Bouncing along, I was staring at Miss Cha Cha's black curls swaying back and forth as she walked in perfect rhythm to the song playing in the mall, every step in time. I had noticed this was a habit of hers, and it was funny to see her change her pacing every time we passed a different store with blaring music. We were nearing the food court, and for quite some time now she had been swaying to Pachelbel's Canon in D. There was just some kind of grace about her movements. I almost wanted her to start dancing with an invisible partner.

Instead, she turned to me and smiled, waiting for me to catch up. I hurried along.

"You want to go in here?" she asked, pointing to Victoria's Secret.

Immediately a blush rushed to my face. "Um," I said quietly, looking at the ground.

"It's okay. I go in there all the time. They know me." She was smiling assuringly at me, but I still didn't know. "Forty percent off sale on select items," she continued, reading the sign outside, "pretty good deal."

"Okay," I said shyly. She kept smiling at me in an encouraging way. With her familiar grace, she extended her hand as if to welcome me in so I went first.

I hadn't quite realized how crowded the store was until I was over the threshold. There were women everywhere, talking, laughing, looking every place. My blush burned into my ears when I noticed some of them looking at me. On habit, I smoothed the front of my mustard yellow skirt nervously and acted like I was looking at a display. But everywhere I happened to land my eyes there were bras and panties and my blush spread to my neck.

I had the strong feeling that I wasn't supposed to be in here. What was I doing here? My heart was pounding too fast.

I jumped as Miss Cha Cha's hand landed on my shoulder and steered me to the left. Thank god for that.

"I think you'd be an A-cup," she said casually, "thing is, most of these bras come in B-cup and then they go up. There's this one I know that's very good. I used to wear it a lot before I got my B-cuppies. This one bra boosts your cup size. Makes you look like you've got something and then you can build upon it with these lovely inserts that they make. They're foam, but honey they look real. You'll see. You know, we use all these weird things in drag to make us look like we have something, but when you want to do it right you get these foam inserts."

"O-okay," I nodded, staring at her while she flipped bras this way and that on the sales table which was prominently at the front of the store. A woman bumped into me in her pursuit of sales and I gasped under my breath, huddling closer to Miss Cha Cha like she was a beacon. The woman regarded me neutrally, then looked back at the table. I kept feeling like I was somehow going to get "caught" and get dragged out of here. My heart pounded in my chest harder at this thought, the blood rushing in my ears.

"I wish I could remember that bra's name. All of the bras have their own silly names. It's ridiculous. Why can't they be called what they do?" Miss Cha Cha was saying. She seemed to be talking a lot, a lot more than usual.

After a couple more minutes of talking to me and flipping practically all of the bras on the table over, it was obvious she couldn't find the type of bra she was looking for. My vision was awash in bright colors and lace piled on top of each other. My nervousness was swirling inside me like a beast trying to get out and I was rooted to my spot. She hadn't asked me to help, and she kept peering at me with that same encouraging expression. She seemed to recognize how nervous I was, and she wasn't saying anything about it. I felt relief that she knew, but that didn't calm me at all.

"I wonder if Donna is working today," she said suddenly, her head looking up and searching around. "Hey." She smiled down at me and I tried very hard to smile back, but I didn't quite make it. "Wait here, okay? I'm going to look for Donna. She always helps me."

"Okay," I breathed, staring at the floor. She patted me on the shoulder and just like that she was gone.

Alone now, I felt altogether too vulnerable. My eyes alighted on the gaping front entrance and I had the biggest urge to bolt, the safety of the main concourse so inviting, but I stayed because Miss Cha Cha was still in the store. I realized I was sweating, and hoped beyond hope nobody else noticed I was sweating.

Ladies were still all around me. Many around the sales table were not talking, intently scanning and rifling through. I felt like I should be doing something. I felt so creepy, like I was some creep in the store, spying on real ladies. Without warning, a knot formed in my throat, thinking these things.

Oh no. The worst thing I could do was cry right here. Breakdown right here.

The knot intensified, and I held my breath. I knew I had to find Miss Cha Cha. Tell her I wanted to leave. She'd protest, but I had to leave. I had to. It felt like the mostly pink room could start swirling at any second.

"Excuse me."

I jumped and turned around to the voice behind me. My eyes widened at an older woman wearing glasses on a chain. They landed on a name tag on her chest and quickly averted away. Kathy, Sales Associate.

"Sir."

Sir. A shock ran through me so bad that it made my scalp prickly. I looked up at her face. She wasn't smiling. My heart fell to my toes and my hands began to tremble.

"Sir, I don't think we have anything for you here."

"Oh..." I whispered unintentionally. I swallowed. I couldn't look at her. The trembling increased.

"We don't sell your size."

"Okay..."

"You might be able to find something elsewhere, but not here."

"Al- alright."

Her tone was very neutral. She didn't move from her spot. The more I didn't move myself, the more awkward I felt. When I looked up, I noticed some of the women around me staring at us. My eyes filled with tears.

Without a word, I turned on my heel and walked out of the store as fast as I could while still maintaining casualness. Their stares felt like a thousand needles piercing into my back. I didn't stop walking. My feet seemed to have a mind of their own, showing my true feelings. I felt like I wanted to walk all the way back into the city, all the way back to Miss Cha Cha's house where Ambrose was. Why didn't he come with us?

I choked and the tears fell down, rolling big and ugly. I felt so ugly. Sir. Everything she said had confirmed my fears. Those women staring. That lady. I was shaking so badly I felt like I was going to fall down.

The sounds of classical music surrounded me and I looked up. I was at the food court. A million chairs were empty because of the mid-morning, beckoning my shaking body to sit. I obeyed. And the second I sat down at a little round table, I put my head in my hands and broke down. Fat tears fell on the table, rolling down my face. My hands pushed into my hair and then I collapsed on the table, crying into my forearms, burying my ugly, masculine face.

I didn't want to be here anymore. This morning, Miss Cha Cha had been so excited, saying we'd take advantage of the New Year's sales to build my new feminine wardrobe. She was so proud of me for coming out, wanting to "finally live", as she put it. But now. Sir. I couldn't take it.

I cried for what seemed like forever. Then I stopped, just staring at the beige tiles of the food court under the table. But seeing my shoes, borrowed from Ambrose because I didn't have any shoes... I didn't have any shoes because I couldn't get them from my Mama's house. My Mama... I started crying again and I couldn't stop. I wasn't allowed to buy any clothes and I didn't have any of my own clothes. That lady...she didn't want me in her store. That lady...

"Ruiz?"

A surge of burning nervousness ran through my body and the shock released more tears. But the voice was calm, familiar. Oh. It was Miss Cha Cha. The rustle of a paper bag accompanied it, and under the table I saw the pink and white of a Victoria's Secret bag plop onto the floor. Seeing it made my shoulders rock and another wave came, thinking about that lady and those women and what she'd said...

"Ruiz?" she sounded upset now, anguished. Her bright yellow witch pointed boots appeared under the table and then her tight designer jeans. She had knelt down. "Ruiz, are you okay? What happened?" Her warm hand gripped my shoulder in her affectionate way, grabbing up and down my arm in a massage. Her voice lowered into a quiet, and she began speaking Spanish to me. "¿Qué ocurre? Venga, cuéntaselo a tu hermana, por favor... No va a pasar nada."

I sniffled and pushed my hair back with my hands, steadying myself at these words. What's wrong? Come on, tell your sister, please. It's going to be okay. They didn't stop the tears, but I felt safer with her here, saying these things.

My breath came shaky, and I didn't want to raise my head. Her hand was still on my arm, placed there and soothing.

"Esa mujer me dojo que me fuera," I choked. This lady told me to leave. The last couple of words came out too loudly, my voice uncontrollable in my emotion.

She gasped, her grip tightened on my arm. "¿Qué mujer?" What lady?

"M-me llamó 'Sir'!" I stuttered, saying the last word with force. She called me 'Sir'!

She gasped fiercely at this and stood up. I had erupted into tears again, unable to control myself. Telling her made it all the more real, undeniable as just a nightmare.

"Did she work there? Was she a customer? Who was she?" She sounded angry now, but not even... She sounded outraged.

"K-Kathyyy," I wailed, burying my face in my forearms again.

"Oh, menuda perra," she growled, rolling her R's aggressively. Oh, what a bitch. "I know her. She tried that shit on me one time and I told her to get the fuck out of my face."

I coughed, thinking about Miss Cha Cha saying that to her. A little blip of a giggle ball formed in my throat, but it didn't come out, too drowned by tears.

"Hey, wait here, okay? I'm going to talk to Donna about this. Kathy can not do that. Donna is the assistant manager, she'll put Kathy in her place." She squeezed my shoulder affectionately.

I stifled a gasp and looked up at her. She looked pissed. I'd never seen her so angry.

"No, don't! It's okay-" I started but didn't get to finish.

"No, it is not 'okay'," she snapped, but not particularly at me. It still made me jump. "Nobody has the right to deny you like that. Nobody has the right to not serve you because you're transgender. Nobody. Especially not skinny bitches like Kathy. Fuck Kathy." Her eyes looked like they had a million angry wasps behind them. "I'm going to talk to Donna. Wait here. I will be back. Watch my purse."

She set her sunflower yellow handbag on the table before me with hostility and turned on her heel in the other direction. Watching her leave, all the air felt like it left my body and I tried to breathe deeply, but found I couldn't. I clutched at my chest and laid over the table again, staring at the ground with wide eyes, hyperventilating.

My eyes wandered to the pink and white striped bag on the floor, and without wanting to they peered inside. The edges of black, nude, and white bras met my eyes. It gave me mixed feelings. Here were things which should have made me so happy, but now I could only think about Kathy. How she said there was nothing for me in her store, and these bras were from her store. I didn't deserve anything from her store. I sniffled and looked away from the bag, on the opposite side of the floor.

I became aware of all the people passing by me, and closed my eyes. I felt so ashamed. Like I was on display, crying and ugly, out in the open. I wanted to leave again.

But just then Miss Cha Cha's bright yellow witch pointed shoes came into my vision. "Hey," she said warmly, putting her hand on my shoulder again, kneading it.

I looked up and my eyes went wide, a violent blush rushing to my cheeks.

A short, middle-aged, brown haired Latina woman in a pink blazer was staring at me with a very sad expression on her face. She stood next to Miss Cha Cha squarely, and my eyes found her gold name tag. Donna, Assistant Manager. My eyes filled with tears again and I looked away, sniffling, trying to hide them, my shame.

"I'm so sorry," Donna said, her voice full of what sounded like personal remorse.

I sniffed and wiped my eyes, still not looking at her.

"I'm going to talk to Kathy," I heard her say. "You're not the only one she's done this to. I'm going to put her in training again. In fact, I'm going to put all of the sales associates in training again. This was unacceptable. Completely unacceptable. I'm so sorry it happened. Really."

A sob escaped my throat, conflicting feelings. Sadness and gladness mixed into one. Miss Cha Cha's hand slipped onto my back, rubbing it in the way I liked to be rubbed. Like Ambrose did. I gasped and choked, pinching my eyes shut and covering my face in my hands.

"I'm so sorry, honey," Donna said, "really. Next time you come in, say Donna sent you. Nobody will ever do that to you again in my store, I promise. I've known your friend Valentine for such a long time. Heck, ever since we opened really. I want to know you, too. I bet you're a firecracker just like her, huh? I bet."

Valentine?

"Firecracker? What are you saying?" Miss Cha Cha laughed. Her hand shifted on my back in her laughter, rumbled with it.

"No, you are! You never take no shit!" Donna barked in a laugh.

Then it dawned on me. Valentine. Valentine was Miss Cha Cha's real name. The one she used in the outside world, her lady name. A strange feeling washed over me. Recognition. I looked up at her. She was grinning at Donna. The feeling hit my toes, and it felt like something was opening in my heart. Suddenly Miss Cha Cha didn't look like Miss Cha Cha anymore, but instead, she was replaced with this strong, tall, beautiful Latina woman named Valentine. Real, out here in the world. I felt such deep respect for her. Admiration.

I noticed my tears had stopped.

"Anyway," Donna said, regaining professional composure. Miss Cha Cha was still smiling knowingly at her. "I refunded Valentine the price of the stuff she bought for you today. Consider it a gift and an apology. I want you in my store. We get a lot of you girls in my store, and I want people to know we don't discriminate. Honestly."

"'You girls', what is that?" Miss Cha Cha smiled, poking Donna on the cheek playfully.

Donna's eyes widened, "what? What did I say?"

"We're not 'you girls'," Miss Cha Cha sighed in a long exasperated, but jovial manner.

"I'm sorry, I'm still learning," Donna apologized sincerely, but smiling at her.

"I know, that's what makes you great," Miss Cha Cha grinned.

Donna giggled again, then smiled at me. I shyly gave her a little smile back.

"There it is, so pretty," Miss Cha Cha beamed, giving my cheek a little pinch. I couldn't help but giggle myself at it.

"Okay, well, I gotta get back to the store, but you ladies have a good rest of the day." Donna looked back towards her store, but didn't stop smiling at us. I liked her very much. I relaxed in my chair a bit, taking a deep breath.

"Okay, Donna. Bye bye. Thank you so much for today." Miss Cha Cha started grabbing and releasing my shoulder again, further encouraging me.

"Thank you," I repeated in a small voice after her.

"Nice to meet you, Ruiz. Good bye," Donna beamed at me, then she left. We watched her go down the concourse and then back into Victoria's Secret. I felt such relief I couldn't express it. A shift went through me, looking at her store. A wash of feelings went through me, shifting her store to a good feeling instead of a bad one. Erased negativity, lightness.

"Hmm, its 10:34. You want lunch?" Miss Cha Cha asked, looking at her watch.

Unexpectedly, the knot in my throat was back. I sniffled once more, and looked up at her. She heard this and peered down at me. The concern was back in her friendly brown eyes.

"Thank you," I told her from the bottom of my heart, "thank you so much." A single tear fell down my cheek, but no more.

"Don't worry about it," she smiled warmly, wiping the tear with her prettily red polished finger. "Now, where do you want to eat?"

"Ice cream," I sniffed, sitting up straight in my chair.

"Ice cream is not for lunch, you crazy," she giggled.

"It can be, I don't know."

"Fine then. Ice cream. I'm buying."

I grinned, and she gave me that same comforting smile, taking her yellow purse off the table and walking towards Ben & Jerry's. I sniffled one more time, smiled myself, and picked up the Victoria's Secret bag sitting at my feet.