"Sasha told me you were scared yesterday."

"Oh. Mm-hm. We were."

Paulie had seemed a bit quiet ever since he'd come back from work. It was sunrise, and we were always seeing each other at sunrise now. It just happened to be when he came in, and I didn't seem to be able to adjust my schedule to go to sleep when I should. Now we always met at sunrise, just plain fact.

He'd spoken so suddenly, though. He'd been staring out the window, his head turned towards it as he sat on the couch. I'd noticed there was still eyeliner at the edges of his eyes. This was from a magnificent get-up earlier in the night. He'd dressed to match Genesis he'd said, they were going to perform together much to the amusement of Sasha. All the same, Sasha hadn't been able to hide his fear with me today about things unseen, what could be behind the door at any moment, plotting. So we'd talked about the club, what was going on there, just to calm our nerves.

"They're planning something weird," Sasha had said, a brave laugh coming from him. He'd seemed high already, which isn't good when you're frightened. It just makes you more paranoid. I'd seen Paulie paranoid like that too many times. But Sasha was a grown man, so he knew about the paranoia. And I knew why he was chain smoking joints.

Earlier tonight when Sasha and Paulie had been getting ready, Paulie had begun to sing in full voice, to my surprise as Marvin Gaye, singing "It Takes Two" by Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston. I'd have been so sure he'd play the Kim Weston part. He'd shoved a fully dressed Sasha out of the bathroom and spun him around full Fred Astaire crooning along.

"You're crazy!" Sasha had giggled really high, in more ways than one.

Paulie had laughed with him. I'd asked him why he was planning the duet with Genesis, and he'd told me no problem that it was to make Cha Cha feel better because it was Motown and for sure Cha Cha would know it and love it. At the time, I'd felt a stab of guilt because I knew why he was trying to make Cha Cha feel better, but now...

Now Paulie was so serious. No evidence of that happy Paulie anywhere. In fact, this was the same Paulie I'd seen at the kitchen table, when Genesis had smacked him upside the head and glared at him.

He blinked now, a long slow blink. Almost painful, but I couldn't be sure.

"You don't have to be scared," he said, mysteriously. "Ganya's downstairs when you're alone. We make sure."

"I know...but I can't help but think they'll slip past him."

"They won't."

"Yeah, but Ganya doesn't have eyes everywhere. Sasha said Ganya's been asleep out there before. He's human, Sasha said we can't blame him and I don't. He was really sorry about it, he said."

"Yeah, he's human and you can't always count on cops."

I hesitated. That's not what I'd meant. Why was he talking about cops like that? Though, a burning in my chest told me he was right. I didn't trust cops either, but other cops. Not Ganya. He'd been there for me when no one-

"Wait here a minute, alright?" Paulie said this almost as a snap and it made me snap my head up to him. He was getting off the couch.

"Where are you going? Bathroom?"

"No."

"Where are you going?" I made to undo my brakes but he was already gone, disappearing into his bedroom. I relaxed a little bit. He wasn't going far.

As I sat there, I heard a loud tearing sound. Like some kind of adhesive ripping apart. Then I heard it again. It was alarming but so quick there wasn't any time to react. My hands hovered over my brakes and as he returned relaxed fully. As long as he was coming back.

But as he passed me oh god.

The next second there was a heaviness on my lap, a familiar feeling. It was cold, hard, unyielding. My breath came too quick, my reaction uncontrolled.

"Oh god what is that?" I shrieked like it was a giant wasp, shoving the small pistol off of my lap and if I could have fallen backwards out of my chair I would have because my hands were already on the metal parts on my wheels, trying to get away even though my brakes were on.

Next to me the sounds of metal hitting metal were shifting around but I couldn't take my eyes off the gun that was now on the carpet in front of me.

"Cool it, it's just a gun. More like a Walther PPK, you know, James Bond's gun? Best one there is."

"Why the hell do you have a gun?!" I couldn't stop staring at it on the floor. It was half black and half metal grey, on its side saying its brand and so lethal.

"If you'd done that when it was loaded it could have gone off."

"Why the fuck do you have a gun?!"

"You can't be too careful." The sound of cardboard sliding on cardboard sounded next to me, and I looked over. My eyes went wider.

He was sliding a cardboard box open, and inside were bullets.

"Paulie!" I couldn't control myself, the fear was too real. He swung around me too casually, and with elegance he took the gun off the floor, his finger around the trigger. My body went cold, as if it had turned icicle in the moment.

For one brief second I thought he was going to turn on me, everything in me betrayed but too late. But he turned the nose of the gun towards the kitchen and began loading it. One bullet, then two. I watched him. He was too calm about it. My brain was dizzy.

"Are you watching me? That's how you load it. I'm going to disarm it so you know that too, then I'm going to teach you how to shoot it. I wish I could teach you how to shoot it with bullets in because the kickback is nothing to mess with, but you'll get the feeling. Look here. You press this, and the clip falls out. It becomes harmless. You press it again, you push the clip in. Loaded."

Why the fuck did he know this? What the fuck was going on?

"I always keep it taped to the back of my mirror in my bedroom. It's the last place anybody would check. I keep the bullets taped there too, but at the top of the mirror."

He pressed the button at the bottom and the clip fell out. He put it on the table. But he came back with the gun. Even unloaded, I was terrified. I pressed back in my chair. Without warning, he'd taken my right hand off the metal of my wheel, and before I knew it the metal of the gun was pressed in it.

"You don't have to be scared, okay? I've been thinking about it ever since Sasha told me you were scared, too. There's no reason to be scared with this."

"Why do you have a gun?"

"I'm going to teach you how to use it now. It's really easy. You don't even have to be standing. I bet with your brakes in place the kickback won't hurt you."

"Paulie, answer me."

Why was he ignoring me? Was I speaking at all? Why did he have a gun? Why did he know these things? He was holding my hand, and with his other hand he was pressing on a bit on the back of the gun. I was staring intensely at it though I didn't want to, in fear.

"Pull this, and the gun is cocked. It's ready to shoot, semi-automatic, but you have to cock it all the way every time. Don't forget. If you don't, the pin will fire but not a bullet. Understand?"

"Paulie, stop."

"The trigger is really easy to pull, really sensitive actually so don't put any pressure on it unless you mean it. I'm warning you."

I choked on my breath and I realized I was breathing really quickly. He had to be noticing this. He had to.

"Okay, pull it. I'll watch you, I'll correct your form. You don't want to do it sideways because the kickback could hurt your wrist and then you can't shoot again-"

"Paulie stop!"

Silence met me. Finally. The same pressure was on my hand, but no words now. The room was so quiet I could hear his breaths, too. Forceful ones, almost like he was out of breath but really quiet near my ear.

I started shaking. I couldn't control it. I felt my finger put pressure on the trigger, where he'd positioned my hand, and I didn't see it but I heard the pin fire. My wincing face was enough to make him speak again. This time more slowly, cold fear in his voice that made mine doubly cold.

"...They were at the club, you know. I saw him the other night. I saw Antony."

There were no words to say to this. No reaction. Just that gun in my hand, Paulie's breath near my ear, steady. He was so calm.

"I saw him, and I got so mad. He was laughing. He looks a lot like Frankie. I thought it was Frankie at first but Frankie hasn't been at the club in a long time, and I thought, 'Frankie wouldn't be laughing like that. That's not Frankie's laugh' and then I saw his face. They could be brothers, I don't understand it. But Antony is more baby-faced, if that's even possible. He looks so young. I don't...understand how somebody that young could kill somebody else. So I thought, 'if there's such baby-faced killers, then I know why Georgina is so scared.' But then I picked up on their conversation."

His hand squeezed mine on the gun, making me realize it. He took it in his own hands, pointed it towards the kitchen so I wasn't as scared of it. Hearing him say these words had disabled me seriously and I could do nothing but drape in my chair, totally spent but I hadn't done anything to be spent. I hadn't done a thing, and here he was talking about impossible things. Here he was with a gun that I didn't even know he had, talking about-

"Georgina, this gun. It's a German gun. You know why?"

I shook my head, but he wasn't looking at me. He was staring at the pistol, maybe lost in thought, I couldn't tell.

"I got this gun from Avi a long time ago. He got it from his dad. He told me to use it if I needed to. I kept it. I shouldn't have it, but it made me feel safe. I just want you to feel safe, too."

"Why would he give you a gun?" It felt like an inappropriate thing to ask, but I didn't know what else to say. I was in shock, staring forward at this back as he pointed that gun away from us.

"The drugs." He said this without any hesitation and it made me wince again. How could he be so honest?

"Yeah, but..."

"Any drug deal can go wrong. And I used it. I did. It's not pretty."

"What, Paulie..."

"It makes me sick. But maybe this gun can be used for good. For you."

"What did you say about using it for..."

"We both know Antony is a pussy. Even if he has a gun and you have a gun he won't use it. He'll turn tail. Trust me."

"Why do you know that?"

"Just trust me."

I was so confused. It was all coming in too fast. Why did he have- and why did he know about Antony with a- What did he say about a conversation- I put my head in my hands, my head starting to hurt. There was a heavy scrape on the table as my hands went weak and they dropped to my lap. My body was so panicked, so packed with adrenaline that I felt weak, I couldn't handle it. I felt like I was about to pass out.

The earlier feeling was coming back, the one about betrayal. Except he wasn't pointing the gun at me. It was something else on the edges, and I couldn't figure it out. What was he talking about? I needed to know.

"Paulie, what are you talking about? About Antony? What conversation?"

"Just promise me you'll use this gun if you need to. You don't need to be afraid of it. It's your friend, just like me." He was too calm.

"Paulie, don't."

He was coming back over here and with the pistol. I didn't want to touch it again. I didn't want it anywhere near me. It was causing an all over feeling in my body of such revulsion that I could fall out of my chair and begin vomiting. I didn't want it.

"I know you wear that merry window. Tuck it in there. It won't hurt you. Make sure you can get it, practice. You can put the gun on half-cock so it doesn't misfire. Make sure you do. I'll teach you."

"No, I don't want to, Paulie." My voice was coming out pathetic. There was nothing I could do about it.

"You have to, Georgina. I can't protect you 24/7, but this can. It really can. Then you don't have to be scared."

"No, I don't want it."

Paulie sighed, but he didn't hand the gun to me. Next thing I knew, he swooped down, crouched face to face with me, holding into my chair by the armrests. I noticed my arms curl away from him, to my chest. It wasn't something I could help. Hopefully he could understand.

He sighed again, shaking his head from side to side. I was so sorry he was disappointed in me, but there was no way...

"Georgina, you have to take it. You're injured. I know you can take a man twice your size if you've got a bee up your ass, I've seen you, but you can't now. This can. I promise. But you have to use it."

"No."

"I can't take 'no' for an answer."

My breathing was becoming hyperventilation. I knew I was breathing on his face. But still, he was calmly breathing as if out of breath but he wasn't, keeping steady. There was no telling why.

He stared at me for a half minute, and and I stared at him. In rhythm with his breaths, he pressed his lips together which scared me, but I shouldn't be scared of him. I let out a whimper like an offering to make him stop, but he didn't get up nor change his pose.

Then he spoke, and I couldn't comprehend...

"Georgina, there's going to be shit that's going down and I need you to be packing heat. It's too dangerous. You need to do what I say."

My breathing became out of control. Oh fuck I needed a paper bag. My hand grabbed at my chest and I closed my eyes, unable to do anything else but breathe. What was he saying? Why was he saying this right now?

I felt the pressure come off my armrests but there was nothing else I could do but concentrate on not choking to death.

After about a minute, the pressure returned and I recoiled, my eyes still closed desperately. Familiar crinkling seemed like it woke me up out of a nightmare and my other hand made a grab and was met with sweet relief. My eyes spasmed open and I located the opening of the small paper bag. I noticed it was a pharmacy bag, but I didn't care. It suctioned around my mouth and I began to breathe, the lack of air shocking me back to lucidity.

"There is some shit that is going to be going down," he repeated, almost off in his own world, like he was really talking to himself, "I heard it. They were talking about it. I need you to be safe. They're pissed off. They're laughing, they think it's a joke. And if they think it's a joke then it's going to be really fucking easy for them. So it needs to be easy for you."

"If...if there's going to be some shit...you need to tell...Ganya...the police..." I went back to puffing at my bag. That was all I could say. I still couldn't wrap my head around what he was saying. It was like a surreal dream now, even the edges of my vision fuzzy, I couldn't take what he was saying, any of this.

"Oh god no. And don't you go to him either. If he knows you know..." He didn't finish, but he swallowed. He released my chair, sat on the carpet in front of me, crossed his legs and stared up at me seriously. "I just told you because I know you need protection."

"Paulie...what is..." But I swallowed and coughed, couldn't speak anymore.

"Just trust me."

I shook my head violently, staring down at him. God this was impossible. This wasn't happening. But the next thing he said made it the most surreal, as if perhaps I'd passed out for real and was definitely still dreaming now. He was staring at me, terrified.

"Avi said it's going to be a war and for war you need a war worthy gun, so I'm giving his father's World War II gun to you...for World War III."