"You're going to feel a little pinch."

"A pinch?"

"Okay, you caught me. It's going to hurt. But after that, smooth sailing."

"That's not very reassuring."

"No, it's not."

I was naked in my bleach bombed bathtub in my bleach bombed bathroom with my hands over my private parts in embarrassment. My cheeks were completely red, my body flushed with color. Luciano had just done a thorough examination of me, something I hadn't anticipated, which made it feel like ants were crawling all over my skin, just like when Eddie had been touching me.

The door was shut, to keep contaminants out. Liddy, a very young woman who must have been even younger than Frankie, was arranging silver surgical instruments on a silver tray. I didn't like seeing them. They made my body tense.

"You see this bag? It contains good anesthesia. It will help you sleep. You won't feel anything, maybe not even remember this conversation. When you wake up, you'll be in your bed. I'm going to connect it to your I.V."

"Don't they usually use masks for things like this? Sleeping gas?" I asked. I hadn't meant to sound condescending, but now that the procedure was here I was getting anxious.

"Connected to a machine at the hospital. We've got this, though. It's just as good."

But I wasn't sure I entirely believed him. In the brief second it took me to reflect on this, the needle had gone into my bare arm. "Ow," I uttered.

"See? It's not so bad."

Liddy came over and took the bags attached to my arm now by an I.V tube and strung it over my shower curtain rod. A question that hadn't occurred to me to ask came up in my brain.

"And why couldn't we do this at a hospital?"

"You've asked that before. I wouldn't be able to get the permits. You need a doctor's recommendation for any type of surgery."

"Why can't you write one?"

"Look down at Liddy's fingers. They're going to count to ten. When I get to about seven, you will be asleep."

"But why couldn't you write one?"

"-three, four, five-"

"Lucian..."

"-Seven, ei..."

Strange globules of color were making their way across tile. They looped around each other, colors that did not even have names. They were funny looking.

Out of the corner of my hearing, I heard a funny voice.

"Attach another bag. Quick, goddammit."

"His eyes are opening."

"Take the bag! Stop talking!"

Sleepy feeling was making the colors darken, turn evil looking. They were scary.

The first sound I heard was a bird chirping. Then ocean waves. The bird was chirping pretty regularly, every second or so. What a strange species.

The second sound I heard was a male voice, saying something. I couldn't make it out.

Then light.

Then pain.

Then darkness. But pain.

So much pain it didn't feel like I was even living. Then pressure. The male voice, screaming something. There was a second voice screaming. It felt like I was hit by a train made of air. But how can a train be made of air? I couldn't breathe.

"Get a nurse in here, goddammit! She needs morphine! Something! GET IN HERE, GODDAMMIT! SHE'S NOT BREATHING! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!"

Then nothing.

When I woke up, I thought I was dead. It was a feeling. I couldn't move. Slowly, terror trickled down the room into me like a B-movie on steroids. The room. I couldn't recognize the room.

"Hey, sunshine."

My breathing increased. I didn't recognize this room!

"Oy, don't do that. You'll tire yourself out."

Oy?

My entire body was tense. My eyes flipped up to the ceiling, trying to figure out where the hell I was. My head hurt in my chest.

"Oh! Are you in pain?! You gotta talk to me!"

This voice.

"Georgina, answer me! Are you in pain?"

No way.

The sound of metal on metal screeched and made me jump inconceivably. So I could move, but I couldn't move. My body started to squirm without me, but I couldn't move very far. The feeling of something wrapped around me was stopping me.

Suddenly my voice returned.

"No!" I garbled out, my throat like cotton. "No!"

"Georgina! You gotta calm down!"

"No!"

"Georgina! Stop!"

"No!"

My breath caught as a familiar but long unseen face appeared over mine.

"Georgina! You have to say more than 'no' so I can help you! Are you in pain?!" Paulie shouted at me.

Pain?

A rushing, dull, numb, throbbing pain collided with my middle like...there were no words. None at all.

"Waaaaaah!" I cried out, trying to sit up to stop it.

"No, you can't do that!" Paulie yelled at me, gripping his hands on my shoulders and forcing me down. "You have to stay still! Your doctor said you have to stay still!"

"Make it stop, Paulie, make it stop!"

"I'll get you some more morphine, but you have to stop moving!"

"Make it stop!"

"Okay!"

His hands left my shoulders, leaving a dull pain of their own. I began to pant in the pain, trying desperately to sit up but there was something around my chest, stopping me.

"What is this!" I screamed.

"Nurse, she's awake! She needs some more of that pain killer!" Paulie yelled out into the hallway.

"What nurse?! Paulie, what's going on?! What's going on?!" I shrieked now and I didn't care.

But a blinding pain rushed into my head, making me dizzy. Before I knew it, I was choking.

"Shit. Turn your head. That's a good girl. Into the bucket."

I spat, closing my eyes. Bitter liquid was leaving my mouth but burning my throat still. I coughed, trying to expel it but it wouldn't come. My hands gripped...blankets. Blankets?

"Paulie," I wept, my body rocking and hurting harder as my body convulsed in my tears. "Paulie, what's going on...it hurts...it hurts, Paulie..."

"I don't know." Something clattered but it hurt too much to open my eyes. I coughed and within that cough a swooping my my brain made my eyes rocket open.

"Holy..." was all I could say as a warm feeling overtook my entire body. The pain numbed away but not completely. It was there, throbbing forever.

"Better?"

"Better..."

"Good. I think that's all we need. Thank you. Sorry for yelling at you," Paulie said to somebody. I heard their shoes leaving, clacking.

"Where am I? Paulie, what's going on?"

I heard him clear his throat. Then warmth on my hand, weight. He was holding my hand.

"You got yourself into a world of trouble this time, baby girl."

I rolled my head to the side and something wet touched my cheek. Then the smell. It was vomit. My vomit. But I didn't care.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know what happened? Do you remember? Were you drunk or something?"

"Just tell me what's going on."

"Were you drunk? That's all I want to know. Please tell me you were. Drunk out of your mind. Because the Georgina I know..." He trailed off and sighed heavily.

I was trying to remember for him but there was just black. The only thing I could remember was the club. I was in Frankie's arms in the bathroom. He was kissing me. He was...

Recognition glanced over my brain.

"Oh..."

I remembered cutting off the skin of a lime with a fruit knife, twisting it slightly, and setting it into a glass. I remembered sliding it in front of somebody. Somebody with sweat on his neck. That person.

"Luciano." I felt like I was drifting away. My body was so warm.

"Excuse me?" his voice was filling with dread.

"Luciano. He was supposed to do my surgery."

"Excuse me?!"

"He... Did he..."

"Georgina! Are you fucking serious?!"

New tears formed and fell down out of my closed eyes. "Don't yell at me."

"Georgina! Oh my god, why would you do that?! I thought you were scared of him! What the hell!"

"Excuse me, if you can't be quiet you have to leave." This was a different voice. A soft, female voice.

"I can't! Do you know what she did?! She-" he stopped and instead he was breathing hard. His hand clenched mine, crushing my fingers together. It was like a vice squeezing tears out of my eyes.

"You're hurting me..." was all I could squeak out.

"You're going to have to leave."

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, goddammit! I'll be quiet! Close the door!"

I heard the door shut with force and I swallowed, my tears streaming back through my nasal cavities and wetting my throat. Much needed wet.

"Georgina, do yo even know what he did?! Do you?!"

"Stop yelling...stop yelling..."

"Look at me."

"Stop yelling..."

"I'm not yelling at you. Look at me, goddammit."

I sniffed back everything in my nose and swallowed a giant lump, taking everything I had. It made me breathe in gasps for a moment, but he was patient. My eyes opened and he swam into my vision. He was too blurry for me to see except for colors. Was he really there?

"You have to know this. You have to know what he did. I can't sugarcoat it. I can only tell you."

I sniffled to answer him.

"He fucking...goddammit...he fucking..." His warmth left my hand and I saw his blurry form put his hands into his hair. They swept back and stayed there. "He fucking...mutilated you." His voice broke and I heard a sniff of his own.

"I don't understand."

"I'm glad you don't."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't, Georgina."

"Paulie..."

"I can't." His voice had gone gravelly. Was he crying? "I can't believe... I can't believe this happened. I can't believe it."

"Paulie."

"Why would- I was upstate yesterday. I was in bed. Frankie called me, he said.."

Frankie. I stared at the ceiling. My body grew warmer.

"...He found you in your bed and you were bleeding. You were all alone! He freaked the fuck out! You wouldn't wake up! You were grey! Grey!"

Grey?

"You were brought to the hospital and he called me crying. I couldn't figure out what he was saying for like twenty minutes, he was crying so bad! And what he told me.. God, Georgina, I don't know what... I couldn't think! I checked myself out and I got on the fucking train! They didn't want to let me leave, but I told them my sister was dying and they fucking let me go! Because you're like my fucking sister! You're my family! I don't know what I would do if you left me!"

He was sobbing now. I'd never heard him cry so hard. I felt like I was floating, like this wasn't even real. Was I dreaming?

"Georgina, why would you... Why... Why..." his voice was squeaking like it needed to be fixed with oil. Like a squeaky wheel on a bike.

"I'm sorry."

"Georgina, you're like my sister... You're my sister..."

"Paulie..."

"I can't even... I can't even tell you to never do anything like this again, because... Georgina, there's nothing left. There's fucking nothing left."

"What do you-"

"Georgina, Frankie told me... He told me..."

"Frankie?"

"He told me...that doctor said you...you took everything off. They took you into surgery and did what they could, but there's... Baby, I don't know what I can tell you. I don't know..."

"What's going on?"

"If you're telling me Luciano did this to you, I'm going to kill him."

"I don't understand."

"Baby girl..." he said softly, too weak.

I saw his hand hover over my head and it settled into my hair. It felt hot, steamy. It felt good. As it started to go back and forth slowly, my eyes rolled and closed.