ii) august sipped away like a bottle of wine

red wine trickles from the corners of my blood ruby mouth, merlot lipstick stains imprinted on the rim of crystal wineglasses as i try to make sense of the muddled thoughts that whir past my inebriated mind. i topple over, as the crystal glass crashes to the floor with a resonant cacophony. my hand clasps for the bottle as my throat aches for the rich fruity taste of red wine to burn through my pharynx, because i don't know how to live without burning myself away for others.

its 11:11 pm, and the only things my lips have kissed are wine bottles and cigarettes. broken glass shards and half burnt cigarette blunts litter the scarlet stained marble floor, i could bury myself amongst the serrated piles of fiery heartbreak just so that i could wince in the pain of being alive because its been months and my glacial heart has forgotten what's warmth.you could cut my rotting flesh with whetted silver scalpels and i would still rejoice in the warmth of your hands touching the frigid landscape of my body.

kaleidoscopic memories blitz past me— us wrapped in cream bedsheets, our limbs a tangled mess of bones and skin; you inhaling my strawberry frosting moisturizer whenever you brought your lips to my mocha skin; us screaming to guns n roses songs in your sage green convertible with the wind in my hair and the taste of summer blooming on my lips. i wonder if you ever reminisce in the dewy glow of our honey coated sunflower memories, because there hasn't been a single day where my heart hasn't ached for your scalding touch and scorching presence.

i can't help but bleed and ache and yearn for you because my heart doesn't know what to do without you, it can't bear to feel empty again like the walls of this house haunted by the ghosts of my heartbreaks. maybe i never even cross your mind, maybe i was just a menial thing to you— a breezy summer fling, beautiful and burning but meant to extinguish because i will forever remain the girl who could melt her heart in cast it into pretty moulds for others yet never be enough. maybe i was never yours to begin with.