It felt weird coming into the city again with all of its noise and cars. It was unwelcome. As Miss Cha Cha dealt with the afternoon traffic, I sat with the side of my head against the cold glass of the passenger window. It had begun to rain, April showers, and I sighed as cars whooshed past. How could it only be April? It seemed so long ago that Ambrose and I had happily been dancing on New Year's Eve, me in his arms, him singing a Selena song.

Miss Cha Cha had started talking to me and I hadn't heard her at first. Her sentence ended with "make-up?" and I turned to her. "Hm? I'm sorry," I said, confused and brought back to reality.

"Can you go into your house wearing make-up?" she asked, watching the car in front of her closely as it was bumper to bumper with us.

This shocked me. Oh right, I was wearing make-up. I'd completely forgotten. What would Mama have said if I'd gone back into the house wearing make-up? "Dios mio, Miss Cha Cha thank you," I fluttered, opening the glove box for something to remove my make-up, a tissue, a napkin, anything.

"Here, I have tissues in my purse," she gestured to it with her hand.

"Can I go into your purse?" I was unsure. It wasn't polite to go in somebody's purse like that, especially Miss Cha Cha's who I respected so much.

"Yeah, it's okay. I trust you. It's in the side pocket, in a packet. You know, those little tissue packets."

She said the word "packet" like "paquette". It made me heart warm.

Five minutes later, I had a small pile of tissues on my lap covered in red smeared lipstick and black eyeliner. I'd gotten off as much as I could, but there was still some stubborn smudges at the corners of my eyes and under them and my lips were stained with red pigment. There was no way I'd be able to get it off without soap and water, especially the red.

"When you get into your house, go straight to the bathroom," Miss Cha Cha warned me.

"I will. I'll act like I'm looking at stuff if my Mama is in the kitchen."

"I don't want you to get caught." The fear in her eyes showed me she understood my anxiety about it, which filled me with a strange relief.

"I know."

She sighed, her hands gripping the wheel. I watched her, taking her in. It was so comfortable to be near her. So warm, this nice feeling being next to her again, like no harm could come to me. So different than what was waiting for me at home. It made a stuffiness in my stomach. I really didn't want her to get out of the car, but in about fifteen minutes I would be. Miss Cha Cha would go back to her house.

With an even worse feeling in my gut, Georgina filled my head. Not only would Miss Cha Cha be going back to her house, Georgina was there, too. Gripping a tissue in my hand, unable to control myself, I realized I wished so bad to be going with her, seeing Georgina again.

My heart was so heavy. I didn't want to go back to my Mama's house. I wanted to see Georgina, help Miss Cha Cha make her some lunch. I was finally ready to see her again, and it made me feel so overwhelmingly complete, still scared but that was okay. I'd seen Ambrose, still scared and it was okay, too.

Fears had made me selfish. I'd been so selfish, afraid to see Georgina. Did she miss me? Did she think about me? I missed her so much. I wanted to see her smile. It was a little scary, of course, that she'd slur her speech. Maybe it was okay to be fearful of those changes, but she had to be the same person, right? She had to?

I was still thinking about her when the car stopped. It jarred me, and I looked up. My stomach sinking, I saw we were outside my Mama's house. Everything in me wanted to tell Miss Cha Cha to keep going, wanting to tell her to go on to her house, but I couldn't do it.

I didn't want my Mama to see me.

As I got out of the car, Miss Cha Cha gestured to the back seat. When I glanced to the back, I saw the abandoned pizza box. I just shook my head. What was I supposed to do with it? I couldn't deal with that pizza box right now.

As she pulled away, I realized my hands were pulling the bottom of my shirt. This was something I hadn't done since I was a child. It was a culmination of my stress, needing to do something physical because I couldn't mentally take it.

I walked up the short path, winding to the front door. The first thing I heard was Zorro barking. The second thing I heard was Mama yelling at her. Fear ribboned around my legs, making them stop before the stairs.

There was no time to react as the door banged open. I froze as Mama stared at me. Her face went up in a twist, half a grimace. My hands gripped my shirt so hard it hurt.

"Get in here. You're late," she barked, "you told me you'd be home by noon. I had to walk Zorro, make your bed, your chores. I don't have time for this!"

As I passed her, she let out all her air. I braced myself automatically.

"What is wrong with your hairs? What happened to your hair? What did you do to your hair?!"

Her voice was snapping through the air like whips, terrifying my bones. My fingernails dug into my palms, sweaty. I breathed in. Oh god, my hair. I forgot. Ambrose. Ambrose did my hair, Mama. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!

I froze next to the kitchen table, Zorro still barking but it didn't matter. My eyes were plastered to the orange tile pattern on the floor, studying the loops. With no breath, I could only utter.

"A-Ambrose did my hairs, Mama," I said, closing my eyes. Oh Jesus.

"Ambrose? I thought you didn't fool around with him anymore. Thought you broke that off. I was glad you did."

I couldn't hear her moving around, so I knew she was standing her ground. I was hoping so hard she that she couldn't see me either, but she could see me. There was no hiding now. And Ambrose. She didn't like Ambrose? Didn't he pay her phone bill? Didn't he win her money so he could pay even more bills? Where would she be without him?

"No, I still d-"

"I thought you stopped that drag stuff, too. You told me you don't do that shit anymore."

That shit. She was so angry. I tried to control my breathing, my breathing, make it smooth so-

"Are you wearing make-up, too? God, Ruiz," she exasperated, these last two words cutting as her fist slammed down on the table, startling me violently.

It could have come down on me.

"Um...I tried to get it off, and um..." my fingers were twisting and wrenching the bottom of my shirt. Could she see it?

"Who the fuck was that in the car? I want to know who you're hanging out with."

"Um...t-that was Miss Cha Cha, she's really nice...and.." I was beginning to stutter. This was not good.

"Miss what?" she paused. The gravity in the room seemed to lessen, or maybe that was my knees.

"Miss-"

"Was that the person I talked to on the phone when you came back?"

She didn't sound like she really wanted an answer. She already knew-

"This is unacceptable! What would people say?! That's unacceptable to me, Ruiz! Is that what you want, hanging out with people like that?!" she exploded, and I covered my face from it, there was no controlling myself. My stomach fell to my toes.

People like that. People... Miss Cha Cha's kind face appeared in my brain. Georgina's was next. But what bloomed forth terrified me, made me try with everything to keep myself up, too light headed.

I knew what she meant. People like that. She meant people like me, but not people like me because she didn't consider me... She meant freaks. She meant... She didn't understand who we were. Why we dressed how we did. Did what we did. Who I was. She didn't know anything. She just...

"Go take a shower. Take out that hair. I don't want to see it. I can't stand it!"

I waited for more. My eyes were so pressed shut they hurt. My hands hurt, gripped so tightly around the bottom of my shirt. My men's t-shirt. The one that I was...wearing to please her. That I was wearing because... I swallowed, a fear of flooding emotion erupting from the burning in my throat to the bottoms of my feet. I had to stand still. I couldn't do anything, because if I reacted, that would only make her more angry.

And if she got more angry, maybe the fist that slammed on the table could slam into me. She was just so mad. So mad. There was no telling...

But I didn't hear anything except for Zorro barking. After a few minutes, I dared to open my eyes, just a little bit. Before me was an empty kitchen. She'd gone into her room without saying anything.

Just then another sound made me jump and my heart pound even faster than before, utter terror and confusion overcoming me.

The bath water had turned on in the bathroom. She was drawing me a bath.