" Nadine asked, displeasure edging her tone.

"Girls are such fickle creatures," Lux commented sarcastically.

"You're a girl too," Ansel deadpanned.

I didn't need to see Nik's lips flatten to know that he was annoyed. But his voice, when he spoke, was as calm as ever. "I'll go and buy something for everyone. You guys can stay."

"I'll go with you," Wolf offered quietly.

Nik nodded his acquiescence before zeroing in on me. "Anything in particular that you want, Tamy?"

I should have offered to go with him out of sheer courtesy, but I didn't want to land myself in another situation where I was being forced to recall the past. "Anything's fine," I said instead. "Whatever's most convenient."

"Most places aren't open today," Nadine voiced what I was thinking. "You'd be lucky to find something."

"Try that little café between the pizza store and the supermarket down on Red Pipe Road," Ansel said. "They're usually open, even on Sundays."

Nik looked surprised by his suggestion. "Right," he said, "thanks."

Ansel didn't reply.

After Nik and Wolf had left, the remainder of us sat unmoving, not even bothering to look at each other. I sat with my hands in my lap, turning them palm-up to observe the mess of lines etched onto my palm. I wondered what a palm reader would say about my destiny.

Then Ansel broke the silence.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think he leaves us alone so much on purpose," he drawled.

That got Nadine's attention immediately.

"Why?" she snapped, managing to sound both annoyed and nervous at once. "Did you tell him something?"

"What is your obsession with keeping this a secret from him?" Lux scoffed. "So we can't stand each other. So what?"

"Don't you want to spend time with him?" Nadine asked. The aggravated tone hadn't yet left her voice. "Meeting up with him is easier as a group."

Lux cast her an odd look. "Um, no?" Her voice was flat. "I could just call him up for coffee any time. And everyone knows that group outings are harder to organise, duh."

"So I'll ask you again." Nadine lifted her chin in a gesture of challenge, "Why don't you tell him, then? That way, you'd get your alone time with Nik, won't you?" This last part was said in a sneer.

"Don't think I won't!" Lux tossed her head and glowered at Nadine fiercely. "I'm not that sentimental about the 'good old days'," here she lifted her fingers to form air-quotes, "like the rest of you are."

"If you ask me," I spoke up now, "nothing is going to change even if he finds out. He already knows something."

"Nobody asked you," Lux said nastily.

"Did you tell him?" Nadine demanded, making the word 'you' sound like a dirty one.

I shrugged. "Believe what you want. That's what you've been doing all along, haven't you?"

The glare Nadine shot at me could have flat-lined the heartbeat of a small animal.

We lapsed into another silence, one that lasted until Nik and Wolf returned. Lux ran to meet them when they were still so far away, they looked barely taller than the length of my hand when I held it up in front of me and squinted.

"What are you doing?" Nadine snapped.

I ignored her, but retracted my hand, folding both arms across my chest.

Ansel cast me an amused glance. He had long gotten used to these strange little things I would do sometimes.

When Nik and Wolf returned, with Lux dancing around them like an over-eager puppy, Nik raised the large paper bag he was holding. "Lunch."

"What did you get?" Nadine asked.

"Sandwiches," Nik revealed, pulling the top of the bag open. He took one out as if to illustrate his point.

"Me first!" Lux demanded shamelessly. She held out her hand, palm facing up. Nik plopped a wrapped sandwich into it, chuckling at her audacity. Lux sat back down beside me to nibble at her food. She had always had the eating habits of a rabbit.

Nadine opened her mouth as she took her sandwich from Nik, but he pre-empted her question by reassuring her, "Don't worry about it. This one's on me."

"Thanks," Nadine said brightly, slowly peeling back the wrapping on her sandwich.

Wolf had already reached into the bag to get his own while Nik had been talking to Nadine, so Ansel was next. Nik handed the sandwich over wordlessly, and Ansel took it with a nod of unspoken thanks.

I was, as usual, the last. Nik's fingers brushed against my palm when he handed me my sandwich. I held myself still instead of flinching at his touch like I would've done had he not been watching me knowingly.

"Thanks," I muttered, more to the sandwich than to Nik. He didn't move away like I had expected him to – just stood there in front of me, waiting for something.

Ignoring his continued presence, I focused on unwrapping the sandwich. I was halfway through the act when it occurred to me that he might still be towering over me for a more valid reason than being plain contradictory.

"Um," I placed the sandwich in my lap to reach for my purse, "How much...?"

"No, it's fine," Nik started to say, but I shoved a five-euro note at him before he could finish his sentence. He pushed it back, stepping away from me for a good measure. "It's fine," he repeated.

For some inexplicable reason, it had suddenly become very important to me that I didn't owe him anything.

I stood up to try to hand him the money again, completely forgetting that I had a half-unwrapped sandwich balanced in my lap. By the time I felt something brush against my knee on its way down, it was too late. The sandwich fell to the ground noiselessly, but I could hear the plop of my own heart as I saw my lunch splatter all around my feet. Sighing, I stooped to gather up the pieces of my ruined meal.

Nik was suddenly beside me, handing me an empty paper bag. "Put it in here," he said quietly. After I had done so, he took the bag from me gently, pressing his own sandwich into my hand without a word. Then he straightened and headed for the nearest bin a few feet.

Lux jumped up and stomped a few steps away, as if she could no longer stand to be in the vicinity of me. "Disgusting," I heard her mutter to herself.

I was left sitting with a crumpled five-euro note in my right hand and Nik's sandwich in my left. I could sense, rather than see, Ansel looking at me. He knew what I was about to do.

"Missing lunch isn't going to kill him," he said in a low voice.

"It wouldn't have killed me either," I pointed out.

I pocketed the money, stood up and walked over to Nik. He had disposed of the ruined sandwiched and was simply standing there for a moment, staring at the bin, probably lamenting the loss of his lunch like I had done just a few minutes ago.

"Here," I said, holding out half of the sandwich – the half still in its wrap.

He stared at me, surprised. Then his eyes lowered to take in the half of his sandwich in my hand.

"I split it through the wrapping," I said, "I haven't touched it at all."

The look he gave me suggested how unnecessary he found my explanation. "It's okay," he said, hands still in pockets, making no move to accept my offering, "I'm not that hungry, anyway."

"Take it before I drop it again," I said drily.

He finally took it with a laugh. "Thanks."

We stood staring at each other after that; two people each holding one half of a sandwich, not eating, not moving, not speaking – just struggling to breathe even while this one never-ending gaze threatened to pull us both in.

I looked away first. "Yeah, well... I'll just..." Leaving the sentence hanging, I turned back in the direction of the fountain, clutching my half of the sandwich.

The others were making no secret of watching us. Judging from the range of their expressions, they weren't even trying to conceal their collective disapproval. Wolf had the mildest reaction of them all, but even he was looking at us – me – with a gaze of censure.

"They're all trying to keep us apart, huh?" Nik commented.

So he had noticed. It would've been a little hard not to, considering how obvious Nadine and Lux had acted from the moment he had gotten off the train.

"Can you blame them?" I asked, already in the process of lengthening the distance between us. He followed me and in a few steps totally eradicated the progress I had made.

I'd meant it as a rhetorical question, but Nik answered in all seriousness. "Yes," he said, his voice turning brusque, "I can. It's none of their business what happens between us."

I scoffed. They had long since made it their business when they had chosen sides three years ago. "Nothing is going to happen, so that's a moot point," I said.

"Don't be so sure," Nik murmured, the only thing he had time to say before we reached the fountain and Lux and Nadine descended upon him.

I headed straight for Ansel. "I'm so ready to leave," I told him, even as I plopped back down next to him. I was exhausted. Being around the group – around Nik in particular – was utterly draining.

Biting into my half of the sandwich, I watched through my peripheral sight to see Lux offering Nik part of her sandwich. He rejected it with a smile, tousling her hair with his free hand and earning him a glare from her. Nadine had already finished hers, and as such had nothing to offer.

"Let's go, then," Ansel told me.

I glanced at the time on my phone. It had barely been an hour since Lux and Wolf had arrived.

Ansel saw my hesitation and said shrewdly, "You don't want to leave, do you?"

"Of course I do." But I mumbled this mostly to my sandwich. I didn't understand the storm of indecision raging inside me. What was wrong with me? I should've been jumping at the chance to get out of this unwanted situation.

I should never have shown up to welcome Nik home that night. One meeting had turned into two, then three; pretty soon I would be seeing him every day and the ghost of the past would descend to haunt me again, just when I thought I had escaped it.

Panic took over my body and I had jumped to my feet even before my mind had fully processed the action. "I've got to go."

I saw Nadine's lips move as she muttered something under her breath. Her sour expression told me that there was a high chance of it being derogatory and directed at me.

Nik looked at me for a moment. I saw something brewing in his gaze, something that I looked away from to avoid identifying.

"Me too," Ansel said, "I've got work to do."

To my surprise, Lux spoke up too, looking apologetically at Nik. "I have to go too. It's my friend's birthday and we're having the party at my place. I have to go set up."

"Let's hang out another time, then," Nik said, shoving his hands into his pockets. His eyes drifted over to meet mine, but I looked away. I wouldn't be suckered into yet another meet-up. I wasn't going to fall for his passive-aggressive tactics again.

"We can stay," Nadine said, turning to Wolf expectantly. "Right, Wolf?"

Wolf shrugged. "Sure."

"Where do you live?" Nik asked Wolf. "We can go to your place."

"On Alexander Street," Wolf said. I mentally went through the train routes and breathed a sigh of relief. I wouldn't have to suffer through the same train journey they were taking.

"How did you get here?" Nik asked.

"I took the metro." After a pause, when it became apparent that Nik was waiting for details, Wolf elaborated, "The U5."

"I'm taking the metro too!" Lux chirped, her voice brimming with satisfaction. "We can walk to the station together."

"Great," Nik said, "let's go." He looked at the rest of us before his gaze landed on me, "What about you?"

"Yeah," I said. "I'm going to the station, too."

"I'm walking," Ansel said. My head swivelled around to fix a glare on him. He was leaving me alone with them?

Payback, he mouthed, smirking at the displeasure I was sure was etched on my face.

Go to hell, I mouthed back.

Chuckling, Ansel left with a light wave. I turned back, noticing that the rest had already set off without me. Only Nik was looking over his shoulder to make sure I hadn't decided to leave with Ansel, after all.

I almost wished I had done that.

I didn't bother quickening my footsteps to catch up with them. Why bother? It wasn't like I was going to join in their conversation. Lux and Nadine, as usual, were monopolising Nik's attention, which left Wolf walking silently alone to the side.

I'd had enough of alone time with Wolf for the time being.

I eventually caught up with them at the Palace Square Station platform. The digital signboard they were crowded under proclaimed soundlessly that the U5 train would be a seven-minute wait.

"My train's on the opposite platform," I said, with a large dose of relief that I wouldn't have to stand around with them, "I'll just... be going then."

Nadine was smirking. I didn't realise why until she turned to Lux, "Aren't you two going the same way?"

Lux's mouth was turned down in a pout. I almost thought she was going to lie and take a detour just to avoid being alone with me, but she replied, "Yeah."

"See you around," Nik said quietly. His statement was directed at the both of us, but he was staring straight at me.

I shrugged, uncomfortable under his piercing gaze. I wasn't going to tell him that this would likely be the last time I'd ever have to see him, if I could help it. "Yeah, see you."

Almost subconsciously, I found my eyes roving over him, taking in everything about him. That dark-blond hair, those bright blue eyes, the slightly changed yet still familiar way in which he stood, the set of his features... I swallowed and turned away. "Bye."

Lux didn't follow me immediately. I had already walked up the connecting flight of stairs and made it to the opposite side of the tracks before she meandered over. The trip over took her seven minutes exactly, because I saw the U5 train pull up just as she appeared.

Lux turned back to me once the train at the opposite platform had pulled away. "I'll get on the next train," she decreed, in a voice pitched louder so that she could be heard over the rattle of metal against metal, "and you get on the one after that."

"Why the hell should I wait an extra sixteen minutes for the next train?"

"Well, I don't want to take the same train you're on," Lux said.

I sneered at her. "Oh, that's real mature."

Lux leaned up and bared her teeth in my face. "Like you're one to talk."

"Why don't we deal with this the grown-up way," I said, stressing the last few words pointedly, "and just get on the train at different ends so we don't have to see each other for the rest of the trip?" When she didn't respond – probably privately agreeing with the idea but unwilling to give me credit for it – I tacked on, "I'll stay here, and you can board somewhere else."

"Why should I move?" Lux folded her arms across her chest and stood her ground. "You should be the one to move."

"You're such a fucking brat," I said in disgust.

"At least I'm not a heartless bitch juggling two guys at once," Lux came back with this rejoinder rather smugly. I had the feeling she had been waiting a while to use this as ammunition. "Must feel good, doesn't it?"

Knowing a trap when I heard one, I stayed mute, even though the aforementioned 'heartless bitch' part of me was clawing to get out and spit some choice words in her direction.

Thwarted of her chance for a snarky comeback, Lux harrumphed and answered the unspoken question. "Having two guys fighting over you."

At that, I had to speak in my own defence. "They're not fighting over me."

"Oh?" Lux raised a perfectly groomed, golden eyebrow disbelievingly. "Could've fooled me."

"Their issues have nothing to do with me," I declared, but I could've been speaking in Latin for all the impact my words had on her.

"Nik's a great guy," Lux said, tossing her golden curls over her shoulder as she somehow managed to look down her nose at me even though she was shorter. "He doesn't deserve what you did to him."

"You know nothing about my relationship with him," I snapped. I was sick of all these people barging in and telling me off like they had all the right to. All they had were their own assumptions and blind prejudices.

Lux scoffed. She could really act like such an upper-class society brat when she wanted to. If I hadn't grown up next door to her, I would've had trouble believing she'd grown up in anything other than the lap of riches – she had the haughty disdain down pat. "I know enough to know that you are the reason he never came back, not once, to visit over the last four years."

I couldn't believe my ears. She was blaming me for something entirely out of my control. Besides, what did it say for her theory that Nik was back now? "That's stupid," I said, with a reflection of the scorn she was regarding me with. "You're wrong. Anyway, isn't he back now?"

"Oh, please." She rolled her eyes as if dealing with a particularly thick child. "I think it's pretty obvious what–" here she shot me a disdainful look– "he came back for."

"What?" I asked innocently, knowing my reaction would send her temper skyrocketing.

"Don't play dumb!" She turned her back on me. I thought, naively, that this would be the end of the matter. Then I realised this was Lux we were talking about – nothing really ever ended when it came to her, especially not before she got the last word in.

"You get everything," she snapped after a minute of blessed silence, like the thought had just occurred to her and had irritated her so much that she'd had to voice her displeasure or burst from holding it in. "People bend over backwards to please you, even when you treat them like shit!"

I stared at her in pure disbelief. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Hadn't I lost all my friends three years ago? Nik had been the one everyone had flocked to.

He still was.

"It was disgusting," she said fiercely, "seeing how nice Nik was to you today, even after the way you treated him."

"I never asked him to do anything for me." And that was the truth.

"But he does it anyway. Don't you even feel guilty?"

"What for?" I sniped. Guilt would suggest that I had done something wrong, which I hadn't.

"Everything." She stressed the word, then shook her head and made a moue of disgust. "Forget it, why do I even bother? You only ever think about yourself."

"Look at the pot calling the kettle black."

Lux didn't even try to rebut that. She knew she was selfish. "At least I care about Nik's feelings," she huffed instead.

I let out a harsh bark of laughter. "Why are you so obsessed with how I treat Nik, anyway? What, do you want me to get back together with him or something?"

Lux was rendered speechless by my facetious question. But Lux was never speechless for long. She rounded on me with a fierce snarl, "Don't you dare–"

"–hurt Nik, yadda yadda," I intoned flatly. "Yeah, yeah, save your breath. Wolf's already warned me off."

Surprise flitted across her features – what, hadn't they conspired beforehand to decide on ways to protect their beloved Nik from the big, bad Tamy?

"Well," she decreed after a pause, pushing her nose into the air. "He's right. Stay away from Nik."

"Don't worry," I drawled. "I'll be sure to stalk him just to piss you off."

Lux growled a little under her breath. "I can't stand you!"

"The feeling's mutual," I reassured her.

"I hope you fall onto the tracks and get run over by the train!" Her voice had steadily risen throughout our conversation and I saw several people nearby turn to stare. The sight of such a pretty, dainty girl shouting such vicious words had probably come as a shock to their sensibilities.

I cast a despairing glance upwards, even though all that met my gaze was the ceiling of the underground station rather than the endless grey skies that were characteristic of this time of the year. "Do you always have to be so unpleasant?"

"Only to the people who deserve it."

"And who are you to decide who does or does not deserve it?" I demanded.

Lux rolled her eyes so hard that there was a moment when I thought her eyeballs would get stuck. "Oh, just... shut up!" Stamping her foot twice like she was so angry she couldn't help it, she turned her back on me and flounced away.

Good riddance, I thought.

But as I watched her – Lux, the girl who had, too long ago, been my best friend in the world – stomp away, the triumph I had expected to feel from winning this latest argument was strangely absent.

***